Rude stepdaughter
laVerneMaynard7
11 years ago
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sylviatexas1
11 years agoreadinglady
11 years agoRelated Discussions
Need advice on accepting step-daughter
Comments (11)Wow! 23 and a college degree! I'm impressed. You must know it all, then. You say, " I've tried to get him to do it, but he's always too engrossed in his games to even notice when she's being bad." So why is he too engrosed in his games to parent his daughter? If , as he claims, "[You're] keeping him from his daughter," , why is he spending what little precious time he does have with her, playing games and ignoring her? You also say, "I've talked to him about a lot of the issues going on, and it seems to fall on deaf ears. I'm also pregnant, and seriously don't need this stress." So, why is he not listening to you? Why does he seemingly not care about the stress that you, pregnant with what will be the _second_ of your children together, are suffering? I would have expected a caring partner would want to smooth the way for the mother of his child. If, as you say, " It just started getting this bad about 4-5 months ago. ", what changed? What was different then (besides the behaviour)? But, seriously, if his contribution to parenting his children is going to continue to be playing games and ignoring them while allowing you to physically discipline them as you see fit and do all the watching and organising, IMO you'd be better off not marrying him and parenting two children on your own instead of three....See MoreAdult stepdaughter week
Comments (20)laVerne, you might want to start your own new thread. What you've posted is rather a new topic all of it's own and may get over looked at the bottom of Thurman's repetitious complaints. As I did see your post, I'll hand out my 2 cents. IMO your husband is allowing this adult woman to run right over both himself and you. When's he going to stand up for himself and say 'enough'? Sure, every grandparent wants to see their grandchildren and be a part of their life, but most of them don't sale their soul to the devil to do so. Your husband (and you) are being emotionally blackmailed by a immature spoiled rotten little girl who has failed to grow-up and function in the adult world. My best advice is that husband sits down with his daughter and has a long serious discussion. Just the two of them. They either work it work, adult to adult, or daughter can run pout in a corner and play victim. It's her and her children's loss if she chooses to cut Daddy out of her life over a temper tantrum over babysitting. In the meantime, stop inviting them over weekly for dinner. Toss out a sincere invitation like every 4 to 6 weeks. If they say 'yes' and don't show, pre-plan for it. Choose a menu that does not knock you out and that can be put into small portions and frozen for husband and you to pull out of freezer on evenings you don't feel like cooking. That way all your work does not go wasted and actually turns into a postive for you. Or just stop inviting them...that's a decision you'll have to make on your own. As for babysitting, find something to do such as volunteer time a few days a week so husband and you are not so available. I love to have my grandkids and I did babysit fulltime 11 yrs ago when my first grandson was born. With that said, it was 11 yrs ago. I'm not in a time and place in my life currently that I would offer to do it again for a next baby. My youngest son and future DIL have long been told that. When they start their family, yes, I'll love being a part of baby's life and having him/her over a day and/or night a week or so, but I will not be a fulltime sitter and not expect me to be. Son has been informed now so he and future DIL can plan their family and finances accordingly....See MoreStepdaughters' lies and blaming stepmom
Comments (22)Hi all, I'm new. I just want to say that many of the issues you mention really aren't YOUR issues. Things like her fraudulant lawsuits for example. I have an ex who's always frauding someone...but it's not my problem. The system will catch up and when it does, they'll have to pay somehow. You need to focus on dealing with the children when they're in your care, and disregard what they do in her care, unless they're in danger. You seem to have stopped the spanking but maybe you should make their Dad handle all the discipline. You could even try a "wait until your father gets home" stance when they are in your care and your husband is away. Once you stop engaging with them, they will stop engaging with you. You've only been married two years, so you have a long road ahead. Your nit-picky issues are just that, little nit-picky issues. I'd blow them off and laugh it off as a jealous bio-mom...those do exists sometimes. You know YOU and those around you know YOU...don't waste your time focusing on what she says or does. Keep documenting everything and always anticipate the worst, but hope for the best. If the relationship with the girls is broken, I'd really try mending it. If you're interested in some ways, let me know, maybe we can get creative. If you plan to stay married, you really need to get along with his kids, they don't go away after they turn 18, only the CS....See Morestepdaughter is ruining my life!
Comments (6)I would simply tell him that if he isn't going to support you, then he can find another job where he can be home with her (not likely) or send her to live with her mother. There is no law that says YOU have to raise his child.. you have no rights, you have no responsibility either. With him backing you, SD would not have a choice & I suspect she knows dad will take her side so she acts up even more. My SD11 did the same thing at that age.... til I told dad that HE can do everything for her & I won't do anything if he isn't going to back me. He's the parent! But, the bottom line is it's a husband problem because this same problem could happen when it's your child together. If the parents are not on the same page and working as a united front, the kids will manipulate. Kids are manipulative by nature. They are born with an instinct to get what they need to survive & as they get older, they learn ways (through manipulation) to get what they want. I have my DGS. He's 20 mos. & already behaves differently with everyone that takes care of him. They learn early what they can or can't get away with from certain people. As long as your husband refuses to back you, she (and the others) won't respect you. The others are learning from her too. It's a bad example. Before anyone gets riled up over the word manipulation, all behavior that kids do to get what they want (crying, whining, talking sweet, tantrums, etc) are methods of manipulation. It's a natural (innocent) thing when it starts out, but if they get away with too much and are not taught consequences, it moves to a higher level of manipulation where they are aware of manipulating situations & when that follows them into adulthood, that's where a lot of us see self serving, self centered, master manipulator ex's (both male & female) But, my point is that some manipulation from kids is to be expected but it should obviously be dealt with. DGS will whine & cry more when his mother visits him. He doesn't pull that with me. Of course, he wants mom to baby him because she's hardly around. With me, he only whines when he's tired & he knows that means I will get him ready for bed & put him to sleep. I don't usually cradle him before bed, unless he lets me know by climbing up on my lap. But, when he whines with his mom, she gets frustrated & doesn't know how to handle it so she brings him back to me. I believe he wants her to cradle & rock him or hug but she can't or won't pick up the signals he gives... she only sees him as a whiny, crying baby & that gets on her nerves. Kids learn early on, how the parent (or person) reacts to their behavior & that determines their future behavior with THAT person. (that's why kids act differently at school too) You have a choice of how to deal with your SD. I would tell her "Look, your dad isn't here during the week, I am. You may not like the situation & maybe I don't like the situation either, but it is what it is. I am the parent when your dad is gone & I really don't care if he is angry about it when he comes home on his days off... when he's gone, things are done my way. PERIOD." Because you have to stand up for yourself for your kids to respect you. I also think you should continue to give her structure because she is a child & nobody else is going to, but you don't have to make her comfortable as long as she is disrespectful or sassing you. Set rules for all the kids & take charge of your life. Be consistent. Be fair. and when DH gets home, don't allow him to attack you... because all you have to say to stop an attack is "Either you stay home with them or send SD back to live with her mom... unless you're willing to do that, then I am running MY house MY way when you are not here." and it would help if you refrain from complaining about the kids to him when he comes home. It would REALLY help if you give him updates while he's gone... on the good & the bad. It's tough & it's gonna take a lot of strength, patience & stamina to do what you need to do if you want peace. I was a single parent of my 3 kids & worked 4- 10 hr. days for a long time & part time job on my days off. The difference, I didn't have anyone coming home 2 days a week to give me a hard time because they thought I said or did something wrong... but I didn't have financial help either though. (no C/S) BTW, I had 3 children by 3 men & that doesn't have a lot to do with whether someone is a good or bad parent. There are bad parents that have all their kids from one father that they're married to....See MorelaVerneMaynard7
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