anyone like their step-kids?
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22 years ago
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Lily1234
22 years agojennyconnor_email_com
22 years agoRelated Discussions
Resenting husband for enabling disrespectful step kids
Comments (29)I am dealing with a 13 year old stepson that has pushed me to the point that I absolutely DESPISE HIM!!! I feel so guilty for feeling like this!!! He is spoiled and entitled and he goes out of his way to disrespect me and speaks to me like I am just a pest living in HIS house. He keeps arguments going constantly between his father and I. He comes in our bedroom and goes through my dresser drawers and takes my socks, clothes, anything that he feels like that he wants and he says that everything in this house belongs to him because it is HIS house. His dad told him that this is his house one day when he grows up. By him saying that at some point, the kid assumes that this is his house! Nevermind that I pay the Bill's and cook, clean, buy the food that he eats etc!! When I say anything to his dad about it, he defends the kid and says that I am always on the kid about something. In fact his father encourages and laughs about his son treating me like garbage. He says "hes just joking with you" and "that's just how he picks and plays". The kid knows what he is doing and he is so disrespectful and continues because he has no consequences for anything that he does wrong. He stole my bank card a few months ago and spent $140 on his xbox game. When I discovered it, I told his daddy. Within an hour the kid was playing on the xbox. His daddy said "it's ok, he will pay it back". No consequences!! The kid busts up in the bedroom when he feels like it when I am asleep. I swear I have said that I am gonna start sleeping naked, that will maybe teach him. He is always saying things about his mother and how his dad will never get over his mom and will always love her etc etc!!! He is always involving his daddy in his mother's business!! I swear I have tried and tried and tried to have a positive relationship with this kid but it's impossible. It is making me despise him and his daddy for being so enabling and letting the kid treat me like he does and talk to me the way that he does!!! It is on the verge of my packing and leaving!! A person can't take but so much!!!...See MoreWhen Step Kids Grow Up......
Comments (57)See this is where I just don't get it. Ex has never thanked me, even though the vast majority of taking care of DD and pay the most. Not that that is a concern of mine, but he does pay very little in CS. I would never expect DD to thank me for doing what I am supposed to be doing. It would never occur to me to train her to thank Dad for doing what he is supposed to be doing either. Even if he helps out with college, but I've seen different view points here about that. I expect to pay for college, I expect Ex too as well. I think it is a requirement as a parent to do that stuff, not an extra. But that is just me. As far as stepparents, I think the spouse who married them should be thanking them. Of course there are exceptions, like what Ashley said, she did something specifically for BM. But like babysitting or giving money/whatever for the child because the spouse couldn't, spouses responsibility to thank and appreciate. If Ex told me he couldn't watch DD on his time and his GF did for him and she wanted thanks, I'd probably die of laughter. Or if she paid his part of DD's college..same thing. It was HIS responsibility she took over, not mine, not DD's. And the child is the last one that should take up for a parents shortcomings, IMO. And of course, everyones situation is different. I know that!...See MoreAdult step kids ripped out our backyard hedge!
Comments (9)Things are better today. DH is feeling better today, yesterday was a "bad" day, today is a "good" day. We were told that would be the case for the next three to six months. My daughter came over and cleaned house, that's a regular thing on saturdays anyway, and she did a few extra chores as directed by my DH, so he is not only feeling better, but he's feeling more in control of his life. His eldest son called to check on him (he wasn't involved in the yard cleaning) and chat a bit, DH called his middle son and they talked, cheered him up considerably. He called my son last evening and asked him to bring my two little grandaughters over for a short visit tomorrow afternoon. DH's oldest grandaughter came by to give her Grandpa a big hug and a visit. We still haven't heard a thing from the 'drama queens' and that's ok, the last thing he needs is any more 'drama' in his life right now. I hope they stay away as long as possible. DH has decided to let it all go, he says it is their problem now, not his. He's getting a ton of support from people who love and respect him. I'm going along with whatever he wants, plus I won't allow anyone to walk on me ever again. I'll be 'nice' but I'll stand my ground. Thank you all for your good advice and for letting me vent a bit. It has really helped. And thank you for the good wishes on my sweetheart's recovery and rehabilitation. We're looking forward to quite a few more good years of gardening together....See MoreIs it better when step kids are Older or Younger?
Comments (19)Bonnie, It only gets better when they get older if they are taught from the beginning HOW to behave properly. If they are allowed to treat people like crap, they won't wake up one morning & realize they shouldn't act that way. However if the parents are drilling into them to treat people nice, they may wake up one day & realize the parents were right. Usually it happens when they become parents themselves. (and maybe they appreciate or realize how hard it is to be a stepparent when they become one or see a situation that opens their eyes to it) As you can see in other threads, every kid & every situation is different. I read Pseudo's thread where her SD has an about face & now wants to be "friends" with Pseudo after years of animosity. My first inclination is that the SD is going to use her "friendliness" with SM as a weapon to hurt a mom she is angry at, rather than an epiphany that she now realizes how great SM is and loves her for it. I'm not saying she doesn't realize how great Pseudo is, because she does realize Pseudo doesn't treat her as bad as her own mom... but in my opinion, it's more likely a manipulation. My point is that kids do get older & figure things out, form their own opinions, and maybe even stick up for themselves.... but do you really want to go through what Pseudo is going through? Or JustNotMartha? Or me? or any of the other SM's that are in similar situations? We all had the best intentions, have given endlessly & ended up, in one way or another, stressed out & frustrated. and the stress takes it's toll... on our relationships, physical health, mental health, and quality of work. I'm envious of those that can toss back a few drinks, even though I abstain from alcohol because my mom is an alcoholic & I have health problems I don't want to make worse... but I've been on medication, take stress management, go to counseling, and have gained weight because I'm a stress eater. For me, it just keeps getting worse. My SD is 12 now. She knows her mom is full of BS. She knows all I've done for her. But, there are people in their 30's, 40's, and older that can STILL be manipulated. There is no magical age where that ends... it ends when a person decides they are being manipulated and no longer wants to allow someone else to manipulate them. My SD's grandma is in her 70's and still allows BM to tell her what to do. That is what dysfunction is all about. Perhaps there is something in your past that draws you into the situation because that is where you're comfortable?...See Morebetty1937_kscable_com
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