That is very good! You must be very proud of yourself. I admire you for just being able to walk away from DH and not try to convince him that you did the right thing (which you did, btw).

You know, I wonder, as you start to be able to calmly refuse to engage in silliness, if DH will realize that it all looks very appealing, and maybe he too will then decide that that is something that he wants too. You'll still have crazy BM but I think life would be a lot better if neither DH nor you were playing her games anymore.

Ack!

"DH was initially mad AT ME. He said "WHY did you have to respond to her at all? Now SHE is furious!""

He has a point (don't poke the tiger), but you didn't initiate this issue. He needs to realize that the tiger swiped her paw at you, and you put up the bars. I think it's essential for him to realize that his anger is misplaced. He needs to tell BM that because she violently and physically attacked you there are new rules of engagement.

BM, I'm sure you can understand Love's reluctance to engage with you after what you did to her and calling me after you do speak with her to threaten her, call her names and scream at me does not make the situation any better. I hope we can resolve this in the future and the relationship can be repaired but right now I'm not comfortable exposing my wife to this kind of violent behavior.

He spoke with BM, he made an agreement with her and then she contacted you. I say, next time she contacts you via text to forward the text to DH and ask him to handle it. (But I would have texted her back too)

"DH was mad b/c BM was mad at him."

This is it in a nutshell, isn't it? He's mad, because BM is mad at him and you didn't provide any buffer. Wouldn't it have been easier if Love had just done what BM asked and sent the emails directly to BM? hahaha

You did good. You did what you felt was healthiest for you personally in a situation in which you did not intentionally place yourself.

The fact that she called him (a) yelling (b) calling names (c) threatening and (d) the funniest of all...that she wants nothing to do with you (then why is she texting you????) just proves that you are not overreacting in your desire to keep her at least the length of a soccer field away from you ;)

good job love, let them yell at each other, you did the right thing

"This is MY boundary that I am enforcing."

That is exactly right! You don't need someone to defend you. She contacted you directly.

I think you handled this with dignity and respect to both yourself and your husband. He will see that in time. I agree with Mattie's comment that when he sees how much better things are for you with boundaries (may take a while), he will start to see the appeal.

It is my belief that he loves you and your daughter. I also believe that he's just a dumb ole' boy that doesn't see the big picture yet.

Very good! Maybe if you do it often enough (enforce your boundaries), maybe your DH will catch on. When she started ranting at him about you, he could have told her that it has nothing to do with him & he isn't going to listen to her talk about his wife that way.

First, she doesn't make the rules for who can attend a public function... at school or anywhere else. and personally, if my DH called me up mad about that before I had given him the information on the fundraiser... I would have to just realize that I am too darn busy to find that info right now, but he is welcome to come home and find it himself.

Glad to see you are creating your boundaries with BM & DH.

Wonderful LH! Maybe if DH sees you are not tolerating bm's bs anymore he will stop expecting you too. And who knows...maybe he will stop as well! Either way you did the right thing for you. Way to go!

Thanks! I felt good about it.

I was a little selfish in my reasoning to text her back: I want record/documentation of ME asking her to leave me alone.

kwim?

I mean, I get DH's point, as well, that it's throwing fuel on the fire. BM is not a rational person and doesn't react to things the way most people would. My boundary angered her.

But that's just it--it's MY boundary. NOT DH's, not hers. Mine.

Thanks for the support. :)

"I was a little selfish in my reasoning to text her back".

I don't see anything you did as being "selfish"! Frankly I think DH is selfish in expecting you to put up with this *#&(#& because he prefers to just roll over and take it.

When I said he has a point I didn't mean that he was right and you were wrong to provoke her.

SHE started it. You drew the line in the sand, she reacted. You weren't selfish at all. What I was trying to say is I can see WHY he was angry, because the way he was looking at the situation, you could have tamped down the flames by doing what she wanted. Because you refused, you made it harder ON HIM. Hence the anger. You could have made it easy on him, you didn't. GOOD FOR YOU.

Oh, Silver, I knew exactly what you meant. :)

By selfish--I just meant that I knew texting her back would anger her. I considered ignoring for a minute---because I did recognize that would be easier for DH.

But, like I said, I felt it more important to have some documentation that I've asked her NOT to contact me. In case I need it in the future. Plus, it feels good to enforce my own boundaries, rather than depend on DH to (not) do it.

I really appreciate all your support. It helps me remember that my own instincts are usually right when it comes to protecting myself.

I considered ignoring for a minute---because I did recognize that would be easier for DH.

Unfortunately, silence is acceptance.
Replying to her text was the right choice. Now she can't say "But I sent Love a text and she didn't care. She even did what I asked of her," when she starts sending you threats and insults again.

Hmmm, I would have told DH to shut the h3ll up as he's on borrowed time and he's obviously too stupid to realize that... But that's just me.

Ha! I love Lonepiper's suggestion!!