Aggravated and hurt
Violet333
9 years ago
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Amber3902
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoPhoneLady
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
How we treat each other
Comments (35)Jackie_o, thanks for posting your thoughts. I've missed your posting and pics of your garden. I remember pictures of your garden overlooking that lake of yours. I know that past problems with exactly this kind of thing are why you and some other people I really like stopped posting. I hate that you all have left. I hate that your feelings were hurt. I hate that we can't read each other's minds and always understand what to say so as not to offend. The point of this thread is to talk about how we treat each other. It is inevitable that we disagree. That's part of the fun of this whole place. But when we have an opposing viewpoint I think we need to be kind in how we phrase it. We also need to try to understand the other guy and why he responded how he did. My take is that Kim is a guy, has had a terrifying experience with coyotes, and is opinionated. That is how he's made. whatever he believes, he's passionate about. And I agree with Jackie above - I think Lyn and Kim's response was somewhat over the top in how they responded to what Ingrid actually said and posted. But I have read a lot of what Kim's written, not only here but on hmf and other places. I know he's passionate, opinionated and somewhat brusque. That's what he is. So what? I ignore it and try to figure out what he's really saying. Nothing I have ever read of lyn's has ever been anything but kind and courteous. For her to respond the way she did must indicate some kind of horrible experience. I didn't really understand why she posted exactly what she did, but based on what else I've seen of her, I thought there must be something I didn't know. I've never met Kim but I put him in the same category as other men I have met, kinda like Sammy shared about her husband. I liked ingrid's posting, but didn't say anything because I don't exactly like interacting with wildlife. But I don't think she and her gallant husband did anything out of the ordinary or wrong. A lot of us would try to rescue a baby squirrel, probably. So what? Is it wise? I don't know. One baby squirrel doesn't amount to much. A snack for my bear. I decided that it's Kim and Lyn's experiences of the dangers of what can happen that caused the over the top nature of their responses. Kind of like someone yelling "stop" if they think you're too close to the edge of a precipice. I've done exactly the same thing. A friend told me she wanted to keep chickens in her yard. all I could think of is the times when I was raising chickens that I came home to dead chickens because of wandering coyotes and dogs. I was really over the top in my response and had to apologize later for being so negative. It is true that some people are intentionally rude. I don't think that this is the case here. I do not think that either Kim or Lyn intentionally were trying to insult or flame Ingrid. I think that both of them have had some pretty extreme experiences with wild life and are passionate about their opinions. For Ingrid's part, I wish she hadn't taken offense, because I don't think any was intended. But as Ingrid has said, and Seil said above, Ingrid's response was more emotional than she wanted it to be, and she's upset right now, anyway. I do know that when I offend someone, even if I did not intend to, I apologize. It costs nothing other my pride, and I have screwed up enough in my life to realize that I am not perfect, that I do hurt others, even when I don't intend to. Life's too short to waste it on trivialities like my pride. I hope that helps, Jackie_O. As I said earlier, I hate that you and others don't post, and I am glad you posted now. Relationships anywhere are some of the toughest things to deal with in life. I've lost friendships over reasons that I can't even begin to understand why. I hate that too. Gean -------- hi, Zyp, lol - the description of the bear came from my neighbor. She said the bear climbed her fence to get to her bird feeders in her back yard. She was terrified and said it was "as big as a car." So I guess that's hearsay, huh? there is a salmon run down behind our home and tons of those blackberries, which is why the bear frequents this area. That and bird feeders and probably garbage. And rodents galore. Good eatin' around here. I keep telling my cat he's a snack for some wandering wildlife and to be happy inside, but he's a stubborn cuss and insists on sneaking out when given half a chance....See MoreSpeaking of working out...top of foot pain isn't going away! Also
