LOL. I've had that problem with socks before but never underwear!

What does SS say? Maybe they're not making it to the laundry at BM's somehow?

I had the same problem with socks. No matter how many pairs I bought, DD never had socks and the ones she had didn't match or had holes. DD still does not have socks or can not find them or they don't match. She constantly wears her girlfriend's socks because she can never find her own. But same as lovehadley, we never had underwear problems. Did you ask BM what she thinks about underwear issue? Really strange...

I'm not about to ask BM about the vanishing underwear... When we mentioned that we would like her to stop sending him in torn or too short pants when it's -40 outside and asked what happened to all the pants he wore back there from our place went, she said we were being uptight. I suspect she won't give a hoot about that we are wondering where all the good underwear went - LOL.

And since we've had a variety of issues with underwear in the past (SS not wearing it at all, SS not wiping properly and it being caked in poop, etc) I don't think I should bring it up with him.
I don't want to hound him and potentially undo some of the other underwear progress we've made: I've got him wiping his butt properly (and if there's a rare occasion that he doesn't get a good wipe, he washes out his own undies in the sink and hangs them to dry until I do wash - good for him!!). I've got him wearing underwear every day (without being told!). I've got him putting on clean underwear every time he bathes (sometimes he doesn't put on clean ones in the morning if he showered yesterday, but we're working on that).

I'll have a little vent about it here, be totally perplexed, and hit the Fruit of the Loom rack next time I'm at Zellers :)

I can sympathize on this one. For some reason, I am followed by a black hole that sucks up my own socks. It's been this way for years and I just don't understand it. DH and SS' socks do not vanish, but mine do, and it was that way even when I lived alone. I cannot understand it. :-)

ceph, perhaps your last post contained a clue! "if there's a rare occasion that he doesn't get a good wipe, he washes out his own undies in the sink and hangs them to dry until I do wash" At least at your house he does this - perhaps at BM's they are made to "vanish". When my niece was young, if she had an accident she would "disappear" her wet undies down the toilet. Regrettably they did not really disappear, as was found out one very expensive plumber's visit later!

Or maybe there really is a portal into a parallel universe full of correct size underwear at BM's. Perhaps that is where my socks go! Perhaps BM is walking around right now saying "I just don't understand why underwear disappears but some woman's socks keep appearing in my laundry".

Mattie might be onto something.

I wonder if they're getting thrown away at BM's house, either by her or by SS?

It could just be that he is grabbing the too-small underwear out of his drawer, too.

I recently cleaned out SS's boxer drawer---seriously, I kid you not, the kid must have had fifty pairs in there. I hadn't gone through it in some time and I ended up tossing out about half b/c they were too small.

I wonder if your SS just has an overflowing underwear drawer at BM's, complete with the too-small-holey stuff, and he's just not taking the time to grab a newer pair?

And you should make sure to throw the old undies away so they don't sneak back into circulation again. DS did that with a pair of pants. They were torn in the butt and I put them somewhere to throw them out (or sew them I can't remember which), but didn't get them completely out of DS's reach. While on the way to school one day, he goes "Uh oh" and I said "What?" and he said "Look" and there were his bright turquoise underwear showing out of this flap in his pants. I had to turn around and go back home so he could get a "complete" pair of pants.

Ceph I feel your pain!! When my skids were younger and actually spent the night at their bm's home we had the same issues with clothing. Bras, underwear, socks, and good clothing all seemed to disappear at bm's. Kids would come back without bras or underwear on and with clothing that clearly had not fit them in years! SS would even come home in girls clothing. When ss was 3 he actually cam home in a onsie that was for 12-24 months on! It did not snap so the bottom of it was hanging out of his pants and the sleeves were too short! It was ridiculous! So we figured that however she sent them home was an acceptable way for them to dress with her. We began sending them back exactly how they came. We stopped letting her pick them up from school because we would never send them out looking the way she had sent them home. BM actually got mad once because they had somewhere to go when she picked them up and she did not want to bring them out the way they were dressed. lol DH just said he wanted them to return her clothing so he had them wear it. Then he handed me my coat and said we were on our way out and did not have time for the kids to change. And we followed them out and drove to the store. LOL She was mad!

"Or maybe there really is a portal into a parallel universe full of correct size underwear at BM's. Perhaps that is where my socks go! Perhaps BM is walking around right now saying "I just don't understand why underwear disappears but some woman's socks keep appearing in my laundry"."

LMAO! I'd imagine that's where all of my DD's socks are ending up as well. I feel like I'm constantly buying her socks. Somehow I manage to get all of mine back every week from the laundry room but she has tons that don't match. Even more perplexing is that she only has one of several socks that I have never seen before (and her dad doesn't buy her socks). I found a rainbow sock this morning. Where on Earth is she getting them?

Mom2... good for you! a small does of her own medicine. It's a shame the kids have to suffer the fools though.

My DD came home and said, mom, I didn't get to do my activity this summer. I was not surprised as my friend back home who runs the activity called me to say DD had never gone. I asked her what she had done, and she said dad had her in one activity all summer, every day, for an hour.

So no tutoring (I EXPLICITLY told him she had to have some sort of tutoring this summer) and no dance and no horses and no ANYTHING except for the activity he wanted her to do. Which she hates.

