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hahahahaha

Posted by doodleboo (My Page) on
Wed, Jul 1, 09 at 15:48

I'm sorry but I just HAD to let you ladies know....

I just found BM's mugshot on the inmate locator.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh God forgive me. I know it's horrible but this has just made my day. Oh m,an there are tears running down my face. LOL. I am just so giddy that some of her actions FINALLY caught up with her and I am sitting here looking at the proof in living color complete with hideous orange jumpsuit.

P.S.
It's a horrible picture which makes it even more hillarious.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: hahahahaha

Can you print it? Maybe you can use it in a scrapbook.


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RE: hahahahaha

Oh girl, I'm going to hell in a hand basket....'cause I would die laughing, too!


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lol

BTW...I wish this were not a public forum...because I want to see!!!!!


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RE: hahahahaha

ROFLMAO! Okay so I would die laughing, too! If it was X's GF or FDH's XW, I would be laughing for days and weeks!

My x-boss told told a bunch of people that he was going on a hunting trip to Argentina in the summer of 2003 (winter in Argentina). He told another group of people that he was going to work in Iraq for a few months.

But we all knew what really happened and the proof was there on the county's website in full living color! He had gotten his 3rd DWIand was serving a 90 day jail term. In addition, he couldn't drive for something like 2 years so they bought an RV and hired a driver for him so he could have some sort of mobile work center. LMAO! Little did he know that his mugshot was going around the entire industry in e-mails. LMAO!


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RE: hahahahaha

I just don't find it funny. She is an addict and so many fo them do end up in jail (and sometimes it is a rock bottom for them, to finally get in trouble with the law), I just don't understand why it is funny. Prison is an awful place, I don't understand what is funny about it and i don't understand your rejoicing over the fact that she finally is on a very bottom of our society. Having an addict husband (who hit bottom a bit earlier and is currently not using) I would think you have a little more grace. Of course nothing to congratulate her on or be happy about, but laughing?


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RE: hahahahaha

ditto, finedreams.


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RE: hahahahaha

FD, BM chose to go to jail over probation... it was HER choice.

One of the reasons they post mugshots online is intended to embarrass the person. What is wrong with a little public humiliation? It's humiliating if I get pulled over and I'm sitting there getting a ticket and friends pass by & see me. Maybe I won't speed next time if I don't want to be embarrassed.

The good thing about hitting rock bottom... and rejoicing in it, is that once you hit bottom, the only way to go is up. I would treat her with more grace if she turns her life around in prison and chooses a better life for her and her kids when she gets out. She's had the excuse of being on drugs for so long and now, while she may still be able to get drugs in prison, it's not as easy and she can't be strung out like when she's on the streets. She should be able to clear her mind enough to decide if she wants to be a parent or go back to drugs. If she chooses the latter, she has NO excuse anymore. She deserves nothing at this point. She needs to earn it.


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Responses

IMA-
"What is wrong with a little public humiliation? It's humiliating if I get pulled over and I'm sitting there getting a ticket and friends pass by & see me."

Been there, done that and AMEN! If you don't want people staring at you or laughing at your mugshot , don't do stupid things. Simple:)

LOVEHADLEY-

It is just the most hillarious thing I have ever seen. It's someone who repeatedly hurt people I love and then FINALLY got busted after years of skating by! You are just so glad they FINALLY got called out! She is finally on the books for real and not walking the fence. Not to mention she has caused ME personally a ton of problems.

I have a total sense of "serves ya' right" right now and I think after years of her BS I am MORE than intitled to have my ROTF laughing my ass off moment! :)

Ashley-

Then you TOTALLY get how I feel right now. There is nothing like a person who F8cks over others and finally gets theres. It doesn't make a damn what their afflictions are...your just glad they are finally having some inconviences since they cause so many for everyone else. I don't give a damn....I think it is the funniest crap I have EVER seen. Hands down. It's a total riot and I will print this pic and put it in my cedar chest to have forever and always. LOL.

FD ad Sylvia-

Judge all you want. I think it's terrific. She is now on the books. There is now court evidence that she has problems aside form the hospital/rehab records. She just made our case a TON easier for us. Like IMA said, she cold have gone for rehab and requested parol but she refused and instead is doing her full term. Why? Because she hasn't learned sh*t and when she gets out she wants to be able to get high without a probation officer up her ass. You'll have to excuse me if I feel no sympathy at this point. I hope it's hell for her the next year. I assure you it isn't near the hell she has put her children through.

As a matter of fact, I hope she gets busted holding in custody and gets a fwe more years tacked on. Better for her to be screwed up and locked away from us than out free getting screwed p making us all miserable.

In closing:
This is just fabulous. A whole year of no BM. Seriously there has been such a weight lifted off of J and I. The girls will be better off as well. We don't have to worry about any drama, or about the BF or about the ding dong killing herself or ANYTHING. It'll be BM BS free for an entire year!!!!!

Excuse me while I go fix myself a drink:)


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RE: hahahahaha

"Excuse me while I go fix myself a drink:)"

Hang on! Let me run to make one too, and I'll toast with you!
OK, there. Thanks for waiting.
*clink*



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RE: hahahahaha

FD, my mom is an alcoholic. She has been sober for 8 years this coming fall.

I would never ever laugh at her for something like this.

But that's because I love her, she is my mom.

Doodle is no relation to BM. She has no "feelings" for her. And I'm sorry, but after the h*ll this woman has put Doodle, J, and the girls through, Doodle can laugh! In Doodle's posts over and over, I have seen her empathize with this woman and show compassion. Heck, she has tried numerous times to help her into a halfway house/rehab facility.

But you know, sometimes, when you are at the end of your rope---a little humor is needed!


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RE: hahahahaha

I don't see much to laugh about either.

It's a terrible tragedy for her children...whether or not you feel better for her being there, whether or not she deserves to be there, whether or not...etcetera.

As much as I don't like her, I'd never rejoice at something happening to my kids' mother. Their pain isn't funny.


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RE: hahahahaha

vivian:

Do you think it's more painful that their mother is in prison for a year... alive & able to write them a letter?

Or

Is it more painful for them when their mother is out, going from place to place, doing drugs, dropping in unexpectedly & exposing them to various druggie boyfriends that may be abusive and living with the daily possibility that mom can OD today... or she chose drugs over us... or why hasn't she come to see me for six months? etc.

Those kids have been in pain all their lives having her for a mother. At least now they know she's alive, safe and in my opinion, there's less for them to worry about... and less pain.


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more responses

Love-

Thanks for understanding and you are so right...at this point there is no love loss for BM on my end. I tried to be supportive and understanding. It is a relief to not have to worry for a little while. More than anything I am just glad it is finally on record!!!

Vivian-

You are so right...their pain isnt funny and I have watched this woman cause the girls pain for two years so I think I am intitled to a laugh at BM's expense. Make no mistake...I am laughing at BM not the girls. Don't even give me the "but it's their mother" BS either because mother is aas mother does and this woman has most DEFFINATLY NOT been a mother. I ahve been because she is an AWOL parent. I also do NOT have to hold her to any kindof flattering light just because she is the girls BM. What I feel personally for BM is just that. Personal.
The girls don't understand and they can't see this as a good thing but I can. This is great for BM, J and I and the girls because the court case is going to be that much easier for us now. T girls will be safe with us and BM will have constant supervision which is the best thing for her.

Plus I just realy believe BM deserves some kindof pun ishment for the many many things she has done to all of us. I didn't put BM in prison, BM put BM in prison. The situation would be no different if I cried over it so I might as well laugh! If anyone should be losing sleep over the girls pain it should be BM but she doesn't give a rats behind. ANOTHER reason why I hope she is totally miserable for the next year.

The girls of course have no idea she is in prison. As far as they know she is still in jail (which they found out by eavesdropping). It isn't like I am throwing darts at the womans mugshot and laughing while the girls stand and watch for weeping christs sake.

Whatever happened to "they had it coming"??????


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Post Script

And everything IMA said.


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RE: hahahahaha

but the original post wasn't an indictment of birth mom's behavior or "choices" (I'm cynical about how much freedom of choice *anybody* actually has);
it was laughing, on & on & on, line after line on an internet forum, at a woman because she has to wear an orange jumpsuit.

Being relieved that someone can't hurt you or cause you any more stress is one thing.

Jeering at someone, to the extent of

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh God forgive me. I know it's horrible but this has just made my day. Oh m,an there are tears running down my face. LOL. I am just so giddy that some of her actions FINALLY caught up with her and I am sitting here looking at the proof in living color complete with hideous orange jumpsuit.

P.S.
It's a horrible picture which makes it even more hillarious.

is just mean.


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RE: hahahahaha

I never said I wasn't laughing Sylvia. I am TOTALLY laughing and it is so funny because I am so sick of her behavior. Had she trully been struggling I might feel sympathy but she didn't even try so I don't have any guilt about having a good chuckle. I would go so far as to say she OWES me one!

If thinking her mugshot is funny makes me mean you can just call me Mrs. Bully because I that was the best laugh I have had in years. Not because I'm hartless but becasue if anyone ever deserved to be slammed it's BM!


