Deadbeat Mother vent

14 years ago

I really wonder what would happen if SD lived with BM and she asked for child support and DH told DCSS that he really doesn't think he needs to pay it... after all, his wife works and can support him so why should he get a job?

I might be visiting him on Sundays behind plate glass!!!

Well, that is BM's attitude about supporting her daughter. I am not surprised. She's 37 and has never held a job for more than a few months. She has lived with either one of her parents or a man... until they get tired of supporting her & send her on her way... back home to her mother. She lives a pretty good life off the support (nearly $1200) she gets from her first kid's dad.. even though that kid was living with grandma the last two years. When she lived with her mom, she paid nothing... not even groceries. (that is according to her own words at deposition) Her big plan was to let her 70 year old mother support her while she went to nursing school (she's been a student for 11 years and said she still had over a year to go for an AA) and when she was raking in big bucks as a RN, she would take care of her mother through her mom's retirement. Of course, that plan went out the window three weeks later when she met her current BF. So, now she uses her support money for that household because BF is pressuring her to help out.. he's drowning and has either sold or had repossessed, anything of value that he got in his divorce settlement He cashed out and put his 401k into part ownership of a business that is struggling, maybe failing even in this economy.

But, doesn't THIS take the cake???

BM is ordered to pay $216 a month. That's NOT a lot of money... about $50 a week. I spend more than that for SD's swim lessons. But, if she paid it... it would be helpful. The support goes to DH. I've mentioned our financial arrangement in the past, he's paying off his premarital bills and contributes whatever is left to the household. Support money would increase his contribution or he could use it to fund things SD needs that I currently pay for, like school clothes & supplies. The lessons & extra's I pay for are a gift from me, we don't count on any contribution from BM for it. Just this month, since she is back in school, we have a bus fee of $195 and needed an instrument that I bought when BM refused to pitch in.. that was $217. Then there were school clothes and the cost of transporting her from BM's. We have that expense, but BM sends her mom to get SD for her so grandma bears an expense too. (I guarantee BM is not paying her a dime!)

All that is old news... so what's my vent about????

DH got a payment of $61.38 at the end of June. He got one payment in mid July (for two weeks, it was $122.76) and then the support stopped. DCSS won't do a thing until she's 3 months behind, which is quickly approaching. Well, today we got a notice that the payment they direct deposited to DH's bank account at the end of June was 'overpaid' because the person that sent it in did not fund it. My interpretation is that they got a check (from BM or her employer) and the check bounced or was stopped. In the meantime, DCSS issued the payment to DH. So, now they are telling him that he has to pay it back!!! He has been up in arms because they won't do anything for three months and now they want him to pay back the support THEY collected and he spent two months ago. He is worried they are going to reverse the July payments too because he doesn't have an extra $200 to pay it back. This is ridiculous!

I know there is nothing we can do and that's why it's so frustrating! I just needed to vent!

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Comments (12)

mom2emall
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
That is so messed up! Why are they not going after her for the bad check? She owes child support so why is it your problem if she submitted a bad check? Sometimes the system is just so messed up!
ceph
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I really must wonder how it would be treated if the genders were reversed and it was the dad acting like BM does...
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I totally agree Kathline. My SD's mom does not blame my husband, she tells SD (and everyone who will listen) that DH is the nicest guy and would NEVER do any of this if I wasn't making him. In a way, she's right. DH is mild mannered and let things go and when we got together, BM would do things to mess with our life. She would find out we have plans for a weekend she has her daughter and call him at the last minute saying she can't keep her, can he take her PLEASE? He has never said no, so our plans would get ruined. I'd rearrange the weekend to include their daughter and when she'd go back and tell her mom we had fun, her mom would call and yell at DH that she doesn't want me to do this or that with her daughter, she is the mom, I am not. He would get all stressed out over her ranting phone calls and it caused tension between us. 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She either doesn't realize it or want to admit it to herself, that DH does what he wants to do. I can't 'force' him to go to court. I can't get him to take a day off from work for very much, he only took three days off for our honeymoon. But, he takes time off for court (for his daughter) and school things with no problem. (well, he does worry about losing too much time from work because he's on commission when BM doesn't show up for court or continues it, that annoys him) But, back to the point, BM blames the whole thing on me. My relationship is somewhat strained because her mom discusses everything with her (and in pseudo's case as well) but I have been thinking about taking some of TOS's advice, 'kids have the right to know the truth.' I know that if they do anything to BM, she will blame it on me. She already told SD that she can't come to her school because she HAS to go to a job interview. So, it is our fault she can't come to the school because if she didn't have to pay child support, she wouldn't have to go to a job interview and this is how she presents it to her daughter. So, should she be told the truth? Her mom needs to work to help BF pay for their house. Her mom and dad are responsible for buying her stuff, not me. If I don't buy it and mom isn't working, it means dad has to get another job and can't spend much time with her. or how about 'grown ups are supposed to work'. If she loses her license and blames me for not being able to see her daughter (which she will). Same if she goes to jail. She already has bad credit but she will certainly blame me for giving her bad credit. She already tells her it's my fault they have no money, she can't buy her things because I made daddy take her to court blah blah blah The way I see it, it doesn't matter what, she is going to blame me regardless. 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mariealways
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
its the same for both genders. my ex works the three month rule like a pro thesedays. he pays his child support right before it hits three months. you would think he paid a lot, but its only $300 a month. the system is, unfortunately, messed up.
lovehadley
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I also take that as the check bounced! I'm betting BM sent in a payment b/c the state was on her @$$ and she didn't have funds to cover it.