Comments (21)Trailrunner - I was reading some of this to DH last night, he thought they sounded like great ideas btw, and when I was done reading the first thing he said to me was,"Wow, I can't believe people take the time to type that much out trying to help someone. " Ha. Gotcha on the wear them only for running. Oh I know not to wear the orthotics and insoles at the same time. I know now (didn't at first years ago!) to take out the pads shoes come with first. Powerstep is the brand of inserts I bought from the Podiatrist. Heard of or any thoughts on them? I forget what name my orthotics are they don't say anything on them but they came in a bag that did. The bottom is hard plastic but the top is blue firm foamy stuff. He said something about it being new stuff. Do you think the Podiatrist would give me a hard time about "put a good padded front made of the new high tech triple layer stuff they have or....you can get a good insert and cut it to fit flush with the front of the orthotic"? Guess I won't know until I try but I'm picturing them wanting to know what I'm diagnosing myself since they apparently didn't think I needed that. Oh, well. I wondered how the ball of my foot was getting any support if I'm use my new orthotics in shoes I took the insole out since there's nothing there. In the past (I'm sure from wearing heels) I've had pain in the balls of my feet. I tried to tell him this too while I was there but he wasn't interested in hearing it since I wasn't having pain. Thanks for the heads up about the glucosamine. I think it actually might be what DH takes! I need to check that out. He gets on me about how I really should take it. I can take all three of those types of pills. That does sound like a lot! I'm guessing it just kills the pain longer? Does that help with the healing process at all. Perhaps that's a dumb question. I checked out that roadrunner site and the chart and I'm not sure if I'm N or PN. I'm under 150lbs and I do under 25 miles a week for N but the PN says, you run races or enjoy fast running. I like fast running. When I said I never considered myself a runner it's because I normally don't do more than 3 miles at a time and normally it's intervals. The thought of a 50 or even 10 mile race makes me cringe. Figured I'd ask but thought N would probably be my best bet regardless? Also, the NB shoes look like they're for trail running and I'm normally on a treadmill, does this matter? I really like that site. It even tells you to order sizes up for some shoes. The current ones I have are on there and it does say to order 1/2 size bigger. Go figure. Onlines shoes didn't tell me that! How's this for the laces? It still feels kind of tight around the top. Probably just the poor fitted shoes. For now, I'll rest from running. I have other sneakers I can wear for biking or whatever. By the time I'm ready to hopefully run again I'll make sure to have good sneakers. Seww - Thanks for the link. It seems very common here that even running stores have people in them that don't really know what they're doing. They just find the size in the back room. I'm at least going to go and attempt to try some on in person. Deedee - Oh my, I laughed out loud when I read that. That wasn't real nice of him! For a long time I thought I must be the only person with wider feet! One time on ebay I bought a really nice and expensive pair of heels. I did not know B meant narrow (I think it's B - whichever one is narrow). There is no way I can wear them. Not possible. It was funny even trying to put them on. They're in my closet because I couldn't resell them. Nobody in the world has a size 5 narrow foot either. :)...See MoreI can't find my own post lol! plese help with this about my MIL.
Comments (24)bnicebkind, I am sure you are suspect about my advice. However, I have an exact replica of OP's MIL. MIL is the most overbearing, rude, miserable, critical (and those are the nice descriptions) individual I know. I found that once I stopped taking her comments to heart and let it go in one ear and out the other (rather than engaging her and allowing her to make me feel insecure), I was able to straighten my back, listen to her comments, consider the source, respond politely and wait for her to leave. My MIL is a person who's thoughts never process in her brain, they come straight out of her mouth without thought that one or another comment may be offensive, hurtful, critical, etc. If you don't allow someone to hurt you, you take the power away from them. Fake it at first if you have to, and eventually you will actually feel it. I spent years crying to my husband when I would have to be in her presence and she belittled me. DH gave me good advice. Call her on it. When she says something that you don't like, tell her. I do now. I never raise my voice, I never get worked up, I just tell her straight up what I don't like. I do not let her ruffle my feathers. It works better to disagree with her in the moment and then there aren't residual feelings of hurt or insecurity. It actually works like a charm. The incidents are fewer and further between. I also realized that I did not want my husband to fight my battles and I certainly did not want my husband to insist his mother like me. If she doesn't like me, I no longer care. When I started realizing that my life was none of her business, I did have the backbone to tell her so when she asked an improper financial question or a question I felt was too personal. Everyone has to go with their own comfort zone. I hated that she got to me regularly. I was feeling insecure, which I hated since that is not me. MIL knew she was pushing my buttons and worse, I was letting her. I have now diffused her and she no longer has that power to aggravate, hurt or insult me. I posted about just taking a seat in another room rather than ruin the