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Cellphone and kids??

Posted by superbuggin (My Page) on
Mon, Oct 7, 13 at 16:51

My SS is asking for a cellphone, he is 10 years old. He has an iPod that he loses constantly, he is home with me or at grandmas. That's it. He is starting to become friends with a neighborhood kid who is a year older (no cellphone). And they have only played at my house so far. I feel he should not have one till he is 13, after school activities, shows he is mor responsible, but his dad is starting to crumble a lil, because SS keeps asking, because other kids his age have one. I told him I'm very firm that if he gets him a cellphone my boundaries are: my number will not be in the phone(I'm not getting calls while he is up in his room, and I'm with him most of the time) I will not look for it so do not even ask me to help. The phone will not be allowed in his room.
So far because of my boundaries he has not bought a cellphone for him, but am I being to closed minded about this? At my SS bday party 4 of the kids had cellphones to call their parents when it was over. I guess just not getting why he needs it... His iPod does everything but call someone and there are apps that almost make that possible!!! He is not a responsible 10 year old. He is in elementary school. He can't bring the phone to school so after school who is he calling grandma?! Lol
Anyway what is a good age? Should there be a compromise? Should I just not care if he buys him one like next year? Just looking for some insight thank you


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Cellphone and kids??

Personally the only time I would allow either of my kiddos to have a cell phone at that age, is if it was needed for safety reasons. I believe that as parents, we know our children best. It is up to us to decide if our kids are responsible enough to have these. Bottom line, we are responsible for our children. Times may have changed, but parenting hasn’t. We are still the parents, and like it or not, sometimes it’s our job to say “no, not yet.”


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

I know you probably won't believe this but cell phones are very dangerous and especially to children. They are more vulnerable to diseases and radiation. I fell and broke my arm and I thought if it had been my leg I would have laid there until I died. So I started carrying my cell phone in my right pocket every hour I was awake. At night I laid it on the head board of my bed. Well, after 3 and a half years I had cancer in my right kidney and had to have it removed. I googled the "dangers of carrying a cell in your pocket". I was totally shocked at what I read. It puts out radiation. There is some control by our government, but the radiation can be less at times and more at other times. It also said the worst danger of cell phones is giving one to a child. If you put your cell in your purse you are not even suppose to put the purse on your lap. At the end of all my reading it said, "if you don't believe this, read the safety section of your cell phone manual." It was there in black and white. It didn't say radiation it said "radio frequencies" or something like that. It didn't say dangers, it said keep the cell phone at least an inch away from you body when talking on it. Now why in the world would they put that in there if it was not dangerous?


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

if he didnt lose his ipod would you feel differently?

id get a cheap one that texts and calls. no smart phone. porn is such a problem for our children today.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

EmmaR - I am sorry to hear of your cancer in the past, but I highly doubt carrying a cell phone for 3 yrs had anything to do with it. You really cannot link one health event to one environmental factor and say it proves a link...science does not work that way.

You can find any link between [product or behavior] and cancer on the internet that you want. The cell phone one has been highly promoted by one of the most famous internet alternative medicine nuts, "Dr. Mercola" for years...see these articles:

http://www.quackwatch.com/11Ind/mercola.html

http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/9-reasons-to-completely-ignore-joseph-mercola-and-natural-news

http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2012/02/01/joe-mercola-proof-positive-that-quackery

Of course, he is not just concerned for all our well-being...you can buy his DVD on the topic for 25 bucks....

http://products.mercola.com/public-exposure/

Look I am no expert, and am not in any way stating that excessive cell phone USE (talking on it so it is sending data to a cell tower constantly...while holding it to your head) might not be the best thing to do, but I do think that the minute amounts of power it emits during its non-use time while sitting in a pocket are probably negligible compared to the amounts of electromagnetic radiation we are exposed to from power lines, TV/radio broadcasts, hell even the good old sun. So do most reputable studies, too. But there will always be conspiracy theorists.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

It's sort of like using a #2 pencil before you use a pen & getting a first car that's an old banger instead of a new Mustang.

When anybody learns a new skill, there'lll be false starts & mistakes.

You can get a $20 phone at one of the big box stores.

.

edited to add:

& I think I'd back off a bit;
this is something that his father needs to decide.

This post was edited by sylviatexas on Tue, Oct 8, 13 at 15:08


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

My daughter got a cell phone at age 12 but that was because we no longer had a house phone and she needed to contact us in case she missed the bus. Both of us had to leave for work before the bus came in the morning.