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Also sylvia

"I'm cynical about how much freedom of choice *anybody* actually has"

I ain't buying she didn't have any choices. Save that for some other idiot bleeding heart.

She has had nothing BUT chpoices. he most recent was the choice to be up for parole but she chose to serve her entire sentence so she could get high after she was released without worrying about having a probation officer up her ass making her take drug tests.

If THAT isn't a pre-meditated CHOICE I don't even know what is Sylvia.


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RE: hahahahaha

Didnt your DH do the same things at times, and only for the grace of god his picture isnt in an inmate directory????


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kkny

No. J was never in the same or even close to the same situation as BM. He was never as addicted as she is. He went totally clean relatively easily and remains cautious of certain situations but more or less NEVER has cravings to get high.

He never endangered hiskids.

He never had drugs around his kids.....he wouldn't drink with them in the house even.

He never brought bad people around his kids.

He never got arrested because he was toting drugs around with him because he wasn't as immersed in it as BM is. He would maybe do some at a bar if someone was holding but he wouldn't go hunting drugs down and then drive around with them.

It isn't right that he did them at all but DH's and BM's addictions were extremely different. BM is more of a JUNKIE. Her ntire life has collapsed because of her habit....J never got that far down in it. He stopped before he did.


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comparisons

J was more of a recreational user and BM is a straight up junkie.

It would be like comparing a social drinker to a total alchoholic.

I'm not saying J was right for using even occasionally but he wasn't so far gone that when he saw a habit forming he couldn't stop.


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RE: hahahahaha

IMA, maybe it is "better" that she's in prison, but the fact is that it's a terrible thing either way. There is no good side to it, and absolutely nothing funny about it.

Doodle, a giant jeer on a public forum is just in poor taste. Whatever her faults, those kids still care about her.


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Vivian

You are totally entitled to your opinion Vivian but the facts are Mugshots are a public document as well adn I am sue I am not the only one laughing at BM's mugshot....she has screwed tons of people over.

The fact that the girls care for her hold no sway over my personal feelings towards BM. Contrary to popular belief I do not have to like BM just because I love her kids.. I am living proof you can love a child to pieces byt despise their parent! As long as I don't taunt the girls with the fact that BM is in prison I am doing absolutely nothing wrong.

BM would be in Prison regardless of how I felt about the situation so the damage to the girls has been done...snaps to BM for that. IMHO, also more reason for me to be giddy she's in the clink. SHe has screwed them once again but at least she won't have much fun this time:)


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RE: hahahahaha

Doodle, she was arrested for what? I forget.


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silversword

For possession of prescription drugs without a prescription

and THEN two weeks later she bailed on the girls at Easter and instead ran of to get high with BF and got arrested AGAIN for

Criminal tresspasssing. She broke into a house and stole liquor (and I think more that she isn't admitting) and got busted.

Sorry, I can't feel sorry for her at all. Had she stayed at her mom's and got the girls for Easter like planned instead of leaving them high and dry AGAIN without so much as a call she wouldn't be in the slammer right now. She had a chance to spend time with her girls!!!!!!!! She hurt them and got arrested instead.

I think she deserves to be laughed at...If I had a pie I'd throw it at her.


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RE: hahahahaha

"If I had a pie I'd throw it at her."

LMAO... no words.. just LMAO!!!!


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RE: hahahahaha

I know some people here would get offended with you laughing...but after the hell this woman has put you and your family, SHE DESERVES EVERYTHING SHE GETS. She put herself in prison by MANY choices SHE made because she was SELFISH and didn't think of her kids. She cares more about the drugs than anything alive on this planet. And if and when she gets out, she will go and get high and most likely finally kill herself because that is what happens to most drug addicts. They clean up and then go back thinking they can take the same level of drugs they were on before......
Either way, i would laugh too and rejoice the fact that there will be peace for all for one year without jumping when the phone rings or the doorbell and having to peek to make sure its not her psycho boyfriend..
The girls are WAY better off without this 'mother' figure. As long as she chooses to stay on the path she is on, she forfeits the right to see and spend time with her daughters for their safety.
That is reality. I completely shed no tears for any individual who behaves and makes choices that clearly put their kids in harm way for their own selfish purposes. The doesn't wear the title of Mother. SHE PUTS IT TO SHAME!
Others have been addicted, have come clean and picked up themselves. She chooses not to ..i have many friends who are addicts and their kids are grown up and shun their own parents. WHy? why not! who the Fk would want to bring their kids to see their high grandparent?
Reality check here people, LAUGH YES at her expense. She deserves to be embarassed, humiliated. And GOd help her because if she cannot change after this, she will never and her girls should not see her again. Should not go through needless pain for her selfishness.
If Thsi was midevil times, yah i'ld pick up tomatoes , eggs and throw them at her...and actually in bermuda we have what is called a ducking chair. YUp, its pushed to the end of the docks and the person strapped in it , is publically humiliated by several dunkings.


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RE: hahahahaha

Don't ya just love all the high-and-mighties out here! Fairness has gone beyond all reasoning on this forum. They can all be bleeding hearts for her because they haven't been wounded by her. You can say what you want on here and tsk-tsk at Doodle, but you know you'd be doing the very same thing if you were in her shoes, except you wouldn't have the nerve to put it on a public forum.

Sure.....I can totally understand how funny it is! When my boss went to jail, I didn't feel sorry for him one bit. I had suffered enough humiliation and pain from him. He called me "piss poor" and I didn't get a raise for over 2 years. He even hired a stripper from a titty-bar he frequented to be the receptionist and handed out boob-jobs like they were candy. He was even frequenting those "massage parlors". You know the ones that go above and beyond the call of duty? Took 10 strippers down to King Ranch for a week. All this, but the company couldn't afford to give me a raise.

When his mugshot was sent around, you better believe I laughed my a*s off! While at the same time feeling heartbroken for his wife who had to endure the looks of pity coming from everyone when she walked by.


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RE: hahahahaha

I don't care one bit about her. She does deserve everything she gets, but public humiliation for the kids is something else entirely. Having a mom in jail is humiliating and tragic and incredibly unfunny--whether they know it or not.


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RE: hahahahaha

Well, now vivian.. why don't you write to your local news station and tell them to STOP putting up pictures of people that are arrested for child molestation, robbery, rape or murder. Those people may have families.. those people may have children and let's condemn every person that laughs or makes a joke about some criminal that gets arrested.... yeah, even the stupid criminal sites that tell us about stupid criminals... they have families too.

Having a mom in jail is not humiliating if you don't know it. You have to know you are being humiliated to be humiliated... you can't have feelings about what you don't know. It's only public humiliation if the kids are identified... was she holding a picture of her kids when they took the mugshot? Were the kids names anywhere on there where anyone other than doodle would know it was the twins mom? Are the girls standing there when their mother is transported in shackles... out in public where they can see her and feel humiliated? ARE YOU KIDDING ME VIVIAN?

It is more humiliating to have your high on dope mom show up at school and talk to your teachers.. in front of your classmates and their parents. It is more humiliating to have your druggie mom and her loser boyfriend show up at your home... in front of your neighbors and playmates and make a scene. I can think of a lot more humiliating things for a couple of 5 or 6 year olds than having a mom in jail, especially when they nor anyone they associate with (other 5 year olds) know. Now, maybe it would be humiliating if a parent reads the website and tells their 5 or 6 year old the twins mom is in jail... but then again, that's wrong for a parent to do that and has NOTHING to do with doodle laughing her ass off at seeing the mugshot. It has to do with BM getting her stupid ass arrested and through her own actions.. her photo was placed on a website. If you have any beef, it should be with the websites that publish the photos of inmates, not a person that laughs at the photo!


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RE: hahahahaha

No need to argue Vivian - decency and decorum fall on deaf ears...


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RE: hahahahaha

Apparently so, lonepiper.


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RE: hahahahaha

I'm with Ima on this one. If you have a problem with public humiliation of criminals and their families, then you need to place the blame on those who do the humiliating... Not people who have been supportive and empathetic to the woman who has made a pattern of trying to ruin their lives, until they had no more to give.
Doodle has every right to have hit her last straw with BM. And if she deals with it by finding it funny, that's perfectly OK.

We dealt with my mom's brain tumor by finding the humour in it all. I dealt with the aftermath of my very jealous ex by finding the humour. I've dealt with some mean and nasty people in my life by laughing at them.
Sometimes all that's left to do is laugh.


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RE: hahahahaha

Nope, don't have any problem with the public display of mugshots. Guess y'all didn't read my post...

I object to the giant public jeer by the children's custodial stepmother in the face of a terrible situation for the children.

But as long as the OP is okay with it, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks...


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RE: hahahahaha

Its still anonymous on here ... we don't know the woman or the kids. She didn't post the link ...

I would be laughing at "her" to ... doesn't mean she/I would put the picture as our screen savers on our comps for the kids to see.

So if she posts how she finally got what was coming to her after all this time and if it takes jail for her to realize that being a mom is more important than not dealing with her addictions and mental issues ... then so be it.

She wasn't "public jeering" her SC's mother she was publicly jeering a woman who has done nothing but cause her and her family grief.


