Not so different!!!

14 years ago

So my DS comes over last night complaining about his dad and SM big ole b*(&fest ..on and on to my DH his SF. How his dad flipped out on him because he didn't refill the kool-aid jug and forgets to flush the toilet (mind you he is 17) and he is just going on and on ... I finally said ... you know I would be flipping out too ... but SM says I am doing it on purpose, just to piss her off.

Whether or not you are I don't care but come on not filling the kool-aid jug would drive me nuts too and not flushing well thats just gross. He says he just forgets wants to get back to what he was doing (chatting with friends on the comp).

Then he is complaining about her because she hates that he sleeps till 2 in the after noon (how dare she) I said kid look I work all day and I would be pissed too if I came home from working all day and you were still sleeping but I knew you had been up because you left me a present in the bowl and the kool-aid jug was on the counter.

He then says you wouldn't care if I did that stuff ... I said nope not all that great you would get in trouble here too for stupid stuff like that :)

Hubby agreed with me saying yeah she gives my kids a hard time about the same stuff ... :)

My perfect children are not so perfect :(

I had to take myself off the pedestal and support ex and his wife ... they are complaining about the same stuff I would.

Here is a list of my pet peeves:

Sleeping all day

TV's on all night and all day

Sitting in front of the computer all day (I mean hours and hours)

AC on all day no windows open or shades

I get home from work 4 tv's on (3 of them on disney channel), 3 computers, 2 ac's running full speed, atleast 1 kid sleeping, sink full of dishes, coffee table full of cups, half empty bottles of water all over the house ... these are my issues!!! If my son was here full time I would have to add presents in the bowl and empty koolaid jugs!!!!

Comments (10)

sweeby
14 years ago
Yep! Just because they're ours doesn't make them perfect.

I remember yelling at DS once when Dad and future StepMom came to pick him up, and SM started to climb into the (little) back seat of the car so 10 year old DS could sit up front. I told DS to get out of the car and give the front seat to the adult! They all tried to say they didn't mind, but I said "Well I do! It's not polite and it's not safe, and I won't support that kind of rudeness just because SM is too nice to complain."
imamommy
14 years ago
So true!!! (I think people get hung up on 'step' and take it personally because it's a step... parent or kid, when the truth is that proper conduct is proper conduct)

I can only imagine how wonderful it would be if my SD's mom would talk that way to her daughter.

"mommy, SM won't let me watch R rated movies"... "well, you are only 10 and you're too young to watch that sort of thing" (instead of letting her watch anything she wants because mean daddy & SM said no)

"mommy, SM gave me oatmeal and I don't like oatmeal"... "well, oatmeal is good for you, but did you tell daddy or SM you don't like oatmeal? How are they supposed to know if you don't tell them? (instead of trying to start a fight in front of SD with SM because SM is abusing SD by making her eat oatmeal)

"mommy, they make me go to bed early & I never get to have any fun."... "well, you need your rest so you can do well in school." (instead of saying 'poor baby, they are so mean' and letting her stay up as late as she wants and do anything she wants that she thinks is fun... even if it's dangerous)

Yeah, that's just a fantasy I know. But pseudo, you're a good mom and I've had that same talk with my son when he was that age. He's 20 now & much better (gets along better with my husband) but he tried the 'you would let me .... ' and no, I wouldn't. What is it with boys and the toilet??? (being gross... both my son's did gross stuff too!)
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lovehadley
14 years ago
"I think people get hung up on 'step' and take it personally because it's a step... parent or kid, when the truth is that proper conduct is proper conduct"

Absolutely!

I think the hardest thing---at least for me---is feeling natural about things. I don't think TWICE about correcting my DD because I'm her mom and that's my job! I am MUCH more hesitant to say or do anything with SS because I feel like it's not my place....but ALL this does is create issues and tension between me and my DH.

Ok--kind of a sidetrack--but along the whole toilet issue, I have a question.

Do your DHs/sons/stepsons leave the toilet seat up? Do you ask them to put it down?

