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Lessons from this board

Posted by kkny (My Page) on
Tue, Jul 7, 09 at 13:28

Lets see.

1. From the thread, "This is difficult . . ." FSM (yes, not even married yet) complains about Dad being generous with providing for the mother of his 1 YO.

Lesson Dads should not be generous in providing a good home for children if they are not married to mom.

2. From " Birth mother . . ." Dad should provide for SMs kids college.

3. From numerous threads Dad should feel no obligation to pay for his owns kids college.

4. From Silver Dad either married first wife when she was unequal and had no education (yesterdays model), or if educated, uppity.

5. From Silver, -- the nerve of me to point out that second marriages, especially with kids, dont generally last. Odd staggering against them.

And btw Silver, if you are so much the modern generation and educated, etc. how much does the father of your children provide for their college etc.? And btw when I seperated, it took attorneys a long time to work out irrevocable (in law and in fact) arrangements for DD. Trusts can be changed, wills can be changed, at the end of the day, X ended up leaving property in my name.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Lessons from this board

Oh, and I forgot

If dad cheats, mom must be at fault.

If mom cheats, she is a slut.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Regarding number 1:

I don't recall the exact wording of the original post, but I don't *think* Op was complaining about Dad's support. I think it was subsequent responses that started discussing the support issue.

Secondly...I love how it's fine for a dad to fully support the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN so as long as she's his first wife...but heaven forbid a man remarry, have MORE children and be financially able for his wife to stay home with the children. THEN it's not okay because that is taking valuable money and resources away from his FIRST children. Right KK? Isn't that how it is?


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cheating

"If dad cheats, mom must be at fault.

If mom cheats, she is a slut"

Who said that?!

If dad cheats...DAD is primarily at fault. If mom cheats, MOM is primarily at fault.

IMO.


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reply re: cheating

"If dad cheats, mom must be at fault.

If mom cheats, she is a slut"

Who said that?!

If dad cheats...DAD is primarily at fault. If mom cheats, MOM is primarily at fault.

IMO.


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Love H

LH, thank you for saying that about cheating -- I have been slammed, by Silver and others, that my X cheating had to be somewhat my fault.

As to support, no, I think that men (or women) should not have addiitonal children if they can not support the first. Whether in first marriage or not.


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kkny's rules

"Oh, and I forgot

If dad cheats, mom must be at fault.

If mom cheats, she is a slut."

******************************************************

No No... It's:

If dad cheats, it's the slut that threw herself at him's fault.

If mom cheats, she is still mom... up on her pedestal because she gave birth... even if she's screwing every guy in town... even if she chooses to leave her kids to be with TOM. SHE IS STILL MOM darn it!


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RE: Lessons from this board

Iam, I have never said that. What I have said is that even if dad cheats, he is still D's dad, and I respect that relationship. You would critize me if I didnt act that way. And I have never supported the moms who havent acted like moms. And you know that.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Don't worry, I don't feel personally attacked or anything :)

"4. From Silver Dad either married first wife when she was unequal and had no education (yesterdays model), or if educated, uppity."

I didn't say that. Don't put words in my mouth. You're the one saying the man married the bloomies woman, who was obviously not his equal.

"5. From Silver, -- the nerve of me to point out that second marriages, especially with kids, dont generally last. Odd staggering against them."

That just makes no sense at all. You're right that second marriages fail nearly half again as often as first marriages, especially when children are involved. That doesn't mean my marriage will fail, nor anyone else's on this board. Just because you haven't remarried doesn't mean we will fail at our remarriage.

"And btw Silver, if you are so much the modern generation and educated, etc. how much does the father of your children provide for their college etc.? "

That's none of your business. How much money do you make a year KKNY? How much did you pay for that blouse? Didn't your mother teach you it's rude to ask someone how much they pay for something?

I have said before that I am lucky that the father of my child provides for her. Were my husband and I unable to pay for her college I am confident she would attend anyway due to her father's contribution. Also, we are doubly blessed in that the biological mother of my other daughter is also an equal contributor to her well-being. I am fortunate in that I do not have many of the issues I hear about here. I cannot cannot cannot imagine being in Doodle's shoes, or Love's shoes. The horror. The pain. The feeling of not entirely being in control and of having a mad-person on the loose who very well may injure my family is horrifying to me. I work very very very hard to develop and maintain a good relationship with my ex and his significant other so that my daughter feels comfortable in HER family. HER family includes me and SF and SD, her Bio dad and his family and, were he to remarry, her family as well as SF's family and my family. SF's family, by the way, treats my daughter as one of their own. Because they believe in the true nature of family, what it means to be loving, and generous, and how to completely leave politics out of the lives of children.

And I second Love's statement that I never said, nor did I hear anyone else say that:

woman cheating = slut
man cheating = woman's fault

My lesson? No matter what I say, KKNY will find a way to twist what I say to her own version of the story and slam me with it.


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sure you said it...

I could go back, if I had time or the desire, and find the posts where you say your ex's SO knew he was married & still threw herself at him. There has been lots of blaming TOW. Lots of defending DD's daddy.

and likewise, when I first came to this board, the first comment you ever made to me was to ask me if I was a 'dads girlfriend' and my SD's mom was put on a pedestal, even though I was venting my frustration over her abandoning her DD. I was told by a few... I believe it was you, TOS and FD that 'she is still her mother'.

So, go ahead and rewrite history.


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RE: Lessons from this board

"As to support, no, I think that men (or women) should not have addiitonal children if they can not support the first. Whether in first marriage or not."

I'm not talking about having children if you can't support the first.

But anytime a couple (2nd marriage or not) has more children, that does take financial resources away from the first. That's just life. If DH and I have another baby, that is one more child to feed, diapers, wipes, clothing, medical expenses, activities and all the other costs that go along with raising a child. We will be spending money on that child that otherwise would have gone to SS and DD.

That is exactly why the dad in the post we're referring to needs to get a court order. Then he knows EXACTLY what he is obligated to pay, and he can budget and plan his life accordingly to live up to his responsibilities.

And then people have to determine what sort of support they want to provide in addition to support that is dictated by the courts.

Having more children (in a 2nd OR 1st marriage) might mean that a parent cannnot chip in for a down payment on a house for their children. Does that mean they shouldn't have had more kids? Of course not. It all depends on what you consider "support" to be and it is going to be different for all families.

Some people might only have one child because they want to be able to send that child to private schools, have the best of everything, send him/her to expensive summer camps, Ivy league college, etc. If they had two children, they might not be able to do that. So they make a CHOICE to only have one child because they want to support their child in the way they see fit.

Other people might be fine with having three or four children and sending them to public schools, having a smaller house, not taking big vacations, etc.

