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Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

Posted by mattie_gt (My Page) on
Thu, Jul 8, 10 at 15:58

So, DH just came out of his child support hearing. SS17 is now SS18, and so DH was pursuing CS from BM (for SS8). In our state, first it starts in front of an arbitrator; it's a pretty straightforward calculation based on income, usually. If for some reason one of the parties feels that they should pay/receive more or less than the standard, the arbitrator tries to help them reach a compromise. So, the guy ran the numbers based on their incomes, and told them the amount. BM said she couldn't afford it (it's a pitifully small amount anyway; not even as much as the monthly gas bill). DH offered to compromise at a lower amount - BM countered with HER offer of - nothing. Zero, zilch, nada, zip. Seriously!

So, they went in front of the judge (which we have heard is very inadvisable to do unless you have a really good reason for deviating from the guidelines; apparently they tend to get annoyed at having their time spent on things like that). BM then repeated her "offer" of nothing, told the judge that she doesn't see why she should have to pay anything anyway, said that DH is married and that since I work that I should be paying, that she cannot afford it because the internet and cable TV bills are too expensive, that she buys SS clothes when he's up there (not true) and gifts for his birthday (also not true!), and that "I don't know if you people just expect me to pull money out of my a$$".

Apparently the judge was not amused with her shenanigans and so made her decision....the standard amount (the one that DH had been willing to go lower than). DH said that he said almost nothing at all but just sat there half-appalled and half-trying not to laugh.

One can only hope she'll behave in a similar fashion at the visitation modification!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

Nice! I hate how some non-custodial parents think that they should not have to support their children. My skids bm is that way. She pays nothing and says that she has 3 other kids to support....even though she went and had those 3 kids after leaving dh and my 3 skids! If she could not afford the 3 she already had then I think she had no business having even 1 more child....and she went and had 3!!

Your dh's ex and her poor me routine really bit her in the butt! Has she called your dh yet begging for him to agree to the lower amount now?


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

If she were a decent human being who treated SS8 really well it'd be different - but DH has had enough of her wanting the ability to play "Mommy" whenever she wants, and only whenever she wants, without having to support SS in any fashion (financially, scholastically, medically, emotionally, etc.)

She hasn't tried to get it lowered yet! It's too late now anyway; once it's in front of the judge DH cannot go back and lower it if he wanted to, I don't think. It's now a court order from the judge.

I love the "I have three kids to support thing" - like they just magically appeared on her doorstep or something. Actually, have you considered the possibility that BM does not know where babies come from yet? :) (I just keep getting pregnant, I don't know how it's happening!)


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

I doubt she will ever pay. All the threats of jail and fines and interest don't mean a thing. And I live in Texas where (supposedly) they are tougher on deadbeat parents. I really does hope she pays. Your home deserves it.

Sorry I sound so negative, but my X has been out of work for nearly a year now and (at least I am still getting some CP) not carrying insurance on DS. He lives with his GF and HER MOM in HER MOM'S house, and has the nerve to tell me how tight money is.

X actually told DH once "sorry I haven't been sending child support, but I've got to make sure my bills are paid." Huh? X actually had the nerve to tell this to DH who is supporting DS so X can pay his bills. And on the flip side, pays double the amount of support X pays to his own DD he doesn't even get to see. If I was DH, I would've punched him in the face.


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Custodial parents don't have any bills!

Ashley, I'm sure she wouldn't pay if there were any possible way out of it. But, where we live, if it gets to the point of an actual hearing in front of the judge, it's automatically garnished from wages, unemployment, whatever. Granted she can keep job-hopping or find under the table work, but otherwise there's no way out of it for her.

I worked with a woman who's ex never paid his support on time - he'd go six months without paying a dime or however long it took until she could haul him into court for contempt, someone in his family would put up the back money, and then it'd start all over again. One of those times his response as to why he shouldn't be held in contempt was that he hadn't paid because he didn't have the money; along with it was a letter requesting that the date for the contempt hearing be changed because he'd be on vacation at that time. In Barbados.