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RE: hahahahaha

So you think that the internet is anonymous?

It would take an experienced person about 5 minutes or less to locate someone...


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RE: hahahahaha

Doodle is blowing off steam to US, here,
NOT
to her Skiddies there.
And that makes all the difference.


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RE: hahahahaha

I was just about to say... it's not that different than most of us that vent and rant about our situations....


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RE: hahahahaha

"Doodle is blowing off steam to US, here,
NOT to her Skiddies there.
And that makes all the difference."

Ditto!

I am not ashamed to admit--the night BM was at our house and pulled all that BS, I laughed (not right then, but later!) at the fact that she had to be taken away in the back of a police car. And I felt TERRIBLE for my SS who was hysterical, and sad for my DD that she had to witness any of that. But I still giggle a bit when I picture BM's enraged face in the back of that car as it drove off, taking her drunk behind to the precinct, while her son was left in my care. You show up at MY house, completely wasted, and I let you cry in MY kitchen, and offer you support? And then you try to drive off with your kid while you're hammered? And then threaten me and punch me when I stop you? And try to shove open my door to get BACK in my house as I'm frantically slamming it and locking it in your face? Make YOUR SON cry because he's so scared, and put me in a position to have to tell my DD to CLOSE HERSELF IN THE BEDROOM because I don't know what you might do to me/her if you get inside?

DAMN STRAIGHT I will laugh at you when justice is served and you get hauled off in a police car, looking and feeling like an idiot!

Does that make me a b*tch? I don't know and I don't really care!

Doodle, you have my support and empathy 100%.


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clarification

I do not have problem with public humiliation. Maybe that would get people on track. It is fine for them to post BM's pic.

What I had problem with is doodle hysterically laughing at it. It shocked me. It is a tragedy not a source for laughs. These little girls have drugaddicted parents, and how can anyone laugh at it, I simply do not understand.

I am not saying we should all be happy for BM for her drug addiction, no, but laughing like this....You never know where you, your children, stepchildren, spouses etc could end up one day. You should never laugh at such things.


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RE: hahahahaha

FD, it makes me suspect that Doodles hatred of the BM is stronger than her love for her stepchildren.


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you are religious?

Doodle you mentioned how deeply religious you and your DH are, church attending and so forth. I am only very moderatelly religious, but I highly doubt that any faith is OK with laughing about such things. I am not Christian but in my understanding Christian faith doesn't approve throwing stones and laughing at other people's errors, sins or misfortunates (not like any other faith is OK with it, none is). It is very much hypocritical of you.


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RE: hahahahaha

I was a little shocked too. Doodle, you've put up pictures of you, J and the girls. So it's not anonomyous anymore.

The argument that J only did drugs certain places when other people were holding... well... he could have been busted then, and it probably would have been a worse charge than having pharmacuticals without a prescription.

That aside, I think Doodle may just be decompressing a bit. It's been very tense, and stressful. I know that I have laughed inappropriately before. I'm sure it must be such a relief to know she's not coming out for awhile.

And we've all been a bit gleeful when the ex-wife or the new girlfriend of a lover has a less than attractive picture snapped of her, haven't we?

I think saying that Doodle's love for her girls is less than her hate for the bio-mom is a little over the top, just as Doodles laughing was. But I think that KKNY's comment was meaner.

There is something to be said for the public stockades. Public humiliation. Do the crime, do the time.

I think it's actually better for the girls that Doodle is venting here, rather than to their dad, or anywhere that they could possibly hear about it. We all have to get things out, and I think it's healthy that Doodle can vent her anger and relief to us.

Doodle, you know that I've had a difference in opinion with you about the drug abuse and the blame/responsibility. But I know that unless I've walked in your shoes, I really have no idea what you are going through or the truth of the situation. I can tell you are trying hard to make a good life for these little girls, and for that I respect you.


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RE: hahahahaha

Silver, all I know is if my X were ever arrested, I wouldnt be laughting about it on a chat board. I would do anything I could to keep it quiet -- not becuase I am obssessed with X, but would want it kept quiet to protect my DD. I might not be able to keep it quiet, but I wouldnt broadcast it. Parents who love their children dont broadcast these things -- even if they dont like the other parent.


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RE: hahahahaha

My first thought was..laughing at someone who had lost control of their life not a good thing to do. Rejoicing makes two of a kind.


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RE: hahahahaha

True KKNY. I wouldn't either. But I can understand the sentiment.

That aside, doing so doesn't mean she loves her kids less than she hates their mother. Remember that you have been a mother a lot longer than she has. I'm sure you've done some things you regret later.


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RE: hahahahaha

Doodle-

I know this woman put you, J., her daughters, and the rest of her family through the wringer. And, yes, she certainly made her own bed, but I am with the others who don't think that rejoicing in this woman's complete failure of being a productive member of society is very becoming. If she wasn't fortunate enough to be sent to prison, she'd probably be living on the street somewhere, maybe under and overpass, stealing or perhaps selling herself for drug money. I can't say that I ever find it amusing when I walk past homeless people on the street.

My DH works in San Francisco, a couple of doors down from a rehab center. This area is full of junkies and alcoholics. Their lives are a mess of their own doing. They steal from the local businesses, break into cars (including ours), pan-handle, urinate and defecate in doorways, pass out on the sidewalk and some die there too. They are disasters and a burden to society. It's not much of an existence and it isn't a laughing matter.

I'm not trying to be preachy, but it's like kicking a dog when it's down. I hope she crawls out the hole she made for herself and rises to the occasion. I am really glad that she was finally able to bring you some joy.


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RE: hahahahaha

I saw someone with the oxygen tank today and it made me think of smokers who bring lung cancer and emphysema on themselves, they made poor choice, yet it is hardly appropriate to crack up looking at them chocking in cough.

And as about who quit and who didn't, i quit smoking but I do not think i have any rights to laugh at those who didn't. the fact that I quit doesn't make me better and give me no rights to assume that others can quit the way I did.

Drugg and alcohol addictions are powerful thing and it is rather ignorant (or maybe just naive) to assume that people can quit by just a will power, no they cannot. And more than often people start using again.

I had an uncle who died of complications developed due to many years of drug abuse. he had a daughter, mu cousin, she because an alcoholic and died young of alcohol abuse. It's been years ago but it is still a source of pain for my father and in fact all of us. I don't even have to love my uncle whom i knew very little, it is enough for me to love my father to not laugh at this.

this thread by far shocked me the most.


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The final word

Look, everyone here is entitled to thier own opinions. I think it is far better that I get my laugh here rather than blow up about teh BS in front of the girls or J and I start fighting over the stress that this waste of space human being has caused us.

I was patiant and supportive for far to long. It was draining me emotionaly. I love the girls but have a chils also who needs me to be stable and not stressed all the time over a woman who has made her own rotten bed.

This lady had it coming. She had her chance to go straight. She had many chances to see the light and get into treatment. She had all of our support. She blew it repeatedly and caused us grief and the girls hurt every time. She is already planning on returning to her old ways by refusing parole....I am finished with any kindof of patience or sympathy towards her.

Public jeering my ass. She desreves a public exacution with all the lives she has ruined! It isn't like you know her last name or her DOC number or what county she was arrested in or what prison she is in and even if I posted it here I would not be breaking any laws. Unless you ladies are sick enough to try and contact my step daauhters to rub it in thier faces I hardly see where it would even matter????

People with the "poor thing" attitude is the entire reason why the heffer is still so screwed up! She always manages to weasel her way out of situatons by garnering sympathy! You ladies are suckers. She would steam roll you and ruin your families while you sat and felt sorry for her. LOL. Sorry but it's true. She would have ate you for lunch.

As far as the religious thing goes...I am not jesus. I never said I was perfect and I understand it isn't condusive of good christian morals to laugh at a convict. Again I am not jesus. I am a human beng and I am sick sick sick of turning the other cheek with this piece of work.

KKNY you talk trash about your ex's wife all the time. You justify it by saying she was the OW and thereore deserves your anger and I agree....well HELLO SISTER. Same thing here. I have a RIGHT to not like this woman. She has done far worse than F*ck my husband. Wbhy is it OK to call names and jeer at the new wife but not the Ex? I'll tell you why....because it is easier to sit and judge from a safe distance. That's why I take all of your jeers at me with a miniscule grain of salt. Whats good for the goose is never good for the gander.

All of the holier than thouers need to rethink how perfect they are considering how fast you all were to repremand me! I'm not the felon! I am not the one who dumped my children! Iam not the one who hurts people because of my total and unexcusable selfishness! And looky looky how fast you ladies were to tear me apart. Figures. BM is not the victim in this. WE ARE! The law apparently agrees. Doesn't matter what ya'll think. BM is the one wearing the dunce cap looking like a clown. J's past doesn't even matter. He is clean and has been for years. BM isn't. She is the one who got busted. I never saw J high and stupid but boy I have seen BM. I associate BM with high and stupid becasue that is what I have seen from her.

I do not like BM. I do not have to like BM. BM's business is totally public. BM's situation was totally brought on by her own actions. BM is the one by all accounts who has made her life what it is. I have no obligation to pitty her no more than I would a child molester. None. If I want to laugh at her...that is my perogative. The good step parent police are not going to haul me away for that.