Otherwise she would not have gotten one. But in this situation, I don't even know why you're giving any input, Superbuggin. Yeah, SS should not look to you to find his phone, but at the end of the day this decision should be left up to his father to make.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

I'm not telling his father not to buy one. I was being clear with my boundaries for the phone, because his son has an iPod and after his father put the message app on there my phone was blowing up! I get it the first two days his excited me and his dad are the only ones he can message but when there is a wifi problem and my phone is going off at 11pm from pictures finally being able to be sent not cool. I had to get on his dad who finally got on him about rules with the message app...
Amyfiddler. If he did not lose his iPod because of being careless my answer would still be no, he does not need it. He is way to immature.
I think 12-13 is a good age for a phone, yes it's his fathers decision but I'm not wavering on the looking for it or my number being in it. Yes porn and him giving his number out to whoever. Would also concern me too!
He has one more elementary year to go, then middle school(which is a whole new set of problems anyway) what is the harm in waiting? I thank u all for you input I'll be curious to see if he gets one next year.....


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instinctively, this feels controlling to me. beyond boundaries.


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I feel there should be some parental control! He has a tv in his room and you know how it got the parental locks on it me, because I finally stepped up and locked tv channels. When you go in your child's room you do not want to see r movies playing or skinamax. On , because the kid was watching a kid friendly movie then fell asleep, dad's asleep, I go in and frantically try to find remote to turn off sex!! So then the next day I learned all about parental controls!! I've stepped up, my son is 4 and his tv has no cable he can only play movies... I don't even like TV in the kids rooms but I have to take a back seat to that because my ex lets him have a tv in his room and SS has a tv so how fair is that? I feel I am the only boundary person in these kids life! Oh you want candy at 4am sure here you go! You want to call my cellphone from the back seat of the car and ask me why I'm not looking at my phone, sure because it's not annoying or unsafe at all... You can see why I'm a lil nervous about the cellphone, if he gets it well rules will follow at some point...
Sometimes being a stepparent can make you crazy! Where is my place? Why do our sons have different rules? It's very frustrating, but I don't think I'm being controlling with MY boundaries, my number not being in the phone until he is older I don't think is out of line.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

Didn't you guys talk to your partner about rules? What did you parents compromise on? If one of you thought 14 was a good age and the other 11 how did you work it out?


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

Sometimes being a stepparent can make you crazy! Where is my place? Why do our sons have different rules?

Not sure why this bugs you...it makes total sense to me. My GF of many years and I both have sons about the same age (13/14). While we agree on many things, we also have some things where we completely have different opinions. I don't want her imposing her views on my son, and I don't think it's right for me to do it to her son....even though I am always in the right (...joke...).

I put way more weight in what my ex wife says when it comes to decisions regarding raising our kids (we share 50/50 custody of them) than I do in what my GF says. Sure I will listen to her views and consider her viewpoint, but feel no obligation to "compromise" if we see things differently. With my ex wife, I do.....they are as much her kids as they are mine.

My GF and I don't live together, as we did not want to "blend" our families, but even if we did, I think we would still understand that we are different in how we parent and give the other the respect to do it "their way".


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

'I feel there should be some parental control!'

yes, & *he* is the parent.

'I was being clear with my boundaries for the phone'

but you weren't limiting your 'boundaries' to your own phone or your child's phone;
you were demanding that you set the rules for somebody else's child's phone.

& you sound proud or happy that his dad hasn't bought the child a phone because of your 'boundaries', which is a really good way to generate resentment in both father & son.

By all means, don't let anybody put your # in his/her phone if you don't want it there, but that's about the sum total of your involvement/entitlement.

I often find it useful to repeat this to myself:

Not my circus,
not my monkeys.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

>>Didn't you guys talk to your partner about rules? What did you parents compromise on? If one of you thought 14 was a good age and the other 11 how did you work it out?<<

The thing is I think you’re failing to see is that you are NOT this boy’s parent. Your children have different rules because they have DIFFERENT parents.

The second you and your husband disagree on parenting issues he is going to remind you that you are not his son’s mother. The second your SS does not like what you’re doing he’s going to remind you that as well.

What is your place? That depends on what you and your husband work out, which SHOULD have been discussed before marriage, but needs to be discussed now.

Most step families do a “your kids, your rules, my kids, my rules” type of thing, just because they find that the “brady bunch” style of family just does not work in real life.

That is why I knew I could not continue the relationship I had with the man I dated. He had a 7 year old son, but our parenting styles were so far apart, I knew it was going to cause problems. He would let his kid get away with stuff I would never let my girls get away with, they would see it and would resent the fact that they were held to a higher standard than my BF’s son was.

The man I’m with now has no kids. I make sure my girls respect him and do what he asks them to do. He in turn, lets me do the majority of the parenting, with him taking more of a “back up” role. If there are any problems we discuss them in private and not in front of the kids, but fortunately, our parenting philosophies are so alike we haven’t run into any problems so far.

You and your husband are going to have to figure out what your role is, which will be hard because it sounds like you are your SS’s primary care taker. Why you are the only adult monitoring what he watches on TV and what he eats? Dad needs to step up and stop letting you and his mommy take care of his responsibilities for him.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

"Dad needs to step up and stop letting you and his mommy take care of his responsibilities for him."

