First off, I'll have to say that my child-rearing practices are very different from yours, but I'm sure we both have a similar goal in mind -- to raise good, ethical, moral, healthy children. And I'll say that I admire your dedication to your goal, even while I may disagree with some of your methods.

Clearly your daughter is rebelling. It's a very normal response for teens, and often - for some teens in particular -- the more restrictive their family backgrounds, the MORE they will rebel against it. You've heard the one about preacher's daughters being the MOST wild?...

So I do feel that the more you try to rein her in, the harder she will pull against your limits. The fact that she now sees her dad and his household, and that they and his older daughter have become such an influence for her -- well, that just makes your job harder. I'd go so far as to suggest it makes it pretty much impossible.

My suggestion would be that you loosen up on the controls. Do not abandon your values -- In fact, your values are what you need to emphasize. But loosen up on the specific behavior controls, because you will no longer be able to enforce them. She has cut her hair and worn makeup, and while you are clearly disappointed, the world hasn't ended. She has seen R rated movies and sent racy text messages to boys, and so far, the world hasn't ended for her. Though if she doesn't temper her behavior, it rapidly could. (Sending naked pictures can legally be considered distributing child pornography. Kids have been prosecuted for that!)

You want her to dress modestly and conservatively? Insist on that, while compromising a bit on the specifics. (No fancy hair-styles, just a simple cut. Very light make-up when she gets into high school or turns 16. Allow pants, but not low-rise jeans.) That way, though you'd have to compromise, you might still achieve your main objective of keeping her modest (relatively) and safe.

Her curiosity about boys and sex is also very normal. And while I imagine it's alarming to you, it's something you need to discuss with her. Share your views on the importance of the sexual decisions she makes -- everything from suggestive texting to racy photos to making out to having sex. Discuss with her what your values are and why. But also acknowledge that the decisions she makes will be her own, and that all of those decisions have consequences. I'd also suggest that you ask her father to make sure she gets on birth control -- either himself or stepmom. (Assuming you would not be willing to do that yourself.) The consequences of an early pregnancy would be devastating for you both, and simply lacking birth control won't prevent her from having sex if that's what she decides to do.

Imagining myself in your daughter's shoes -- I imagine she feels stigmatized and isolated by your strong religious views. If the other girls her age dress and act differently, she may even be being bullied or ridiculed at school because of her dress. That's a really hard thing for a girl that age to live with -- especially when it's not her choice, but yours.

I totally agree with sweeby. I understand your views with your religeon and why you don't wear pants/makeup... but at this point with your daughter she needs to decide on that stuff herself. I grew up in a VERY strict area with MOSTLY a certain religeon. Kinda like what yours sounds like. Instead of wedding rings, they give watches. Skirts, no makeup, no sports, etc. They allow their kids to decide when they will become members. Most of them don't become members until they have graduated high school. I'd say mostly because they want to play sports, but the girls wear pants and such, cut their hair, etc before joining the church. They wear their long skirts and stuff to church but not to school. After they join I think they get more strict. It seems to really work best for them. The ones that joined too early sometimes leave.

You do need to explain the sexting thing to her though, she could really get in trouble with that. Dad needs to help with that. You should document your conversations regarding these things with dad. That way if she gets in trouble you have documentation.

Good luck!

The face book postings are not right. Where is she using a computer? Must be at your house also. Do not let her have a facebook account bottom line block face book. keep her totally off that site if she is posting nude pictures of her self.
They have computer programs that allow you to block access to certain sites.

It's tough for you because you have a younger DD as well. I agree that loosing up on some of the specifics (dress, hair, makeup) might be best - but how to do so when you had DD4 in the house as well? Maybe if DD14 wants to act like an adult then treat her like one. Sit her down and explain that you don't want DD4 exposed to those influences and what are DD14's plans to prevent that? Explain that you and she can perhaps agree on some compromises in clothing and hair.

My mom says she followed her mother's example of "How to raise teenage girls" and said nothing when I went through my ghastly makeup and horrible hair phase. It didn't last long. No one in my family seemed to be upset by it, and it was no fun spending hours each day doing nails, hair, makeup while the rest of the family did something more enjoyable, LOL!