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

yeah when my X had professional bankruptcy (his company failed), he thought he didn't have to pay CS. and then at some point he decided if he gives DD some money it substitutes for CS. DD went and bought bunch of CDs and books, then i asked him where is CS he said well i gave DD large amount of money. ha She of course treated it as allowance, and it is allowance, it is not child support!

mattie, to add to Barbados vacation story, my ex once told me he is having financial difficulty and I was understanding, and the same time he bought himself a boat. DD told me dad bought a boat. I asked him, what about CS, you buying boats and are behind on CS. DD can't eat a boat, can she? His answer was "it is not a boat, it is a yacht". hahah

it is funny how custodial parents buy food for their kids no matter what, noncustodial have excuses.


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

Ha ha, I guess DH will have to go back to court because he didn't calculate in the amount of "CS" that he pays directly to SS8 (in the form of allowance).

When BM told the judge about how she buys gifts, etc. for SS8 when he is there the judge told her that those were luxuries and not necessities, and she didn't have to do it. Apparently she took that to heart; SS8 returned from his weekend Sunday evening to tell us that she and and a relative took him to a fair- they played games, bought souvenirs, etc. Oh, by "they" I mean the adults - SS and a young relative that they had invited (not with the other adult) were not allowed to participate in anything but were only allowed to watch the adults have fun. BM told him she couldn't afford anything for him. Every time I think I cannot get any more disgusted I am wrong.

FineDreams, did your X then name his new boat (oh sorry, I meant yacht) after your daughter? The daughter that he couldn't afford to support at that time?


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

Invite children to fair, make them watch 'you' have fun? How uncaring and cold hearted can some people be, and to a small child no less.

Why did not she just mention the plans at drop off? I have a huge hunch dad would have handed the child a bit of money to actually enjoy the trip to the fair.

The woman who can't afford CS, does not see why she should pay anyway, takes the kid to a fair to watch her have fun. I suppose they invited the other child too so SS would not bother them while the adults had fun?

The woman has ice water running through her veins.


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

hahah mattie, my ex's attitude improved since then significantly, it took him years to realize that he wasn't doing enough.

he still has that same yacht, he is sailing competitively. I think he had to name it after me for all the sh&&t I had to put up with. haha Forgot to add that at the same time he bought a yacht he didn't want to contribute to DD's horse back riding school that HE INSISTED I sign her up for.


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

DH wants to send up a little money with SS every time now; I am not sure it is a good idea. I have a strong suspicion that the money will be "lost" while SS is sleeping or something. I also don't think he'd have been allowed to spend it anyway. Considering they usually don't leave the house (trailer) to do anything, the timing of it being right after the CS hearing seems suspicious to me. I really honestly think it was all to get back at DH for the CS.

I suppose they invited the other child too so SS would not bother them while the adults had fun? Bingo. That poor kid was invited to go to the fair and have a sleepover so SS "had someone to play with". The dining choices between Saturday afternoon when relative was picked up and Sunday when SS was picked up were bagels or .... bagels. Since young relative does not like bagels, he was returned to his parent not having been fed anything for over 24 hours (according to SS, although phrased differently) - so I'm sure he won't be allowed back.

FineDreams, so what happened? Did he start realizing talking to the other dads at work or the club or whatever that his daughter was going without a lot of the things that her peers were getting to do?


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

took him to the fair and didnt let him participate in anything... how disgusting.

My DH's father did this to our kids one time. He wanted to take the whole family to Disney around Christmas time (this was going to be his christmas present to everyone) The time that he and DH's sis wanted to go was not good for us... we were broke... very broke. Between making sure christmas was taken care of, bills, and the fact that DH had previously been laid off (although he had a new job we were still catching up) We made it clear that we didnt want to go. We made it super clear that we zero money for this. They made a big deal out of it and said dont worry about we have got everything... blah blah blah.