I argue w/my DH about this. OMG don't laugh, but my DH sits to pee! I don't know why. But SS stands, and he lifts the seat and leaves it up all the time. I am always reminding him to put it down when he's finished. Well, my DH says that is ridiculous, and that it's just as easy for ME to put it down and why is it the guy's job to put it down. He says it could just as easily be the rule that the WOMAN should put it up when she's finished peeing. Ok, I get his point, but I thought it was just standard etiquette that the man put the seat back down when he's finished.

What is proper "toilet etiquette" in your opinion?
pseudo_mom
Original Author
14 years ago
Up down I don't care hubby sits to "go" too ... back issues.

Just don't pee on the seat if you do clean it up ... nothing worse than sitting in someone elses pee first thing in the morning especially on cold mornings!!!!

Guess that was one DS's SM complained about too ... she lives with 3 males and prefers the seat down.
sweeby
14 years ago
"nothing worse than sitting in someone elses pee first thing in the morning especially on cold mornings!!!!"

I remember when my boys were little and left 'dribbles'. I called the culprit into the bathroom, pointed to the wet seat and said "Sit down!" Of course, I got the "Oooh -- gross!" To which, all I had to say was Clean it up -- or sit on it. Your choice." They're both really good now ;-)
wild_thing
14 years ago
What?!! My kids are not perfect?! Waddya mean?
;)
stargazzer
14 years ago
My husband's dad raised him to say nothing if you can't say something good about someone. He was very strict with all his kids regarding that. I don't think I ever heard him say anything bad about people except for one lady at work. She picked up a hammer and went for him when his back was turned. She deserved to be bad mouthed. I wish my mom would have done that. It gets to be a very bad habit and it would be better for you son if you told him that, advise him to look for good things about her instead of bad. It might make him a better man when he grows up.
pseudo_mom
Original Author
14 years ago
He usually gets along great with his SM no complaints in 8 years.... just got to her that at 17 he's pulling the stuff he did at 7 :)
organic_maria
14 years ago
My son is almost 4 and i got pist off cause i told him to clean up and he said NOO..and i mean with passion..but i got so angry and i said what did you say? he said...no! so i took him and gave him a swat on the butt which my ss froze while watching me and i told my son dont talk back to mommy and you will sit and not play with SS. After 5 min..he cleaned up. Ss tried to help. I know he wanted to do it for his brother but i aksed him please dont. Its his job now to do it and he got punished for saying no...but thanks for thinking of helpingand wanting to.
I'm a fair person. I have always demanded that of myself and others. And my son is not special. He needs to be responsible of his stuff and his actions...even at another persons house. I make sure he cleans up after himself.
and my ss forgets to flush the toilet after a number 2...yuk..and his dad yells at him too...heck i yell at my husband when he misses his aim!!!! RRRRRRR men!
ashley1979
14 years ago
I soooooooo agree, Pseudo! That's exactly my point with FDH. When his DD was here over Christmas, he was taking towels from our bathroom and giving them to her to use. Not a big deal, but I asked him why he was doing that. He seriously told me that it was because she was a girl. That totally pist me off because the towels in the main bathroom are the towels I had in my apartment before I moved in. And am I not a girl??? Come on!!!

He treats my DS the same way, but his DD has to have special everything. Even before she moved away. Funny thing is.....it still doesn't win him any points.

My DS doesn't get away with much around our house and that's how I want it to be (within reason, of course). Since my sister lives there, he has 3 adults watching his every move every day. Not to mention his dad and GF on their weekends. Someone's always catching him doing/not doing something.

As far asthe toilet, the stance in our home is a bit different. FDH is the one that not only wants the seat down, but the lid down as well. It was hard to get used to, but his reasoning made sense. He said that he wants the lid closed so that stuff doesn't fall in the toilet, accidental or otherwise. And I agree wholeheartedly. I don't want MY toothbrush to accidentally fall in the toilet.

Not so different!!!

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