That is INSANE that they expect DH to pay it back???? That just doesn't seem right at all. I mean, I can see his "account" being negative and next time he gets a support payment, he might not actually get any of it b/c it will go to pay back what was already paid out....does that make sense? But to actually make HIM pay it back seems wrong!
stargazzer
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
My neighbor's ex was in prison for non payment of child support.
mom2emall
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Well it could be worse. BM could be collecting welfare benefits for all the kids she does not raise! And then she could still cry poor!
imamommy
Original Author
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
"That is INSANE that they expect DH to pay it back???? That just doesn't seem right at all. I mean, I can see his "account" being negative and next time he gets a support payment, he might not actually get any of it b/c it will go to pay back what was already paid out....does that make sense? But to actually make HIM pay it back seems wrong!"

That's my thought... is there no consequence for giving the state a bad check? Well, she pays by wage assignment so it was her employer's check that bounced... if that makes a difference? To us, it doesn't matter who bounced it, we shouldn't have to pay it back... they should go after the person that wrote the bad check!

Just to update: DH talked to DCSS and they told him that she is still working and they have received payments since the date this check wasn't honored. My opinion is... why should DH have to pay it back if they have collected other payments from her? Shouldn't they just keep some of THAT money? (nothing has been issued to him so he asked where it is... they said they have 7 business days to issue it to him. Hmmm, just enough time to make sure the payment they receive clears!)
finedreams
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
she needs to pay for bounced checks, not him. to be RN one needs to have BS degree, not AA. and it takes the most 2 years to complete AA, not 11. with this speed she will have BS when she is 65. lol unbelivable.
justmetoo
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I can understand what happened here, but still sucks that they expect DH to fix it immediately.

The state gave DH payment in good faith that money that had been sent would be 'good'. It was not. State dept is now short the money and needs to recoup it. Sucks it must be from you, but it is you they gave the 'money' to.

The money going back now though should count in the column of still unpaid support.

I would have asked on the phone if the money now wanted back will be auto withdrawn from DH account. That could knock DH's account for a loop with balance not what you thought it would be and cause additional problems.

Too bad you can not pay the money back in 2 months and 29 days which is the time allotment for deadbeats, but I don't think they'd be amused.

Sounds like they don't intend to make the same mistake twice now that BM's child support account through them has been flagged. Understandable. In our state payment is released within 48 hours of being made, but when trouble arises as it just did in your case, future payments from the source can and will be treated as 'suspect' and it is to safeguard the state (handing out money that does not exist) and you (having money placed in your account you thought was really available). Better to have actual money placed in your account that is cleared than to have what happened with June's 'money'.

You might try working with the state on this. Will they wait x amount of time for repayment? Will they get authorization to take the money out of the money they are holding after it clears?
lovehadley
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
"to be RN one needs to have BS degree, not AA"

Actually, this is not accurate. You can be an RN with an Associate's degree. Many work as RNs while getting their BSN.

But this is neither here nor there--this woman is obviously not in school and has no long-term goals!

Ima, did you ever figure out if she was pregnant or not?
ashley1979
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I know that in my state, I would never have to re-pay the state anything. It would go towards X's balance and most likely come out of his tax return. I don't understand this thought of sending money back unless it was a huge sum of money (my XBIL's XW was getting paid by the Army for their kids for 2 years after XBIL went AWOL; HE had to pay back like $40,000; even with that large sum of money owed they still just take his tax returns).

$61.38 is such an insignificant amount of money. Considering the problems your state is having financially I guess even $61.38 is important in fixing the budget *says this scarcastically*
imamommy
Original Author
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Well, DH got a message from them today. They call his cell phone which he can't answer at work, instead of his work number which he gave them... so makes me wonder if they just don't wanna do their job. (I worked in government so I know how some can be...)

They said the employer bounced a check and has since sent more checks in but they will not accept checks from the employer anymore since he bounced one. So, the second payment will also likely be rejected and he will have to pay back 195.68~ hardly fair to make the person that is already supporting the child, pay back when it was the person who is NOT supporting the child (or in this case, her employer) that made the mistake.

I went to pick up SD yesterday and yes, BM looks like she might be showing. Even so, I am not convinced she isn't lying (isn't it horrible when someone lies about so much that you can't believe ANYTHING they say?). She just had on a loose blouse, which isn't her style. That doesn't prove anything, besides she hasn't told us she is... is there is a reason she wants it kept secret from us?

I feel so bad for SD though. I got there to get her and BM was home but SD had been at BF's parent's house and BM sent BF to go get her. So, she spent the afternoon with BF's parents instead of her mom. I had to wait about 20 minutes for her to get back. I don't understand how a mom that only sees her daughter six days a month, sends her to the BF's parents for half a day... and this happens all the time. I guess the least BM could do is go with BF to get her and pretend she gives a crap... when BF pulled up with SD, BM came outside and ushered her in to get her changed into 'our' clothes.

Deadbeat Mother vent

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