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Hi y'all!

Posted by myfampg (My Page) on
Sun, Jun 17, 12 at 23:51

The group has so many new faces/names and I don't get in here as often as id like. I'm so busy working and i can rarely sit down to catch up much less say hi! Roll Call! Who is all here and reading??

Things are going smoothly for now. Dd11 is off to junior high in the fall. She is currently at her dad's for summer break. The hostility between Dad and I is still there but I've learned so much about disengaging from him and parallel parenting it's almost become 1st instinct when I see his name pop up in my email. He still tries to push my buttons. Like spelling dd's name wrong on purpose to get a rise out of me. Still insisting dd call SM MOM but I'm actually over that. Dd says she doesn't call her mom she just doesn't call her anything at all. Lol smart kid.
My marriage had some rocky moments for a while but I think we have ironed it out and we are communicating much better.

Ds is almost 5 and I think his only hurdle in life is trying to decide between his iron man shirt and his batman shirt each day. Love that little monkey.

Ok so check in. Who all is here??


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Hi y'all!

I'm still here. Haven't posted in awhile because things have been well (thank God!). I still pop in here and read from time to time. Things are better with DH & DD16. They are far from best friends but civil with each other.


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RE: Hi y'all!

I check in to see what's going on a few times a week probably...been very quiet lately, but maybe that's a good thing. The posts here were usually not based on happy subjects.....so maybe everyone's put their drama llamas in the barn and have learned to find happiness.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Thats good to hear DfwMom. Its a step in the right direction any way.

Mkroopy - my favorite Internet man! Glad things are well and yes you are right. When things are going good, there isn't much to complain about right?


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RE: Hi y'all!

I'm lurking. (Gosh, I feel a 'lil creepy saying that! lol) I may chime in again eventually... right now I'm probably too cynical & negative to be objective. (like who cares what title someone gives you? Grrrr!) See?? I need more time.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Yeah, still here. Life for the most part is good. Dh just retired so that is a major adjustment...we're not use to the 24/7 day after day bit. For the most part it will be fine, but is taking a while to get use to each other's daily routines and time schedules.

ExDIL just remarried and GS seems ok with this. GS did well when my DS remarried too. ExDIL did have to sign a prenup, which I think is fine.

About the only real concern currently is SS and SGS. SGS just turned 15 and will be a freshman in HS this fall. He is thinking of wanting to spent this school year with SS in SS's state. I understand SGS wants and needs his father during these important years but I worry about how his BM will do if the change occurs. It would be better (IMO) if they all lived closer together. BM will not be able to make all the weekend trips during the school year that SS has been making for years her way. I'm trying hard to keep my mouth shut and not get in the middle of it.


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RE: Hi y'all!

I'd have to agree that Mkroopy is also a fav of mine. I always enjoy reading his comments. It's nice to hear a males POV on things. Also sometimes wishing I had taken the same approach to not living together/getting remarried until my kids were grown and out of the house but hey...could have, should have, would have. In my eyes, you are a wise man Mkroopy! LOL.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Nice to see I have a fan club...lol! Sometimes I felt that I had to walk a fine line voicing my "male-oriented" perspective around here, where it's probably 90+ % women....I guess I didn't piss anyone off too much.

Things are good with me for the most part...I guess stuff continues to be pretty good with my kids. My daughter, who had an awful 8th grade, has for the most part straightened out the ship, just finished up 9th grade, not one incident of getting in trouble at school this year, and back on the honor role the last 2 quarters...she still has a very quirky personality and is capable of so much more at school (she does no work at all...), but I am grateful for the fact that things are getting better, not worse.

Main thing in my life right now that is tough to manage is my GF's son (12)....not only did his dad pretty much abandon him about 6 months ago to move 1000 miles away for a girl he met online (hasn't seen him since), but a few months ago, he "came out" to his mom....admitted he's known for a long time that he is sure he's gay. Not gonna say it was much of a surprise to me, we even talked about the possibility before he told her...just based on the way he acted, his interest, etc. Of course my GF and I will be nothing but supportive to him and all that, but she knows (and so does her son) that he can't tell his father...he'd basically disown him, he's sort of an narrow-minded idiot.

Ah the joys of being involved in your step-kid's lives!


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RE: Hi y'all!

Hello...I've been here quite a bit, although it isn't often that I chime in.

I'm getting ready to visit the State where my Dad lives, but not sure how things will go with seeing him while I'm there. We (my brother, my husband and my DD) will be staying in a Condo about 30 minutes from his home town, but my Dad has expressed to my brother that spending time with us will "put him in a tough spot", so, that's the story. I guess it will be on him if he wants to disturb the beast in order to spend time with his children and his only grandchild.