We spent the entire time with DH's dad, sis and sis' girlfriend going to souvenir shops and the like buying snacks, buying souvenirs for themselves and DH's sis' niece (who wasnt even supposed to be there originally) while our kids got nothing. Sis' girlfriend apparently thought she was in charge and declared that our kids had to share a meal (at one particular restaurant that sis and gf picked out) Not that they were paying, it was just what she decided. I couldnt take it anymore and stepped in... There was no way that they were going to treat them like that anymore.


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

I missed that info mattie,

awful, mom took a child to a fair and made him watch her having fun??? how gross. when i couldn't afford fairs, I took DD to free places like riding bikes in a park or do stuff in a library. how cruel take him to a fair and made him watch others having fun. fed them bagels? kids don't even like bagels, they are tough to chew on even when they are fresh.

why do some people have children?


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

That's so awful. Not just is it horrible to drag a kid around Disney watching you buy stuff that they can't have, it is not fair because you are keeping them from the rides!

The worst one I've heard re Disney is my entry in the Worst Mother Ever contest. I had a neighbor a few years ago who had had a rough deal; he had gotten hit by a drunk driver and suffered some brain damage. He could never get back into his old profession (due to the damage), had outrageous medical bills, etc. So his wife decided that that was not what she had signed up for, apparently, and left him and the kids.

She seemed to have this incredible and bizarre anger towards him, like it was somehow his fault that her life plans had not worked out, and seemed determined to "make him pay", even at the expense of her children. (According to other neighbors at that time, when he was in the hospital after the accident, they didn't think he'd make it. Some attorney got a hold of her or vice versa and she was telling the neighbors how much money she'd get in the lawsuit for having lost her husband. Well, he did make it - but the accident money all went towards the medical bills. Maybe she was angry that he didn't decently die so she could be a wealthy widow.)

For example, their custody agreement said that he was responsible for dropping off the kids for the beginning of their visitation (backwards from most people's.) He didn't have a car and I remember driving back from the grocery one scorching hot summer Sunday and seeing he and the young kids waiting at the bus stop. I stopped because I knew the bus didn't run very frequently on Sundays; in order to drop off the kids he had to take a bus into town, wait almost two hours for a transferring bus back out of town to her place, and then do it all in reverse. In total this trip was going to take almost seven hours, nearly half of it with the kids in 90 plus heat. All this was to get to a woman's house who lived five miles away, (on the other side of a shopping district/highway so unwalkable), and who had a car. Needless to say I drove them there, and on the way back asked him why his X couldn't pick the kids up. She had told him that it was his responsibility per the court order and refused to do it, even though her own kids had to go on this several hour bus trip!

Anyway, the guy struggled financially the whole time I knew him due to these circumstances. But every year, without fail, the X would go on a two week trip to Disney with her BF and her BF's niece. (Her own kids, of course, had never been.) And every year, without fail, she'd come over to see her kids upon her return and show them all of her pictures! And these were young kids - I just couldn't believe it! What on earth would be going through someone's mind to think that it would be so nice to show your kids how much fun you had, again, in Disney, with someone else's child?!


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

why would court order tell him to deliver kids to noncustodial parent even if he has no car and is disabled and kids are with him full time? what judge would do that!!!


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RE: Well, I don't see why I should have to pay ANYTHING!

finedreams, the bizarre part is that she is always saying that she can't afford to do anything with him and DH keeps telling her that most of the things that we do are very inexpensive or free. Playgrounds, picnics, hiking, free concerts, movies in the park, library, swimming at the lake... and then in the colder weather is more hiking, building snowmen, sledding, board games, craft projects...there are so many fun things to do. Our "fun" money budget is used for weekend trips.

I thought people have kids because babies are so cute? And then you can just leave them with their father, mother, grandparents, neighbors or random strangers until you feel like playing with them again. Isn't that how it's supposed to work?


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