anyone like their step-kids?
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22 years ago
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Comments (13)I am Sam Sam I am That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I-am! I do not like that Sam-I-am! Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them, Sam-I-am. I do not like green eggs and ham. Would you like them here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham . I do not like them, Sam-I-am. Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse? I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am. Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox? Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a house. Not with a mouse. I would not eat them here or there. I would not eat them anywhere. I would not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am....See MoreConsider divorce over step kids
Comments (10)A couple of things come up with this. . . First of all, your wife is the one with the problem, it appears, and not as much your step-kids. If step-kids are being lazy, disrespectful, and so on, it is usually because the SO or spouse laid the groundwork for that long ago. It may have even been before you entered the picture. Either your wife is just a lazy parent, or she "enjoys" having an us vs. them mentality in the household. The house may be hers, but the household should unquestionably be both of yours. It is not easy to blend families in the least. What is central to all getting along is adults being treated like adults, children being treated like children, spouses being treated like spouses, exes being treated like exes, and so on. Unfortunately, what happens too often in step-situations is that these roles get somehow and horribly messed up. As I see in your situation, for example, a child may be treated more like an adult (your SSs), while the adult (you) may be treated more like a child. This is the setup in your household, it appears. Your wife didn't compromise much when you married. She got to keep her house and got to keep her thumbs of control on the household and got to let her sons run around free, allowing them to do as they so saw fit. You, on the other hand, had to give up far more. You came into a strange house and you and your daughter were both treated like strangers (and still are) vs. your wife laying the groundwork with her own children to make sure that you were accepted and seen as her SO or spouse and not as simply mommy's main squeeze who came along with that pesky other child. Your wife set this all up for you, and you allowed or are allowing it to continue. And, I actually don't think it is all that uncommon for one of the divorced partners to want to have their cake and eat it too, while the other is expected to give it all up for 'em, unfortunately. Very few understand that fallout from a divorce can continue for years and even a lifetime. Thus, when you marry someone with children from a previous relationship, you are unwittingly taking on all of that turmoil, past, present and future, that can come from someone else's divorce, in addition to your own (if you are divorced too). I'd also suggest seeing a counselor, but if anything, start out seeing one for yourself. A counselor well-experienced in blended families can give you further insight into what is going on in the household. Maybe at some point, you'd bring you wife in or maybe at some point, you'd decide it is best to just leave. The fact that she refuses to sell her home and get a joint, assuming better suited one for both families, tells me she thinks her and her children's needs are above those of you and yours and any of your children, even the one you had together. But, a counselor can help you break that down further. Take care, and best of luck to you! Remember, you are not alone by any means, and you were set up, intentionally or not, for this sort of dysfunction in the household long ago. Now you have to deal with the consequences....See MoreAnyone like their Stepkids question....
Comments (11)I can't say I don't like my stepson he is a cold. But I can say there is definitely things that he do that I don't like. I have been with my husband 3 years married 1 and im the type of person all kids love, and I believe in what I do for mind imma do for yours. Honestly, now that I look at it, the first year of our relationship I did more for my stepson than his aunts, grandfather, hell even his father. Im talking about Easter outfit I made sure he had, 4th of July, me again, birthday me again, parties at school that was all m, back to school clothes, shoes, supplies, yeah you guessed it my hand still in the air. My family embraced him. My oldest son even babysat him during Christmas break atleast til he told my son that when his mother get out of prison she was going to stab me. Now my son refused to keep him after thar and honestly I couldn't blame him. I feel that he has done any and everything to break me and his father up, and unfortunately I feel that 3 years later it just might be working. Me and my husband just recently got a house and when stepson comes over he doesn't feel he has to speak. When I address it with his father he automatically jumps on the defense. I mean am I wrong to feel a certain way about this. While me and my husband are arguing he in the other room satisfied I guess. But the thing that really gets me is nobody got a problem with me when im spending my money on him. Now if I stop then somebody would have something to say. All im saying is respect me like you respect everybody else. And as a man, husband, and father you should make him respect me. Now I have kids and I don't tolerate them disrespecting my husband all I ask is the same thing. Am I asking for too much....See MoreHoliday arrangements with adult step kids
Comments (13)sweeby, You are correct, I do want a them to respect me. You have made a good point and I will definitely remember this one. They are not aware that I do not want them staying here Christmas eve night. DH has just been encorageing them to stay with their bio mom. We live 1 1/2 hours from their bio mom and from SD. I would be more than willing to let them stay here if they had no where else to spend the holiday. It is suppose to be the night they spend with their bio mom. I do not think on a special holiday, such as, Christmas eve they need to be sitting at our home, so called ALONE. They will be spending Christmas day and the next day with us at our home. I have a wonderful meal planned with all their favorits foods, special gifts we picked out for them, entertainment of some fun card games, videos, etc. I have spend much time along with DH picking out all the things they like and to make their holiday time with us special. So I do try and do some wonderful things for them and hope they appreciate it. I truely believe they plan on having bio mom come and stay. I think bio mom is curious how we are living. Maybe she will try and get some more support from us. We already give her $300.00 a month for nothing. She has a job, benefits, retirement, live in boyfriend with a job, stocks/bonds, car, house, etc. Why are we paying her a $300.00 a month? These step kids should spend Christmas eve with their mother AT HER HOUSE. What are your views on that? All advise both negative and positive is welcome. Thanks...See Morebetty1937_kscable_com
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