You did all you can for them all. If he wants his daughter to be raised with those standards and his sons as well..there isnothing you can do.
You saved what sanity you had left, you save your sons....
Good luck in your new endevers....And keep posting. Your experience is still valued here in my eyes.
Be at peace.

I second everything maria just said.

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing well, even under sad circumstances...keep moving forward and definitely keep posting.

(((HUGS)))

It is good to hear from you.

Your post made me cry. Mostly the part where you are your Sd were texting your goodbyes.

You are a strong woman. You are. Don't forget that.

I was just thinking of you yesterday, and wondering how you are. You've gone through some very difficult times, but you are going to be fine. You can move forward now, in your own direction and it's going to be good.
It must be hard for you and your sons right now, but staying in a bad marriage would have taken a far greater toll. Hang in there, enjoy the moments when you do feel good and take it one day at a time.

And keep posting, big hugs, Liesbeth

And what is with driving past your house with the new GF and waving? What a miserable thing to do, good riddance!

The story of your husband taking your vehicle is so similar to something my X did. The first year of our divorce was so difficult I wanted to be anyone but me. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you'll be so much stronger when you come out of it. And your SC will know you made a huge difference in their lives.

I am so glad to hear that you and your children are moving on with your lives. You were wonderful to your skids and I am sure they will always remember all you did for them. And your right, you did not fail your marriage. Your husband failed at being a husband and parent. Thanks for the update, I have wondered what happened to you!

I am glad you are moving on. i hope you can keep in touch wiht SKs espcially older SD. take care of yourself and your children. hugs

OP, I just wanted to pass along a message from doodle... she'd write here if she could.

"I just read her post and bawled my eyes out for her. I ma pregnant and emotional as it is but her SD's text made me break down. If any of you have the guts to do soo, please tell her doodle read her post, it may her cry and I hope things go well for her:("

Ima, I've been wondering why Doodle hasn't been on here. Is something wrong? She is pregnant again? Sorry if I've missed something she's posted.

Momof5, I'm so sorry you're going through a mess right now but things will be much better after it's all over. I've been through two divorces myself and survived and am perfectly happy now.

doodle is pregnant? how did that happen? didn't she just have a baby? and her DH is constantly out of work. she is so young, how is she going to manage with 4 children? oh boy, oh my. good luck to her. she must be very strong.

" * Posted by finedreams (My Page) on
Thu, Jul 30, 09 at 13:09

doodle is pregnant? how did that happen? didn't she just have a baby? and her DH is constantly out of work. she is so young, how is she going to manage with 4 children? oh boy, oh my. good luck to her. she must be very strong."

Is ANY of that YOUR business? If you don't know how that happens, you have big problems! That has nothing to do with this thread, nor was it a point she was trying to make. All I can say is HOW RUDE!

I hope I didn't come across as rude or nosy, it certainly wasn't my intent. Doodle was one of my favorite posters and when I suddenly didn't see her any more I was concerned. Please tell her I wish her the best, Ima.

I don't post often since I'm older and don't have skid problems but grandkids are another matter, step and bio.

My apology to the OP for hijacking her thread.

gajopa, I didn't think you were rude to ask if she's pregnant.. but it was rude for someone to question how she is going to manage, when they don't know her or her entire situation... some people can't manage with one kid and help from parents... I managed with 3 kids (2 of them 10 months apart) and no help... so that post struck a nerve like someone was judging it, or suggesting how dare they? Especially when she cannot write back and defend herself.

I also apologize to the OP for the hijack. I was just trying to pass along a message.

FD, I think gajopa was just hypothesizing that doodle might be pregnant. I dont know if anyone has any reason to think she is. Sometimes people disappear. TOS did, and I dont think she was preganant. I do agree with you that people should plan how to provide for kids.

Mom of 5,
Thank you for updating, I have wondered how you are, and how your family was coping. I love that you have the clarity to recognize your husband failed, not you. I wish you all the best.

"FD, I think gajopa was just hypothesizing that doodle might be pregnant."

that note from doddle said I am pregnant and emotional. I am just reading what it says. what's so rude to feel for her taking big task? maybe others think it is not a big deal, i think decisions to have children is a very big deal.

I feel for her how difficult it is, I watch my cousin wiht triplets and it is only now getting a bit easier when they start school and they don't have crazy BM. My cousin could not work for at least 3 years and still only works part time, her husband works, but expenses are high wiht 3 kids of the same age. Plus if one gets sick the other one is sick right away. I know how hard it could be. And they could afford live-in nanny yet they struggled.

I felt empathy for what doodle is ready to do at young age to take care of 4 children(I thought she was in her 20s, maybe i am wrong). i certainly wish her the best, but you can't make me not to feel empathy.

and as about whose business is what, if people want information to remain private and don't want people to make any comments or ask anything, then they do not post it on Internet forums. If you share information on the Internet forum then it is weird to expect others not to make any comments.

What note from Doodle said she was pregnant? Maybe it was old.