Again, these are extreme examples but it all boils down to how you define support.

As long as a man is paying his child support and doing what he says he is going to do, that's what matters.


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Silver -- what do you call this

From the hahah thread

"Posted by silversword (My Page) on Tue, Jul 7, 09 at 11:21

FD, I agree. She probably won't. There is a difference between "mommy" and "mom #2" which is what I said. I have started calling my best friends mom "MOM" after the age of 21 because she ACTED like my mom during that time. It was a term of affection. Who knows what the girl will choose to do? Who knows how their relationship may turn out? We don't know what KKNY was doing to contribute to the demise of her marriage. She could have been cheating too, but the bio-dad was too much of a man to tell the daughter that and took all the blame. Who knows????


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RE: Jeez

"LH, thank you for saying that about cheating -- I have been slammed, by Silver and others, that my X cheating had to be somewhat my fault."

KK, I'm sorry if you really think I slammed you. What I said was that WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I didn't say that you DID anything to make your X cheat. I said there is always the possibility of things happening that we don't know about that could somehow color the relationship between TOW and your DD in the future like you having had another relationship as well. I very carefully stated that within the context of those of us on the board not knowing what the intricacies of your relationship were and are.

Instead of bringing it up here, why didn't you address my first explaination of this on the other thread where you accused me of the same thing? Unless you like feeling like the abused woman?


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RE: Love, and other dirty words

I stand by what I said. I don't think that was a slam. I didn't say that your ex cheating was your fault. I said "We don't know what KKNY was doing to contribute to the demise of her marriage."

I highly doubt your happy DH just decided to go out and cheat on you. Same as my DH didn't just go out and cheat on me. There were circumstances that led up to it. Circumstances that likely are unique to each individual in the relationship and their interaction with one another. I can see what I did to enable my DH to cheat. Not that it's right that he did, but I played my part in the relationship. I was not a bump on the log. We weren't happy together, and he dealt with it differently than I did. His choices sped up the events that led to our divorce. Our divorce = our fault. His cheating = his fault.

My point, that you so cleverly pretend not to see, is that it is up to our children to form relationships with the adults in their life. It is not up to us, as parents, to determine with whom they will have a relationship. Therefore, your DD's relationship with a woman who potentially (notice I didn't say likely) could become her stepmother is HER BUSINESS. Especially since she is an adult.

You seem to think that because you will never say anything bad about her father it shows you love her. Well, her father choose that woman, so I would think that your circle of protection would by default fall over her head as well. If he loves her enough to break up his marriage over the relationship you should love your daughter enough to speak nicely or say nothing about her precious father's girlfriend.

Me, I have no such love. I try to treat those in my X's life with respect. I try to take the high road. It doesn't always happen. But I want my DD, regardless of the fact that her father made mistakes, to be able to form her own opinion without feeling those horrible feelings that I had to feel when my parents divorced, and subsequently remarried: betrayal, guilt, misguided respect and loyalty... all over the one word that's supposed to make us feel good:

LOVE


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Silver -- again

Silver, how many times do you have to critize me? First for maybe cheating, then for complaining about being accused of it. If a non-SM assumes anything, even based on pretty clear allusions in a thread, she is pounced on. I have never said anything inconsistent with I never cheated. Yet you still bring that and the SM brigade says nothing.

Btw, this woman chased him for years. She saw the big german car, etc and etc. Would she have chased him everytime I went out of town (to visit a sick mother, business, etc -- always legitmate trips) had he not been well off? Who knows. If you think I should defend her -- I wonder. Her father will always be her father, and yes, apparently he is already cheating on his current SO. Why he would share that with DD, who knows.

She called me in a drunken stupor complaining it is all my fault why she is not respected in the same way I was by his business associates and family. The only one I talk to is his mom, and only about her grandchild.

I dont feel abused. I think some of the SM brigade thinks they will always get their way. Well wait 10 years, and we'll see.

But thank you for that "apology"


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RE: Lessons from this board

"If dad cheats, it's the slut that threw herself at him's fault.

If mom cheats, she is still mom... up on her pedestal because she gave birth... even if she's screwing every guy in town... even if she chooses to leave her kids to be with TOM. SHE IS STILL MOM darn it!"

This hits the nail on the head with the attitude taken by some here. Dad doesn't catch any of the flack. It's the OW that catches all the venom. Makes me wonder. I don't care how many babies I have with J, if he cheated on me I would not be on a f-ing message board defending him while blaming the OW....it makes you look hung up even if you really and trully are not.

"Having more children (in a 2nd OR 1st marriage) might mean that a parent cannnot chip in for a down payment on a house for their children. Does that mean they shouldn't have had more kids? Of course not. It all depends on what you consider "support" to be and it is going to be different for all families."

To add to this, There is a misundrstanding about what is support and what is spoiling. Amish children are raised with very little material things. Does that make thier parents bad parents. Hell no. As long as the child is fed, clothed, loved and has a roof they are being supported. J and I were not going to NOT have children just because he had two from a previous cruddy marriage. The girls all have plenty of food, a nice room with a TV and DVD player, plenty of toys, nice clothes from nice stores, medical care etc. etc. Do we have alot of money for extracurriculars? Not right now. Do we have money for elaborate family vacations? Nope, but niether does 50% of the rest of the world. I would not have based my decision to have Lay on whether or not the girls could have every frivolous thing they may ever want. They have everything they NEED and thats all tat is important. Anything else is just extra.


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Doodle

Who takes the atititude that it is OK for mom to screw every guy in town and leave her kids for him?


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RE: Lessons from this board

No one may blatantly defend her KKNY but if step momk says anything negative about her or her actions there are excuses made for her left and right.

You also hear that you shouldn't even think bad things about her if you love her children. The kids love her. That's still their mom. The BM is always on an untouchable pedestale thanks to the fact she squirted out a kid or two . It's a total double standard to hold two groups of people (in this case parents and non-parents) to two totally different standards.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Doodlbe, I have supported you in many of your difficult battleis, including the school issue. I do not find the mother's behaivor acceptalbe. To me the line is gloating over someone going to jail -- and I think that is far more disastrous for the child than most everything.


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RE: Lessons from this board

right back where we started...

See, maybe I am just as big of a b*tch as Doodle (note the sarcasm) but I really didn't take it as Doodle gloating over BM going to jail. I took it as her laughing at an embarrassing picture.

When Doodle posted about BM being sentenced to a year in prison, I didn't hear ANYTHING but relief in her post.

The laughing came later and it was over the mug shot/organge jumpsuit, etc. Now, to some that might not be funny, but after all Doodle's been through, I think laughing at that gave her some MUCH needed comic relief. Stress brings out funny reactions in people.