Myfam...give your DD a big hug for me. I know what it's like to have a SM who is horrible. I'm just thankful I was old enough when they got together that I couldn't exactly be forced to spend time with her. I hate it for you and your DD that she is subjected to that thing, but I think you are handling it with the ultimate amount of dignity and your daughter will respect you for it.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Imma- I sent you an email to your account listed on GW. Hope you get it. Glad you're still lurking. It's ok to be cynical :) you've got a lot of reason.

JMT- hi!! You have a lot going on! Congrats to your husband for taking the big retirement leap! My fil has retired twice. The first time he got bored and the second time (the last time) he decided, he's just tired of politics! Office politics that is. Me too! Now correct me if I'm wrong bc I get you guys confused sometimes. Is your GS the one that lives with you? Or is that IMA? I thought it was IMA but now im feeling dumb.

Mkroopy- you definatley have a fan club! Good Job to your daughter for turning that around in school. That always make life much easier when school is going well. I remember you posting about your gf's son and father situation. So he hasn't seen him at all? What a douche.

Rack- thank you for your kind words. I was a basket case when signing up for GW. I learned a lot from this board. I think I came in her blazing with my biomom fire and I've completely turned those feelings around.
So is your dad's problem his wife???

Anyone heard from Lovehadley or Silversword. Come out come out wherever you are!! There's a few others I wonder about too. Amber and momof3. Wonder how baseball and summer is going for her and SS. Last summer was a mess if I remember correctly. Guess things must be goin pretty good!


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RE: Hi y'all!

Yes, his problem is his wife, and his spinelessness. Here's the link to a former thread to refresh your memory.
http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/step/msg051547185478.html?17770

I wonder about Lovehadley too.

It is Ima whose grandson lives with her. I'm happy for him that he has Ima and that the death of his mother will at least not upset his day-to-day life.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Mkroopy - don't worry about pissing us females off.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and it IS good to get a man's perspective, even if we don't agree with that perspective! LOL.

Hi myfampg!

I've been doing good. I pop in here every once in a while.
Me and ex-BF are still friends. Nothing going on there.
Between working full time and going to school part time, I stay busy.

Recently I've had some drama from my ex, my daughter's father. He's been dating a girl that has two kids, girl - age 11 and boy age 9.
It sounds like my ex and his GF tend to leave my D13 to watch the three younger kids upstairs while they hangout downstairs. One time my D13 got so frustrated with the GF's daughter she threw the kid's phone and broke it.

When ex brought the girls back home he told me about it and was like "now we have to pay for this phone."
Long story short - D13 was frustrated from not getting enough sleep and because "dad never has anything to eat" at his house.

So I told D13 that even when we are frustrated that doesn't mean we can damage property. She had to pay $20 to replace the phone out of her savings.

And the other thing that happen because of this was now I send my girls with Chef Boyardee and Hot Pockets to take with them to their dads. It's not the most nutritious, but they're only at their dad's one day a week, the rest of the time they're with me and we try to eat pretty healthy. I know, I shouldn't have to supply food for my girls to eat at their dad's house, but there seem to be all kinds of issues with food at my ex's house. D13 says her dad never has anything to eat there, she's "so hungry" and all the food there is the GF's and she doesn't want them to eat her food.

When I asked ex about this, he claims GF wants them to ask first before eating something, or that D13 doesn't want to eat what he has in the house. I'm not sure what's going on over there. I thought I was going to have to post on here for some BM advice! LOL, but then I thought about it . . . I know can't control what goes on over at ex's house, and if sending some cheap food with the girls will resolve the problem, then that's what I'll do.

It's funny, I haven't had any drama with my ex in the two years I've been divorced, and now in the past two months it's been drama after drama with him. I guess I was over due!


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RE: Hi y'all!

Wow! Amber that is actually a lot! I hate the whole, you need to ask which therefore they would rather starve. And your dd should not have to babysit at her age. Not three kids.

It's the circle of life it seems. You get one situation worked out and then another one pops up. Once you get that one under control, something else happens. Story of my life. I'm learning to just embrace the roller coaster and enjoy the view lol


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RE: Hi y'all!

I'm trying to 'get' how a father who sees his child one day a week, sends her upstairs to watch somebody else's kids while the adults hang out downstairs. That is not a visitation with Dad but rather being Dad's free babysitter.