Yep.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

BM told SS she will get him a cellphone for Christmas. SS is 9 and lives with DH and me. She did not ask DH (CP) or even let him know, but we found out through SS. Well, when DH told BM that the cell phone has to stay at her house or be turned off while SS is with us she admitted that she wanted to get him a cell phone, so her son can call her once a week. DH told her that we have a house phone he can use any time to call her. BM also has both our cell phone numbers as well as our house phone number. Well, that was the end of the cell phone discussion, and BM said she will not get the cell phone for SS.


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My nephew's ex wife got their children cells so she could keep track of them. They never had a moment of peace from her even when they were with their Dad. They soon started, "forgetting" it, "losing" and "forgetting to turn it on". Pretty smart kids.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

MKroopy, did you read the safety section of you cell manual???


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

Update: I went to some other websites and saw people have been doing pre-cellphone contracts and cellphone contracts when the teen gets the phone. I showed these to the husband he really liked it. So now I'm getting a chore chart together and a contract for his age together, so he knows it's a responsibility. Although his dad told him it won't be an iPhone(dad made this decision on his own, i guess after his son threw his iPod down the stairs getting him an expensive phone isn't looking to good), his first phone will be pre paid and he might get it over the summer, now step son is a lil down cause it won't be most expensive phone on market, lol, so he is not as excited about it. Part of His contract will say if he does good with the pre paid he will get a nice phone in middle school.
We are not trying for "Brady bunch". But we want to work together. How can a marriage work if everything is seperate. If I wanted to be a single mom, I'd have stayed by myself(and found a guy with no kids) but I am mad in love with my sexy husband:), also mkroopy you two are separate so your advice does not really apply, what if you moved in together and your girlfriend is a heavy sleeper and her kid gets up at 1:30 am. Playing music??? So now your awake irritated... You talk to her but nothing happens?! That would be some tension right?! Anyway. We are married for a reason, and we have not been married for long so the sooner we work together the better and stronger our marriage will be.


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"MKroopy, did you read the safety section of you cell manual???"

That's like reading the warnings/side effects pamphlet that comes with ANY prescription...if you did you'd never take any medicine. Put together at the request of corporate lawyers to prevent future lawsuits.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

EmmaR-- Radio Frequency is at the low end of the radiation spectrum and is non-ionizing therefore unable to change/destroy the DNA of a cell which is what can cause cancer. It is the high energy radiation ie: X-rays and gamma rays are ionizing and pose a cancer risk. If you are concerned about RF than stay away from microwaves, do not use wi-fi or Bluetooth, and stay inside your house!!!!
That being said, my older kids were 10 and 8 when they got their first cell phones. We eliminated our landline and I felt that the cell phones were a necessity. The kids did not get smartphones and are not allowed data access. They have unlimited talk and text. The biggest rule was if they lost or broke their phones they were outta luck and I would not be replacing the phones they would have to pay for new phones on their own. That was over four years ago, we just finished our second contract and have had no major issues.


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Cell phone radiation is very dangerous I thoroughly researched it. Read the safety section of your manual. Mine says...keep the phone one inch from your body. Doesn't that tell you something. Developed countries do studies on the effect of cell radiation and the reports get worse every year.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

EmmaR I'm not sure where you are getting your info from but I suspect it's not from reputable sites.. The FCC, CDC, FDA, NIEHS, and ACS have all concluded that there is no scientific evidence that supports the claim that cell phones cause cancer. I don't know what type or brand of phone you have but I have an iPhone and it does not say to keep the phone an inch away from the body! What it says is that the federal SAR limit is 1.6 and individuals who are concerned about keeping RF levels below this limit should use the phone at a distance of 10mm, which isn't even a half inch. The iPhone's SAR isn't above 1.18. It's not a safety warning instructing the user to keep the phone at a certain distance from the body, it's a federal requirement that the phone's company disclose the device's SAR in comparison to the federal SAR limit. We as humans are subjected to RF everyday in many aspects of our lives, ie: microwaves, wi-fi, X-ray machines, radios, ect ect..
But this is all beyond the OP's question.


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RE: Cellphone and kids??

Mine tells me to keep it an inch from my body and I looked at many, many sites for this information. Those sites you mention may not want to tell the truth because they would be liable for saying they are safe when they are not. Besides if everyone was made aware of just how dangerous they are, no one would BUY a cell and it is a very big business. Remember the cigarette companies saying their product was safe.


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I didn't mention sites, I mentioned organizations.. Federal Communications Comission, Center for Disease Control, Food and Drug Administration, National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences, and American Cancer Society... Their statements are based on scientific evidence or lack there of. Cigarettes were not only advertised as healthy they were used as medicinal BEFORE the health effects were known. Since then evidence as shown that smoking is harmful. The same cannot be said for cellphones, there isn't evidence to back up the claim that cellphones cause cancer. It's not a big conspiracy theory.


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