What movie is it where the person busts up laughing at a funeral? I can't remember, but there is some movie where someone starts laughing at a funeral...

Our emotions aren't always controllable, and while you might not agree with Doodle laughing, I truly do not think she was being outright malicious. I think she was getting a good chuckle that moment and would have forgotten about it 10 minutes later had people on here not raked her over the coals over it.

Raise your hand if you have ever snickered at the way someone was dressed, or snickered at an unflattering pic of someone?

My hand is in the air.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Doodle... yes...Need v.s. Want. It's an interesting subject. And different for every family.

KKNY: "Silver, how many times do you have to critize me? First for maybe cheating, then for complaining about being accused of it." I said three times that I didn't accuse you of cheating and that I was making a point, and said once that I am sorry if you interpreted it that way because it wasn't my intention. Drop the bone.

"If you think I should defend her -- I wonder." KKNY, I didn't say you should defend her. Once again, you are twisting my words.

"I have never said anything inconsistent with I never cheated." That sentence makes no sense to me.

I don't know if your TOW would have chased your X if he were not well off. I do know that women go after men for more reasons than money. Looks play a big part too. And emotional stability. Look at the woman asking Doodle's J to mow her lawn. She was a potential TOW and he doesn't have any money to speak of right now. What could she possibly be interested in???? Maybe it was his dashing good looks... maybe it was his relationship with God... maybe it was his caring enough about a fellow human that made her think "hmmm, he'd be a good provider"... maybe she was just lonely and horny and he was the first man to pay her one iota of attention. Every time my DH goes into a particular store we frequent the chick-a-doo behind the counter tells him what beautiful eyes he has, etc... and he tells her "thank you, my wife thinks so too". Individuals are the ones who make the commitment, no matter how much "the Devil" tempts them, runs after them in the guise of a beautiful/handsome, willing, rich person... it's up to the individual to maintain or break the commitment. I don't care how many times someone leaves town and the one behind is bombarded. A happy mate will not stray. Something else must have been going on.

SM Brigade...that's priceless. As if we are one unified group with the sole purpose of bashing bio-moms. What you forget is that most of us are bio-moms too, and many of us were bio-moms before we became SM's. I don't agree with the opinions of half of the people here most of the time. Why are you setting up this dynamic?


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Silver -- give it up

Its not alwasy the mom's fault

"Something else must have been going on. "

I admit, I dont look like I did when I was marrid over 25 years ago, OK.


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RE: 25 years ago

I agree. It's not always the mom's fault. Or the dad's fault. But it's definitely not the TOW's/TOM's fault.

Perhaps that was it. I couldn't begin to guess why your husband would break his marriage vows. I can only guess why mine broke his. And I probably still wouldn't get the intricacies of what was going on in his melon-head.

No matter how you looked, it still wasn't right for him to do what he did. If it were, there wouldn't be a married new mother out there!!! Was there no chance of forgiveness and rebuilding, or was he pretty much over it and didn't care if you forgave him or not, he was leaving anyway?


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RE: Lessons from this board

* Posted by kkny (My Page) on
Tue, Jul 7, 09 at 15:15

Its not alwasy the mom's fault

"Something else must have been going on. "

I admit, I dont look like I did when I was marrid over 25 years ago, OK.

********************************************************************** ***************

Yep, there you go... back on looks! None of us look like we did 25 years ago. That isn't why relationships break up my dear! OK. (well, maybe if you marry someone that is THAT shallow)

and it was my SD's mom that was screwing any guy that she could... posting about it on the internet (but I was criticized for finding it on the internet) But, she even had an ad on craigslist looking for group sex with strangers... and yes, she was defended as being still her mom... FD even said she didn't abandon her DD because she still see's her on weekends. I doubt my SD would agree that she didn't feel abandoned.

But, again... re-write history.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Gone a few days and look at all the fun I missed....


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Ima,

Gee Ima, go ahead and critize my marriage which lasted 25 years. Come back to me when you've been married that long.


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what criticism???

I'll more than likely be dead in 25 years... but you may still be here.. bitter and angry over not looking like you did 25 years ago. Blame all your problems on your fading looks. That helps!


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RE: factious

Ima, I think she was being factious.

This thread was created in part to attack me and I'm being asked to give it up. The irony is astounding.


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RE: Lessons from this board

The irony is that she gets offended when someone tells her that she is obsessed with money (and looks, in my opinion) but that seems to be what she talks about most.

I think I laughed louder than doodle when she said she had a Master's...

It's so freakin' hillarious to me that someone so educated and refined as she 'tries' to portrait herself, can say some of the things she's said over the years. (not to mention the misspellings and bad grammar)

She categorizes people by whether they are a SM or not, it doesn't matter if you have biological children. She wants me to come back in 25 years when I've been married that long.. I can tell her to come back when she's been a parent as long as I have.. I've been a mom for 23 years, she's only been one for 16 or 17. Being married makes you a wife. Being a mom makes you a mother. I've put my time in on the motherhood role...


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RE: Lessons from this board

I dont get offended when you say I am obssessed with money (although I would prefer concerned, which to me is the mark of a responsible adult), thats a small difference. What i get annoyed with is people who say money doesnt matter, its respect etc, while they are asking for someone elses's money at the same time. I've never said I was refined, Ima, and yes I dont generally both to spilcheck on web postings.


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Why do you care?

" * Posted by kkny (My Page) on
Sun, Jul 5, 09 at 16:00

Please dont acuse me of being fixated on money"

Maybe offended is the wrong word.. but you do appear fixated on money. You prefer to say concerned. You get annoyed? Why? Why do you care if someone else gets married for money? Why do you care if a step father pays for college for his step kids? You have your iron clad agreement. You're daughter is provided for. Why would it annoy you?


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RE: Lessons from this board

DAAANG!! Gone for a few weeks and kkny starts a whole thread trying to trash someone lol. Eh, not really a surprise.


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RE: Lessons from this board

I dont doubt for one minute that KKNY has advanced degrees...I just chalk up errors to being in a hurry, or like myself, a poor typist...I see many degreed posters making spelling and grammar mistakes, but now that is really not related to the topic..As much as everyone(and lots of times myself)disagree with her, she does seem to be refined to me...She has her strong opinions, she has infuriated me many times, but I dont really feel she deserves all the scorn heaped on her today.....She is the first one to post Happy Holidays, always congrats on successes, gives sympathy to posters experiencing a loss, yeah, I d say refined because she really does do some classy things..Me, I dont rise to that level, and I d be the first to say that about myself.....


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RE: Lessons from this board

1. From the thread, "This is difficult . . ." FSM (yes, not even married yet) complains about Dad being generous with providing for the mother of his 1 YO.

