This is not my mother's long time home, that was sold years ago. It is a long time apartment and the last place that she lived with dad, who has been gone 8 years. When they sold that house I got all the family heirlooms. The kinds of things I want her to get rid of are 24 glass pickle jars. Wouldn't 6 be enough? A zillion plastic margerine containers. 8 dress raincoats (we are keeping 6), Shoes with too high of heels for her to wear anymore. Double sheets when she hasn't had a double bed for decades. The ratty towels and blankets when she has dozen of nice ones that are "too good to use". It is independent living. She can come and go as she pleases. She can have one to 2 meals a day if she wants. She has a full kitchen and she does enjoy cooking. There is a handicapped shower. She has had nothing but a sponge bath for several years because she is afraid of falling in the tub. It has a large bedroom and lots of closets and storage. It is an apartment with amenities. Someone who comes in and does light housekeeping once a week. A handyman to change a light bulb or hang a picture. (She hates to ask dh, thinks she is imposing. At her current apartment there use to be the maintenance man who went above and beyond his duties for her. The apartment building changed hands and she now has typical landlords. Change your own furnace filter and light bulbs.) And the most important thing, is social contact with someone besides me. She cannot walk like she use to and misses all the people she use to chat with on her walks. There are people that she knows that live at the independenet living apartments. People leave their door open and visit. They have transportation to her favorite grocery store every other week. I will continue to take her on the off weeks. It is a few miles closer to me. It is not in the same town, but the immediately adjacent town. If you are not from the area you think they are the same city, much to the annoyance of residents. She is getting forgetful. She is falling. She starts her walks at dusk, no concept of time. This move is for my peace of mind, and hopefully a new lease on life for her. I sure hope so, 'cause my grandma lived to 96 and if mom lives that long she needs a change. This just sounds like I am trying to justify moving her. Not only to I want what is best for her but what is good for me and my family, too.

The easiest way would be to dig the dormant plant in November, cut back the top, stuff it in a trash bag for the trip, and replant it in the Maine garden as a bare root. Will the ground be frozen Nov. 30? I would guess not in Mass., maybe but probably not in Maine. You could open the hole in advance, prepare the soil, and pile leaves over the dirt pile to keep it from freezing. Late fall planting of bare roots used to be standard procedure in zone 5. Also, mulch heavily around the Mass. plant when cold weather arrives to be sure it will remain diggable. If you transplant to a pot now, it will probably defoliate and use up energy growing new leaves, which would be killed by frosts very soon. Then you have the hassle and risk of overwintering a pot.

Why would you plan social events after working two 15hr shifts? Why not leave the get-togethers for times when you are up to socializing? By over extending yourself, you may have sent the 'message' (without meaning to) that you're not interested and/or flat out dislike family events. While you're dead tired and in dire need of personal relaxing, they're seeing a lady who is half a sleep in the chair and one that seemed bothered and antisocial towards what should be a fun event. These ladies are adults. They have homes of their own. They can invite Dad and you over occassionally and host events (they do the work) and you have the option of accepting invite or declining due to heavy work schedule. When you do the inviting and hosting, plan it on weekends that actually will be relaxing and enjoyable to you. I actually think a different home is a reasonable suggestion by your partner. The ladies childhood home? The oldest is 30. These ladies naturally view you as the outsider in this long held house. If partner is finacially able to sell his home and desires to set up a new environment, let him. New house, new start. Partner and you are planning on beginning a future as man and wife...do you really want to start it in a house where you're the outsider. Go house hunting. Let husband gather up the items in his present home that he no longer needs and/or the two of you plan on using. Give the items of personal maaning to the ladies and sell the rest. New home, new beginnings. Leave the sentimental strings behind you. 'The Meeting' was a bad idea. Too confrontational. And remember, respect goes two ways. These are not children, they're adults. They desire as much respect as adult children of your partner and you do the respect due you as partner's new mate. Don't blame them their father took so many phone calls his business suffered. He's an adult. He can pick up the phone once and announce 'not a good time'. Instead he chose to take all the calls...don't excuse his role in the issue. At 40 I'm going to assume you have held your own home until recently when you moved in with your partner. Do you still own it? You might consider spending time in your past home while your partner makes some serious decisions. Not a choice of 'you or them', but a workable solution as to how to blend all his ladies into his life. He needs to sit his daughters down and they (Dad/daughters) are the ones who should have been having that 'meeting'. He needs to come to an understanding with his daughters. He does not need their permission to select a partner. He does not need to be available to them 24/7 (he and they are all adults now). He loves them and he loves you...nothing you do is going to change his love for them and nothing they do (hissy fits and turning in keys) is going to change his love for you. And yes, my mother had a SO for 22yrs. She never married him, kept all assests and financials apart, and she kept her own home. She never gave up her house and basically spent time in both houses. My mother's SO's daughter went out of her way to be controling and a grown up spoiled hateful brat. My mother chose not to be controled by this daughter, nor to let this daughter control mom's relationship with SO.

there is so much more and so much hurtful comments, i could go on and on, but what really hurts is that dad acts like nothing happened at all and does nothing. Mom of course only knows the SD version and does not want to know the rest. I do not want to take the parents place-I just don't want to be the carpet they walk on either. I told my husband that if she comes to visit again I am going somewhere else for the week. She called us to get our address to send me a birthday card---not it was court papers for more money for child support....the lie part is what angered me-she sent a xmas card only to the dog and dad. she sent a text to her father for xmas with a pic of her report card saying see i am not a failure.--no merry xmas orf nothing. i feel so bad for him...