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Don't know if I can stay in this marriage

Posted by growingtired (My Page) on
Mon, Oct 5, 09 at 17:13

I recently became married a year ago and the SD is driving me crazy. She lies,is sneaky and a hypochondriac. But what I think the father is just as bad as she is. He acts like he seees nothing. this weekend he was forced to discipline her because she was disrespectful towards me and he heard it for himself.

Normally the excuse is that he doesn't see it so he doesn't correct. This time he had to and it took two days and me threaten to leave. And even then she still managed to make it about her and how she doesn't feel that I don't want to be her mom. He then turns on me and begins to dump all of her emotions on me as if I should ignore her behavior and just love her as if she is my own.

She disrespects any female adult that corrects her when she does wrong. She been put out of school has thrown things and put holes in the walls. A year ago he didn't even like her, now she cries as soon as he goes to correct her so he back pedals and pats up the drama. It is to the point that I dredge going home when I know she is there. I have stop helping him provide for her because I feel like if she can't respect me and he can't support me than he can raise her on his own. She is 13 and her mother is not part of her life. She calls every couple of months just to say hello but that is about it.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Don't know if I can stay in this marriage

There's something very wrong in that father/daughter relationship, & the father is doing his best to get you into the vicious, co-dependent circle.

& your role in it would be that of "scapegoat".

You may never know exactly what's going on or why, but this is sick & if you stay with it, you'll never pull them up out of their mess; they'll pull you down into it.

I'm so sorry.

RE: Don't know if I can stay in this marriage

There is something so very wrong here, I don't even know where to begin.

"A year ago he didn't even like her, now she cries as soon as he goes to correct her so he back pedals and pats up the drama" That is so very sad to me, a year ago her own father didn't like his own child. So naturally there are going to be bad behaviors, but the child is still being blamed. Whats more the way it was said lends to the problem being that Dad doesn't treat her as if he dislikes her anymore, as if that is the entire problem. eyeroll..this is terrible. I'm pretty sure ANY child that has one parent that openly dislikes them is going to have some major behavior problems. So disturbing that the child is still being blamed.

RE: Don't know if I can stay in this marriage

Your hubby is setting his daughter up for failure. Excusing her poor behavior and refusing to address it as well as backing down when she cries are very dangerous behaviors for a parent. What he is conveying to her is that she can do as she pleases.

She talks to adults with disrespect....gets kicked out of school...and goes into violent rages where she hits and breaks walls???

This girl needs help! She needs counseling to deal with her abandonment issues from her mom and her anger issues. She needs her dad to step up and parent and be consistant and set up guidelines for her. Until those things happen she will never change. If these things do not change then she will be a miserable adult as well.

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