Most dads' are being 'generous'???/ Most dad's left with the shirts and pants on them and left EVERYTHING , the house, the car and the kids. They were so tired of fighting that they just gave up cause they were psychologically beaten down with all the nagging and fighting. That doesn't mean they dont' love their kids. And it doesn't help when you have a bm who is vindictive enough to pull every penny out of him that he can barely afford a 2 1/2 and when second wife comes and gets him out of debt and back on track to a decent life living, the new woman is accused as the Other woman or the rich girlfriend.......Bm can go F herself in this case...which is mine. He pays her 500 bucks, she gets another 400 bucks per month from the gov...so ..lets see...thats 10,000 dollars of FREE money that she doesn' thave to claim. then she claims both kids on taxes and gets a refund of another 5,000 ....to top off her salary eh???? Who's generous??? and when she turns aroudn and blows it on pot!!!!? which the kids do not know about because we've said nothing..oh yah...BM is such a christian rightous hard working woman of two children...booooohoooo.. load of Fn' Cr*p! ( thats just in my case..not speaking for anyone else here.)sorry had to vent..it touched a nerve.

Lesson Dads should not be generous in providing a good home for children if they are not married to mom.
----> Mom and him should have gotten married and not shacked up together....he's generous regardless by law...and if bm has full custody then its up to mom to provide the good home and stop leeching off her ex or any new boyfriend for her ooops by mistake pregnancy to trap a man. yet another nerve...sorry.

2. From " Birth mother . . ." Dad should provide for SMs kids college...
Nope....kids should work they're way through and get their own loans and do it themselve and not leech off their parents or any other adult.

3. From numerous threads Dad should feel no obligation to pay for his owns kids college.
Agreed. Dad or mother should have no obligation to pay for college. They want the education. Get a job , get the money yourself. Dad and mom should help...only help if needed not because its expected.

Way too many kids , i should say young adults feel entitled. Stop shoving a gold spoon in the mouths , stop enabling them to be lazy or a non selfsufficient person. TEACH THEM to BE INDEPENDANT.

We are all entitled to our opinion...some are stronger than others. We are all humans here and we are trying to do our best in our situation. They're will be days we will disagree but in the end we are human.
I dont believe Kkny is a bad person either. I believe you have strong opinion with life experiences. We dont always agree, we've had our spats...but you've had mentioned in another post that being a SM is harder than being just a bm.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Thank you Dotz and Maria, a lot of strong people here. And Ima, I have every belief you will be here in 25 years.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Oooooh, somebody peed on KK's breakfast this morning.

I'm picturing KK making an "angry toddler" face at her computer while typing all this. You know? That petulant "I'm right and no one can tell me otherwise" face that 3 year olds make? Yeah, that face. It's a funny mental picture.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Ceph, how about saying what I said you disagreed with. And btw, I am not angry and no one peed on my breakfast. I actully had a small breakfast but lunch was great -- lobster.


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RE: Lessons from this board

I really think it is about respecting each other, not attacking. And emotional intelligence is just as important as a Master's degree :D

On another note, and yet the same note, this is pretty funny:)

http://kotaku.com/358523/someone-is-wrong-on-the-internet


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Shannon

Shannon, I only brought up my education when Silver commented that it is or may be a generational issue that women her age are educated etc. and women my age are more dependent on men.

And I see plenty of comments that it is ok to disrepect me, or all moms.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Posted by kkny (My Page) on Tue, Jul 7, 09 at 11:14

"Excuse me, I have a masters and a professional qualification and came into my marriage with as much money as X. Unlike his current SO."

If you want respect, perhaps the best place to start is by giving it. A lot of StepMoms on here have also been cheated on by their ex's, myself included. I think it is the bitterness towards your ex and his SO that is eating you up and making your anger come out at others.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Shannon -- if you bothered to repeat the post, why didnt you drag the one it was in resonse to

" RE: Birth mom behavior clip this post email this post what is this?
see most clipped and recent clippings
PrintPage

Posted by silversword (My Page) on Tue, Jul 7, 09 at 11:10

Ima, Shannon, thank you. Shannon, I understood your "SM paying a downpayment for the SD" comment perfectly. It was precisely what I was trying to say but failed. Regardless of how it is put, there is always going to be the preconception that the daddy is paying for everything, so the SM and her kids should just get in line after the "real" family.
I think Ima that you and I have similar approaches, and you showing how it goes into one pot even though there are seperate pots is a great example. Plus, as you said, you have paid tons of money for things that are s-kid related that have nothing to do with college because you are a family and there are things that need to be done to keep the family healthy and intact.

KKNY, you're right. Maybe this is a generational gap thing. Because now, in this younger generation we are not marrying for status and money and being selfish and greedy. We are creating actual relationships based on love and trust and caring. We have degrees, we make as much or more than our husbands. ...."


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Shannon -- not eating me up

Nothinings eating me up -- but reading the onesideness, selfishness and condescion of some SMs here -- does make me want to be less fair to X.


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RE: Lessons from this board

why would you want to take it out on your x? That is like taking out my frustration with BM on the lady at the grocery store. I don't see the correlation between getting pissed at what is said here, and taking it out on your ex.

If you want to be less fair to your ex, do so because HE had said or done something to make you angry, not because you don't like what is said here. How is that HIS fault?

And you say nothing is eating you up.... well, you know what's not just a river in Egypt. You may disagree all you want, but your anger/bitterness does come out (unless you are just being mean to be mean) because you do have good advice at times, you have been positive and kind at times and I do not regard you as a bad person... hope nobody thinks I would feel that way. But, your negativity that does come out, toward your ex is harmful to your daughter. If you speak negatively about his SO... and it affects whether he sees her in his home or meets her in a restaurant to keep her from his SO or vice versa.. or it affects how she feels about him... or how he feels about her... it's harming her. She may be old enough to see it for herself and he may be damaging his own relationship with her.. but if you are in any way contributing by having a negative attitude... then you are also harming your daughter in the process. And when you say time and time again that you want to take it out on your ex because the SM's here piss you off or say things you don't like or whatever, then you ARE hurting your daughter by wanting to hurt her father. You say you regard him more than his SO because he is the father of your child, but why does it keep coming back to saying you are going to do this or that because of what happens on GW? Even if you don't intend to follow through... you appear spiteful and bitter and mean. and I'm sure in real life you are a nice person and a good friend/mother.