I think her actions catching up to her is hillarious. It is reassurinng even. My faith in the system has been somewhat restored. It is also better than a trip to Disney knowing there will be no encounters for a year. Sue me if that's wrong but the last time she was around a fight almost broke out with my infant in the room. I am relieved and I don't think I owe anyone an explaination. It has absolutely nthing to do with the girls. They will hurt because of her actions...not how I PERSONALLY feel about them. I despise her for that.

Thanks to you ladies with sense who see this for what it is....a nightmare that has come to a brief end. I am not a bad person but rather a woman who is fed up with a convicted felon-drug addict-mental case-POS mother causing problems in MY family.


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P.S. Vivian

So you think that the internet is anonymous?
It would take an experienced person about 5 minutes or less to locate someone...

I can give you the link if you like. It's PUBLIC RECORDS. No one has to do any internet sluething to find the dumb ass. She's in plain public view for anyone and everyone to see.


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Gerina

I hope she crawls out the hole she made for herself and rises to the occasion.

I hope she does too. It would be easier on us than her killing herself and being left to explain that sh*t to the girls. That will more likely be what happens though.

Make no mistake...if she made an effort not turn around but real EFFORT to do right by her kids my attitude towards her would change. It would change just like switching on a light untill then however I have no love loss for her becaue frankly she is nothing more than a pebble in our shoes.


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Silversword

Thank you for the understanding. It is about blowing off of steam and it's a relief there will be a break in the crazy. There is also great relief that she has been busted and put on record. That is extremely helpful in court for us.

I can't help thinking this is funny. I think it is a human reaction. If someone has been cruel, coniving, caused you grief, tried to cause tension or tried to straight up wreck your marriage, caused your chilren hurt, called you names, struck your husband...you tend to think it's funny when they get repremanded by a higher authority. It's like the bully getting their butt handed to them by a bigger kid. You can't help but hve that sense of "serves ya' right".

I don't think this reaction makes me bad but rather NORMAL.


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Stargazzer

"My first thought was..laughing at someone who had lost control of their life not a good thing to do. Rejoicing makes two of a kind"

Are you f*cking serious? LOL. I hope you are joking. If not you are as nuts as her and even more judgemental than me for even making such an obvioulsy bullsh*t statement. I am raising her kids while she sits her stupid behind in prison honey bun.....there is NO comparing us. It would be like comparring you to a sensible person who thinks before they open thier mouth. Pot calling the kettle black much judgy-jugington?


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RE: hahahahaha

Doodle -- the difference is my jeering Dads SO is that she is not my child's mother. And nothing she has done as far as I know is a criminal offense, which like it or not, will haunt her daughter.


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kkny

"Doodle -- the difference is my jeering Dads SO is that she is not my child's mother."

No KKNY. There is no difference. You just try to make it seem different. I am the same as you...a human with human emotions who has had someone do me and people I love wrong. We are both equally entitled to feel what we BOTH feel.


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reply

I know this woman is the child's "mother" biologically at least, but let's be realistic--she hasn't done much of anything to live up to the title, short of giving birth.

Why is it that we all acknowledge that simply providing sperm does not make a man a father? We have no problem calling a man a deadbeat and rolling our eyes about what a jerk he is for abandoning his kids.

And this woman can do all she has done TO HER KIDS, and everyone gets all self-righteous and says "but WAIT, she is their MOTHER."

Sorry but at the moment--she is NOT their mother. She is the woman who gave birth to them and effectively abandoned them to drugs.

Doodle is their mother.

I am not saying that this woman can't or won't turn things around. I believe that God's grace is for EVERYONE but it's up to BM to receive it. Maybe she will, maybe she won't.

In the meantime, though, Doodle is as human as the rest of us, and if she wants to laugh to let out some frustration, who cares! She is not laughing in BM's face, which I agree would be cruel. And I know Doodle would never do that. She is not laughing in the girls' presence, which would be cruel---and Doodle would not do that.

She is venting and laughing to us! STOP crucifying her for something most of you would do if you were in her shoes!


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RE: hahahahaha

I've done a little consideration on this one.

Poll: Who among us has been driving down the freeway and saw a really reckless driver careening around endangering everyone around them? Now how many of us have thought (or said out loud) "I hope you get caught, you arrogant b-tard". Now how many of us have seen that bad driver pulled over on the side of the road by a cop and driven by chortling? Or, seen the driver on the side of the road a few miles up with their smashed up car and yelled "serves you right"?

Uh-huh. I'll bet just about all of us have driven by with a smug smile or a raised fist or a cheer for the police officer at one time or another. Or gone home and re-hashed the incident with friends and family members, describing the person and vehicle and location in detail and then discussing how he will kill someone someday and how he should "get his".

When someone continuously behaves in an inappropriate manner I think it is human nature to be have a little jubilation at their downfall.

Rotten woman in the office who is always stealing your pens? Oops, she spilled coffee all over her blouse right before the meeting!!! *snicker snicker*

KKNY, your ex-husband's wife may not be the mother of your child, but she is the stepmother of your child. Do you not think that talking sh*t about her on a public board could be damaging to your child and make your child feel torn between mommy and daddy? Or have you so poisoned her to her father that she is indoctrinated to the "poor mommy got kicked to the curb for TOW" routine and would console you even though you are talking sh*t about the woman her father now chooses to spend his life with.


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I get it and I think we get it

Doodle et. al.,

I understand why Doodle is dancing around the May Pole. I can tell from all of her posts, that Doodle is a terrific person. She has been a wonderful soul to step up to the plate with J.'s girls, and Doodle has mostly showed nothing but compassion for BM. I'm sure we have all been there when we were happy to see somebody finally "get theirs". At a certain point, and maybe it comes with age or something - I dunno, that one removes oneself from the event or looks beyond it and it just doesn't seem funny.

No doubt that this was a long time coming. BM in prison should have occurred, much, much sooner. She HAS caused Doodle and everyone around her a lot of pain and suffering. She has done damage that may never be mended, I know. I guess the thing with laughing about it, at least from my opinion, is that it's over. You won, Doodle. Be happy that she's caught, as you deserve the peace. Be happy for all that you have and be grateful that you aren't her. I just feel it's better to turn your back and silently walk away from her. It's just the bigger thing.


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reply

"Who among us has been driving down the freeway and saw a really reckless driver careening around endangering everyone around them? Now how many of us have thought (or said out loud) "I hope you get caught, you arrogant b-tard". Now how many of us have seen that bad driver pulled over on the side of the road by a cop and driven by chortling? Or, seen the driver on the side of the road a few miles up with their smashed up car and yelled "serves you right"

ME. Except I was the one that got creamed by the arrogant, reckless, drunk driver!

Four yrs ago on Labor Day, at 11 AM, I was coming home from a camping trip w/DH (my then BF.) I had just picked up my 6 month old Nissan X-terra from his house and was driving down the highway to get DD, she had spent two nights at my mom's house.

A drunk and high driver had been reported to police about 5 miles behind me for exceeding speeds of 100 mph.

He caught up to me and clipped the back end of my car, and sent me careening into the median at 65 mph. Airbags deployed, the front end was crunched in, etc. Meanwhile, he hit another car, and that car hit me again and sent me flying the other way, across 4 lanes of traffic and crashing into a metal fence on the side of the highway. By the grace of God, I was not hurt, nor was anyone in the other car that got hit, but they had little kids in the backseat.

The jerk that that hit me rolled his SUV THREE TIMES before coming to a rest on the side of the road.

well, the guy that hit me was young---with a friend in the front seat and his SEVEN YEAR OLD SON in the backseat! And the two guys got out and RAN FROM THE SCENE. I was too hysterical to see any of this, but apparently, witnesses said the poor little kid had to go running after them. They left him in the upside down car!!!!

Police helicoptr search ensued, they did find the guys hiding on the grounds of a highschool about a mile away.

Thankfully, the kid was not hurt at all, and the driver wasn't either, but the passenger had a broken collarbone and cuts on his face.

The driver had ELEVEN warrants out for his arrest, and the passenger had a few, as well.

Shocker---the guy had no insurance. He was driving a nice Tahoe, but it was registerred to his girlfriend and she claimed he stole it, even though no police report had been filed. My insurance company went after her insurance but it was a lost cause.

My brand new SUV was totaled and my insurance had to pay for it.

I was pretty pleased when I heard the loser wound up in jail for 5 yrs on reckless endangerment, child endangerment and vehicular assault charges! I am SURE I snickered!


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RE: hahahahaha

What a horrible story Love!! I'm glad you and the kids involved were ok.


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Replies

Silver-

You made the PERFECT analogy with the speeding thing! That is precisely the same thing except my situation is a little larger scale. That is how I feel precisely. It finally caught up to her and I can't help but feel happy about it.

Lovehadley-

I too barely recognize her as the girls "mother" anymore. Her actions are just so opposite of motherly that I can't see her in that light anymore. She is just some woman who gave birth at this point.

The girls view her as mom so I keep my opinions about her to myself. As far as how I feel though, any little bit of respect I had for her is long dead. My personal opinions are based on facts, the girls are forged out of loyalty and obliviousness. So sad.

