Being a Toxic Step-mother and proud of it.
LadyCaroline
11 years ago
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mkroopy
11 years agoDFWmom
11 years agoRelated Discussions
Proud mother of two baby Annie Laurie McDowells
Comments (24)It looks chlorotic to me. That can be nitrogen and iron deficiency. It can also be caused by over watering. Nitrogen flushes though the soil with water. Too much water can reduce the amount of available nitrogen, as well as reduce the amount of oxygen in the soil. Iron is better absorbed with nitrogen, like taking Vitamin D with Calcium. One aids the other to be absorbed and utilized. It shouldn't surprise you some look that way while others don't. If they were all budded to the same root stock, so all the roots were genetically identical, they would pretty much be afflicted with the same maladies at the same time, within the limits of the scions' genetics. But, they aren't. Each one has a different root system with different capabilities. Some absorb iron more easily than others, just like some people absorb nutrients from foods more easily than others. That's a huge benefit of having a garden all budded on the same root stock. It's often easier to figure out what to feed and how to to use. With each root system often completely different from the next, it can lead to one area requiring more of some type of fertilizer than others. Check to see if the pots seem water logged. If the soil appears, feels and smells as it should, then holding too much water shouldn't be the issue. What have they been fed, how much, and when? Perhaps these particular plants require heavier levels of iron and nitrogen. Multiflora types do here in my garden due to their inability to deal with higher alkalinity. Many roses aren't as efficient in dealing with lower nitrogen and iron locked up in insoluble compounds due to alkalinity. Sometimes, the plants grow much more quickly than they are able to take up the nitrogen and iron. I used to see that in the old garden when heavy mulches of fresh horse manure were applied then heavily watered in. A lot of nitrogen from the urine pushed the growth faster than iron could be absorbed, or when insufficient iron was available because the conditions were still too alkaline so it wasn't being released. If the issue is seen in older leaves, it means it occurred when those were growing as new foliage, or perhaps the plant is preparing to shed them as they have reached the end of their useful life. In new foliage, the issue is currently occurring and can be "fixed". If you have recently fed them, perhaps they are being pushed from the freshly applied nitrogen combined with the heat. If the food didn't contain enough iron, they may benefit from something which contains a bit higher available iron. If they haven't been fed in a while, they may be telling you they need feeding. It's also possible there is enough iron there, but they are reacting to the iron being locked up in the soil by alkalinity. Perhaps the ones already showing the issue are more sensitive to it than the others, or those pots have become more stressed than the others due to being more exposed to reflected heat or direct sun? It's difficult to determine without actually seeing how they are arranged, how they are exposed to potentially affecting causes. Might the affected pots get more heat from nearby hard scape? Or, might they not get as much sunlight as the ones not showing the chlorosis? If the others are heading toward the same condition, it sounds as if it's heat, water levels or lack of fertilizer. The ones already showing the symptoms are either more sensitive to the issue, or are encouraged to be more sensitive because of more heat to their pots, pushing them to grow more vigorously, using up the available nutrient levels faster. When and what did you feed last? They are showing they seem to need more iron and nitrogen, whether it's because they didn't receive enough; it's been flushed through the soil by more water; are being pushed by greater heat; are reacting to alkalinity issues; or are just in a more vigorous growth spurt than those nutrient levels can efficiently provide for is difficult to say from the photos. What seems the most plausible to you? Thanks. Kim...See MoreI am sick of being everyone's Mother...