In all honesty, I hope you are not here in 25 years.. on GW I mean. I hope you find peace in your life and no longer have a desire to come to GW and thrash what SM's are doing, in the name of the bio child. Most step parents that come to a website designed for step families, come here because they love their step children, or they want to solve the problems associated with trying to blend. You are not going to change the world or stop people from remarrying & forming step families. And the step parents that come here to b*tch & moan about their step kids and don't want solutions, but just looking to complain, will likely end up divorced anyways. At least here, they do not get support in being THAT kind of step parent. I really hope you find what you need in life, whether it means true love or self love and that you are in a place that makes you happy.. whether it's on a beach enjoying the sun or playing tennis or crafting... anything but here being negative to some unsuspecting SM that is here to find out how she can make her life with her husband and his children better.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Posted by kkny (My Page) on Tue, Jul 7, 09 at 21:44

"Nothinings eating me up -- but reading the onesideness, selfishness and condescion of some SMs here -- does make me want to be less fair to X."

Kkny, there are lots of books that might help because just your words make me think that alot is still eating you up. Just the thought of you blaming your ex for what people say on here, it makes no sense at all...I am NOT criticizing you in the least, we have all been there and it's not a fun place to be at all...

http://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Time-Surviving-Divorce-Building/dp/0060923091/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247020805&sr=1-3

http://www.amazon.com/Moving-Forward-After-Divorce-Perspective/dp/0736917640/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247020805&sr=1-2

http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Divorce-Catalyst-Extraordinary-Life/dp/0061227129/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247020805&sr=1-1


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Barnum & Baily

Geez, enough already. This has turned into a three ring circus. I think at this point everyone is beating a dead horse.

Yea, somebody probably peed in KKNY's cereal this morning or at the very least rubbed some salt into an old (maybe not so old) and painful wound. Clearly she's still angry and hurting. I'm not taking sides or anything here, but KK's taken quite a few blows...

...And to KK - often you're condescending and not the nicest person. I have seen you be a real pill to me and others and it becomes old. It would be nice if you didn't say anything sometimes. It's not because you aren't entitled to an opinion but it's because some of your comments serve only to be antagonistic and mean-spirited. Maybe you don't even realize the way you sound. It's some of those things that elicited the egg toss at you on this thread yesterday.

I hope everyone has cooled off enough because there are other pressing issues that require attention: LH's daughter placed 1st in a swimming competition; Wild Thing had a bad day; Helpwiththis, well she needs help; and Thurman is in distress about his SD.

I hope everyone has a better day :o)
geri


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RE: Lessons from this board

"...But, your negativity that does come out, toward your ex is harmful to your daughter. If you speak negatively about his SO... and it affects whether he sees her in his home or meets her in a restaurant to keep her from his SO or vice versa.. or it affects how she feels about him... or how he feels about her... it's harming her."

So when SM's post all the negative stuff they do about the biomom, that has no effect on the children? I mean, isn't what you're saying that it's the over-arching dynamic of negativity, the internal attitude, that causes all the trouble? Are you saying that kkny's negative feelings that come out in her posts are indicative of her attitude everyday, and that those negative feelings will obviously affect her child's attitude towrad her father? Well, the same goes for SM's. You think your negativity toward biomom doesn't carry over into your daily life? You think how you feel about biomom doesn't affect the child/ren and change their feelings about their other parent on some level? Double standard anyone?


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RE: Lessons from this board

Ima, I meant you would be here, as in the world, in 25 years. I doubt Ivllage will be here in 25 years.

Shannon, Ima and Gerinca, why dont you say somehting about the post I was repsonding to as in "We have degreees, etc" -- the posts that remind me that SMs think they are the greatest etc.

And its what happpens irl that counts Gerina.


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RE: Lessons from this board

I don't see KKNY as angry at all, she just says it how it is. I guess people don't like to hear it.

as about looks, unfortunatelly they do play a role, too many people are obsessed with looks and choose partners based on looks (and men are obesessed wiht weight), the other reason as men get older and reach mid life crisis, they often go for young women. It is not a big secret.

I also have to say that if it is women's fault that men cheated, then it got to be men's fault when women cheat. Most women here complained that their husbands were cheated on in their previous relationships, well i guess it was their fault.


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women depend on men? degree?

Somebody said that women of previous generations were depended on men? Well yeah many many years ago. Certainly not in KKNY or mine age.

My mother is 63 and has college degree and holds manager position, my grandmother was born in 1920 and had a college degree, she was a nurse and later a physician assistant.

As about having degrees, I don't know who can find any kind of jobs nowadays without having a degree. People act like it is something unusual or out of ordinary to have a degree. And most decent jobs REQUIRE to have advanced degree. It is not even that hard to get a degree in the US, it is harder to get admitted in other countries but education is very available for everyone here.

We don't live in 1800s anymore when women didn't go to school, what is the big deal now?


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RE: Lessons from this board

The reason I posted that we (the younger generation of SM's) have degrees too is that KKNY postulated that SM's get married because they are pretty and the bio-dads are rich. She is insinuating that SM's in general are airheads who marry for money and try to take bio-dads money that's for his bio-kids and manipulate him into spending it on her kids. Also, if there is one pot, most of the money is bio-dads. Then, the SM complains because she doesn't want the money spent on the bio-kids, and dad is smarter but goes along with her even though he disagrees, just so he doesn't make waves.

I take offense to that.

"Did SM marry for money? Partially. I doubt even she can decide. Woman meets man, man sees beuatiful woman, woman sees man drving nice car, takes her out to nice restaruants. He says to himself how pretty and nice she is; she says how nice and gracious he is. End of day -- is he marrrying her for her looks, and she for his money -- in part? Whose to say. But regardless, they are now married."

What I was saying by my "in this generation" is that I totally disagree with the way KKNY portrays SM's and their reason for marrying. Perhaps in her circle of friends the men are remarrying young bimbos, but that is certainly not representative of all stepmothers or women who marry for a second time.

Throwing around ones education is ridiculous anyway. I think that's great that you have a college degree. It doesn't make you better than anyone else, let alone emotionally mature enough not to make snide comments about a woman trying to support her kids by working at Bloomingdales. That's the kind of backwards mentality for which I have no respect.

As for the "egg toss", Gerina, this post was an egg toss KKNY started. You can't start throwing eggs in the OP and not expect to get some returned.

Here's the thing. KKNY's husband dumped her for an uneducated yet beautiful bimbo. Thus it is assumed that all second wives are of the same cloth. It is this attitude that is antagonistic and creates discord.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Shannon -- "KKNY, you're right. Maybe this is a generational gap thing. Because now, in this younger generation we are not marrying for status and money and being selfish and greedy. We are creating actual relationships based on love and trust and caring. We have degrees, we make as much or more than our husbands." I have to admit, I probably thought the same when I was in my 30s, 40s.

Shannon - "Here's the thing. KKNY's husband dumped her for an uneducated yet beautiful bimbo" - not entirely true, and I certainly don't assume for all. Sometimes the shoe fits, sometimes SM needs Dads money. Not all.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Actually KK, I posted both of those, not Shannon.


