Hi Cinful...I know exactly what you mean...when the doctors told her 3-6 months left, I thought I would never stop crying, and I didn't want our last moments together to be miserable. I know we said everything we wanted and needed to say to each other, but in the end, I still worry that there may have been something else left unsaid, something I forgot to ask her, or something from the past that we just wanted to remember. We only got about 2 months together at the end, and even when it finally happened it seemed like it just couldn't be happening already. I am sorry that you are alone, I do have children and a husband, but we all lived together, and they really do not understand what I am going through. I feel like I am alone, except that I can't just break down all the time, I have to be strong...it feels like it is killing me to do that though. I really just want to crawl into bed and stay there. The one thing that keeps me going is that my mom asked me to. She told me to be strong for HER, and to be happy for HER. I am not happy, but I am being as strong as I can be. That means not thinking of her too often, or all I would do is cry. But I know she knows that. She bought me a journal at the end, and I didn't think it would help, but it has. I write to her as much as I can, everyday in the beginning, and I tell her the things I would have told her if she were here. It does help. My mom was my everything too...even though I have other family, and children, she was it. Every moment of the day we were together...have been for 42 years. She has sent me signs since she's been gone, I know a lot of people don't believe in that, and think it is wishful thinking, but it's not. Keep an open mind after everything is over, don't shut yourself down. Stay with your mom till the end, try not to feel guilty...I know that even though my mom and I talked about everything, I still felt guilty when she passed, like maybe there was more I could have done. I am trying to get past that. I feel so bad for you, and your dad...maybe try to be strong for him, as I have to for my baby...it helps to be there for someone else, when all you want to do is go with your mom. I know at least for me that is true. When she first got sick, I thought I would go with her in the end, but I cannot go right now. My family needs me, my baby needs me. I think that is why he happened so late in my life...he was my lifeline from God...Take care, please let me know how you are doing, and I will do the same.

"And they should feel fortunate that they were able to explain to her that it wasn't that she wasn't wanted, it was the day and age, it was the age of the mother, etc. and they were trying to do what they thought was best." I wanted to add on this note, too, who it is exactly that FD thinks should have stepped forward for Jane? Her birthmother ( my mom's first cousin) was 14! This was back in an era when single moms just didn't exist. Having a baby and raising her wasn't an option for the birthmom, as she was just a child herself! The birthfather was also young, 15 when Jane was born. (I might add, he and Jane have almost no relationship today because they just didn't have much of a connection. It IS fortunate and extremely rare that Jane and her birthmom were able to forge such a strong bond. I know it is the rare exception in these situations!) Anyway, so we have ruled out Jane's birthmom having been able to keep her and raise her. Jane's birthmom's mom was a single mom herself---her husband had walked out on the family years earlier, leaving her to go to work and struggle to support her 3 girls. She couldn't have raised Jane's baby, either. She was struggling as it was to take care of her 3 girls, and as it was, my grandparents actually wound up setting up college funds for all three of them. Let's see....my grandparents were around, but at that time, my grandpa was still working; he made a lot of money in his stock options after his retirment, so at that point, while they were well-off, they did not have the assets they do now. They certainly could have afforded to raise Jane, and like I said, I know my grandma really wanted to, but everyone felt it best for ALL involved if Jane went to a family with typical-age parents. They also felt that it would be too awkward and uncomfortable for everyone, including Jane, for her to be raised within the family, but not by her birthmother. They worried about the emotional pain and turmoil that would have caused the birthmom and Jane herself. And really---was it even my grandparents' responsibility???? Why is it FD that you think family members are RESPONSIBLE for someone giving their child up for adoption? If my teenage cousin had a baby today and wanted to give the baby up for adoption, never in a million years would I think I would be obligated to raise that baby. Actually, I would think it kind of presumptuous of me to even SUGGEST the notion. I am thinking of my sweet little 19 year old cousin right now...if she had a baby, and wanted to give the child up for adoption because she felt it was the right choice, I would not FAULT her for that, nor would I even think it was REMOTELY my business! I would offer my love and support in whatever was best, but I would never think that I should step in. I might consider it if she ASKED me to raise her child but I would not bring it up. Who else would there have been that you think "wronged" Jane by not raising her? My mom? My mom was 23 and in grad school, not even married to my dad yet. My uncle? He was in college. Jane's birthmom's sisters? One was in highschool and one was in grade school! I am not sure who these fictional people are who you think should have "wanted" and raised Jane?

