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Quick background question for everyone...

Posted by shannon2356 (My Page) on
Wed, Jul 22, 09 at 15:11

Just a few questions so I can try to get everyone's situations straight around here,and I can stop mixing everyone and their family's "dynamics" up!!

1.How long have you been a SM/BM? How old are your kids and stepkids?

2.What is your home situation (ie.married, single, etc..)

3.What is your custodial situation? (ie.EOW, fulltime, 50%, etc..)

I have been a BM for 18 years, my kids are both DD's and they are 18 and 12. My SD's are 18 and 16.

I am married to my DH for 2 years, together for 5+.

We have my girls FT and SD's EOW. It is supposed to be 50% but they prefer their BM's, which I think at their age, is normal because teens like to have a "home base" near their friends, etc...


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Quick background question for everyone...

My DS is 10-1/2 and my FSD is 14. We are both divorced. FDH has an adult son from a previous relationship in which he was never married to the mother.

Currently, I live with my fiance (whom I can now call FDH, officially) and DS. My sister and her girls are living with us because my BIL is on deployment.

I have a joint managing conservatorship with my X, but I have primary custody. X has 1st, 3rd and 5th standard visitation. FSD moved out of state with BM, SF and sister about 1-1/2 years ago. He hardly sees her; he hasn't had the papers modified. Basically she comes when he makes a big enough problem for them. It's been once this year for 48 hours and we'll have her again in a couple of weeks for 3-1/2 days. Probably won't see her again for the rest of the year.

FDH & I are getting married in a couple of weeks. We've been dating almost 7 years.


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RE: Quick background question for everyone...

1.How long have you been a SM/BM? How old are your kids and stepkids?

I have been a BM for 7 years and a SM---well, *officially* for not quite a year, but DH and I have been together for almost 6 years, and lived together for over 3. So I would say I have been in the role of SM for 3 years b/c when we moved in together was when I started doing all the mom/SM type things for SS---ie, picking him up from daycare/school, doing his laundry, cooking for him, bedtime stuff, shopping, etc.

Both the kids are 7 years old. SS is 6 weeks older than DD.

2.What is your home situation (ie.married, single, etc..)

DH and I are married.

3.What is your custodial situation? (ie.EOW, fulltime, 50%, etc..)

DH has joint physical and joint legal custody of SS. He is with us from Wed. at noon until Fri. at noon on alternating weeks and then from Wed. at noon until Mon. at noon the other weeks. It's called a 5-5-2-2 split.

I have full physical and legal custody of DD, her bio-dad has never been in the picture.


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RE: Quick background question for everyone...

I've been a bio mom for almost 23 years. (I'm 40 so it blows my mind to hear myself say that sometimes) My DS is almost 23. He is now married, has a 4 month old (yes, I'm a 40 year old grandma!) & is in the military. His father & I shared custody for about 6 years (when he was 6-12) and then his father crawled back into the woodwork. His stepmother hated me... I believe it partly came from her desire to have a child and had difficulty getting pregnant. She liked to act as if she were my son's mother, until she finally had her own son 10 years ago. They have since divorced and my son still has some contact with his dad and occasionally has contact with his former stepmother so he can see his brother.

I have two younger children that I raised pretty much 100%. They are now 19 & 20. My 20 year old now sees his father occasionally & talks on the phone. My daughter wants nothing to do with her father. She tried to have a relationship with him since she was 12 and he's repeatedly lied to her... I'm hopeful she will someday change her mind.

I am now a stepmother of a 10 year old girl. My (he's my first) husband & I have been together for almost 5 years & married for 3 (next month) [He was married for a couple of years in his 20's but had no kids with her. Very nice lady... she's moved on with her life & doesn't care what he does. In fact, I think she's glad he's happy.] We have primary custody of SD after her mother left her here three weeks after a heated custody trial where she didn't get what she wanted. She met a new BF a week after the trial & moved 3 hours away. We are currently in another custody battle since DH got an order or support and BM does not want to pay. Hopefully that will be resolved in two weeks. [Problems with BM began right about the time we got engaged~ I don't know why.. other than DH and I got serious & maybe she didn't expect him to move on? Nevertheless, she decided that no matter what I do, it's wrong. She puts her kids in the middle of her anger toward me & makes it difficult, if not impossible, to have a great relationship with SD. Despite her effort, SD can get along.. when SD forgets she hates me]

Oh yeah... I lived with my exBF for 7 years & pretty much raised his 3 kids while he worked, got promoted, etc. His kids were all about the same ages as mine. Their mother was a drug addict that left them to join the carnival & came to town once or twice a year for an afternoon (sometimes a couple of days) with the fair/carnival but never came just to see them. She'd see them when her job brought her to town. (I was with him from when I was 22-29, left as I approached 30 because I had wasted enough of my time with someone that didn't want a commitment with me) His kids are all grown now.


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RE: Quick background question for everyone...

1.How long have you been a SM/BM? How old are your kids and stepkids?

I have been a BM for 24+ years. SM for 4 years.

2.What is your home situation (ie.married, single, etc..) Married

3.What is your custodial situation? (ie.EOW, fulltime, 50%, etc..)

DD24 on her own

SD20 lives with us....hubby got full custody of her when she was 4, SD is going to visit her in Aug. first time in 10+ years she will see her BM.

DS17 Lives with his dad visits on wknds and we have dinner once a week.

SS13 and SS11 live with us
SD10 Lives with her mom

After a long battle with BM hubby gave her custody of their daughter and took shared custody of the boys away from her.

SS's visit mom EW and Weds. 2 weeks in the summer and feb. school vacation.

SD10 visits for 4 hours at a time(more when mom goes out or wants time with her BF)nothing in writing as to when SD visits it changes often just about every other week it changes days and times.


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RE: Quick background question for everyone...

1.How long have you been a SM/BM? How old are your kids and stepkids?

I have been a BM for 14 years (was married to her father and divorced him) and a SM for 1 year in August. My daughter is 14 and my step-daughter is 6.

2.What is your home situation (i.e. married, single, etc..)

DH and I are married almost one year. He was married before though not to BM. She has never been married but is upset with us for some reason. They were split before SD was born and been broken up for 6 years.

3.What is your custodial situation? (ie.EOW, fulltime, 50%, etc..)

DH Weekends every other weekend, summer, thanksgiving and christmas, spring break (all rotate yearly) and joint custody.


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