Oh, we have exactly the same problem. I buy a new pack of medium size underwear for my SS, replace all small, and after a while there is again a bunch of small or x-small sizes, while medium size all gone. The same with the other clothing. Kids constantly come from BM wearing small T-shirts, pants, even with holes in it, while good fitting clothes I got for them and they wear back to BM never appears again. Very frustrating.

My son's father wanted to battle with me for YEARS on my son's underwear.... he wanted him to wear boxer's, I bought him tighty whitey's. Today at 23, he CHOOSES boxer briefs.

If you think she's sending him with those intentionally, you can try sending him back in them.

If you think she is keeping them to replenish his wardrobe so she doesn't have to buy more, maybe send him home with a couple of packs of underwear.

Of course, sending underwear back might imply she is neglecting him and she could get defensive...

Either way, I wouldn't give it much attention. I would start hanging onto some of the more decent ones he comes in and send him back in those. Keep your good ones for when he is there.

We go through our own little battle with SD... her mom buys her 'sexy' underwear & we toss them.. they simply disappear. We figure she wears the ones we buy her to her mom's, wears the 'sexy' ones back so she has to have a supply of the ones we buy being kept at her mom's. About twice a year, BM hands DH a bag of underwear & demands that "HERS" get returned to her. He says 'we don't have any of "HERS" and inappropriate ones have been tossed, don't send them please.' and refuse to fight over underwear. This year, we noticed BM is not sending SD in "HERS" anymore. The game wasn't fun for her if we refused to play it.

Ashley - the ratty old ones get tossed as soon as I encounter them in the hamper.

Ima - I DID send him home with a couple packs of new underwear. He chose them, his favourite style and colours, so I know he likes them.
I can deal with sending him in ratty undies - thank goodness he doesn't send him in sequined thongs!!

Silver - Isn't it strange when items of unknown origin appear in the laundry?! A rainbow sock? What the heck?!

Mom2 - Other than socks and underwear, he goes back to BM's in what he arrived in.
So if he arrives without mittens in the winter, he wears "ours" in the car and then leaves them with us. If he arrives in jeans and a sweater when it's 30 above, then that's what he goes back in.
We started this because two winters ago, we lost about nine pairs of pants to her house in a school year. She'd send him in too short pants with huge holes in the knees. We'd send him back in nice pants. This went on and on and on, until I started patching the torn jeans instead of returning him in nice ones. That's when she complained that I was patching his clothes and it made him look poor!! We pointed out that exposed skin can freeze in less than 1 minute on the coldest days of our winters and we preferred he looked poor but didn't get frostbite.
Now that he's 11, he has more say in his clothes. And he has the brains to know that he should not wear torn jeans in -40. So now, I'd just send him back with the torn jeans instead of patching them like I did when he was 8/9 and early 10. (I'd make sure the car was WELL warmed-up though!! I still don't want him to get frostbite.)

"She'd send him in too short pants with huge holes in the knees."

I would send my son to his dad in very nice clothes, because I wanted my child to be dressed well all the time. When he came back with his brand new jeans, ruined with bleach... I couldn't afford to have his good clothes ruined on purpose. (his stepmother poured the bleach across them). So I started sending him there in clothes THEY bought or I would get a decent pair from the thrift store. After that, my son routinely came home with pants that were above his ankles and he couldn't even zip them, so sending him back in that crap wasn't an option & I was losing the clothes he went in. If I questioned where his clothes went, I was told to "F*ck off B!tch!" by his stepmother. The only time I had ANY communication with my sons dad was during the exchanges, by letter that was ignored or in court. So, I said nothing about the clothing issue (or anything else) because I wanted to avoid conflict during the exchanges. (and my legal bills were over $17k in 6 years ~during the 90's~ and our court case was so thick it was split into three volumes that were 2 inches thick EACH, which tells you how often we were in court with me complaining about the way my son was being treated and the things his stepmother did... and yes, we had at least one hearing, initiated by his father, on the issue of his underwear... my son's father even made police reports about his underwear being 'too tight' that he brought to court to support his case for boxers.)

Dod, this brings back memories.

The solution I came up with was to toss the downright embarrassing items (thin girls' shorts, too-small, too-ratty, etc) & stock up on decent things from thrift stores & garage sales.

In a neighborhood with lots of kids, somebody's always having a garage sale, & the things are often barely used, depending on who hit a growth spurt just as soon as Mom bought a whole new batch of jeans & shirts.

Underwear has to be bought new, of course, but putting the child's name in the waistband with magic marker will dampen anyone else's enthusiam for wearing it.

It might be tempting to send a child out in tatty old too-small clothes, but I don't think it does the child any good.

I wish you all the best.

got the chills reading Ima's post that I didn't read before I posted mine.

Y'all be careful;
don't taunt an angry Rottweiler.

Im sorry Ceph,
I would just be tempted to send him over in some really crazy underwear, maybe bright silver shiny superman underwear.

I know, I'm bad. But bet Ss would like them. And make a really big deal about how cool they are. Only bad thing is she might make him wear them to school. I'm sure this is not good advise, but would be fun to think of her reaction, no?
-Cat