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I'm afraid to leave my husband with his daughter!

Posted by irishgirl2769 (My Page) on
Tue, Oct 30, 12 at 7:15

I know what it sounds like, but its not the case in this matter. My 26 year old stepdaughter who has a history of mental illness, moved into our home a two weeks after we have been married and it's been hell. My stepdaughter has depression and anxiety issues of being on her own. She lived with her mom, well her mom told her it was time for her to start looking for a place of her own. My SD threaten to commit suicide and ended up in a mental hospital. Now because my husband and his ex don't talk. The daughter told her father that her mother was abusive to her. Well we both agreed to have her move in with us. After the fact I find out she likes to play games. She wants everything given to her for free. She works but she don't want any bills of her own. She wants to live rent free, bill free. Ok so I did a not very smart move has a parent I went through her room and I ran across her journal. So I read it and the pages are dated. My husband lost is father a year ago around xmas time. So two weeks after the death of her grandfather. I read and I quote I wish my father would go to heaven so I wouldn't have deal with him anymore. Now I have her living in my home. My husband is a type 1 diabetic and has major sugar lows. I have given him shots to bring him around and have called 911 several times. I always worry that I wont get to him in time because his sugar drops fast sometimes without warning. I'm afraid now to leave because if his sugar drops, will she just leave him or will she do the right thing. With mental illness and her thoughts on her father and her being money hungry. I just don't know. I can't tell my husband it will break his heart. What do I do?

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: I'm afraid to leave my husband with his daughter!

Even people who haven't been in mental hospitals sometimes wish they didn't have to deal with their parents...

However, it's life & death, not the kind of thing you can gamble with.

Respect your husband & tell him.

He's entitled to that.

& as his wife/spouse/partner/wingman(woman), you know you can't afford to gamble with his very life.

Even if he wavers, you don't;
make your home a safe place again.

I wish you the best.

RE: I'm afraid to leave my husband with his daughter!

How about a group home for this woman? You need to get her out of your home! Why should she make others miserable? You already know she is a manipulator. That probably won't change--- unless you stop it, at least in your own home. She's 26, she doesn't need to be allowed to continue to be a sponge. Sounds like she is using her 'mental illness' to get what she wants, which is a free ride. Have your husband put everything in your name and tell her that. You're right. She might try to harm him, then say "I'm mentally ill, it's not my fault!".
So what if she goes to the hospital? That's what they're for. Just don't rescue her again! If she does go back to the hospital, let them find a place for her to live when she is discharged. Does she have a guardian? If it's you or your husband, sign her over to your state! Everyone has the right to be safe in their home. If you're feeling otherwise because of her, you need to fix that! Like, today !

RE: I'm afraid to leave my husband with his daughter!

You're rightfully worried about your husband, but you should also be worried for yourself. If she has homicidal thoughts, she will have them concerning anyone and will think up a reason for wanting that person gone. And, as was mentioned, she'd only plead insanity. Any attorney would jump at the chance to get her off murder charges. Between the mental illness and whatever medication she takes, no jury would side against her since so many psychotropic and mood stabilizer medications warn of suicidal and/or homicidal thoughts and tendencies as side effects.

RE: I'm afraid to leave my husband with his daughter!

Set up your boundaries.

1. Have your H and his D draw up a contract as to (a) how much she needs to save , (b) how much she needs to help with foods, rent, and (c) the deadline as to when she MUST BE ON HER OWN. Both will sign it.

2. Give her about 6 months to save money and move out. If in the meantime she does not save money then the contract will stipulate her moving out in 2 weeks of notice from you.

3. Treat this as a business with a renter.

4. I have seen so many cases with people with mental illness who will use that to CONTROL and ABUSE others with their FOG, (Fear, obligation and Guilt). Recently, in my hometown a 70 yrs old mother robbed a bank after deleting the family's retirement and savings to give to this 40 yrs old son who spent money on trips to paris with his xwife. The adult child would call mom and expressed his depression and suicidal thoughts on not having enough money to pay for his bills. mom then took out 75K from the H's inheritance, 85k of mortgage on their debt free home, to keep on making this adult child happy. As of now, she is serving a 4 years prison term. THe moral of the story is never, never let others control you with FOG.

RE: I'm afraid to leave my husband with his daughter!

How did you deal with your husband before she moved in. Did you leave him alone?

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