Posted by imamommy (imamommy21@yahoo.com) on Thu, Jul 30, 09 at 12:28

OP, I just wanted to pass along a message from doodle... she'd write here if she could.
"I just read her post and bawled my eyes out for her. I ma pregnant and emotional as it is but her SD's text made me break down. If any of you have the guts to do soo, please tell her doodle read her post, it may her cry and I hope things go well for her:("

I want to apologize to everyone reading this for outing doodle, she did not post anything to announce being pregnant, nor did she ask for advice or anything else related to that. It was something she shared privately that I erroneously shared here when I cut & pasted a private message because she wanted to let OP know she was touched by this thread. It was not intended to be part of her message to OP. I've apologized to her for that, but this is getting ridiculous. It's appalling that instead of congratulations, she gets sympathy mixed in with judgments? Has anyone stopped to consider that she is deliriously happy and that money is not everything... love & happiness can't be bought! I'm sure there are some miserable people that can't relate to that, but it's true.

I also want to apologize to momof5angels because my post seems to have caused your thread to be hijacked... I'm sorry.

and I was 22 when I was together with my exBF, taking care of his 3 kids, along with my 3... so 22-29 ~ I handled six kids by myself... because he was a workaholic and focused on his career and promoting. (and money is ALWAYS an issue... no matter how much you have, it's NEVER really enough, now is it?)

Someone with just ONE kid can't understand... and watching it from the outside can't possibly tell you much about anything.. except that YOU wouldn't want to do it. Or that YOU think it's too hard. That says more about YOU than it does about the family with what YOU consider too many kids! If you ask those same people how they feel about it, I doubt they will complain and say they regret their large families.

Ima, money may always be an issue, but if one plans ahead, has an emergency fund, saves for college etc. things have a much better chance of working out. I know you have had difficult times (I think you mentioned sleeping in your car at one point). I agree with FD --- you should make certain you can support the kids you have before you ave more.

FD asked: "doodle is pregnant? how did that happen?"

Well, Finedreams, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...
LOL!
(Sorry - I couldn't resist.)

of course people can handle 6 kids by themselves if they have to and they are many young people wiht multiple children, i don't find anything that heroic about it (unless they made a concious decision such as adopting all of them). I only have one because I can't have anymore and I don't I have to be guilty that I only have one child or feel that accidentally getting pregnant is somehow more superior than having one planned child (although two-three would be nice, but oh well not everyone physically can).

It is not that heroic and difficult to get pregnant if your health allows you. Taking in consideration that doddle shared that her DH almost never works expect mowing lawns, they have no money and couldn't file for custody and her mom watches the baby it is hard not to feel empathy and concern how is she going to manage and who is goign to watch the 2nd baby and who is going to pay bills. i have no doubt she is happy but it doesn't mean i am not concerned how it is going to work for all of them.

i never said i wouldn't have more kids if i could. No, i do not think it is too hard to have more children but IT COULD be too hard under specific circumstances. i am concerned how doddle is going to manage. I hope she and kids will do fine. But it is not going to be easy no matter how one puts it.

I've never slept in my car.... unless it was on a trip where DH was driving and I took a nap.

LOL, Many people that have been hit by this economy thought they were certain they could support the kids they were having... now they are losing their jobs, homes, cars, and living with relatives and some are homeless living in tent cities. Then there are those that had kids born into poverty and have worked and made a life for themselves... that's me. and my life is better than many that went to college, had high powered jobs/careers, or thought they had it all figured out with a plan... in fact, when I read about a father offing his whole family and then himself.. and there have been more of these stories as these people that have been hit by the economy fall from grace... they can't handle the fall so they take a cowards way out. They are not poor families that have always struggled.. they are guys that lost their high paying jobs and status... guys that don't wanna live in a tent. and I'd rather live in a tent with my loving big family than be a lonely miserable person that thinks money is more important than life & love...

LMAO at saving for college...

Have you been watching the news? The whole world is having a difficult time right now financially! Who here has NOT been affected? Who here has extra money to stash away for a college fund right now? (maybe a handful, but not many I'm sure) That's funny!!!

I apologize about the car Ima. My misunderstanding.

Ima, unemployment is around 10%, which means 90% are working. On another thread, a poster was talking about how little she received in CS. My suggestion was if she didnt need it currently to still obtain it and put in college fund. I am sorry if you find saving for college funny.

Of course no one could predict what is going to happen, everyone could lose jobs etc but still one should exercise some common sense when planning big changes. for example you do not quit your job unless you have some other plans and you do not have more kids if you have hard time supporting the ones you have etc

i just think certain things could be done first, job market is so bad now that one needs to have at least high school diploma, I know in my area even fast food places stop hiring wihtout high school diploma. My initial surprise over doodle's decision was due to the fact that she said her DH does not have neither time nor money to obtain GED (vicious circle, no diploma- no job, no job- no money to get diploma) yet he finds time and money to have yet another child. yes I am concerned that it is all going to be on her, hard not to feel for her and hard not to be surprised over some of the things people do.

of course family is more important than money. But one does not need to raise kids in poverty to show them how important is family. plenty of good loving families do not live on the streets or are uneducated. and not everyone who lives in a decent place is lonely and miserable. I just do nto understand extremes and lack of thought in decision making. oh well.