How annoying! What about: "Jerkface - I know this is an uncomfortable subject, but the less medical information we have about your side of the family, the more unpleasant and possibly painful tests the doctor will need to perform on DD to try to determine what the underlying problem is. Many of these issues are heriditary, so simply knowing what kind of difficulties others in your family may have had would be very helpful. If you're uncomfortable talking to me, please call Dr. Smith at (555) 123-4567 with whatever information you can provide before DD's appointment on July 4th." Otherwise, you'll just have to tell the good doctor that obviously, DD's father it still full of s#!t! (Sorry - couldn't help it...)

that's one way to look at it. It sounds worse the way you describe it... He/we borrowed money to pay off credit cards... which consolidated everything to one lower payment a month so then he figured he could afford a motorcycle payment. After I said we can't afford it, he got together with his parents & they discussed how it would save money on gas and all the pluses... he could get to work & home faster. Then his parents made me feel like a heel for wanting to deprive their son of having his own motorcycle... after all, he works so hard. His brother has one & soon after DH got his, FIL bought one... they said to go riding together, which hasn't happened yet. He justifies it because he works 40+ hours at his job, works at our business on his days off & in the evening, maintains the 6 acres during Spring & Summer. He does work hard, but I disagreed, his parents butted in (with his invitation of course) so when they complain he hasn't made his payment (on the debt consolidation), I ignore it or tell them how much he loves riding his bike... when it's not raining or cold. He doesn't miss the motorcycle payment though. No, it doesn't escape me that he is willing to buy what he wants & tell his daughter we can't afford it when she WANTS something. He does pay for the health insurance but I pay all the co-pays and other things because he puts his entire check toward the bills, including paying his parents back for the debt consolidation loan... and it was mostly HIS pre-me debt. He did sell his truck because it was only driven a few times a year & we wanted to get rid of that payment when the economy tanked. If she needs something, he will make sure she gets it. But, he'll take it out of our bill paying account & then tell me he needs me to cover some of the bills that he usually covers. It still comes out of my pocket... but it is really OUR pocket. I buy those things because it was what I did as a mother for my own kids... he thinks some of it is unnecessary ~ the extra's like school pictures, yearbooks & fundraisers, not the health care. He also doesn't like shopping & doesn't have patience... he used to go into the store knowing her current size & buy a few cheap outfits at a department store... sometimes the SAME outfit in different colors. That was when she was 5-6. She's now 11 & he would do the same.. he took her shopping for school clothes & dragged me along. It was a nightmare for me because he is so impatient & they argued over what she could get. (wanting low rise skinny jeans) plus she was upset that nothing fit her. Then he about had a heart attack at the register... until I told him that the last time I took her shopping, it was at least twice that much. AS for the update on MIL: We went to dinner at the restaurant last night & left baby at home with my DD. MIL sat furthest away from her parents (across from me) & SD between us at the end of the table. She interrogated... er, conversed with SD about life at our house & life at her mother's house.... anything to avoid her own parents, who seemed miserable. Then, MIL had planned us to come to her house tomorrow evening but I had plans so she moved it up to tonight. DH went straight from work. I took SD & my DS stayed at my house with the baby. By the time I got there, they actually had tried to cancel the whole thing... DH was upset that I didn't bring the baby because THEY WANT TO SEE THE BABY! So, I asked him WHO is making such a big deal about the baby being there? HIS MOM of course. I told him that first of all, the baby is not really related to anyone... he's a step-great great grandson at best. I doubt they really want to spend the night fawning over him as much as MIL wanted to see if I let SD play with him at HER house. Secondly, he wants the attention of the room. When people are talking, he tries to get in on it & gets noisy. I asked hi do we really want the evening to be about DGS or DH's grandparents & Aunt? So, since SD is having trouble in school (all F's & D's), I had her bring her homework. She took it out & MIL spent the entire time (along with MIL's sister) helping SD with her homework... focusing the entire evening on SD. I think that's the way it should be... SD is their granddaughter & SHE is the one that needs attention & help, not DGS ~ who would have demanded the attention & SD would have been ignored. MIL hardly said two words to me.. trying to remain pleasant for show but she was probably pissed at me. Oh well, I told DH that after what MIL did at the luau & the way she has been on me about SD playing with the baby, I am not putting the baby in the middle of that mess. He was sleeping at home anyways.