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sorry

Sorry Silver/Shannon


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Silver

Silver - I was trying to lighten the mood. I KNOW KK started the egg toss and that's what I said in the post:

"...And to KK - often you're condescending and not the nicest person. I have seen you be a real pill to me and others and it becomes old. It would be nice if you didn't say anything sometimes. It's not because you aren't entitled to an opinion but it's because some of your comments serve only to be antagonistic and mean-spirited. Maybe you don't even realize the way you sound. It's some of those things that elicited the egg toss at you on this thread yesterday."

I don't think KK is a terrible person at all and she has made some great observations and insights. In her darker moments she sometimes, not always but more often, cherry picks parts of statements and ignores the rest of the post. I believe she does this deliberately to change the connotation of what the person honestly said or meant. She is guilty of doing that to my posts. Her motivation behind this???? We all know that whenever this happens it starts a pizzing match of BM's vs SM's. Nobody likes having words put into their mouth nor do they like having what they say manipulated to the point they look like a shrew; and this is what usually happens with those cherry picked statements. It makes people so angry that they can longer have a calm debate.

Again, I was just trying to lighten the mood and perhaps point out what I felt was the obvious.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Sorry Gerina. I wasn't trying to be snappy, but I am on edge and it probably came out.

I'm a BM and a SM and I don't like generalizations about either. I think I'm doing a pretty good job at both, and I agree, it's much harder to be a SM than a BM. Being a BM comes naturally. I really have to work at my SM abilities. And having a SM myself makes it all the more complicated.

And, being remarried doesn't help in the complication of family issues either. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm as sane as I am, then I look around and I really have very few SM/Second wife issues compared to a lot of you. Thank goodness, because I don't know how y'all do it. The stress must be intense.

*mood lightening*

thank you :)


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RE: Lessons from this board

Silver,

You role as BM, SM and SC must come with mixed blessings. I'm sure being a SC helped you a lot when it came to being a SM yourself - the do's and don'ts. Additionally, as a SM you got to see things through the eyes of your SM and maybe you understood why she behaved as she had. There's always the perception one has of another and then there's the reality once you step into that person's shoes. I can remember a tough boss that I had in my 20's. I liked her but I also thought that she was over the top and persnickety. It was not until I had her position that I truly appreciated and embraced those parts of her - I learned a lot trading places.


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RE: Lessons from this board

of course not everyone married for money. But when women start saying that new husbands owe them and have to pay for their kids etc then questions come to mind...


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RE: Lessons from this board

"of course not everyone married for money. But when women start saying that new husbands owe them and have to pay for their kids etc then questions come to mind..."

Ironically the same thing ran through my mind when I read that A BM had the nerve to volunteer an EX's money without so much as a phone call. Either that or she's trying to make her EX miserable by attempting to control his finances.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Doodle, I think that the only way to deal with this is to calmly step away from the spoons and leave the eggs where ever they may they lie...lol

PS: Can someone please call the staff at "Gardenweb" regarding making a "BM forum" or a "biomom parenting group", because I think that would help with the "Eggtossing". Perhaps we could move it all over to the new board.:) I come here for support and help and to see how other STEP-PARENTS are doing, what I can do differently to make life better, what I am doing right, what I am doing wrong, and how to improve things for DH, me, bio and step kids. :D


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Shannon I know you are right but....

"Nothinings eating me up -- but reading the onesideness, selfishness and condescion of some SMs here -- does make me want to be less fair to X."

Statements like this drive me nuts. It's just funny that ironically alot of the SM's think BM's are onesided, selfish and condensending. Taking disdain for the NEW wife out on the EX happens more than people here would like to admit. I totally feel like the over stepping BM was looking at the situation like the more money she accounted for the less there would be for the SM and her kids to have. She wasn't really trying to be a good parent it just so happens she could make it look like that was her motive. If she was trully just being a concerned parent she would of spoken with the childs father...bottom line. Instead she tried to send the message that she was still in control and was calling the shots sending a clear message to the Ex and his wife that she was not going to go away just becasue the daughter is now an adult. The BM is still trying to use her kids to control.

The bottomline point point is what the EX and NEW wife do with their finances is no ones business as long as the court order has been met and if the "kid" is 29 the damn order has been met! There isn't even a teeny bit of a case to be had in this specific situatiton yet we keep going round and round the mulberry bush. It's aggravating.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Doodle -- I said want to, not would.

Which "overstepping BM" are you talking about? The one who wanted money for her kid's downpayment - what in the world makes you think that was generated by any desire that there be less money for SM and her kids? Even the OP didn't suspect that, she just thought the mom was a meddler and that she needed the money for her kids college.

Of course the Exs fiances are relevant -- unless you want to take the position that dad shouldnt do anyting "extra" for his kids.


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Cause I'm keeping it real

"what in the world makes you think that was generated by any desire that there be less money for SM and her kids?"

If the OP THOUGHT that she wouldn't dare say it hher for fear of been ripped apart.

I said that because the outlandish way the BM handled the situation calls for an outlandish motive. And releveant or not it is none of the BM's Ddamned business. If the daughter wanted help SHE would of came to dad. BM was out of line. There is no way around it. She is controlling and ten bucks says that was part of the reason her marriage failed.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Doodle, you and I dont know the history. The OP may not even know it all. The Dad obviously has a fair amount of money, and may have indicted in the past that he would help with his own D's house. We don't know why the first marriage ended. But yes, when all else fails, blame it all on mom. I doubt OP was worried about getting critized, as she herelf indicated that her DH was paying for her kids college.


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Of for crying out loud

"DH was paying for her kids college."

Keep reminding us less we forget KKNY. What a BASTAR* for helping out with his step children. May I remind you Layla doesn't get everything brand new since I help pay for her step sisters things...it's a two wqay street. In a family thats how it works. All kids do not ALWAYS get what they want. Thats true in an all BIO situation.

It still doesn't excuse the fact that BM is a pushy twat sticking her divorced nose in places it does not belong and I would have serious words with her if I was that DH. had she gone about it differently it wouldn't of been such a big deal. It was the control freak route which she took that rubbed everyone the wrong way.


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Every family different

Doodle, every family is different. Yours, OPs, mine.

We don't know if the mom had gone about differently it wouldn't have been a big deal. Dad may have said, no help with house, don't have money. And my guess is OP can call up the mom if she wants. Of course, OP has already said she feel quilty, so she may not, but anyone can pick up a phone. But if your advice to OP is call up mom and chew her out, you should say that. Dont know how much good that will do.

I never said dad was a (your word) for paying for the stepkids college -- what I have said was that should be paid for by the kids bio parents. If you want to provide for your steps (who apparently came into your life at an earlier age than OP's kids came into her DHs), that is your priviledge.


