crazy ex with my bfs family

12 years ago

Here is my problem. I have been with my live in boyfriend for 24 years. He had an ex girlfriend, not wife and they had a child. She moved away when the child was 2 and got remarried and had another child. They were together for 8 years. She refused to let my bf know where she was and I have to admit my bf should have taken her to court to see his daughter but he never did. She had NO contact with bfs family until about 3 years ago. This daughter they share is now 25 years old and has a newborn. She has had no contact with my bf since she was 2 years old. This ex is now going out of state to see my bfs family and gets invites to all family parties and even my bfs parents 50th wedding anniversay. I must say that even when this ex was remarried she would come over and still sleep with my bf...I WAS NOT WITH HIM THEN....She tells everyone in his family that she is still in love with my bf and is just unable to move forward. This is TWENTY FOUR years ago that they were together. I have always gotten along very well with his family. Another party is coming up. His ex got an invite and my bf got an invite but I DID NOT get one. The ex is telling everyone on facebook how she can't wait to go. I told my bf I will NOT go if she is there. One reason is she gets very drunk and throws herself on my bf. Even when she once years and years ago came with her husband when I first started going out with my bf she hugged all over him right in front of her husband. She even hugged me. I also told my bf that he needs to tell his family that he will not be there if his ex is there. She caused him so much grief with his child years ago. He also does NOT want to see his ex. But he does not want to miss the family party. He says if she is going he will not go. Am I being unresonable here? I am hurt that I did not get an invitation. I am about ready to chuck his whole family. They really have no class. Its my bfs nieces who are doing the invite. His mother never has liked the ex but the ex threatenes that her grown adult daughter will not go to the parties unless she herself is invited. So to make a long story short, my bf just does NOT go to his family functions....and this one is his mothers 80th birthday party in another state. I told my bf to call his ex and tell her she is not welcome to go to any of the functions that involve his mother. If his other family members wish to invite her to other events we have no control over this. Am I right here in thinking this??? If he does call his ex...she will NOT go and then he can go and enjoy his mothers party...I by the way will never go again since I was not even invited. I will write his family off...he agrees with me on this

Comments (2)

myfampg
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Really?

I'm throughly confused. Don't go. Write them off. Problem solved. He supports you. Even better.
justmetoo
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Castymiss was in another thread and I already posted some questions and she answered me. So I'm going to copy her posting here so she does not have to repeat it all. And Castymiss, I dont blame you a bit for staying home and I would not feel guilty a bit if DH stays home too because you don't go. He's a big boy, he can go or he can stay home...nobody stopping him. Don't let him pressure you. Actually I'm surprised he doesn't tell the whole bunch to take a hike. Why not take BF's mother out for dinner one evening and celebrate her birthday party or whatever the event is. That way he can enjoy a quiet evening with you, him and mom without all the drama.

Castymiss's posting from other thread:

To JUSTMETOO...Ok..lots to answer..haha. This ex of my bfs is posting on facebook NOW...how she can't wait to go to this party. I have no problem if she wishes to see the family when we are not there. When she does go see this family which she has done a few times in the past 3 years she puts my bf down, cursing and talking trash about him to his own elderly mother. This mother also has told her to "please stop talking badly about my son in my home". She keeps it up. My ml is afraid that her granddaughter who is an adult will not come if her mother is not invited. YES this grown daughter will NOT show up if her mother does not come with her. I do NOT know why she is like this. I would NOT come with my own daughter. My daughter would make her own mind up and tell me to not go...This daughter will not. The family says they invite the mom ONLY to see the granddaughter and their cousin. If I go, and she starts talking badly about my bf and what a crummy dad he was and how awful he is when she is drunk...I will get myself in trouble and sock her...Thus I choose to remain home. My bf says he does NOT want to go if she is there. That is his choice. I have told him to go and enjoy himself. He says he is NOT going. Thus I have told him to tell his family to not let the ex come..Why should he not go to his mothers birthday..I know the mom would rather see her son than his ex. It has nothing to do with me feeling insecure. Its been 24 years I have been with him. Yes, I have ALWAYS gotten along with his family and always go to the family functions. They call me up all the time his neices...as does his mom. I think it has to do with a respect issue. I am not invited, but his ex is? I don't think so.....My bf did call and say, whats up with my woman not getting an invite...OH..usually the invitations ALWAYS have both our names on it..This time only his name was on it.....They told him that his ex did NOT want me there and she would be uncomfortable. She again told them her grown daughter would NOT go if she could not attend. Family says she suffers from Schizophrenia. Not sure if this is true. My bf just says this is too much drama and he does not want to go. So YES, I was NOT invited. He says if I am not invited, he is not going either. I do have to say that his ex NEVER brings her husband when she knows my bf will be there. ONLY when he is not there. Her husband was invited to come with her to this party but she says she is not bringing him so she can feel more comfortable around my bf...WTF??? She tells his family she is in a bad LONG marriage over 24 years and that she is still in love with my bf...I have to say that my bf has ALWAYS been very passive and does NOT like any type of confrontation. NONE....When she flings herself on him YEARS ago he would push her off and tell her to stop it. If she was drinking, she will not stop. The first time I saw her years ago she said she had to get drunk to meet me. She also said she had planned to SLAP my face...And I had NEVER even met her before..This was YEARS ago but still, she is a nut job and why would I put myself into that situation of beating her down...haha. Sorry but that is what I might do..I think if the family wishes to see her they can by all means do that...Invite her anytime they wish..but NOT to his own mothers party...when he would be there. This is a nightmare and I really will throw this family out with the wash. I have my own HUGE family. I have an ex as well...and I am VERY close to my ex inlaws and the entire HUGE family. I have 2 kids with my ex and have NEVER brought my bf around my ex at my ex families functions. My ex has a long term girlfriend and when there is a big family party...I DO NOT GO...why would I..I can see them anytime I wish on another day...I am also GREAT friends with my ex....but would NEVER think of flinging myself on him especially in front of his gf...That is rude and disrespectful. This ex of my bfs has no boundaries and no self control. Don't know what else to say. My bf has NOT seen this grown daughter since she was a baby. But HE is choosing to not go...I told him to GO even if his ex is there...I just choose NOT to be there...He wants me to go and says if I don't go, he is not going either....I am NOT going...bottom line end of story..hahaha...
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I don't know why you allowed this to go on for 5 years!! I could see for the first year of a relationship not being around the guys kids. But after 5 years, 3 of which you lived with him and saw his kids in your home often!! I think it is enough already!!! If this guy is serious about you he should stand up to his ex and allow you at the kids functions with him. Though if you have been together 5 years and he is not doing so and has not married you I see red flags. Sounds like you are good enough to live with and do married things with, but not good enough to bring to his kids functions. I would sit down and have a long talk with him about where the relationship is going and let him know how much this hurts your feelings. If you are a part of his life you should also be allowed to be a part of his childrens lives. If he is not going to allow you to do so then I would honestly leave and find someone else!
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crazy ex with my bfs family

Comments (2)

myfampg

justmetoo

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