Gerina-

I appreciate that you get how it is human to feel as do. I wish I could be the "bigger person" as you say but honestly at this point all I CAN do is laugh to keep from crying.


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RE: hahahahaha

I believe you misunderstand me. I understand that the information is available online and anyone can see it. That's NOT what I'm talking about. That's not one whit important.

Yes, I have been glad when people "get theirs," no doubt about it.

But I didn't post about it in an open public forum where there is questionable anonymity at best. And I certainly wouldn't post about my kids' mom failing so joyously. I would NEVER take the risk that my kids would find out that I did such a thing. Glad that she's paying her "debt to society" sure. Certainly human feelings.

It's the public manner in which this was done that bothers me.

And I wasn't talking about the information about BM being tracked down online. I was talking about someone being able to track down anyone who posts on a message board. It isn't difficult. There's no such thing as anonymity on the internet.

That's all. You won't hear from me again on this subject.


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doodle and silvers

"There is no difference'

of course there is. having children changing everything. many of us maintain civil relationships with our ex-spouses and try not tp speak poorly of them to our children specifically because they are parents of our children. otherwise we would have different attitude.

silvers, kkny's exhusband has a girfriend, he is not married and din't choose to spend his life with her. actually it is prety funny, we all chose to spend lives wiht someone and then got divorced. so it is funny to say that KKNY has to have some spcial attitude towards X's GF. LOL


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finedreams

"so it is funny to say that KKNY has to have some spcial attitude towards X's GF. LOL"

No more funny than expecting me to have any special feelings towards BM. I am no more related to her than KKNY is to her Ex's "eye candy" as she calls her. "Eye candy" isn't nearly the pile of human waste that BM is.

You are also totally naive, if not totally stupid, if you think that just because GF isn't married to Dad that KKNY's attitude about the situation didn't affect daughters relationship with her father in some way.

The situation is absolutely no difference except KKNY spoke openly about her feelings to her DD and I have so far done a good job of keeping my true feelings in.

I don't blame KKNY for her feelings towards that woman at all. I also don't blame myself for the way I feel about BM. Both women acted innapropriate and as a result they have people who would not piss on them to put a fire out.


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RE: hahahahaha

FD, I didn't realize they weren't married. My bad. I wasn't saying she had to have some special attitude toward the ex's GF, just that she has a holier-than-thou attitude about talking crap. IMO, stay out of your ex's new sex/love life. Don't talk crap at all if you don't want it to come back to bite you later. That means everyone. But don't judge Doodle for doing it when she's doing it too...


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RE: hahahahaha

Silver, its not about talking trash -- its about gloating over a child's parent going to jail. A child who may suffer because of it, who may be embarrassed or taunted about it. A child that Doodle professes (and I beleive) does care about. How would you feel if one of your parents went to jail, even if he or she deserved it? Wouldnt you feel awful? Dont you think there is a difference between a parent's spouse being called a jerk and a parent going to jail?

And it doesnt matter whether my X is married or not. All being married would get her is Xs wife. Stepmother is a title that is defined as dads wife. She will not become D's parent.


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kkny

The entre point is it isn't like the gilrs know how I feel KKNY. They are my PERSONAL feelings. How I feel personally does not change the situation at all. I could be crying my outs that the girls mom is in jail and she would still be in jail.

Why do I have to regard BM wany different than I would any other felon just because I am married to her EX? I do not rub it in the girls face. She certainly never showed any respect as the woman raising her children.

If my parent went to jail I would be hurt. I know if the girls ever figure it out they will be also. However, my hurt and anger would be at my parent for doing something stupid enough to go to jail. I would feel abondoned and embarrassed but my emotions would not be geared toward anyone except my parent. I doubt anyone would laugh to my face about it either, which, for the record, I have NOT done.

I still don't really see the difference in your bashing of ex's girlfriend and my laughing at BM getting arrested. Niether of us owe the other woman anything. Neither of us are related to her. Niether of like the woman personaly and nor should we. I can say my feelings have not negatively affected the girls relationship with BM becaue BM has done a fabulous job of wrecking it herself. I can't speak for you on that one.

Did you ever badmouth "eye candy" in front of your DD. Insulting the GF is the same as insulting dad becasue of the nature of the offense. They both had an equal hand in doing the nasty after all. It isn't like your Ex tripped and his penis just happened to land in the woman on his way down. It took two for sure and if anything you SHOULD put more blame on your EX. You can't honestly think that your negative comments didn't affect DD's opinions at all? Do not misubderstand me becasue I do not blame you for dispising the OW at all. It's just a two way street.

In my case, by the way, Step Mother translates into "the one who is raising the children". I am the one on the pedestal in our household.


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RE: hahahahaha

Doodle, I realize you are the one raising the kids. All I am saying is that to gloat about something that may hurt someone you love, even if it is about someone you have reason to detest is somewhat mixed.


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RE: hahahahaha

I am going to come out of lurkdom for this. Wow, I am so shocked at this post. I first read this post on Saturday and I had to walk away from the computer and talk to hubby about what I was feeling after I read this post. I even started to cry. Ive been thinking about this post all weekend and just feel compelled to post.

My brother and I are your twin step daughters in 25 years. We are adults now but with old wounds of a dad that seems very much like the twins mother - possibly worse.

The thought of my beloved step father being joyful at another one of my bio dads MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY terrible choices in life would absolutely horrify me. It would change my whole respect for him even though I had a crappy relationship with my bio dad.

My biodad sounds very much like the twins mother - he was a terrible father that battled alcoholism and addiction at the expense of his children. He never kept his promises to my brother and myself and would "disappear" for weeks at a time. I now assume it was cause he spent that time in jail. Eventually I had enough of my father and begged my mother to not make me go visit him when he actually did show up, my brother however thought he was the greatest dad in the world. We grew up and both had a very different relationship with him even though he treated us the same. I dont have very fond memories of him but I am sure if you ask my brother he would tell you something different.

My mom remarried when my brother and I were young to my step father. Even my brother, who would be loyal to my bio dad no matter how bad he was, would agree that our step father really came in and was the best thing that ever happened to us. He loved us as his own and provided everything a bio dad would for his own children. I consider him my dad. When I was 16 my mother lost a long battle with breast cancer and on her death bed she made us promise that we would continue to live with step dad after she was gone. So now my step father was a widowed dad raising two kids who had a bio dad who just had zero capacity to be a father to his children.

Eventually the wreckage of my biodads past caught up with him and he died a few years ago. My brother was absolutely devastated. The weird thing is, I was equally devastated too. I didnt think I would be because of how he essentially chose a life of alcohol and drugs over his two children. I always had a small hope that he would get his life sorted out and I could enjoy some type of a better relationship with him. I also hoped that my dad would get healthy because I really wanted my brother to finally be able to be proud of this man that he loved so much.

I dont remember my step dad EVER having a negative attitude towards my bio dad. I thought about this post on Saturday evening and really was in tears at the thought of my bio dad laughing at one of the MANY times he "made his own bed." I actually called him yesterday to ask him about it and I told him how I read about this post on the internet and how it had opened an old wound again. I asked him how he actually made it through all of my bio dads crap and never once even grimaced at my dads latest antics. He told me he said a lot of prayers for my dad. He prayed for him till the day he died because if he did anything other than pray for him, then he would have anger in his heart for my biodad and my brother and I would be the ones who suffered. It was a nice conversation with my dad that reminded me how truly lucky I was to have him as the father in my life.

Doodle, I know you love these girls and want whats best for them, but this post is a pretty low blow and I would strongly encourage you to think about what those girls would feel if they ever found out that you "laughed" about their mothers plight. You may not care what a few strangers think on the internet but I really found this post disappointing and heartbreaking so much that I have thought about it for two days! I hope that you will stop for a moment and look to these girls future and realize that your behavior now could be the ONE POSITIVE memory of this obvious tumultuous relationship they will have with their mother. You have an amazing opportunity right now to teach them about ALWAYS taking the high road even if the air seems chokingly thin. Who knows, maybe one day you will get a call from one of the girls when they are all grown up asking you how you managed to take the high road every single day of their life.

Dont get me wrong, I think the twins mother has made her bed and she definitely deserves to be put in jail. I know you mentioned in another post how you dont think that mom is even going to be alive in a few years. How terribly sad for these girls, they will probably, just like myself, never get to have a normal relationship with their mother.

Might I offer up a suggestion to for your family? You may want to check out Alanon meetings. It really is helpful for those who are effected by someone else drinking/addiction. I think the general view of alanon is that it is for the spouse/loved one of the addict drunk, but you have been most definitely affected by this deadly disease and they will give you the tools to deal with having healthy boundaries with the alcoholic/addict.


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Doodle

I am totally confused as to how Doodle's twins will ever read this???

Doodle has NEVER once used names or anything. Yeah, she has posted some pictures, but even pictures don't make someone identifiable on the internet.

Starr, I am so sorry for all the different emotions you went through, and still do because of your bio-dad's actions. I truly am not trying to make light of your pain or what you went through.

