Just crazy......

13 years ago

I don't even know where to begin & my heart is pounding as I'm writing this.Friday, my DD had a friend spend the night. SD was in the kitchen as the friend walked into the kitchen SD had a steak knife in her hand,over her shoulder with blade pointed toward the ground behind her. Friend walked in & yelled "omg,that's scary!" All this during the time I was in the restroom. Husband ran into the kitchen & was so freaked out he sent SD to room until he could figure out what to do. I asked SD what she was doing with the knife & she said "it was just a joke,I was trying to scare friend". Needless to say she has scared the crap out of all of us!She really has no emotions to this or anything else she does that is totally inappropriate. Is this the beginning to more extreme behavior? Do I take my daughter & RUN? My husband knows she needs serious therapy but will that even help? He's even thinking of putting a chime on her door so we know when she comes out of her room at night. I don't want to be that person that says"I should have left,all the signs were there but I didn't think she could do THIS!"

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Comments (6)

yabber
13 years ago
Wow that sounds scary.

Can you tell us a bit more about SD? Are there other incidents? It sounds like there are, because you write that DH knows she needs serious therapy. What else has happened? My gut feeling says 'RUN!' for sure, btw:-(
justmetoo
13 years ago
Sassy from July 2009--" She is on meds for ADHD & Dr said the issues are above & beyond ADHD. We are currently looking into behavior therapy"--

And now "My husband knows she needs serious therapy but will that even help"?

Has this child been doing the therapy sessions for the 'issues above and beyond' that were discussed a year ago. She was throwing 4 hour temper fits, hitting, kicking, kneed the dog hard ect ect ect.

I really don't think anyone here can advise you with any quick solutions...the dr. has already advised that the child has some deep issues.

As far as the knife and 'just a joke', I can't tell you at all if the child was 'kidding' and was actually harmless to herself and your household...and this child is like , what, ten or eleven now? I would take this as a major red flag that she could do harm to others if not just herself. Do you really think a chime on a door is the answer?

Dad is 'stuck', it's his child, he loves her and he has to see to it that the child gets the issues dealt with (as was recommended a year ago)...you and your DD are not. If you feel that taking yourself and daughter out of this home (at least temperarily) is the best, then don't ask us...do it. You can't put your child and her friends at risk while waiting for 'things to change/get better'...from what you have posted prior and now this, I doubt this is something that can be advised and fixed over a parenting forum.
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Wow - lots going on here, but in response to your reason for posting . . . . I can understand how exhausting it can be to deal with a roller coaster relationship with a birth mom - I've been on that ride for 10 years. I've been the one she wants to talk to because my DH is an "a$$", and then suddenly been 'your b!tch of a wife' whom she won't even say hello to. I used to beat myself up trying be 'friends' and keep the peace. We are now at the best place in our relationship we have ever been at, but I still wait for the other shoe to drop. Truly, if you love your SD, you have to let it go. You have to understand that her trying to make you miserable stems from feeling miserable herself. It's harder then many can imagine, but you have to find a way to rise above it. I don't mean to look down at her with pity over her miserable existence, but to remember that when she gets nutty that there is something in her life making her so unhappy that you feel the brunt of it. Then list 5 things to yourself that make you happy about your life, and don't let her nuttiness take those things away from you. Chances are you will never be friends in the sense of the word we all think of. But, you can be civil. If you open the door into your life by inviting her to the lake and such, though a wonderful gesture, it only gives her a way to slam the door in your face. Keep civil, but keep her at a distance. If you maintain that distance she knows what to expect. When she tries to be 'friends' just be polite, keep the conversation to a minimum and the contact minimal. When she tries to be nasty do the same. If she sees that her behavior does not ruffle you, she'll look for someone else to make miserable. Remember, misery loves company. My biggest piece of advice - don't say "we're through trying to be friends with you just don't say anything to us and we'll say nothing to you." You are then letting her know you're affected by her. Instead, say nothing. Be civil. Be consistent. Take the high road. As a side note, never let yourself or your husband be bated into discussing anything other than the weather in front of your SD. A nice response to keep in your back pocket is "I would like to hear more of what you have to say at a later, more appropriate time. Please call or email me." Then walk away. If exchanges can get nasty, do them in a very public place. Or better yet, a police station.
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mattie_gt
13 years ago
"I don't want to be that person that says "I should have left,all the signs were there but I didn't think she could do THIS!"

I don't want to be alarmist; I don't know you or your SD. But - There is a criminal case in my state now where an eleven year old boy allegedly shot and killed his father's pregnant GF while she was sleeping, allegedly put the shotgun back, and got on the school bus with the GF's daughter and proceeded to school. Allegedly, there had been issues with the child's behavior and jealousy toward the GF before.

If your SD's behavior is really alarming you and/or if it seems to be getting worse rather than better, take your daughter and get out.
sylviatexas1
13 years ago
Had the friend not yelled in time & had your husband not run in there in time, you could already be on the news with a shell-shocked look on your face as you mumbled "I should have left" etc.

I'd get my daughter & get out of there.
catlettuce
13 years ago
I'd be gone yesterday. This is so disturbing and scary.
I'd be afraid to go to sleep at night!

~Cat
parent_of_one
13 years ago
I would call the police when she was holding a knife, let them deal with it, i don't care how old she is. You could also call 911 and she could be taken to emergency due to severe emotional disturbance.

I am surprised nothing gets done, everyone is just doing nothing??/

. I deal with severe emotional impairments and normally at the stages when a child starts threatening others, he/she is taken ASAP to treatments centers.

she needs to be taken to a psychiatrist and he shoudl determine if SD is a danger to herself and others. she should not be staying in the house unsupervised and untreated.

Just crazy......

Comments (6)

yabber

justmetoo

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