whole family dynamic. That is what I do. I don't want to be the cause of everyone not being able to celebrate a holiday together. If MIL has pi$$ed me off recently, I just say hello when I walk in and go on my way to a different room. Of course, we will have to sit at the same table for dinner, but there are usually other family members and actually, they all know how she is. It isn't just me she unleashes this behavior on. She is rude to everyone at times, including strangers in public. We joke in the family that she has Turrets. Who would be hurt if I refused to go to family functions that she was attending. My DD wouldn't see her cousins, I love my SIL and the other family members. Actually, I'd be spiting myself. When I came into DH family, the dynamic was different, I was younger. I soon had a baby with many health problems which were not expected. MIL found a place to be critical and be overbearing in the advice department. I finally just told her that I was following what my DD's doctors wanted me to do and that when she completed her medical degree I would take her advice. Now, I don't feel insecure at all, I ignore her, come back at her, listen and let it go in one ear and out the other, or whatever it takes so as not to give her the satisfaction of upsetting, insulting me. I think as I grew older I also got alot wiser and realized that in the whole scheme of things, MIL was a blip on the radar. Example - new floor laid recently in kitchen, laundry and my office. MIL comes over unannounced/uninvited. Comments how nice the floor looks but the color really isn't right, such and such color would have been much better. Response: This is the color I chose because DH and I like it. End of subject, diffused her. Do I hate that she is the way she is, yes indeed. Will I allow her to abuse me the way she did for years, never again, nor will I have my husband fight my battles for me. Example: I attend a family (DH relatives) shower. Arrive with MIL & SIL. We sit down to eat at a very long table full of women. MIL stands up and introduces SIL to several women SIL did not know. I knew a few, but not many. She did not even acknowledge that I was seated in the room. When she was finished her introductions, I stood up and introduced myself as my DH's wife. It got the point across that I am worthy, whether she thinks so or not. I think she also looked badly to the relatives whom I did know who were watching her intentionally ignore me. I am sorry if my examples seem pollyanna, but they have worked for me. I don't feel badly, insecure, hurt or any other adjective that I formerly felt when MIL would descend on my home or when I had to interact with her. I also have never asked my husband to choose to one of us. That would be wrong in my opinion. As much as dislike her, she is his mother, the only mother he will ever have. I wouldn't want to have to choose my husband or my mother, why would I ask DH to do so? The way I deal with this situation is not for everyone. You need to have alot of self-esteem and a bullet proof vest over your heart. It starts with mostly false bravado, which eventually becomes actual bravery....See MoreFIV+, Stromatitis feline, Advice please
Comments (3)FIV is likely correct, but really nothing to do about that... have to concentrate on treating the stomatitis if you want your cat to improve. First of all, you noted she is in pain, which is always the case with feline stomatitis... so you might have your vet prescribe her pain meds. That won't take care of the stomatitis, but it will make her feel better and she might eat better (tuna is a VERY bad diet for cats and can quickly cause some very serious malnutritional problems). Buprenex is a great pain killer for cats with an excellent safety margin. Most cats feel a LOT better on pain meds and will usually start eating a balanced canned diet. Secondly, to adress the stomatitis itself, you may need to see a dental specialist, or at least someone with good dental skills. All the teeth have to be removed if you want any hope of resolving the stomatitis. 80% of the time, this takes care of the problem... sadly 20% of cats only get somewhat better, but ALL get at least somewhat better. You may need to put her on immunosuppressants, since the stomatitis is an immune malfunction disease. These drugs have their own side effects, so I would try to use them minimally and get rid of the teeth first... but if you have to, keep her on these meds (better than being in constant pain). This is a very common condition and a very frustrating one as well sometimes. You are not alone....See MorePhoneLady
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoViolet333
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoPhoneLady
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoViolet333
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoPhoneLady
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoViolet333
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAmber3902
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoViolet333
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAmber3902
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
9 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
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