Yep.

My SS's BM is just like this.

she hasn't really worked since SS was about 1-2ish. She used to work as some sort of home health care person and, from what I hear, she actually made pretty decent money, especially considering that she doesn't have a degree. (she worked for a home health care company that her aunt owns.)

Anyway, she moved in with a boyfriend and stopped working altogether.

DH paid for everything for SS---anything he needed, BM would just ask and DH would either give her money or buy whatever it was--and then all the basics like health insurance, daycare (even though BM wasn't working!) medicines and extras like swim lessons, tumbling at the Y, school pictures, etc.

BM is a big partyer---drinker and smoker. Same thing---funny that she always had money to get her nails done or buy cigarettes or drinks, but many times had to ask DH or her mom for gas money.

Anyway, this has gone on for years. She moved back in with her folks briefly---then moved in with another boyfriend, and got pregnant within a few months. Then they got married. So now she also has two kids, and her DH has another daughter, as well. So 3 kids total and she still didn't work for a couple years---meanwhile, they are struggling, from what we hear, there's not much food, her DH's car is broken and he can't afford to fix it so they're sharing 1 car, the gas was shut off for 2 weeks, etc.

MY DH pays a small amount of c/s (most goes to state to pay back benefits she received) but I think she gets $130 or something. (They have joint custody, that's why the c/s is so low.)

Anyway, the court papers say they are supposed to split everything 50-50, but it's a total crock, as she doesn't have the money---and DH is not going to make SS suffer.

So he did soccer camp this summer-DH covered it all. This last week, he needed funds for his school lunch card and the school said $250/semester is about right for his age. So DH put it on there, didn't even ask BM because we know she doesn't have it.

There is not much you can do except try not to let it stress you out. No, it's not okay for BM to try to support herself on child support, but there's also not much you can do about it---UNLESS it's really clear money is being mismanaged, and the kids are suffering. Your DH could maybe look into modifying the custody agreement if he thinks it would be better for the kids to be with him full-time.

I think Ima pointed out one time, though, that if he does that, and BM says she cannot support her kids, DH runs the risk of having c/s increased to her. He would REALLY have to be able to prove that they money is being mismanaged.

I do have to say, though---we found out recently that BM got a part-time job, and she told DH it was great because the schedule is flex, and the money is good, too. I honestly was happy to hear this---good for her! It is a positive step in the right direction for her, and I hope she sticks with it. If she and her DH can get things together, that is just better for SS.

Thanks for the advice. We don't really know how it could go. We think how could she get awarded more CS when she QUIT her job! lol. And an order was just handed down that included CS because they changed the visitation. So in our state she can't ask for a change in CS for another 5 years. Another plus on our side. They are doing so so for now but we're afraid she's just going to fall more and more behind on bills every month. It's only been one month so far. SD told us she didn't want any cereal or hot dogs at our house because that's all she's been eating at Mom's. And dealing with the court system here is a JOKE.....unless a Mom has her kids locked in a closet and is passed out on the floor in her own puke with a crack needle hanging out of her arm they don't seem to care.

The system is way too overloaded. The case worker doesn't care about anything. Never returns phone calls and is generally a bit#@.

under the circusmtances why not ask for kids to live with you? living conditions seem to be atrocious at moms.