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Annoyed

Posted by mom2emall (My Page) on
Fri, Sep 17, 10 at 10:08

That is my previous post on here about my neighbors if you want a little background.

http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/step/msg092312187576.html?6

Anyways afterschool my ds and middle sd are in charge of walking ss home from school. There are 2 ways to walk home from their school, one way passes ss's school and the other does not. Well today ds walked the other way home with friends and sd did not leave school right away because she said she was telling a friend something. So when she got to ss's school he was already gone. She thought ds picked up ss. Well what really happened is the neighbor walked passed ss's school and got him because he was still there.

So afterschool when ss arrived home walking with only the neighbor we knew what happened. Me and DH talked to ds and sd about how they are the siblings of ss, and are the ones who should be walking him home---not the neighbor! WE told them from now on they both walk right away and get ss together so no more mix ups. We knew it was a simple mistake, not a big deal.

A little while later ds and a friend were outside playing with the neighbor boy.

Anyways my neighbor calls me last night sounding all huffy and puffy. Tells me how her son walked ss home because ds was walking home with friends and sd was not there yet. I told her to thank her son for us and told her about the mix up with ds and sd thinking the other one got ss. Pointed out that it was not a big deal and it won't happen again. (Plus the worst that would have happened is ds goes back into the school and calls us and we go get him. Not like he would have been left alone for hours or something.) In this case sd would have gotton him a few minutes later than usual when she passed the school.

Then the neighbor begins telling me that the new boy my ds is hanging out with is "too street smart" for her son and her son is not allowed to hang out with him. (The only things she knows about him are through her son who hangs out with him at school). I have gone back and forth on thinking about if ds should hang out with this boy because his dad is real trashy. But whenever the boy is here he is polite and uses manners. Over the weekend he was here with ds and I was making lunch. I offered him some and he ate with us. After lunch he thanked me and cleared his plate and drink.

And she told me that my son was hanging out with her sons friends afterschool as her son walked ss home and that her son was upset. She also told me that yesterday morning when my son walked to school without her son that he got there and was hanging out with her sons friends and being snippy with her son.

I WANTED to tell her that her son is not perfect and has made a lot of inappropriate comments/jokes in front of my ds....some of which ds has come to me and asked what they meant. I WANTED to tell her that I have seen and heard her ds acting inappropriately. But then I feel bad for her ds because he is trapped at home all the time with overly strict parents and if I tell her something he will get in more trouble.

So I just said that my son has been upset with hers lately a lot too. And that my son has said her son has not been being too nice to him. I did not go into details so it becomes a he said/he said type thing.

Now my husband is joking with me that this is what happens when you are friends with neighbors! lol

I just don't know what to do though. It feels like this lady is trying to act like her kids are holier than though and she is trying to warn me about this horrible path my child is taking. When in reality my ds is a typical boy his age. He does stupid things sometimes and learns from them, but nothing he has done is off the wall for his age.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Annoyed

Those in glass houses and all....

I'd go with the "thank you, but please don't trouble yourself on my behalf" whenever she tries to tell you how you should be raising/watching/reprimanding/whatevering your kids.

And honestly, WTH was the neighbor doing taking your kid home from school????????????????????


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RE: Annoyed

It was the neighbors son who goes to school with my son. Usually they all walk home from school together.

But ya I am getting sick of her trying to give me parenting tips and updating me on what my kids are doing wrong. Her style and mine are quite different.

DH and I talked about it and if she comes to me again I am going to let her in on what her kids are doing. Perhaps then she will realize she should worry about her kids.

Today ds has the boy over that the neighbor does not want her son playing with. DS and the boy have been hanging out and playing video games this afternoon. I have heard nothing inappropriate.


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RE: Annoyed

I am getting sick of her trying to give me parenting tips and updating me on what my kids are doing wrong. Her style and mine are quite different.

That's what I would tell her, maybe in slightly different words, but better that than I am going to let her in on what her kids are doing. Only because her kids, who are doing totally normal "stuff", will probably get punished.

I might also throw in that the "bad boy" was over at your house and was fine. That maybe she shouldn't judge so quickly.


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RE: Annoyed

I would love to tell her that while she thinks keeping her kids on house arrest is the only way to parent I prefer giving my kids a little freedom and trusting them. But I don't really dislike the neighbors, I liked them until they started getting too far into my business. Now I am just annoyed. I have kept from telling them how not perfect their kids are because I don't want them to get punished any more than they already are.

But I am sick of them acting like they are older and wiser and should be telling me how to parent. I may not have as much experience as them ,but these are my kids and I will parent them how I choose. Me and DH don't think that locking the kids in the house till they are 18 is the way to raise kids. We give them a little freedom as they earn it and let them enjoy being kids and having friends. IF they screw up they have consequences, but they are kids and are going to screw up. WE don't expect them to be perfect.

The way she sounded one the phone yesterday when she called me reminded me of getting scolded by my own mother when I was a child. IT really irritated me. But I kept everything calm and friendly and by the end of the conversation she was laughing and telling me what a bad day she had and then onto other topics.


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RE: Annoyed

Is this the dysfunctional neighbor?

I would have told her "Thank you for your concerns, but 'Bad boy' has been in our house & is polite enough. Besides, DS is a good kid & we trust him to make the right decisions. Perhaps he'll be a good influence on 'bad boy'.... but I really do appreciate your concerns."

There is no point in telling her it's none of her business, most people wouldn't have called & said anything because they either KNOW it's not their business, or they wouldn't want to offend or upset you.

There is no point in telling her anything bad about her children... most parents are going to get defensive and be a mama bear. Isn't that part of the reason you got so annoyed? Nobody wants to hear critical things about their kids... especially if we don't think they are true.

One way to keep her from being so annoying is to remember that she is dysfunctional & operates under a different set of rules/lifestyle than you. She thinks hers is better, you may think yours is but the truth is that it's really just different and everyone can choose how they want to live their own lives. She probably thinks she is being a good friend by warning you... so tell her thank you & how much you appreciate it, but realize the source of where the information is coming from. You obviously have different views on parenting & family so I wouldn't take her so seriously... when you get these kinds of calls, you can either meet it with "yea yea, thank you" while rolling your eyes because you know it's coming from someone you wouldn't take parenting advice from.. or you can get pissed & tell her to get bent.


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