How do I deal with my step-father? (long, sorry)
hopeless
17 years ago
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Comments (35)
hopeless
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Losing the love of my life (sorry long)
Comments (5)Well for the past 2 weeks he has acted like a jerk he says we have other problems which are stupid and have been a part of our lives forever, 1 was I finish his sentences, I said just say I know the rest of the sentence thanks, I do not even realize I do this. Prior to this crap he has always treated me well taken good care of me and is a great Dad. His affair was a long time ago and we have moved past that but he knows how I feel about his hometown. Just all this has brought it back to the surface for me. His Dad is 82 and dealt with cancer twice last year so I know he would love to see him and he feels he is killing 2 birds with one stone by going there to do his thinking. I feel he is killing our marriage. I really do love him, have since I was 14 can't even envision my life without him, but may not have a choice. I also am a true believer in once shame on you twice shame on me I will not stick around for that....See Morewhat to do with troublesome family members (sorry, very long)
Comments (7)My problem is not about marriage! Mine is about my eldest, who loves to degrade me, talk about me to her friends, get them to believe she knows me SO WELL, that whatever she says about me is absolutely the truth! She will tell me, she is JUST TRYING TO HELP ME,that I have problems, that no one knows about but her, then she blasted me on an internet page, (not in private) but so E1 could read it, about something I did 2 mos ago and saying the current incident is THE SAME thing but that she stood up for me anyway, when another family member I now live with said I lied,(which I didn't). Anyway,twice, she had asked me to live with her, to help me financially, after becoming disabled and was struggling but both times, it was a disaster, and of course,(I got the blame) even though I stay to myself, respect others in the home,tried not to get work dumped on me. But both times I got accused of not doing ANY of that! And of course,also, SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT! If I would have my own opinion on ANYTHING...she would correct me, telling me and others how WRONG I am! We have mutual friends and I think she is also jealous of that! One of my other daughters has told her to stay away from her and her family, that she was no longer welcome in their home because she related her husband to someone else, that he is totally not like at all. A mutual friend on an internet site, doesn't talk to her anymore, and I recently asked her why that was, and she said she HONESTLY didn't know, she just quit talking to her? I just read the post on: "TOXIC Relationships"! And believe me, most of it has been going on for about 3 plus yrs. between us. I have stopped talking to her in the past, due to this behavior toward me but if she approached me and apologized,(which isn't often but she will do it, if there's a benefit in it somewhere)...or so it seems?...I have given her the benefit of the doubt and we have started hanging out again! It's funny how the very things she accuses me of, she does herself but somehow, the WAY she does it, is still better than me! I just moved out the last time at the end of Feb 11 and moved in with another fam. member because I had no where to go. She didn't ask me to move out but it wasn't pleasant, so decided it was best for me! (all involved)!I think she's jealous as I said about a mutual friend because I had asked her to go places with me without my daughter and so? Her and I get along! my daughter has told me to SHUT UP in public and embarrased me, and our friend said "respect her, that's your Mom". And she'd say, "I'm just playing"! For some reason she had gotten into this bad habit of saying this and even has said it to her husband making him mad too! However, she has gotten over that mostly! Her and her husband had their own problems and needed help, that's ok but now that they are, she advises others, as though she's all fixed and can/should tell others their problems and "learn from this" is what she likes to say now! I have made my mistakes ,I'm human but when I did said I wouldn't do it again and didn't but this last thing she decided to advise me on was similiar but not exactly the same thing happened but she isn't SAYING it but doesn't believe me about it! And when I told her she was wrong about it and me, she just kept going on and on about it and I asked her to quit, that I can kick my own butt all by myself. That I already felt bad about the situation and her rubbing it in wasn't helping!BUT she just kept on, so I said what I had to say and decided it was best to not talk to her and had to delete her off my internet page so I don't get her messages! It's too tempting for me to reply and I just don't need her "helpful" advise or hurtful words! I have felt like crap over all this happening! This is my eldest daughter! I've asked her to respect me, even if she didn't like things I DO! I don't go out of my way to say hurtful things to her! But even in common talk, she will begin YELLING..just to say something like she's anticipating a neg. reply before I speak, so I am already on the defense myself and YELL back! It is utterly ridiculous! ANd I have never liked it! But I can't get her to see her part in it! Even her best friend said,I dont argue with her, cause she has always GOT TO BE RIGHT! And her room mate that lives with them asked me a couple of times,"Why do you argue with her, just ignore her, smile and say BLESS YOUR HEART"!