My husband hates my kids...should I leave him
uceve
14 years ago
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sweeby
14 years agocolleenoz
14 years agoRelated Discussions
Husband cranky - hates my choice of Shaw sink!
Comments (13)Lisapico, I didn't get a Rohl sink, but am still looking at a smaller one for the laundry room. The stainless sink we got is by KWC and I think we got it from Ira Wood inc (that website)-- probably about that price. We could have gotten it for $2-300 less, but it wasn't in stock there and was backordered for a fairly long time. I think the Blanco Precision one is 18 gauge instead of 16 and costs less too. Its dimensions are about an inch different -- DH wanted the KWC. I will tell you that it is a bit on the tricky side to get it into a regular depth cabinet with a faucet behind. We had to pull the sink all the way to the front of the cabinet and be very precise in drilling the hole for the faucet -- then pull the faucet to the front of the hole so the handle wouldn't hit the backsplash. If your sink is bumped out, it will be much easier, but you can do it with a standard depth and a little extra care (and cautionary measures with your fabricator). Anyway, the sink is one of half a dozen things in the kitchen that DH takes turns claiming as his favorite. Hope DH is home safely and things are or soon will be ooking up....See MoreRE: I dislike my stepchild, may even hate him at times
Comments (5)Jujube, you are absolutely right, you are entitled to your feelings. Criticizing you for them and telling you to feel different is no help at all. If you don't like being a parent to someone else's child, then you don't, and you are entitled to feel that way. It's certainly not for everyone. BUT. The child is also entitled to something. And that is to live with adults who will care for and protect him, and, if they can't quite love him, at least try to like the child the best they can, not see him as nothing more than a "burden." You wrote, "Choices were made either by ourselves or others that put us in this situation and I am aware that no one is completely blameless." If it's true of anyone that "choices were made" (and do note the passive voice) by others that affect them, it's certainly true of the children. They didn't choose to be born, they didn't choose for their parents to split up, they didn't choose for their parents to remarry. The adults in the story are the ones who have to make the adjustments and compromises, not just because they made the choices, but because they are the adults. Fair or not, that's it; children can't be expected to sacrifice their childhoods for a parent's or an unrelated adult's expectations of romance and marriage. And your husband is entitled to something, too. You may not have a mother's duty toward your son, but you have a wife's duty to your husband. His duty to his son is non-negotiable. How do you support him in fulfilling that duty and feeling good about it? I know it isn't easy. But look at it from his point of view. What is it like for him to feel like he is always trading off his wife's and his son's interests in a zero-sum game? You write that you love this "wonderfully amazing man." Try to let that love guide you in this situation and think of what he needs from you; don't make him choose between his son and his wife. Thus, the solution to the dilemma is NOT for the child to go away or be rejected or pushed away by his father. If you don't want to be involved with a man with children, then don't be; there is nothing wrong with that choice even though others choose differently. I won't blame you, the same as while I admire people who adopt children with serious handicaps, I don't blame those who decline to do so. But anyone who makes those difficult choices and accepts those challenges has to step up to the plate and do her best, not focus only or even primarily on her "entitlements." Good luck to you; I know it's really hard....See MoreI Am Starting To Hate My Husband and his Son
Comments (18)Well honestly, no one ever said u had to like one another! It's nice for the kids if all the adults in their lives had one flowing ball of communication, but lets be realistic! BM probably hates u cause ur sleeping w a man she has a child by. Its one of those bitter situations of :we didnt work, so why will u: and shes gonna hate u for it. Ur SS resents u for along the same reasons, and wants to make his presence known. He wants a dog he goes to daddy and theirs nothing is stupid SM is gonna say about it, cause u are not HIS mother. Been there done that, trust me! My stepchildren were HORRORS when my DH first got together. Mind u he had already been divorced for two years, with two children: daughter 10 and son 5. And the daughter was THE WORST. Not to mention when my DH first married :at that time the children were 12 and 7: and my SD LOST IT. She and her BM were on a personal vendetta to make my life a living hell. And then fast forward to a year later when my DH and I had a daughter of our own and thats when the u know what REALLY hit the fan!! There were times then when I could say that I hated her, and she hated me I'm sure, but one day when she was at our house for the court mandated weekend, I caught her in the room w my DD. I was horrified at first, thinking, OMG is this kid gonna try and smother my child?! lol I caught her playing w the baby, and then she burst into tears. Sometimes when u hold malice towards someone u tend to get satisfaction out of their pain. Yeah, thats an ugly thing to say, but its true. However, when I saw SD crying I walked up to her and gave her a hug. I'm not saying it was like a lifetime movie after that and all, we still had our battles, and at times I had to try not to lose my mind and walk out, but here we are seven years later, two kids of my own, and two stepchildren, whom I love dearly and I know that sometimes, they love me too....lol Just stand ur ground, and understand its hard for a kid who feels like he has to compete with the new woman for some love. Sit down with him and explain to him that ur not trying to come between them, and that u want to try and share. Theres enough love for the both of u. As far as ur DH goes, though. U need to put ur foot down and let him know that u are not a chambermaid. Stop doing EVERYTHING around the house so hes stuck w chores. That'll really hit him where he lives!...See MoreI'm afraid to leave my husband with his daughter!
Comments (5)Set up your boundaries. 1. Have your H and his D draw up a contract as to (a) how much she needs to save , (b) how much she needs to help with foods, rent, and (c) the deadline as to when she MUST BE ON HER OWN. Both will sign it. 2. Give her about 6 months to save money and move out. If in the meantime she does not save money then the contract will stipulate her moving out in 2 weeks of notice from you. 3. Treat this as a business with a renter. 4. I have seen so many cases with people with mental illness who will use that to CONTROL and ABUSE others with their FOG, (Fear, obligation and Guilt). Recently, in my hometown a 70 yrs old mother robbed a bank after deleting the family's retirement and savings to give to this 40 yrs old son who spent money on trips to paris with his xwife. The adult child would call mom and expressed his depression and suicidal thoughts on not having enough money to pay for his bills. mom then took out 75K from the H's inheritance, 85k of mortgage on their debt free home, to keep on making this adult child happy. As of now, she is serving a 4 years prison term. THe moral of the story is never, never let others control you with FOG....See Morecarol_in_california
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