Hi Joe! Do you think part of it may be that your SS is horribly homesick for his home country? Does he have friends or relatives who can talk about home country with him, or maybe a church group, support group of immigrant children, or something? It might sound odd because he's so young - but I think such a move can be even harder on kids than adults sometimes.

I like how you explain the reason for rules and structure to him. We do that with my SS as well, and we reinforce it by pointing out examples of what happens when kids are not being raised to behave properly. For example, if we're out in the toy store and SS sees a child his own age or older behaving very badly and screaming or whining that he wants a toy, after we leave we might mention how proud we are of SS because he would not do that, and why it's important for parents to teach their children that sometimes the answer will be No. Of course SS still would like everything in the store as well - but he also very much likes getting compliments on his manners and how well-behaved he is, and he understands that sometimes he cannot have both!

The book that helped me the most is "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk". My SS struggles sometimes with misdirected anger, if that's the right phrase, and feelings of lack of control over his life, I think, and that book really helped me with talking to him in a productive way. It's kind of funny; it's almost like a woman talking to another female friend where we understand that we don't want each other to "solve" a problem, we just want someone to listen and sympathize. So I think it might help. SS might logically understand why he had to move, and why he needs rules - but that doesn't mean that it's not a hard adjustment for him at times and he just needs to vent.

I agree, explaining to the child why the rules is a good thing. My ss's step brother from his moms new dh is AWFUL, devil child. Before ss left for the summer, I grabbed his hands and gently asked him not to let that kid rub off on him. I told him that we love him and the way he is now and that the other parents do as well. That when he grows up he will have lots of friends and a good life but that the devil child will be in jail. LOL.... then he said that devil child already had been in jail. Oh no!! But anyway, he understood. It's still kind of hard now when he came back because he spent 7 weeks with no discipline... even though he doesn't destroy anything or isn't devilish... even little things he needed discipline on, he didn't get. So we are having to learn our structure all over again right now. It's hard for kids to go back and forth. Keep being consistant with him, it'll pay off.