(but she either tells her off or kisses her rear end) and my daug. makes extra money off her for staying there? Well back then, I didn't realize the arguing is what she wanted to prove her point as to why she is always right! But if you tell her that, she will say "No she doesn't need to be"! SO, once again, I am having to just stay away from her,& not talk to her! It feels awful! But if I say look Im done, I can't take this anymore, you won't quit, she will say, "why do you treat me so mean"? "I do everything for everyone and this is how I get treated by everybody"! Gee, I don't know..hmmm!So here I am, on the net, looking up this problem to see, if I am wrong! But from what I've read, it is on her! Her own LOW SELF-ESTEEM, and she needs to do this! OMG, this is heart-breaking to me! She had me convinced for so long, that I was just a terrible Mother and making all these mistakes. Not when she was young, she had the utmost RESPECT for me! But as an adult, she has turned against me! And I honetly don't know why! She once said, she just didnt trust ANYONE anymore after her 2nd husband molested her kids!(13 yrs.ago and lots of counciling). That is where she lost trust! I can understand that but why me? I didn't do those things! Sorry this is so long but it DOES help to get it out! Without burdening my friends and family of hearing it ALL AGAIN! AND she doesn't WANT anyone TO THINK ANY OF IT IS HER FAULT! Never, ever,NEVER!!!! SO, I guess I do just have to stay completely away!?? That is so sad!She can seem so very caring and giving but I tell you, it will benefit her in the end! I did the best I could with what I knew raising my children, I have 4. 3 girls and one son! And the others don't treat me like this! And I'm not sure she treats them anywhere near how she does me! I don't hear all their conversations! Other than the other oldest(my 2nd) telling her to stay away since Thanksgivng I think? Or just around Christmas! By the way, she is 42, not a child! Anyway, thank you for letting me vent! Don't know if anyone has any comments or has had this kind of problem but it would be nice to hear whatever will help!? Thanks... CS...See MoreHow to deal with my sister??? Sorry its long
Comments (5)This sister is not the one with weight issues. In fact she is a beautiful girl. But I know she has some self esteem issues. She is on meds for anxiety because she has social anxiety. And she gets mad real quick. She is always mad at at least one sister. Her latest is that she is mad at one of my sisters for being friends with her bf on facebook. Even though her and her bf hung around my other sis and her bf everyday for weeks and they all became friends my sister was mad at her sis and bf for being on eachothers friend list! Its insane....See MoreStep mother advice (sorry long)
Comments (2)Lots of resentment and games going on with the SM. Nothing to really indicate the whys/hows, but really does not matter. You're all adults now. The scrapbook stuff, while silly, is over...let it go. Time to start having your scrapping dates at your own house. Time to start having dinners on your own with an invite going out to Dad/SM that they are invited, welcomed. Dad will just have to make both places or perhaps schedule the dinners on a different day so as to spare him the 'have to pick'. Stinks that it may come to that, but why play the unnecessary type game of 'I win/you lose' with SM? If she is totally unwilling to make any compromises, just don't play. It's not done out of anger or any 'oh, I'll show you' type of way...just remove yourself from the game. You'll hear lots of talk here about SMs sometimes needing to disengage. I think disengaging from the tactics and games of your SM might be something to think of doing on your part in this situation. As adults you have your life, if SM does not want to be a part of that, go about your events anyway. Numerous calls to Dad while he's at your home goes to indicate SM feels she is in competition and doing her best to alienate Dad from his children/grandchildren. Whether she succeeds at that is up to and depends on your father. Brother at 23 needs to be getting out on his own. Is he still living 'at home' because of school, lack of funds, what? Goal needs to be getting his own place. Not in a fit of anger, but because it's time. Even the best relationships can get strained when numerous adults all live in one house....See Morebrass_tacks
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