Rude stepdaughter
laVerneMaynard7
11 years ago
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Comments (14)
sylviatexas1
11 years agoreadinglady
11 years agoRelated Discussions
Need advice on accepting step-daughter
Comments (11)Wow! 23 and a college degree! I'm impressed. You must know it all, then. You say, " I've tried to get him to do it, but he's always too engrossed in his games to even notice when she's being bad." So why is he too engrosed in his games to parent his daughter? If , as he claims, "[You're] keeping him from his daughter," , why is he spending what little precious time he does have with her, playing games and ignoring her? You also say, "I've talked to him about a lot of the issues going on, and it seems to fall on deaf ears. I'm also pregnant, and seriously don't need this stress." So, why is he not listening to you? Why does he seemingly not care about the stress that you, pregnant with what will be the _second_ of your children together, are suffering? I would have expected a caring partner would want to smooth the way for the mother of his child. If, as you say, " It just started getting this bad about 4-5 months ago. ", what changed? What was different then (besides the behaviour)? But, seriously, if his contribution to parenting his children is going to continue to be playing games and ignoring them while allowing you to physically discipline them as you see fit and do all the watching and organising, IMO you'd be better off not marrying him and parenting two children on your own instead of three....See Moredetached, but how to cope with rude 'silence'?
Comments (11)Sometimes when my skids call the house when they are with their mother, they're out of control and ridiculously silly. She is a very loose parent and allows her children to get wild then wonders why they can't calm down or listen when she says it's time for bed. We'll get to the phone and they will make silly noises, scream or just not have a normal conversation. It goes against our opinion on how children should be raised. Etiquette is huge with us. So one day when the skids were here I told them that it bothers Daddy and I that they do that....and it is disrespectful and from now on when it happens, we're just going to hang up. Sure enough when they got back to Bio-Mom's they got on the phone and were a thousand times worse with the behavior....so I hung up. The phone rang back and it was SS. He was mad that we hung up. I explained why I did it....told him it was not very nice and that his actions didn't make me feel like he wanted to talk...so why should I talk? He stayed upset.... When he came back with us, we talked about it so that he would understand it wasn't because we didn't love him or want to talk with him. He got it..... And it never happened again. In this case, my fiance supported me 100%....And any time the kids have ever said anything off color he was on them for it immediately. Your husband is being unfair....however, he probably doesn't know what the hell to do. He's caught in the middle of his woman and his daughter-a tough place to be. And no doubt, he feels guilty...every man does on some level and that makes it hard. I know my fiance dealt with that early on-the feeling of failing his children and not giving them the "life" that children deserve. I know he is over that, but it will never truly be gone. Part of that is normal....but what is abnormal is when the person is so caught up in their own problem with things that they cannot see that someone is being mistreated. The first step is to try and work that out with him. Counseling was a lifesaver for D and I.... The tendency is for each person to protect themselves and their interests...for a divorced man with children, he protects himself and the kids... D couldn't see past himself and listen to me. The therapist was a third party who could agree or disagree which allowed him to be more open-minded hearing it from someone else. Some men are not open to seeing a therapist....some men can't change.... If you love him and truly want to be with him, but know that you cannot change his way of handling things, then you definitely have EVERY right to take matters into your own hands. And you have the right to do it ANY way you would like. If I were in your shoes and I knew it was pointless to have my husband see it my way, when I see the caller ID and it's SD, I would answer...ALWAYS!!!!! Always be the one to answer-she needs to get used to that. If there is silence, say, "SD, I know it is you, I have caller ID, I find what you are doing to be rude and disrespectful, if you are having a problem, I'm here to talk about it and want to have a better relationship with you...however if you cannot show me the respect I deserve when you call by having proper phone manners, I'm going to have to hang up on you...I will not tolerate that." If she says nothing, hang up. If she calls back and does it again, hang up. And if she keeps doing it, hang up. Hang up on her every freakin time...and if her father gives you a hard time about it, hang up on him too.......or walk away if he's at home. If he takes issue with it, tell him, "you haven't supported me, so I had no choice." I'm not sure what your relationship is like with your husband...are you happy??? Do you get along? Do you ever talk about the way his children treat you? Anyway, please realize you have every RIGHT to feel this way and to do something about it. I think you also have to understand how the children feel...but it's a two way street...and they are old enough that respect and consideration should be expected!!!!!!!...See MoreIn Laws, Exwife and Adult Stepdaughter