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Another double standard alert

"that is your priviledge"

Oh I see. So it's a priveledge if a step parent wants to pay for a step childs needs but if a bio parent chooses to help pay for a step childs need then it's unfairly taking away from the bio children.

Your views are so warped there is just absolutely no fairness in anything you say KKNY. If it isn't the first wife and her kids you just don't care. That's the facts. Good thing I don't take your attitude or the poor girls would be screwed.


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RE: Lessons from this board

kkny, you finally "got it", that which most people are really complaining about including the OP.
"We don't know if the mom had gone about differently it wouldn't have been a big deal." Exactly!!!
She should not have told the daughter what her dad will do. She should have discussed it with the dad first.


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RE: Lessons from this board

eandhl, from the way the OP spoke, that DH may complain, but would give in eventually, my guess is the mom may have made a deliberate decision as to how to go. We'll just have to disagree on this one.


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RE: Lessons from this board

There's a very clear line here. And in the end, we'll all have to agree to disagree.
But kkny, you cannot defend a human being, regardless of what title she holds , the fact remains is the mother decided on something that was not her decision to make. Not her cash to do with. She is in the wrong . completely. Dont use the sd or caring for her as an excuse. Bottom line. Not her decision to make.
There a many people in alot of our situations, whether it be bm or sm or sf or bf or gf or even MIL, , that make decisions that are NOT theirs to make. THose people, regardless of title, are WRONG. And if you defend that, sorry , imo, that is very warped. That's crossing the line and you have complain alot in the past that sm cross the line and yet you are defending a bm on the previous post when she is obviously crossing the line. Please dont' use the kids as an ends to the meaning.


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Organic

Well, like I said, we'll just have to agree to diasgree on this one. So what is your advice to OP???


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RE: Lessons from this board

Ima said: "If mom cheats, she is still mom... up on her pedestal because she gave birth... even if she's screwing every guy in town... even if she chooses to leave her kids to be with TOM. SHE IS STILL MOM darn it"

But you forgot to add in there that dad's new SO HAS to be the reason for the divorce even if dad's new SO came along 2 years after the divorce was final AND after mom re-married and got pregnant by TOM.


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RE: Lessons from this board

"But you forgot to add in there that dad's new SO HAS to be the reason for the divorce even if dad's new SO came along 2 years after the divorce was final AND after mom re-married and got pregnant by TOM."

Yep. That too. I've been accused of it. Not just by crazy BM but by crazy BM's on this site.

KKNY-

My advice to the OP would be that ultimately it's up to the father but I don't blame her for thinking BM went across the line. If I was OP I would also tell my DH so. This is most important if they share money in a pot. I wouldn't just sit back and say nothing though.

I might say "Damn, I thought you divorced that b*tch. Are you STILL letting her call the shots in our home? I have a problem with that honey. IF SD wants money than SD needs to be the one to come to us. BM was way out of line putting words in our mouths."


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RE: Lessons from this board

"Either that or she's trying to make her EX miserable by attempting to control his finances."

....or trying to help her child with the house. often moms wants things for their kids not because they want exes to be miserable but because they care about their children. pretty simple. maybe it is a surprise for you but most people can't care less about their exes ot other people's exes.


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doddle

"I might say "Damn, I thought you divorced that b*tch"

wow. just wow. is that how you talk at home?


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Finedreams aka mrs juddgmental

If it's just J and I up after everyone has been in bed and we are having adult time....yes, GASP, I might.


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RE: Lessons

"....or trying to help her child with the house. often moms wants things for their kids not because they want exes to be miserable but because they care about their children. pretty simple. maybe it is a surprise for you but most people can't care less about their exes ot other people's exes."

Had she handled it like a normal adult I might be more apt to believe this but by putting words in DH's mouth she was being overbearing and controling. No way around it.


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Bad dreams

"I might say "Damn, I thought you divorced that b*tch"

Great jog ignoring the rest of the paragraph that went with this by the way. You didn't have anything to say about SD coming to dad personally or BM being out of line. It was easier to make me the villain because of language in the first sentence. News Flash....people cuss. MOST people cuss when they are in their personal spaces with their very adult partner. I know everyone here will say "Oh gosh golly gee I would NEVER use NAUGHTY words" but whatever. You people arn't normal. When they get annoyed and frustrated people tend to do it more and lately this place is annoying and frustrating me.

If you think I have potty mouth you should hear BM FYI. OH, wait. That's OK though because she is mentally ill and can't help it. Never mind she talks that way IN FRONT of the kids. SHe is still BM so the kids will love her regardless so for that reason only SM's should be saints!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!


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RE: Lessons from this board

Doodble, Finedreams has commented on the general issue of how mom should have pursued this, but also commenting on it has to be taken in context (did Dad agree earlier to help? etc.).

Why are you upset if you stepchildren love their mother? I can understand you are upset with her being irresponsible, but why does it bother you if kids love her regardless???


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RE: Lessons from this board

OH SHUT UP KKNY. It doesn't BOTHER me but that is the EXCUSE that is used by crazy irrationals like yourself to excuse bio parent behavior. "It's still their mom" how many times has that been said on here?! No mtter what kindof disgusting F-ed up stunt they pull they remain on the pedestale of bio perndom but if a step parent cusses it's "tiisk-tisk" I guess when the BM SUCKS as a role model it totally falls on the step parent to be perfect and pick up every ounce of her slack. ONLY when it's convienient though....SM's shouldn't go to Dr.s visits or schoo meetings.


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Well what did the ARGH mean?

You said ARGH as to kids still loving their mom. I have never excused irresponsible behaivor, but yes SM not a mom, except in very unusual circumstances. In your case, Dad is mostly SAHD, he can certainly do these things.


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Just a thought

(did Dad agree earlier to help? etc.).

I would guess NO if it wasn't in the almighty "agreement" you are always preaching about. It should of been discust and put in the agreement just like Step Parents should discus all this off the wall crap before getting married. You are awful quick to say WE are suppose to consider all possibilities:

EXAMPLE:

What if DD wins the smartest kid in the state and needs tickets to France for the World wide competition and also a solid gold beret to wear and admission fee's to participate and spending money to go on the Eifele tower tour with her group and OH don't forget BM needs money cause she's going too adn of course they will only stay in the BEST hotel....ALL THESE THINGS SHOULD BE DISCUSSED! These are allpossibilities that need to mulled over BEFORE marriage.

Never mind that Step daughter is in bad need of glasses or is already enrolled in a class. CUT THAT KID OFF!!!! BM's DD comes first! How dare that step kid ROB a Bio child of daddy's money. DD NEEDS HERE GOLDEN BERET! HAHAHA

Ao IMHO if she didn't have in the agreement it don't mean squat and IF DH decides to say no, guess what? There is nothing BM can do about it accept fume.


