Step Talk
serenity_now_2007
15 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (29)
fiveinall
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Grading issue with new deck steps
Comments (1)I think you have one too many steps. Try talking to the contractor who may realise his mistake and offer to correct it. Overall though I see a design error because even with one less step you are still stepping out onto uneven ground which is not a good idea. it would have been possible to have a landing at step three and then have the other three at 90 degrees up or down the slope, or indeed both, then you could pull the line of stones making the border around to the bottom step and all would be integrated. I bet these steps are in the middle of the deck too and the problem would not exist if you came off the end....See MoreOne step forward, two steps back... (Long)
Comments (16)We've been married for 14 years now and we lived together for 3 years before that. While we were cohabitating I never allowed our finances to be comingled. It was incredibly difficult for us to make the financial transition after we married. Truly, of all things that was THE most difficult. I have always been the "skinflint" and the "nervous nellie" when it comes to money. I remember living in a little town where there were no jobs... and how humiliating it was to have to ask for some money to go to a movie and then to ask for some for popcorn, too. An "allowance" was never offered and I had to "justify" every request for money. It was a defining time in my life. I swore, that when I got my first job NO ONE WOULD EVER USE MONEY TO CONTROL ME AGAIN. And I remember being so afraid of what I didn't know... balancing a checkbook, making intelligent decisions with savings, investing. My parents never talked about money, it was as though it was "dirty"; even though they lived frugally and lacked for nothing. I sucked it up and learned how to do those things because if I didn't, I understood I would be vulnerable and in a position to be manipulated. And you know what? it's not hard, at all! it's actually fun. The helpmeet was much more cavalier than I with respect to money (didn't take much, lol). He was never a wanton spender, but he wasn't always so good about getting bills out on time and never lost much sleep about interest or finance charges (drove me nuts). But he had a much healthier attitude in the greater context; never laboring under the awful, nagging fears that I did. So... after a few good fights about it we sat down for a "board meeting". We agreed to do the bills together; but I was given the responsibility to call the terms because doing so allowed me to put the kibosh on interest charges and any late fees. We worked out a strict budget and he stuck to it. We lucked out, I suppose. He's no longer is "late", pays no interest, and we no longer fight about money (he has thanked me for showing him how easy it can be!). Either of us could pick up the reins and take over in the event of catastrophe. Best of all, though, I am now at ease with money; no one controls me with it and I'm secure in the knowledge that there is plenty of it to meet whatever needs we have and even enough to spend on FUN THINGS! (imagine that?!) I will go to my grave knowing he imparted that simple belief to me; it set me free. Really. It wasn't easy gettin' here. You mustn't allow your husband to dodge the issue by saying he's "sick of spread sheets"... that's an excuse (and it's unfair to put the responsibility for success or failure on YOU!), the spending isn't about the new toy, it's about something bigger. I'd bet a nickel on that. If you want to get to a trusting place with your finances you have begin by being honest and putting all your debts on paper, establishing a budget and being accountable for it, and sitting down TOGETHER every month. Silvercomet is absolutely right... this is IMPORTANT stuff. It doesn't have to be unpleasant, either. One of the nicest aspects of this process for us is the time we spend together talking about what we want for our future(s). It's gone from perfunctory attention to bills and statements to presenting ideas/goals/and seeing possibilities emerge. It's empowering and it's FUN....See More? re: pasting selection to a new layer
Comments (3)Problem solved! It turns out I made a mistake on the dimensions of the new file I was pasting into. I realized I had to make the new file the same dimensions as the one my selection came from but that's where I goofed. One of the sizing boxes was set at pixels/cm instead of pixels/in. Still learning!...See MoreI need to talk about my adult step-daughter
Comments (5)Shakti, I have to wonder if you have ever been in a stepfamily! Rob says he has been the father figure to his stepchildren for 28 years! That's hardly "only a friend." Would you tell an adoptive parent that they were "only a friend"? It sounds like he stepped in when their biological father had done them some pretty awful physical and psychic harm--that's not "just a friend" stuff, either. Sure biology and genes are important, but the day to day raising can be almost as powerful. Rob, I am closer to your age probably than some of the other wonderful posters here, and I might be able to offer some insight? Wish I could be of more help. One thing that occurred to me reading your anguished words is that you are at the age where we start to think more about our place in the world, what we have done, life review