Comments (82)Sorry, I was having a bad day when I posted that. In this case the ex does get a significant amount of child support from him even though she makes more money than he does and the daughter lives with us 2-4 days a week. She also gets financial support from her family and his family (they love her and only recently stopped shunning me). She has a boyfriend that lives with her part-time and she basically supports him (with the help our our money if you think about it...) She has the daughter enrolled in all kinds of activities like dance classes,swimming classes, cooking classes, etc. The daughter has lots of nice toys and clothes and goes to one of the best pre-schools around. She does not go without anything and is well loved and doted upon at both households. She is spoiled by both sets of grandparents, all the aunts and uncles, and even my own mother sometimes. When my significant other lost his overtime at work his child support stayed the same. Then when he got laid off his child support stayed the same. When she got a new job and started making more money his child support stayed the same. When we got our heat turned off for non-payment his child support stayed the same. We have 2.5 people living in our house but I pay 50% of everything while he pays someone else who makes more than him. That just doesn't sit well with me. We can't afford to pay our bills anymore and forget about ever taking a vacation or saving money. When he was with his ex they had a savings account, took nice vacations and were looking into buying a house. We're broke. There are other issues I won't bother going into here because it's too long and I guess I have some big decisions to make. He says he'll never get married or have more kids and I want those things. It feels so unfair to me that he did those things with someone else but won't do them with me. It's like someone else got it all and I'm getting nothing. But I have to accept a stepchild and an ex wife that will always be in our lives and I have no choice but to make sacrifices for them. I love him and his daughter and I get along fine with his ex but I am clearly the least important person to him....See MoreAdult stepdaughter week
Comments (20)laVerne, you might want to start your own new thread. What you've posted is rather a new topic all of it's own and may get over looked at the bottom of Thurman's repetitious complaints. As I did see your post, I'll hand out my 2 cents. IMO your husband is allowing this adult woman to run right over both himself and you. When's he going to stand up for himself and say 'enough'? Sure, every grandparent wants to see their grandchildren and be a part of their life, but most of them don't sale their soul to the devil to do so. Your husband (and you) are being emotionally blackmailed by a immature spoiled rotten little girl who has failed to grow-up and function in the adult world. My best advice is that husband sits down with his daughter and has a long serious discussion. Just the two of them. They either work it work, adult to adult, or daughter can run pout in a corner and play victim. It's her and her children's loss if she chooses to cut Daddy out of her life over a temper tantrum over babysitting. In the meantime, stop inviting them over weekly for dinner. Toss out a sincere invitation like every 4 to 6 weeks. If they say 'yes' and don't show, pre-plan for it. Choose a menu that does not knock you out and that can be put into small portions and frozen for husband and you to pull out of freezer on evenings you don't feel like cooking. That way all your work does not go wasted and actually turns into a postive for you. Or just stop inviting them...that's a decision you'll have to make on your own. As for babysitting, find something to do such as volunteer time a few days a week so husband and you are not so available. I love to have my grandkids and I did babysit fulltime 11 yrs ago when my first grandson was born. With that said, it was 11 yrs ago. I'm not in a time and place in my life currently that I would offer to do it again for a next baby. My youngest son and future DIL have long been told that. When they start their family, yes, I'll love being a part of baby's life and having him/her over a day and/or night a week or so, but I will not be a fulltime sitter and not expect me to be. Son has been informed now so he and future DIL can plan their family and finances accordingly....See MorelaVerneMaynard7
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