I just think people are overreacting to Doodle's post. She was laughing at a picture, not the fact that BM is in jail. And again, she was VENTING and getting it out in a place where her girls would not know. I'm sorry, yeah, the internet is public domain, but how in holy h*ll are her girls ever going to find this post? They are 5 years old! and even down the road---unless Doodle used her real name, or the girls' real names, which she DOES NOT, they are never going to read this stuff.

I just think people are blowing this WAY out of proportion.


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response

I am totally confused as to how Doodle's twins will ever read this???

Doodle has NEVER once used names or anything. Yeah, she has posted some pictures, but even pictures don't make someone identifiable on the internet.

Starr, I am so sorry for all the different emotions you went through, and still do because of your bio-dad's actions. I truly am not trying to make light of your pain or what you went through.

I just think people are overreacting to Doodle's post. She was laughing at a picture, not the fact that BM is in jail. And again, she was VENTING and getting it out in a place where her girls would not know. I'm sorry, yeah, the internet is public domain, but how in holy h*ll are her girls ever going to find this post? They are 5 years old! and even down the road---unless Doodle used her real name, or the girls' real names, which she DOES NOT, they are never going to read this stuff.

I just think people are blowing this WAY out of proportion.


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RE: hahahahaha

"How would you feel if one of your parents went to jail, even if he or she deserved it?"

The first time my mom went to jail for DUI, I laughed my ass off! I love my mom, don't get me wrong~ she's my mom... but she not only deserved it after years of having cops 'escort' her home after a night out drinking (leaving me home alone to wonder if she will make it back~ while my dad was out working as a truck driver to support the family), she blamed my sister for her arrest! She ran her car into a ditch near our home and busted her lip... she staggered home and my older sister, who was 16 or 17 at the time, called an ambulance. She assaulted the EMT because she didn't want treatment & he called the cops. So, yeah my sister and I laughed about it... and I don't care if my mom knows we think it's funny that she got hers. She was a drunk, leaving her kids alone until all hours, sometimes overnight, and when she comes in bleeding saying she crashed and we have the natural reaction of fearing for HER safety & calling to get HER help... she blames her own child for getting in trouble when SHE was the one driving drunk. hahaha I should call her right now and tell her how funny it was because she still didn't learn her lesson! She got another four or five DUI's in the following years. And yes, twenty five years later... I don't have a problem laughing to her face and it's too bad if she doesn't like it. She should have learned from all the times she was escorted home without getting a DUI... or the first time she crashed but didn't get caught... or when she got that first DUI~ or the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th.

We're glad she finally stopped drinking but she has never gotten help. She does not apologize for the hell we grew up in, she can live with the fact that we found humor in her 'downfall'. Maybe I would feel bad about finding it funny if she actually repents or feels bad about doing it... if she actually learned her lesson.

and if it makes me a bad person to feel that way... oh well. She raised me.


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Starr

I am so so so sorry you had to go through what the girls BM is putting them through. I love the girls very much and a big majority of the disgust I have towards Bm is a result of watching her do a number on these kids for the past three years.

You never personally heard your Step father having a negative attitude towards your BD but I am positive that if he went through what we are going through he most deffinatly did vent to someone at some point in time about his real feelings. If you don't you will go crazy and wind up another step family statistic.

We did the praying for BM. We did the offering a helping hand for BM. We did all the bending over backwards. It always ended in the same place where we started. It always caused hurt for the girls and stress and strain on J and myself. She is still, even after being convicted, making no plans to get treatment.

The girls will wind up hurt no matter how this story ends. BM will end up dead if she doesn't get clean and that will be yet another bomb we will be forced to drop. It's out of my hands and I feel hopeless and angry at BM. There is no way to make a child understand that they are in essence too good for their parent, that that person does not deserve their love and tears. There is also no way to make others understand how a person in a powerless position watching the carnage feels naturally elated that the offending parent is FINALLY feeling some of the hurt that the children have felt.

Watching a person cause hurt to the ones you love will make a person vengeful faster than any other offense. People naturally want to see those who hurt thier family pay. It's sick but that's why people sit in on exacutions. You need to feel that justice has been served. It doesn't make it right but it is a human reaction. It is a reaction that I as a imperfect human can not help but feel.

I would never ever rub it in the girls face that their mother is a train wreck. I would never rub it into their faces that she chose her destructive life over being a mother to them. I would NEVER. That would hurt them and I an fully aaware of that. I still can't help how I feel personally.

Venting and laughing about it is the best thing I can do for the girls. It clears my brain. Clears out the stress. Gets the load off my shoulders. It makes my relationship with their father alot better because we don't argue as long as I can get it out. It makes me a better mother because I am not having to always "hold my tongue" Which could end up in a blow up. I am better for the girls after a good b*tchfest and at the end of the day I am the one raising them so I HAVE to be in a good frame of mind.

I know you are not defending BM. I totally get that and I appreciate the point of view. If your step father trully never said a bad word about your BD then he is a trully good person. I am not that good though. I have to vent somewhere and better here than at home when the girls bring up thier mom for the fiftenth time in one night, do you understand what I mean?

I have never heard of Alanon and I will look into whether they have meetings in our area or not. That sortof thing would be extrwmely helpful in our situation.

Again I am so sorry that you and your brother went through that. I worry about the permanent affect this will have on the twins every day which unfortunatly makes me even angrier at BM.


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Love and Ima

I too am confused as to how two five year olds ten yearsdown the road are going to find this specific post. Anyway......

IMA-

I said the same thing. If my parent got arrested I would maybe not so much LAUGH but my anger and dissapointment would be directed at my parent. It's kindof a given that if you get arrested people are going to talk and probably laugh.

They post the jail report in our Newspapers around here! Everyone knows when someone has been arrested or if they are being sued or getting divorced. It is published in the Jail report and the Civil section of all the local papers and people look to see if anyone th know made the list.


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RE: KKNY and Love

KKNY "Silver, its not about talking trash -- its about gloating over a child's parent going to jail."

I fail to see the difference.

"How would you feel if one of your parents went to jail, even if he or she deserved it? Wouldnt you feel awful? Dont you think there is a difference between a parent's spouse being called a jerk and a parent going to jail?"

1. I would feel terrible. But it depends on why they went to jail too. Are we going to argue semantics? I do think there is a difference between someone being called a jerk and someone going to jail. But there's not much difference between someone calling another a jerk, and someone saying another deserved to go to jail.

Example:

1. KKNY calls her ex-husband's new girlfriend a homewrecker.

2. Doodle takes joy in her husband's ex wife's comeuppance.

"Stepmother is a title that is defined as dads wife. She will not become D's parent."

Well, that may be true. But it's not up to you to define their relationship, is it? Your daughter and his potential new wife may have a lot in common and become quite close in the future. Who knows, she may end up calling her Mom #2. Growing up, having children often changes the relationship children have with their step-parents. I know it did for me.

Love, Doodle has used real names. I think if anyone really wanted to find out who she was based on information she gave that it would be entirely possible.


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Silver

Even If i straight up posted BM's name and picture and DOT number, two five year olds are not going to google her. We don't have a computer at home for one thing.

Even if they did google their mothers name her mug shot would probably pop up first. If they could read all the things she has done to them that they have no clue about they may end up not liking her much themselves.

Sad to say but it is possibly very true.


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RE: hahahahaha

Silver -- I am not the one defining the relationship, I am just the one describing it. So your relationship with your stepparent(s) changed, apparently for the better. Did you stepmother have an affair with your dad, and did you ended up leaving the home you grew up in? I think my D resents this woman more than anyone. Her father has told D he is having affairs with other woman(women not certain) -- which IMHO TMI but certainly not encouraging any respect for his current live-in. I doubt D will ever call this woman mom. I doubt the woman would care.


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RE: hahahahaha

KK

"Did you stepmother have an affair with your dad, and did you ended up leaving the home you grew up in?"

No, on both questions. There were other, horrific incidents which I will not hijack this thread in the telling.

Do you not see it as your ex-husband having the affair? Was his girlfriend married? In that event, it was not an affair, IMO. It's only an "affair" if you are married and cheating. Once again, you put the blame on the SM.

Doodle, I'm not saying the 5year olds are going to google their mother. I'm saying if someone wanted to figure out who you were, they could. This is not anonymous by any means.

I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, but it may be difficult to explain to some people.


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silvers

so if you have a live-in boyfriend or girlfriend and sleep with someone else on the side or have emotional affair, it is not cheating and not affair? it only is if you are married? com'n, this is getting ridicilous. you can't be serious. Some people live together their entire life not legally married so them sleeping on the side is not cheating and not affair? so if people, who for number fo reasons live together but CANNOT GET MARRIED, hook up wiht someone on the side are not having an affair and not cheating????? so what difference does it make? tell me you misspoke.


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RE: hahahahaha

"so if you have a live-in boyfriend or girlfriend and sleep with someone else on the side or have emotional affair, it is not cheating and not affair?"

I never said it wasn't cheating. FD, even the experts have a hard time defining what an affair is. It varies by relationship. Some women feel cheated on if their husband helps another woman with their groceries FCOL.

