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chris70x7

Question about being a stepmom

chris70x7
13 years ago

I am looking for some advice on this situation. I have a stepson who hates me (seems this is the norm for stepmoms). He thinks I am the reason for his parents not being married although I wasn't even around when they got divorced and she was married before I was dating his father. We have been married for ten years, and have 4 boys together. I think I have tried just about everything to make things better. I have tried to make him feel welcome in our home when he comes for a visit. I have tried making sure he has deodrant, tooth paste tooth brush, socks underwear (just normal things you would need when coming and staying at someones house that you don't go to very often). I have tried just laying low to stay out of his way and I have tried the opposite. I think anything I do is an offense to him. Anyway, it isn't the fact that he doesn't like me, I can't help that but what it the difficult part is the tenseness that it brings to our house for the short time he is here. So I am wondering if this would be a better approach I know that this boy only wants to be with his dad. I think he is jealous of his brothers that get their dad all the time. So I an wondering if it would be best if we should save money and every once in a while when we have enough saved, my husband go spend the weekend with him in his own town instead of him coming here. I understand that until he is probably about 30 years old he will probably be angry with me and I am wondering if I wasn't around for him to constantly looking for something to dislike me for if it would be best. He could have his dad all to himself, and not have to share him. I know this isn't normal but I am trying to find a way to keep his relationship with his dad, and not have a strain on our marriage and difficulties with the other children. Although this boy has never said anything to my face, he goes home and tells his mom. He cannot even be in the same room with me, when I walk in he leaves, he is almost 16 years old. We have tried to talk to him giving him a chance to say something but he will not. It would be easier if he would just come out and say he doesn't like me, then at least it wouldn't be a secret anger towards me. What I am wondering is if this is a good idea or if it is a terrible one? Should we just let him come when he wants and suffer through it when he comes, causing strain on the rest of the family or what? Also for a few years now it has been his decision if he wants to come we haven't pressured him. We know it would be terrible to have him come when he doesn't want to be here, we have been surprised that he has been coming on his own. His mom also knows this since we have talked to her about it. I hope this makes sense, I tried to condense the 10 years into a short summary

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