Hi Pattycakes, It wasn't really the gist of my post to argue for or against a BS education, especially since I did not attend one and we are only learning about them. But since I am the OP, I will give this one a go. I said it before, but the post has gotten unwieldy to go back and read, for sure, so I will say it again...Giving up some of the every-day-ness, from grades 9-12, would be a true sacrifice. Part of the reason DH and I retired so young was to allow us to be uber-involved in our kids's schools, activities and lives generally , and we are. We get a lot of enjoyment out of it and (most of the time) they do, too. But if you have a kid who is willing to work very, very hard at a worthwhile goal that they value, it is hard to say "no". You seem to assume that schools don't spend any time on morals, character, community service (or maybe that they don't mean it). Many if not most private schools (boarding and day) have ecclesiastical roots, and issues of honor and morals and service are very important to the culture. Character education is not mere lip service, and community service requirements are meaningful, from what I have observed. Personally, i find it quite different from my generation and quite heartening. Moreover, since neither DH nor I practice a formal religion, we appreciate that our children, via private school, have had to attend chapel services and Quaker meetings. Their academic environments enhance what we try to teach them. You are also assuming that all boarding school aspirants are interested solely or primarily in monetary success. Many are, of course. Such is true of any random group of Americans as well. But, I do not think that BS aspirants are unusually mercenary at all. First of all, a good chunk of them come from generational wealth that kind of leaves them free to pursue something more... interesting, if you will. I notice there is a heavy emphasis on the arts at these schools; drama, music. Film making, fine arts, writing. And a fair amount of people interested in public service, the environment, humanitarian work. I am certainly not saying it's all "kumbaya", but these schools are in real demand, and they can find more than enough smart hard working kids, so they look for interesting, smart, hard working kids. People who can make a difference, not just a living. (not matter how good a living) Frankly, without getting too political about it, these schools tend to be very liberal and rather socialist-leaning, and if anything I would say they would somewhat teach their kids to eschew the pursuit of filthy lucre! (all the while asking their parents for some more of it, please)

what about a "you're a grownup now" library? All the "reference books" for life: HOME CARE Martha's "Homekeeping Handbook" or Cheryl's "Home Comforts" FINANCES Suze Orman's "The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke" HEALTH (or, "do I need to go to the doctor?") "Mayo Clinic Family Health Book" or "American Medical Association Family Medical Guide" ETIQUETTE "Emily Post's Etiquette," 17th Edition or "Debrett's New Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners" RELIGION any reference book (bible, catechism, concordance, hymnal, for example; I'm a Lutheran, so I'd put in The Augsburg Confession and The Book of Concord) that pertains to your religion; ask a clergy person for suggestions COOKING "The New Doubleday Cookbook" by Jean Anderson (my personal favorite "general, how-do-you-do-it" cookbook), or "Le Cordon Bleu's Complete Cooking Techniques" or "The New Basics Cookboo"k by Julee Rosso and Sheila Lukins GENERAL dictionary, encyclopedia (though these aren't as useful anymore what w/the Web, and she's probably got a decent dictionary) ATLAS Buy 'em used, and it won't add up *quite* so high. Add in "every grownup needs 'em" gadgets --a "tape gun" or packing tape dispenser, a mini sewing kit (I know college grads who don't have a seam ripper to help take the tags out of their clothes), a paper trimmer, stuff like that.

Hmmm, he told the counselor that it was his wife's fault his kids don't visit him???? and the counselor didn't tell him to grow some cajones/backbone? Then, the counselor suggested he call them every day? I suppose that would be for him to maintain a relationship with them... right? (but finedreams would say that's too frequent for a NCP to call but I disagree. Kids should have that 'how was your day' call, even if it's only a couple of minutes a day) But then you say he doesn't call them and make an excuse for him. It's all so convoluted. You'd take him back because you love him. He's weaseled out of his relationship with his kids, according to YOU. How could you love someone that would do that? Why would you want him back? Nothing you say about the situation as a whole makes much sense. It's like trying to fit pieces from two puzzles together to make one. Nevermind the fact that he had an affair, you excuse it with his 'depression'. Then the fact he doesn't see his kids, it's his wife's fault. A picture of him has been painted that makes him out to be a pathetic, weak, shell of a man that for some reason, has just enough wonderful qualities that you still love him. But you wouldn't want him to end up with your child if anything happened to you. Oh_my, I agree that people make their own decisions. But, I believe that people are also influenced by other things. If a guy is always looking for the easy way, then he might see his kids more if his ex makes it convenient. If it's a headache and battle every time, he may give up and say it's not worth it. I'm not saying it's the ex's fault completely because I wouldn't ever give up seeing my kids no matter who tried to stand in my way. But, the ex that makes it difficult, can influence someone that might otherwise see his kids by making it hard. Then, there are parents that bend over backwards to get the other parent involved to no avail. But, based on the hostility that TOS displays toward the exH's wife (everything's her fault) and the fact that she feels the need to let her kids know the 'truth' about daddy's affair and I'm sure her kids know how she feels about his wife... it's easy to understand why they only go to dinner with him and don't visit in his house. It is likely that when they go to his house, they treat her badly (probably with good reason since they know she's the other woman) and she doesn't want them in her house for that reason. (I'm not saying it's right, but it's understandable.) It would be very interesting to get the 'truth' about the entire situation because there are many things that just don't add up.

Boy, some people have a lot of time on their hands. No, actually I said we were together for 25 years, unless there is a typo somewhere. We were married for over 20 years. I have not been divorced for 9 years - I said he left about 9 years ago. The divorce process takes a long time in my state when you have children. I met my H when I was 20. He is older than I, he had married quite young, and his divorce had been final for a couple of years. "Did you "consult" your ex when it was time to take your children off the breast? or you just did it? Of course I consulted him. And he wasn't my exH then. Did you consult ex when it was time to decide if your menstruating daughters should use a pad or tampon? That's their decision, not mine or his. Did you ask him if it was ok to give your children any form of birth control? the pill, condoms? or you just did it because it needed to be done?" That would be their decision as well. They weren't allowed to date when they were young teens, too young to get to a doctor on their own. "Promoted breast feeding, read stories every night, was an active participant in their "young years", went to all their games, took them to drs. appts., whatever they needed he was right there," Yep, pretty much - except he didn't go to "all" their games, especially since the kids were not really into sports. I don't care how you raise your own children. Assuming we are not talking about pedophiles or parents who beat their children, parents get to decide how to raise their own children, in consultation with each other. It is no one else's business - not stepparents, teachers, doctors, social workers, in-laws, or the neighbor down the street. Even if a mother or father is not a great parent, they are still almost always the best parent for THEIR child.