You ask what difference it makes being married or not. All of the people I know who are in long-term relationships and cannot marry legally for one reason or another have taken commitment vows. I consider this to be just as valid as a marriage. The difference is that dating for a long time and actually committing are very different relationships with very different agreements. It's the difference between "I love you I love you I love you let's live together and get a dog" and "I will wash crap off your bum when you are old and care for your children as if they were my own".

For me personally, I would define an affair as a long term sexual relationship between two people, at least one of whom is married to another person. Say, Mary and Jack. Mary is sleeping with Tony on the side. IMO, Mary would be the one having the affair. Not Tony. Not Jack. If I were to say that my husband were sleeping with another woman, it would be ridiculous, IMO for me to say that the other woman was having an affair with my husband. I made vows with him. Therefore he is the one engaging in the affair. Not her. I could give a rats arse about her.

What I'm saying is that KKNY is quick to say it's all the other woman's fault. She places blame on TOW, she places blame on SM's. I think she should look at the person who really betrayed her, and look at the part she played in the relationship.


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RE: hahahahaha

Silver, I don't blame TOW -- but here's the rub. Dad did cheat, but he is still DDs dad. I constantly try to improve DDs relation with her Dad. Help her by cards, presents, remind her to call. I obvioulsy feel no reason I should encourage any thing re TOW. TOW is not a parent and has shown no reason to be trusted, and D knows it. This started when you say D may call her mom some day. Anything is possible. Likely???


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RE: Smack by any other name...

No, this started when you said "Dont you think there is a difference between a parent's spouse being called a jerk and a parent going to jail?"...

And I replied that talking smack about your (ex) spouses (current or former) significant other is equally as damaging. You are saying it doesn't matter because:

"Stepmother is a title that is defined as dads wife. She will not become D's parent." You are saying it's ok for you to talk smack because she's not ever going to be your dd's parent.

I'm saying:

Talking smack is talking smack.


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RE: hahahahaha

LOL I highly doubt kkny's DD will ever call this woman "mom". How old is DD? Too funny. and if dad breaks up with TOW, she is going to call next woman "mommy" too? She is already going to college, she is a grown young woman. This woman no matter if she is nice or not is never goign to be her "mommy".

silvers you understanding of affair is rather strange to me. neither person has to be married to have an affair. If my daughter's SO hooked up with someone on the side, it would be cheating and affair. of course there would not be formal divorce following but it is affair nonetheless. and they lived together only for 2 years, others live for 20 and more. and plenty of people do not take formal commitment vows.


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RE: hahahahaha

FD, it would depend on your daughter's relationship. The mere fact that they live together (for 2 years even) does not make them 'committed'. If they have a meeting of the minds... we are not going to date anyone else... then yes it would be cheating. KKNY's ex has been living with his SO for years... but he 'cheats' but kkny seems to think his SO could care less, she stays with him. Maybe they have an open relationship? Maybe they have never discussed being 'exclusive' and his SO can date others too. I think that silver was saying that the partners in a relationship are the ones to define the relationship and that's how they decide what is actually cheating.

The problem arises when ONE partner feels more committed than the other and they have no discussion when there is no marriage. In a marriage or commitment ceremony, the vows or promises make it clear what everyone's intentions are.


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RE: hahahahaha

In any event, I'll worry about DD calling her mom behind nuclear warm, global warming, higher taxes, ostereouperis, cancer, and my basement flooding.

Actually I wouldnt focus on what DD calls her (generally her first name). I wonder if some kids refer to step as parent in a very generic sense (as in, to friend, my parents are driving me to airport), not becuase they regard step as parent, but because in the context, there is no need to provde more info.


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RE: hahahahaha

FD, I agree. She probably won't. There is a difference between "mommy" and "mom #2" which is what I said. I have started calling my best friends mom "MOM" after the age of 21 because she ACTED like my mom during that time. It was a term of affection. Who knows what the girl will choose to do? Who knows how their relationship may turn out? We don't know what KKNY was doing to contribute to the demise of her marriage. She could have been cheating too, but the bio-dad was too much of a man to tell the daughter that and took all the blame. Who knows????

My Point: it is equally as damaging to trash-talk the woman dad chooses to be with as it is to trash talk the woman dad used to be with. That was my point. The bio-mom should disengage (be ever watchful!) but not talk nasty about the dad's new woman. Believe me, I am going through it right now and it takes every ounce of willpower not to slam her around these boards. But she is not harming my dd, so it is none of my business. I need to be neutral so that my dd does not have a conflicted sense of loyalty, that if she is friendly with this woman she will be hurting me. It's her relationship. Not mine.

My understanding/definition of an affair may be strange to you. I wonder if you can find a clear definition of an affair anywhere?

Is it cheating if you talk on the phone once? Twice? How about 4 times a week for six months but never say anything leading or sexual?

What if you hold hands with someone else? What if you kiss someone else? Cuddling? Go on a date?

What constitutes an affair? It is determined solely by the people in the relationship.

Define "hooked up". Is that even proper terminology? Do you mean engaged in sexual intercourse?

I understand that many people do not make a formal commitment. IMO, and JIMO, if you do not commit to be with someone it is not an affair if you cheat. It's cheating. An affair to me is a prolonged, more than once cheating event that happens between a committed/married person and another person.

My ex-husband cheated on me. He did not have an affair. It is clear to me. But I think affair is a personal definition.

And that was not my point anyway. My point was that KKNY is blaming TOW for having an affair with her husband rather than blaming her husband for having an affair with another woman. Once again, blaming TOW rather than putting the blame on the cheating ba*tard where it belongs.


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Silver -

Silver -- "We don't know what KKNY was doing to contribute to the demise of her marriage. She could have been cheating too" - I wasnt.

On these board, when mom cheats, its a disgrace; when dad cheats, mom must have done something to encourage it.

Silver, I blame them both, but dad is still dad. And when his SO told DD I had cheated, he made her retract and apologize. He knows the truth.


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RE: hahahahaha

"Once again, blaming TOW rather than putting the blame on the cheating ba*tard where it belongs"

I think, as a society, it is really sad how women are so quick to turn on each other. We view each other as competition---competition in the dating world, competition in the workforce, competition in the looks department, in parenting, and on and on. It's sad.

We are more alike than different, no? Yet this competition among women becomes blatantly obvious when a man cheats---it's always TOW's fault. Look at KK--she clearly has all this anger (and rightly so) but it is ALL directed at her DH's SO.

I just think it's really sad.


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RE: On eating cake

"On these board, when mom cheats, its a disgrace; when dad cheats, mom must have done something to encourage it. "

Not true. No one has once said that I did anything to encourage my husband cheating on me. I have had an entirely different experience than you. Please don't assume your experience represents the facts.

KK, you can blame them both. That's fine. I blame my ex-husband. He's the one who made vows with me. I didn't make any commitment with TOW, nor did she to me. What is she to me? Nothing. I place the blame for breaking a vow solely on the shoulders of the person who made that vow.

It's like saying, KK, don't eat this cake. And you say, Silver, I won't eat the cake. I leave. Your friend comes up and says let's eat this cake. I don't know her. She convinces you to eat the cake even though you know you agreed not to. When I come back and the cake is eaten, why the heck would I blame her? Even if you are my friend and she is a stranger? Nope. You are the one who said you wouldn't eat it, and I trusted you. Therefore you are the one I no longer trust, and blame for breaking that trust. Cake-girl is nothing to me.


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Not what you said

No silver, you questioned what I did to contribute to the downfall of my marriage, and questioned if I was cheating.


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double standard alert

I don't even have to say it. It is so obvious.

Talking trash in private about a kids bio parent who is absent is worse than a bio parent talking trash about a SO that is currently still with the other parent in front of the child. Wow. Just wow.

People who have kids are automatically exempt from sh*t slinging and consequences even if they are morons just because they have kids...that is news to me.

I think reality would disagree considering society (aka. the real world) treats offenders,idiots, movie stars who pull moronic stunts, etc. etc. who have children the same as it would a childless person.


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RE: Questioning

"No silver, you questioned what I did to contribute to the downfall of my marriage, and questioned if I was cheating."

No, I did not question. I simply presented the possibility of such events to make the point that it's the daughter's relationship with the SO of the father and the bio-mom shouldn't trash talk the new SO because who knows what the future will bring. Who knows how the relationship between the daughter and the SO and Dad may develop. Who knows what EXACTLY happened.

The reason I said that was because my mother talked trash about my father's SO and I took her side out of misguided loyalty. Later on I saw how inappropriate it was for her to
even discuss it with me. That's for doing with your girlfriends, not with your daughter. I ended up feeling sorry for my SM because my mother blamed so much on her and none on my dad. It takes two...

Exactly Doodle. Trash is trash. Mudslinging is mudslinging. My mother used to say "trash comes in all colors, dear".


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Silversword

KKNY made this comment:
"The mom said she didnt understand how schools worked -- I guess she didnt learn that much working the beauty counter at Bloomies."

How is THIS not catty trash talking?
They must have balls of brass to say there is even an ounce of difference.


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RE: hahahahaha

It is, but it's ok because she is:

1. The bio-mom. Bio-moms can do no wrong.
2. Educated. Evidently those who are educated deserve better treatment than those who are not. Those who are educated don't need their husband's money to provide for their children and can do it all themselves...