and all that. And seeing where we are peched on a family tree is so important to us all of a sudden. Whereas the young people in our lives are intent on making their own families, making their own way in the world--it sometimes feels like they have no time for us, like we are no longer important in their lives. And it sounds like although you feel your SD strongly prefers your wife over you, it also sounds like she is "buying" the favor, making herself indispensible by providing all those practical services for SD. (Didn't mean for that to sound negative--it's the way of the world.) Is there a reason you don't go along to visit your grandkids? (I didn't say "stepgrandkids" because I know so many stepparents who would never dream of calling their SKs their "children," but for some reason are comfortable without the "step-" with the next generation. Maybe because the grandkids never knew a time without them--or maybe because grandkids already have four grandparents, why not add another one?) Here's something else I discovered as I was thinking these things through in my own life. With my SDs, I am more quick to perceive slights and insults. But when it is my own children I find myself thinking "oh they're just kids." I try to apply that test when it seems like my SDs are ignoring me or not as receptive as I would like to an activity or something--I say "what if it was my biokids" and then it doesn't hurt so much--I find myself in the "they're just kids" place. Have you talked to your stepdaughter about missing her and the grandkids? Do you and your wife ever babysit? Your relationship with your grandkids will soon grow on its own, apart from their mom....See Morefinedreams
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoorganic_maria
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agonivea
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanne8102
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agolisa22222
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agolovehadley
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agosteppschild
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agolisa22222
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agofinedreams
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agofinedreams
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agofinedreams
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agodoodlerbug
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agowild_thing
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVivian Kaufman
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoimagr8tma2
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoimamommy
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agolawno_yahoo_com
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAhnya
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agomyfampg
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAhnya
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agobeckykay78_yahoo_com
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agobeckykay78_yahoo_com
12 years agolast modified: 9 years ago20yearsandfedup
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoStepTalkMember123
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomkroopy
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAmber3902
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoKaren Peltier
5 years agolast modified: 5 years ago
Related Stories
DECORATING GUIDESExpert Talk: Entryway Wallpaper Ushers In Style
Set the right tone from the first step inside with this insight from pro designers on how to use wallpaper in an entry hall
Full StoryREMODELING GUIDESExterior Materials: Texture Talk
Consider the visual and tactile feel of your house's cladding along with its practical uses for maximum exterior appeal
Full StoryLIFEIf You Could Talk to Your House, What Would You Say?
‘Pull yourself together’ or ‘thank you for transforming my life’? Notes to homes around the country hit us where we live
Full StoryKITCHEN DESIGNExpert Talk: Design Lessons From 9 Stunning Kitchens
Architects share a behind-the-scenes look at the design decisions for some of their most interesting kitchen projects
Full StoryREMODELING GUIDESExpert Talk: Wall Dividers Pull Rooms Together
Open layouts are popular, but these designers explain how a little division can sometimes finish the look of a room the way nothing else can
Full StoryGARDENING AND LANDSCAPINGLet's Talk Trash Bins
No one gazes fondly on garbage cans. Keep your street cred intact and your bins under wraps with these camouflage solutions
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDESExpert Talk: 14 Designers Show Their Stripes
Painted stripes can create huge impact in a room for little cost. See how and why these professionals gave 14 rooms their stripes
Full StoryBATHROOM WORKBOOKA Step-by-Step Guide to Designing Your Bathroom Vanity
Here are six decisions to make with your pro to get the best vanity layout, look and features for your needs
Full StoryMOST POPULAROrganizing? Don’t Forget the Essential First Step
Simplify the process of getting your home in order by taking it one step at a time. Here’s how to get on the right path
Full StoryKITCHEN DESIGN3 Steps to Choosing Kitchen Finishes Wisely
Lost your way in the field of options for countertop and cabinet finishes? This advice will put your kitchen renovation back on track
Full StorySponsored
More Discussions
steptalkmember