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taking advantage?

Posted by GarfieldC (My Page) on
Tue, Jul 17, 12 at 5:14

Hi all,

I could do with some advice with this issue we are cuurently having. What do you do with a step daughter, that�s left college, spending all her time at her boyfriends and when she is home she does nothing. She supposed to be getting a job, but is wasting so must time and dragging her feet. Her boyfriend thinks its fine to spend all is money on her, which gives her even less motivation to get employment. She�s asked if her boyfriend can stay over, we have said no since they have only been together a few months and we are not comfortable with it. When we tell her now, she just ignores us and give attitude...

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: taking advantage?

When she's working and has her own home she can do what she likes. In someone else's home, being supported by the someone else, they get to make the rules. If she doesn't like it, the solution is open to her.

RE: taking advantage?

Should not matter if this young adult is a stepfamily situation or a intact bio-family...the daughter is taking advantage of a free ride and should not be tolerated.

Sit down with Dad and come up with your game plan. After agreeing to what the plan is either Dad or as a unit you/Dad lay it out to the young lady. Being ignored and giving attitude does not cut it anymore. Dad must be firm on this point. No, the BF can not stay over, now or even months from now. You're not a hotel. It has nothing to do with how long she's known him and/or how serious they are. Does not matter. Your home, your rules. Little lady wants her cake and to eat it too. It must be made clear to her that if she wants a carefree no responsibility life, it is not going to happen in your home.

If BF seems to have plenty of money to spend, I have to assume he has a job. Perhaps the girl believes she will marry him and he'll just support her. Does not matter. If that's her plan, she can just move in with BF now. Yeah, not a great idea, but that part is her own choice to make.

The part that lays with Dad/you is drawing up the plan and rules that will be followed and goals reached in your home. If the girl wants to live in a bubble of 'love', she's welcome to it, but not in your home. The important part is that you and Dad stand united on the plan/goals as a part of remaining in your home. If you're not united, you have a whole new problem.

RE: taking advantage?

I'd have to agree with everyone else here. How old is she? I mean depending on her age I would give her some freedom but it is your house, not her house. Your rules and if she doesn't like it, too bad. Even if she was going to school or working, she should still contribute to the house in some way by cleaning, yardwork, etc. Why does the boyfriend need to sleepover anyways? I've always told my girls that even though nothing may be going on and they are in fact, just sleeping, it still doesn't look appropriate.

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