Comments (15)Fairegold, as strange as it seems, your message was an encouragement to me. It's good to know others are dealing with similar issues. My 90 year old mother is in a lovely assisted living community. But every time I see her she has new complaints, especially about the food. Pork chops every day; no fresh vegetables, only canned; no spices; mashed potatoes, french, fries, potato chips; only chocolate for dessert...on and on it goes. Sometimes I just want to scream. But I don't. Instead I try to come up with ideas to "fix" things. But my fixes are never good enough. Anyhow, to you & the others who responded, as I said before, it's good to know there are others dealing with similar situations. Regarding your husband's hearing difficulties, I've worn hearing aids since I was in my mid thirties (I'm now 58). In fact, I got my newest pair about two months ago. They make such a difference in quality of life. And it's good for your husband to get them while he's still spry & able to adjust to new situations. My mother needs hearing aids, but I'm afraid that she won't make the adjustment & will end up not using them. The only adivce I can give (and, of course, you didn't ask for any) is that your husband make sure he gets his aids from a true audiologist, someone who will give him the best aid for his particular needs. Follow up is very important too. He should be able to see the audiologist every few weeks for almost six months, so adjustments can be made. He needs to tell his audiologist everything he notices -- a slight uncomfortable feeling, feedback problems, etc. Anything that concerns him. Nothing is too small. A good audiologist will make every attempt to correct problems. Under no circumstances should he just grit his teeth and bear it. (By the way, my new hearing aids have two microphones & are digital. They were expensive, but worth it.)...See MoreStep-Mother vs. Step-Daughter
Comments (5)Prior to DH and I getting married I had a wonderful relationshipp with my 10 year old SD. Her father is the custodial parent of her and three other children and has been since she was four years old - she has had an on again off again relationship with her mom since she left. I think that DSD was just as excited about our marriage as we were. We got married on December 15 and by Christmas she had declared an all out war against me trying to make sure that I understood her place in her dad's life. She did not like me sitting by him, kissing him (something she had seen plenty of times prior to our marriage) or being near him in any way. Everything was a struggle from who got to sit by him in the truck and at the dinnertable to her point blank asking him whom he loved the most. (He very diplomatically told her he loved us both the same amount for different reasons - NOT the answer she was looking for) We left for our honeymoon on December 26th and went to Disneyland taking all four of the kids with us and every single day and activity was a batttle for her dads attention. Sometimes I stepped back and let her have her time and others (like the time she insisted that he hold both of her hands, instead of one of each) I did not. She is a loving, sweet little girl that I love with all of my heart and I tried to place myself in her position and never battle back - just talk and explain and listen ans sometimes say "I'm sorry but this is the way that it is and this is the reason why." After just a couple of weeks she understood that I wasn't trying to take her place and she loved me again. Six weeks after getting married DH and I got a huge surprise and found out we were pregnant (while on the pill) We were thrilled, DSD was devastated and hysterical and again we just sat back and listened and explained and loved her and let her vent and sometimes rant and rave, and sometimes when she got out of hand we had to send her to her room to give her and us a moment to calm down and regroup. We knew we had to give her time and patience and understanding. Her dad never let her disrespect me in any way, and beleive me there were times I think she wanted me to go away and never come back, but she never said as much. It took her 4 months to accept the pregnancy and another month to admit she was happy - I am due November 7th and the first time she said anything about being excited about the baby was the fourth of July. I know for me sometimes it was hard not to get angry, and start telling her how she needed to be acting differently because of this and this and this, but then I would just remind myself how traumatizing all of these changes had to be for a child and would just sit back and bite my lips until the impulse passed. We now have the loving relationship (and friendship) that we had before and i am greatful everyday that I found the patience I needed to sit back and let her adjust. Hugs - Candy...See MoreStep-Mother to 3 grown daughters and its killing me
Comments (10)Hi Kasey and ChloeMichelle. I'm glad you both wrote in. It helps to hear others thoughts. I have a 'grown' stepdaughter as well. She's 25 and has a 7 yr old son and a 19 month old daughter by 2 dif. dads. She's not married but living with the father of the 2nd child. The 1st child's father beat her and she never filed a report so she doesn't want to fight for child support b/c he might want to get custody and she doesn't want to chance that. She's just like her mother - - - very rude, abrupt, unfriendly, hateful, etc. The guy she's with now is totally supporting her and both kids. she stays home. She's tried school about 4 dif. times now and has decided not to go back this year. As far as I hear from my grandson, she doesn't cook much, I know she doesn't clean much. If this guy dumps her she has no way to support both kids on her own. My grandson has come to visit and told us he knows what 'the weed' is, that he can smoke when he's an adult. His mother even told us she took him to get his hair cut in a mohawk (he wanted one b/c his uncle's got one) and he 'chickened out'. A mohawk on a 7 hr old - yep, that'll get him in the right group of friends. :( I'm with Chloemichelle - what do I think I can do about it? Not a thing. I'm with you Kasey on the fact that it is as frustrating as anything I've ever dealt with before. I didn't have kids of my own. I want so much to have a positive effect on the grandkids AND the stepkids (I also have a 21 yr old stepson that has caused some issues but not near as many as the 25 yr old!). I keep telling myself to be here for the grandkids and show them a different side and then hope and pray that they turn out differently. I can't keep my husband from spending time with the kids but it is so unpleasant sometimes b/c they don't really talk to me or act like I'm not there. I put up with it b/c I want to spend time with the grandkids. I've been married to him for 10 yrs so I'm somewhere in the middle of where it sounds like you guys are. I don't THINK I have the drug issue to deal with and am very thankful. Keep your chin up and be as positive an influence as is possible for your grandkids. We're the ones that maybe can make all the difference....See Morejustmetoo
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