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Can't Stand Stepdad

Posted by doraline (My Page) on
Sat, Jul 31, 10 at 1:55

Hi there! I joined specifically to post about my problem because I'm just absolutely going crazy and am stressed about this, and have been pretty much the entire time I've known my stepdad. I am twenty one years old now, but I was thirteen years old when my mother met SD. She met him within a few months of a very very messy divorce with my father, and I was ok with him at first--he was nice, funny, seemed good. However, because of the situation with my father, for our safety we had to move away from the house I'd lived in since I was eight, the middle school I had just finsihed 7th grade in with my best friends, the neighborhood and city I'd known, etc. It was very hard for me, especially since the oldest of my two older brothers was also moving out at the same time, -and- we had to get rid of our three dogs because SD's apartment complex didn't allow dogs.

So as you can see, this was a very hard time for me. We moved in with SD and right off the bat he was telling me to do this, and do that, talking bad about how I was disobedient and lazy and on and on. No, I wasn't a perfect child, but a little understanding and patience would have gone a long way. I did shirk my chores some at first, but the more he stormed and raved and talked about immediate respect and complete obedience, the more I dug my heels in, wanted to -not- do my chores, and disliked him. It became more of a war of not letting SD win than living, and extremely stressful. To make things worse, my other older brother moved out within a year, and I never seemed to see my mother--she felt almost like a stranger I'd once known. It was understable, she was depressed from the divorce, but she spent so much time with SD and felt like none with me. I was taken out of school after a couple of weeks because it was a really bad neighborhood and my mom felt endangered just picking me up, so I was homeschooled for around six months--however I don't remember a single time she sat down with me and went over school work. I did all my homework late at night in the kitchen alone, when SD was at work, and packed it up just before two in the morning when SD got home.

Long, but I wanted to give an idea of how things started. Things went on like this for years. They were broken from the beginning, and never fixed--whenever I did or didn't do anything that he didn't like, he liked to rant at me (I now glaze over during all rants, I honestly can't help it no matter where it's coming from, can't look at people when they're angry). Many times over the years he's made me cry. One notable time he was driving me to school before I was homeschooled, and he lectured me and yelled at me until I cried, and I was so embarrassed because I went to school with red eyes. Another time he made me cry then told me to take out the trash. I was embarrassed about red eyes so I put on sun glasses that my father gave me--he got mad, pulled them off, and snapped them in half.

So things just escalated over the years. Half the time we ignored each other. I mostly tried to stay in my room when he was around, but if I did leave my room he would either ignore me or start lecturing me. It became confusing for me because sometimes he would act like a nice guy--in fact, we have a better relationship now that's more confusing for me--by buying me something, or helping me with something, or acting very nice. However then he will suddenly switch, generally out of nowhere, and start talking about how I'm lazy and a "spoiled brat" and so on, arguing with my mother who will sometimes defend me but mostly just says she doesn't want to argue.

So now, I am twenty one years old. I still live at home because I don't have residency where we are (I forgot to mention--in 7 years I've lived in four states, seven cities, attended nine schools including homeschool and two colleges, and more homes than that not sure how many) and I plain can't afford college and living on my own at least until I have residency. I could get two jobs to struggle to live on my own while going to school, but I need to get very good grades so I can get into a good graduate school to become a highly qualified Biotechnologist. I got a 4.08 in high school, a 3.8 my first year of college even though I was out for nearly a month after being hit by a car and having an ovarian cyst removed. His accusations of laziness are -wrong-, as the only time I have a problem doing things is when he decrees it because of how he acts. If he calls me over, I have to be there NOW no matter what I'm doing--washing hands after going to the bathroom, eating last bite of food, writing down the last of a difficult homework problem. He does not care.

Tonight, he was angry for no reason. He was hit by a car last year and has had problems since, recently had knee surgery, so I am forgiving of some attitude. However he goes off about nothing. He was mad, called me a spoiled brat, etc. We are technically homeless (SD lost jobs because of car crash disability, mom unable to find work) and living with family, where at night I sleep in the computer room and during the day I take my stuff in the room they stay in so people can use this room. I have daily chores around the house, weekly chores, take care of our dogs, etc. When I move my stuff over at night into the study, my mom grabs a couple things I can't carry with my handful and helps me herd the dogs in the room. He called me a spoiled brat because she helps me. I didn't argue, but I forgot to get a charger so I went back to the room, which they lock. He opened the door, saw it was me, and flung it back again. It wasn't -very- hard, but it was hard enough that if I hadn't brought my hands up in time it would've hit my face and at least hurt. My mom didn't say anything--maybe she thought he was playing, I don't know, but if I had done it she would be mad.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I feel like I've been bottling this up for so long and I just didn't know what to say and what to leave out. I am so tired of being -angry- all the time, and I really feel like he's screwed me up. I'm shy anyway but I don't trust people now, I have trouble interacting with people and can't make friends because i can't joke like them, little comments hurt my feelings. He makes little jokes and comments about me having no friends and that makes it worse.

I guess I just wanted to get this out and see what other people thought, if this is normal or what. And what people think I can do because I have no idea. I don't know, I apologize again for the length and commend anyone who has read through the whole thing.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Can't Stand Stepdad

First, congrats, you have accomplished so much.

Second, hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Its atrocious that your mom would not stick up for you, but not much can be done now. You can talk to her, but I doubt it will accomplish much. May I make a suggestion, if you live near an affluent area, start looking for a live in job as a nannny for school age kids. You may not get paid much, but you'll get room and board.


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