So Sunday late afternoon DH, the boys and I get back from a weekend trip - SD was with her mom. They spent Saturday with BM's new BF and SD was allowed to bring her BF as well - the buffer between SD and BM so SD doesn't get upset. So Sunday, as we are driving into town SD starts texting that she has to go to the BF's house for dinner and doesn't want to go, but is afraid to stay home alone because she doesn't know how late BM will be out. She wants to go to her BF's instead, but BM is saying no, since we all decided 1 BF thing a weekend. (we also found out BM planned to be at her BF's house too late for little BF to come, but that's beside the point) About 30 minutes later DH gets a text from BM to call her. Knowing it's because she wants him to be the bad guy and say no BF he opts not to call right back and let her deal with it. Then I get a text from BM to call. Then SD starts texting and calling, so DH calls BM back. She's pissed because SD doesn't want to go. SD is pissed because each day they have to do something with the BF, and when they aren't with him BM is on the phone/computer/texts with him. DH talks to BM and pretty much says she needs to be a parent and solve her own problems, and then asks to talk to SD. As soon as SD starts to talk BM starts yelling at her, and a 10 minute SD sobbing/BM screaming match occurs where DH puts it on speaker and we just listen. SD lets BM have it with her feelings about her, and BM just screamed at her. BM finally shuts up and SD is begging DH to come get her. DH explains he can't just do that without BM's consent, but suggests she CALMLY ask mom if she could give an expected return time so SD had an idea of how late she would be alone as that wasn't an unreasonable request. He calmed SD down and hung up. Not 3 minutes later he gets a text from her that BM said 'because of all this drama you created I'm late, so I can't tell you when I (and baby sis) will be home.' Apparently a night of dinner, movies and hot tubing was planned?! So DH calls BM back and says 'that's BS - in leaving SD home you should be able to set a time to return and stick to it. I'm coming to get her; I don't think she's in the right frame of mind to be home alone until God knows when.' BM didn't argue, of course, as she was getting what she wanted.

Once in the car the floodgates open and she's telling us all about her mom's twisted priorities, how selfish mom is, how she tries to talk to her and mom won't listen, etc. Then she says she needs to get something off her chest. This is as we are driving down the very road SHE drove the car on, so we are thinking the big confession is coming.

Nope.

Instead, she tells us that last January when we found out she had a MySpace - something she had been disallowed and done anyway - her mom knew about it. In fact, not only did she know about it she said it was ok, but not to tell dad she said it was. Even better - BM told her if she told dad that mom knew, she would tell dad about the boyfriend SD had that wasn't allowed at the time, either! So two different rules we had set - along with BM - that BM then allowed to be broken as long as it was kept secret from dad.

HERE IS THE KICKER THOUGH. When I found the MySpace page DH called BM and asked if she knew or okay'd it. She said no. She then participated in selecting and enforcing SD's punishment - for a crime SHE ALLOWED to happen!! She let her daughter take the fall without ever saying a word!! Is it just me, or is that beyond horrible???

So, after a talk about that over dinner all is fine and good and we all have a fun night. The next morning SD is pretty much refusing to go to her moms for the 6 hours she would be there. (BM was going to bring her home early so she could attend a party with her BF.) BM texted SD that they needed to talk about the night before and her feelings, and that she missed her. SD fired back that the time to talk about her feelings was last night, but BM opted to be with her BF instead. BM actually said it 'would have been rude to cancel' on BF so she couldn't have done that! WTF? Her daughter was sobbing out years of hurt to her and she didn't want to be rude to her BF of 3 weeks? SD told her she made her priorities known last night and she didn't want the sloppy seconds of her mom's time, in between visits with the BF. BM didn't respond, so SD called her and said "I'm not coming back today. I don't have anything to say to you now, and I'm happy here. I start high school tomorrow and I don't want my last day of summer to be with you." BM actually consented, so we drove over to get her things and drove back. The funny thing - BM started to tear up and told SD "I hope you know you've hurt my feelings." SD said she just laughed and hung up the phone.

So now we having the driving incident(s?), the MySpace incident, the dating issues, and the fact SD has just had it with her mom. DH got SD in to see her counselor today at 4:00, and he is going to talk to the Dr. to make sure he supports our decision to tell BM to either lesson the visitation or we will go to court to take it (all?) away. With his blessing we will have that conversation with BM, but we want to make sure he will be on our 'side' should we go to court, and that we have enough to get what we want should we go.

I've known for 10 years that this woman was selfish, self-absorbed and basically clueless. Now I think I can add down right stupid to the list. Even as I type this all out I'm shaking my head in disbelief.

I feel horrible for SD, but at the same time I'm relieved. Even though she felt bad briefly yesterday when her mom said she was hurt she snapped right out of it by realizing her mom has been hurting her for years.

I'll keep you posted on what happens after the counselor. . .