And...
3. The Bloomies woman is not her child, not related to her, and it stupid to boot. It's a trifecta. When that happens, one is allowed to say what they want about that person.

BTW, both of my parents are extremely intelligent with remarkable IQ's and many commendations. They call most people who flaunt their college degrees "educated idiots".

Remember, Bush graduated from Yale... AND Harvard.


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Silversword tells a joke

Remember, Bush graduated from Yale... AND Harvard.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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RE: hahahahaha

A lot of posters have made the occasional tacky comment about the other women in their lives or in their husbands'/boyfriends'/children's/stepchildrens' lives.

but no, that is not the same as all-out, vicious, repetitive, obsessive assaults on another person.

It isn't the same as spending good, useable time looking up the person on the internet & rejoicing that she looks bad in orange & that her failures are public record & then spending even more time arguing with everyone who objects to the viciousness of the attack.

It is not the same as saying you wish another person would just die.

It is not the same as opining that children probably wouldn't like their own mother if they knew "the truth" about her.

& if it were *exactly* the same, it would not justify similar behavior.

I didn't realize that your husband has a history of drug use, too...

maybe you obsess about the ex-wife because, at some level, you realize that he could have easily gone down the same road as the mother of his children.

Having engaged in the same behavior as his ex, if he hadn't been lucky enough to have a metabolism that simply isn't susceptible to addiction, he'd be in exactly the same condition as his ex.

one of those "there but for the grace of God" things.

Maybe you should devote a little time to that Christian religion you profess to believe in, you know, the one that teaches kindness & charity & humility & not casting the first stone & stuff like that.


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SYlvia

I am so so so jealous and obsessed with BM. You totally nailed me. It has nothing to do with any of the trouble she has caused or the fact that she has more or less rocked my families world for the past two years. That has NOTHING to do with me laughing at all.

Try jumping everytime the door or phone rings for that length a time and let me know how much you care about the person making you anxious. I am so over defending myself. If she didn't want me, then one she has PERSONALLY tried to f*ck over and the one who has watched her hurt her kids countless times, laughing at her mugshot she should of kept her skinny strung out tail out of the slammer.

In the words of Forrest Gump; "And thats all I have to say about that."


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RE: hahahahaha

100 % agree with ya, Doodle.

Sylvia, this woman we are talking about is not mentally ill. She's not some person with bipolar disorder who went on a manic spree and did some crazy stuff and wound up arrested. If that were the case, I could MAYBE gather up some sympathy.

This woman is a DRUG ADDICT. And I am sorry, but I don't buy that drug addiction is a *disease.* It's not. It is a choice. I understand that addiction is a tough, tough thing to beat, and I am NOT saying this BM isn't in a horrible situation. But SHE put herself there.

As far as Doodle laughing...walk a mile, Sylvia. Walk a mile.


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RE: sliding scale

What Sylvia says is true. It's not the same. But isn't that up to God to judge us? Are we keeping track of who is the most wrong? Does it matter? Do two wrongs make a right? Is it better to be catty and mean than to laugh and point fingers? Will one get me one pitchfork in the back while the second get me two?

Where is the sliding scale by which we judge others? Doesn't the Bible say in Matt 7:2-5 "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged"?


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SIlversword more

Sylvia may be somewhat righ but on the same track other hand:

Is it not just as bad how all the people here has judged ME? Sylvia is pretty high and mighty in some of her statemetns as well. Is it not the same thing? Maybe everyone should just move on and get over it for fear of us all going to hell.


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silverswrod retract

I se what your post meant now. I didn't get your jist till just this second.


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judging

I don't know, Silver. I really didn't take it that Doodle was judging or whatever.

She was venting and laughing and getting some feelings off her chest for a few minutes!

This has all been blown so far out of proportion it's not even funny.

No one is perfect and ALL of us have laughed inappropriately at one time or another! I guarantee it. It seems to me---if stones are being thrown, they're being thrown at DOODLE.


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RE: who is judging who

Love, I'm not talking about Doodle judging bio-mom, I'm talking about judging Doodle and KKNY by the same stick.

Doodle: Made fun of at Bio-Mom
KKNY: Made fun of Bloomies woman

Sylvia is saying tacky comments are ok, but what Doodle is doing is not ok. I'm saying, who are we to judge which is worse in the eyes of God (because Sylvia says Doodle should turn to her religion).


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RE: hahahahaha

"Bloomies woman"

Stop it or I'm going to have to laugh again:)


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RE: hahahahaha

Because I dont make fun of my beloved child's Dad. Because I love her.


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eye roll moment

"Because I dont make fun of my beloved child's Dad. Because I love her."

Says KKNY with a slight shinning down on her and angels singing behind her.

You wouldn't speak ill of that man even if he murdered people KKNY and it isn't just becasue he is your DD's dad.


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silversword

"Love, I'm not talking about Doodle judging bio-mom, I'm talking about judging Doodle and KKNY by the same stick"

Gotcha Silver. I misunderstood, I'm sorry.


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clarification

"Love, I'm not talking about Doodle judging bio-mom, I'm talking about judging Doodle and KKNY by the same stick"

Gotcha Silver. I misunderstood, I'm sorry.


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Doodle

When all esle fails, accuse mom of carrying a torch for dad. How juvenile


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RE: hahahahaha

No prob. :)


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I'm sorry KKNY

I really am but sometimes I just can't find any other explaination for some of the viewpoints you have. If you consider your DD as much as you say it just seems you wouldn't have risked alienating her by telling her the divorce details and planting poison by bad mouthing her dads GF in front of her all the time.

I don't say anything negative at all abour BM's situation in front of the girls. I may say a situation is unsafe but I don't say "because your mom ran off with a druggie boyfrined who is a creep and beats on her."


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RE: hahahahaha

Doodle, she is older than your kids. She realized after the fact that her father was seeing this woman while he was married. How do you think she feels? I didnt tell her.


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RE: hahahahaha

OMG! Doodle, you go right ahead and laugh your pants off. Maybe that train wreck of a woman has hit her bottom and will finally get some help? Or perhaps this isn't low enough for her and she will continue on her downward journey. Only time will tell.
As for the kids, thank goodness they have their dad and you!
For those saying "oh how sad for the kids, and shame on doodle for laughing" ....get real. Those kids are going to have to deal with their mothers addiction eventually if not already. Yes, it is shameful, embarrassing, and all that icky stuff....but they have to work through all that to find their own healing. Doodle rejoicing in their mothers "here's yours" is nothing. It isn't like she is doing it in front of the kids, so all of you high and mighties just need to stick it!
Comparing this to that is so stupid. It just is what it is, and nothing more.


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RE: hahahahaha

must people bring Bible here? if it is going to turn in Bible quoting forum, i am outta here, let me know now.


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kkny-how to call a parent

"I wonder if some kids refer to step as parent in a very generic sense (as in, to friend, my parents are driving me to airport), not becuase they regard step as parent, but because in the context, there is no need to provde more info"

KKNY my DD never did, and we were divorced since she was 4. She always said my dad and (first name) driving me to XYZ. DD never refered to SM as a parent, she always refered as --------(insert first name). She also often refered to her as A's mom (A is her brother), she would say I went with dad, A, (first name) and if people asked who is she, she would say she is A's mom. Now DD gets along wiht people nicely and gets along wiht people, but she only has one mom and one dad. Even if we both die tomorrow. maybe if we died when she was little someone else would be her parent, but luckily it was not the case.

DD has friends coming from divorced families and they either use first name or a stepparent if parents were married for long. NONE refers to them as mom or dad no matter how long they were married.


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Sorry, but

I have to agree with the person who said she'd be horrified if her stepdad said something like that.

1) the internet is NOT anonymous, Doodle has already outed a friend by mentioning some quite specific details about him and the businesses he owns. I suggested she be more careful, she shrugged it off. Kids could certainly find this out.

2) WITHOUT bringing bibles et al into it, I do think the axiom "judge not lest ye be judged" is something worth adhering to - we all of us are "there but for the grace of xxx go I" and we want to teach our children not to rejoice in others' misfortunes.

3) I would not be honest if I didn't admit that I've taken some perverse pleasure in some of my ex's misfortunes in a weak moment, but I know it was wrong and I was contrite and never said it in public, and extended my hand to ex in sympathy when bad things happened to her.

I understand it's a release and I also understand that she's venting here (better to write it down and burn it), but I think it's very difficult to not let that thinking extend unconsciously into our everyday behaviour. I wouldn't be surprised if there's an involuntary grimace on many of our faces when we hear mention of our ex.

Kids will often idealise the bad, abusive parent even if they are in the wrong. Something like this could turn the stepkids against the OP forever.

We should all accept this outcome is a tragedy for all involved, including the BM. I couldn't take any joy from it. I think it's kind of bad taste.


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RE: hahahahaha

and I think it is just desserts...who cares? It should make no difference to any of us if doodle wants to come here and get in a good laugh among those who would understand where she is coming from. Give it a rest.


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RE: hahahahaha

::bringing bible:: slamming on the forum floor now get out!!!


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