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No KKNY it doesn't

"except in very unusual circumstances"

Like MY circumstance you mean.

and NO the girls loving their mother does not bother me...it pisses me off at BM that she doesn't seem to care though.


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examples

"he can certainly do these things:

do what things? Be an example? They look to a woman for that KKNY and their mom is not aorund so they look to me. Given the choice they will come to me for almost everything not because they don't love their daddy becasue they do but because they desperatly want a MAMA. I AM THEIR MAMA.


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RE: Lessons from this board

"and also a solid gold beret to wear"

ROFL!


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RE: Lessons from this board

"Great jog ignoring the rest of the paragraph that went with this by the way. You didn't have anything to say about SD coming to dad personally or BM being out of line.
If you think I have potty mouth you should hear BM FYI."

i said about 15 times that mom had to discuss with dad first and she sounds pushy, i said that many times, but mom isn't posting here so we do not really know what and how she said it. could be that SD made it up to get money out of dad, could be that mom and dad decided with the house but SM was not informed, could be many things. OP is the one who posts here, not mom.

as about bad mouth i don't care. i occassionally use bad words, but you said that SM has to refer to her DH's exwife in these terms. I just thing it is too extreme, i don't think there is any need to refer to DH's exspouse in such terms. I would not listen to anyone refering to my DD's father in such terms. and i hope he wouldn't let his wife talking like this about me. not like she would though.


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Fine dreams replies

Sm doesn't have to refer to BM as B*tch but if BM did this to me I deffinalty would.

B*tchy is as B*tchy does after all.

P.S. J calls BM that all the time. AND NO NOT ANYWHERE WHERE THE GIRLS COULS HEAR!!!!!

Let me squelch that before everyone has a heart attack.


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gold beret, good idea

Gold beret, it is actually funny...hahah DD would look good in it. hahah I and DD went to Paris in April and we did stayed right across from Louvre. Not the best hotel, but a nice one. Although DD doesn't have gold beret, she has golden shoes, they are so gross gold and shiny, they overshine Paris roof tops, they look so ridicilous. hahaha DD wears unusual clothes so gold beret would be right in style. hah Oh boy. she bought earings in Paris, in one ear is Red Ridding Hood and the in other is the Wolf. hahah You got the picture what she wears...Now i wished we bought a gold beret to match. too funny.

but on a serious note, I mean gold beret is bizzare but if kid really is the smartest and got a trip to go to and there is money, why not pay for it? who is to decide what is more important? BTW trips to France aren't that expensive, cheaper than travelling around the US.


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I think you

I meant a solid gold beret Finedrams.
The pointI was trying to make was that what some folks EXPECT is outlandish to others. On teh same hand it is reidiculous to expect a potential new spouse to see this sort of off the wall expense pop up.

I think a trip to France for two with a solid gold beret would still be considered a pretty major expense for most folks Finedreams. No one that I know could go at the drop off a hat anyway.


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RE: Lessons from this board

Posted by doodleboo (My Page) on Thu, Jul 9, 09 at 11:04

"It still doesn't excuse the fact that BM is a pushy twat sticking her divorced nose in places it does not belong "


hahaha, doodle you crack me up...pushy tw@t....hahaha...I haven't heard that one in years...hehehe....


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Shannon

Glad you appreciate my "keeping it real" ness. I have tried to be all politically correct on this site but you get crucified either way so you might as well say what you MEAN! LOL.


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RE: Lessons from this board

I've learned each of us deserve a lamp to the head at some time, for one reason or another.


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RE: Lessons from this board

I was kidding about solid gold beret LOl. It was just funny to me because of the silly golden shoes DD has. No i don't think people should buy solid gold things (unless again they can afford it which is unlikely). Or ask exspouses to pay for this stuff. of course no one would discuss it in divorce proceeding. But downpayment for a hosue is not that unusual and it is possible mom and dad discussed it previously.


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Finedreams

On the subject of LOUD fashion taste in kids.....

The girls had Disney Princess dresses. On had a Cinderella dress and the other had a Sleeping Beauty dress. They were big a poofy with lots of tulle and sequins and they came with the matching crown.

They were really cute dresses untill about a year went by and then they were torn, dingey and too small. The sequins were falling off and the girls lost the tiaras. The hard thing was they were always wanting to wear them in public. LOL. They would wear them with jeans and chuck t's. It drove me nuts but they loved them so much I always caved.

I guess they were rocking the grundge look. They would have fit right in a Nirvana or Alice in Chains video. I was o glad when they got new ones last CHristmas from my parents and THANK GOD they no longer feel the need to wear them in public:)


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RE: Lessons from this board

I know when my D was little, she had a favoite Disney dress. She wore it and wore. One time we were out of town and we had to get the hotel to clean it. She wanted me to get a matching dress. As she grew and grew (she only grew taller, still skinnny), I made a petticoat to go under it to add inches it.


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kkny

Had I kown had to sew back then I might of tried to remove the ripped tulle and done some damage control on the sequins, etc etc. I didn't know a needle from a seam ripper back then. That was pre-sewing class days.

I think they have outgrown the disney stuff anyway. They are totally into Hannah Montanna these days. LOL


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RE: Lessons from this board

I am old enougth they taught sewing when I went to school (girls only). I have made capes etc to round out Disney outfits. My XMIL had given me a sewing machine when we were married. X allowed me to keep. Hahaha.

and btw when I said we had to get cleaned at hotel, I did wash myself when we were are thom.


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tattered dress

KKNY-

It got to the point where I was afraid to wash them becasue everytime I ran them through the machine another piece fell off. LOL. I think they had those things for three years with CONSTANT wear and tear. They were utterly hideous by the time the girls lost interest.


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RE: Lessons from this board

BTDT, yes kids can have a favorite stuffed animal, outfit, blankee, book etc.


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RE: Lessons from this board

DD still has favorite things that she wears and wears until it gets embarassing. my least favorite phase was when she made her own teeshirts (her own prints on them I mean) and her own clothes, oh my, she made one skirt that i used to hide from her. LOL oh my, that was something.

when she was in a middle and beginning of high school almost all of her clothes was some kind of bands, if she couldn't find them she would make her own prints on t-shirts. like all of her clothes was this way, thanks G_d at least she doesn't wear Libertines or Nirvana shirts anymore. LOL at some point everything including walls in her room and every item she owned were adorned wiht something related to Libertines. I guess she grew up now, that's over...


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RE: Lessons from this board

"you get crucified either way so you might as well say what you MEAN! LOL."

See and I just thought you were showing off your new "piercings"


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