You mentioned she is going to college -- full time or part time? Is she taking it seriously or does she tend to frequently drop classes, re-take classes, take 1 class at a time, etc.?

She has had to retake classes in the past, she has dropped classes, she has applied to nursing school a couple times and been rejected, she has recently applied again. We keep telling her to apply to more than 1 and her chances would be much greater of getting in but she still applies to just 1 school. She is a part time student. Please don't get me wrong, I love her very much, I am just frustrated.

She's 27 years old &
she doesn't have a degree &
she's a part-time student &
she's dropped classes, &
she won't apply to any schools other than the one which always rejects her, &
her daddy pays her bills &
she spends all her money &
doesn't pay rent or bills or anything?

& she's been doing this for 3 years?

The only problem here is that you & hubs are too nice.

Hubs's daughter has no reason to change anything & every reason to *not* change anything:
She has everything she could possibly want right at her fingertips, & she isn't accountable for anything!

The extent to which her dad helps her would be appropriate if she were a 17-year-old going to school full time.

& if she never had dropped a class.

You gotta talk to hubs.

You & he will have to be absolutely united in order to re-gain control of your household (assuming that your hubs realizes how unrealistic & unhealthy the situation is).

You both need to be prepared, because your hubs's daughter (call her Debbie) will likely throw it in your face that your daughter lives free in Debbie's father's house.

I hope everything works out, & I wish you the very best.

He wants her to stay until she gets a degree, which could be another 3 years. He does it more for his granddaughter. Which I understand, but she needs to be held accountable for her and her daughters future at some point.

sylviatexas - you are exactly right...why should she change anything, she has it made. I would not even ask that she pay anything, as long as she is going to school, just help with cooking and cleaning and keep her and her daughters stuff picked up and put away, and not just in their rooms. I DO think there needs to be a time limit set as to when she needs to move on.

so he's committed to 3 more years of his daughter living with the family, but is he committed to 3 more years of pop tart boxes & partly-done laundry & unpaid taxi service?

If so, all you can do is smile cheerily & act like you don't see the pop tart boxes, don't smell the mildewed laundry, & can't drive a car!

Just close your eyes, click the heels of your ruby red slippers, & repeat:

"Not my circus, not my monkeys."

For whatever reason, your poor hubs is living with his head in the sand, or in denial as we say today;
his daughter is not 'pursuing' her degree (not even accepted into a school? dropping classes?), she'll never ever have a profession, & he needs to face the very real future if things continue as they are:

His daughter never will make a life for herself & her daughter;
this little granddaughter will grow up supported by her grandfather & seeing her mother totally dependent on him...
which happens all the time, & it's okay as long as grandfather realizes it & grandfather stays healthy for the next 30 or so years.

I say 30 because the granddaughter will live just as her mother has, with grandfather footing all the bills.

She will be helpless, clueless as to how to take care of herself or why she should.

You & hubs can agree on some simple expectations (I would jot them down as we talked about them, since memories are unreliable), & then *he* can present them to her.

You (& he) might start with housekeeping & go from there to chauffeuring & date nights for you & him.

I hope it works out & I wish you the best.

I've been thinking about my last post, & I'm not happy with it.

You shouldn't have to live with pop tart boxes & stinky laundry.

Talk to husband about minimum standards;
supporting his daughter, even for the rest of her life, doesn't include letting her pollute your home environment.

I hope it all works out.

ugh, I am seeing that leaving is going to save me a pile of grief....
I thought my husband is "wonderful" too ...really is, so many ways, except for being so easy to manipulate, blind to the needs of his partner, and indulgent of his kid. Time for you to have life on your terms.Not a woman's job to understand everything forever and have no needs of her own.
I would rather be single and have a paying roommate who is friendly and not related. even at that, you have to be selective. Then, respect each other, and enjoy the company.
why should the actual parent-him- allow this stuff? why is it your problem? What is wrong with this picture?
Good luck to you all. I see you are kind .be kind to yourself. I hope she grows up well. Don't be strung along. everyone is going to tell you why it "has" to be this way.
"I understand, and I still need this to happen."
once again, good luck. I get it.