Return to the Stepfamily Forum | Post a Follow-Up

In and out in 30 minutes!

Posted by lovehadley (My Page) on
Thu, Jul 2, 09 at 11:43


There is now an addition to the parenting plan! It states BM will not consume alcohol 4 hrs prior to and during custody/visitation of her son. IF she violates it, it is a police-calling offense!


DH and I are thrilled! It is finally 100% on court record that she has a drinking problem. And she is being held accountable.

It was so quick and easy! Our attorney was prepping us for a hearing and a fight, and was strongly warning us that we might not get it.

Anyway, it went like this---got to court, and the attorneys and GAL all conferred. The GAL proposed this addition to the parenting plan and, as expected, BM and her attorney said no way, not signing.

Then our attorney said that's fine, but we are going to ask for a hearing today, and do you really want to put your client through the embarrassment of having to sit on the stand and testify about her behavior that night, her DWI, etc? She said WE are ready to proceed with that, but think about if this is REALLY what your client wants to do.

Then the GAL stepped forward and told the attorneys that he feels BM has a problem and he fully supported a hearing and that he was going to recommend supervised visits to the judge if it went to a hearing.

So basically a little strong-arming worked! BM and her attorney consulted for a few minutes and BM consented to the order!

We were asking for 12 hrs prior, didn't get that, but we did get 4! So she cannot drink 4 hrs prior to having SS or anytime during her custody time.

It's over, it's done, and hopefully this is the LAST time we will be in court! And it was so quick--seriously, we were in and out in less than 30 minutes!


Follow-Up Postings:

RE: In and out in 30 minutes!


Give her enough rope, she'll hang herself. Now, if she does anything stupid while SS is with her... well, hopefully she won't.

RE: In and out in 30 minutes!

Enjoy the win --

RE: In and out in 30 minutes!

Glad to hear it. I'm sure that will be better for SS in the long run.

RE: In and out in 30 minutes!


Hopefully this will get her in check. If she's anything like Bm though she'll blow it and wind up arrested. At least there is an order in place to bust her now:)

RE: In and out in 30 minutes!


RE: In and out in 30 minutes!

I'm very happy for you!!:-)

RE: In and out in 30 minutes!

great!!!! i am glad it worked.


the only problem i see how to enforce her not drinking. how can anyone know if she drank 4 hours prior or not? unless you constantly give her tests how would you monitor it? even if she drinks wiht SS present. unless she gets seriously drunk and gets in big trouble who is going to know if she drinks or not?

RE: In and out in 30 minutes!

Good points, FD and, unfortunately, they are very true.

This is not really an enforceable order, short of BM being completely trashed and calling DH or something.

BUT what it does do is put her drinking problem 100% on court record. And THAT is worth a lot, if not now, then down the road should her drinking escalate.

I really believe she is an alcoholic. And alcoholics, without treatment, get worse because it is a progressive thing. If I look at BM now compared to 5 years ago--she might go OUT to bars less b/c she has two kids, and is *busier.* But she drinks more at home than ever before AND she has done things over the course of time I never would have thought.

Never would have thought she'd ditch her son on Christmas Eve to get drunk. But she did. She wouldn't have a few years ago.

Never would have thought she would drink her way through an entire pregnancy. But she did.

Never would have thought she would get a DWI. But she did.

Never would have thought she would actually try to drive with her son while drunk. But she did.

She used to be better at keeping her drinking *separate* from SS. She would go out and party it up on the nights he was with us, but not when she had him. But as her drinking worsened, she was unable to separate it as well. It started with her drinking wine at home. Then she started going out drinking and leaving her hubby home with the baby AND SS.

So she has definitely gotten worse over the years, espeically in terms of exposing SS to it. My guess is if she doesn't get into recovery, she will eventually screw up again. And if/when she does, and it affects SS, we have the court record that she has a drinking problem.

I hate to even talk like this because obviously the BEST THING would be for her to get herself together. SS needs her in his life.

BUt if she doesn't do that--and when she messes up again, this order puts my DH in a good position to go for full custody. He has proof, on court record, in their custody file, that she has a drinking problem.

Also---BM has been all talk about filing a motion to modify school district and even though we weren't really that worried about it, it was still a concern. But as our attorney pointed out, NO JUDGE is gonna give her back residential custody when she clearly has a problem with alcohol....because at some point, my DH could wind up with primary custody.

and if her drinking gets worse, and it is affecting SS, DH absolutely will go after it.

RE: In and out in 30 minutes!

I wish you the best. My guess is she will either improve or fall down further. Having the order is important, to document the history of problems, and not just your word.

 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!

Return to the Stepfamily Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Please review our Rules of Play before posting.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.

Learn more about in-text links on this page here