Oh well, it's Dad who is going to end up paying big time (relationship with his daughter) for his current free babysitter down to the road.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Hi :)
I'm doing good, divorce is moving slowly. Contacted SD12's mom and told her we're divorcing - asked X to let me know when he told SD so I could talk to her but nothing so far. SD and I are Facebook friends, so she knows through there too I'm sure, but she hasn't said anything and neither have I. It's pretty strange.

So, technically I'm not in a step situation anymore.

My divorce is going slowly, I've been having both really good days and really bad days. Mostly good.

I'm glad everyone is doing pretty good too.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Myfampg - yeah, I think a 13 having to watch three other kids IS a bit much for her.
I mean, I'll have her watch her younger sister (age6) while I go to the store,
but I think three kids is too much for her.
What did you mean when you said "I hate the whole, you need to ask which therefore they would rather starve" I didn't understand what you were saying.

Yeah JMT -
Ex never was much of a father to his girls, even when we were together, so I'm not too surprised. I've learned that you can't make someone be a good parent.


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RE: Hi y'all!

I hate to hear that kids are told to ask for the food that belongs to someone else in a home. Most kid's would rather starve than ask for the food. OR they steal it. There are certain situations where I get that kid's need to be taught -- for example: I buy foods for myself that are fat free or gluten free. I buy the regular stuff for my kid's. If rather them not eat the special food because I don't like the idea of them eating 'diet' food. Also my son is under weight so he has to have full on fat milk -- he would blow away in the wind if he drank fat free. But when there is nothing else to eat and your girls are hungry, the only food is the girlfriend's food and I'm betting they'd just rather not 'ask'. Well that's how it was with me any way. I'd rather starve than ask the mean lady with the key to the pantry lol


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RE: Hi y'all!

Oh! I see what you mean. Yeah, I think D13 does not like asking for food either, or she seems to think since it's the GF's food, she can't have any. Maybe that is the case.

Hard to tell what goes on over there. I understand that GF may feel some resentment if my girls are eating up all her food, but gosh, she has kids, she should understand how kids are. I mean, I didn't always like my exBF's son, but if he was hungry I'd give him something to eat. Oh well.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Well then, why doesn't Dad buy some blasted food for his daughter to eat so she won't put GF's nose out of joint? (Personally if I had a child and my current partner was getting bent out of shape about eating "her food" I'd have a few things to say about that.) What a waste of space he is.


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RE: Hi y'all!

I understand your point of view on this colleenoz, but it sounds like so far, Amber, supplying a bit of food settled the issue down. I'm actually surprised that sending food though did not perhaps set off more fireworks. I could almost see (unless food shortage was really the problem and some food offering was thought of as helpful) the GF now tossing a stink because in her mind she feels her attempt at 'control' was shortwired. Or that sending something her kids don't get could set off a kid fight.

It's a touchy delicate thing unless the one sending the food really knows the whys of the need and knows it is not going to cause even more trouble. I'd have absolutely no problems sending a big bag of food/snacks for the girls to not only eat but share...if I knew it would not be resented and/or set off additional issues. On the otherhand, if the food was not 'welcome' at the home or if it truly was some 'power control' kick on the GF's part, I'd likely have to stand back, accept that GF is a control freak on a power kick, that Dad was an idiot with little concern for his own kids by allowing the behavior, and just be sure the kids got a decent meal before they left for the visit and one waiting at home as soon as they got back. They won't starve on a one day a week visit. I would also if the last scenario is the case have a private chat with Dad (which would likely do no good) and remind him that if I ever thought the kids were being neglected and/or abused I would have to report the opposite home for a home investigation...which of course, if did have to occur and found to be groundless would set off even more fireworks between the homes.

I have to agree with Amber on this one. If the kids are hungry, the opposite home has no issues with Amber sending food, and it helps solve things for the children and the opposite home...just send the food. I think it comes down to picking your battles. If a can of pasta and a hot pocket keeps everybody including the adults happy, don't stir the waters and upset the boat. Life could become much worse with underminding and/or trying to control the opposite home. In the meantime hope like heck that this GF is short term and dad gets his priorities straight before hooking up with a next one. Amber said Dad has never been much of a Dad, even though he's being an *ss and not treating his children in a fair and decent manner (in my opinion) I assume Amber knows how best to deal with this issue. If pasta/pockets puts a band aid on the problem , sshhhhh.


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RE: Hi y'all!

LOL Colleenoz
You're so right that ex is a waste of space. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue so the girls won't hear me talk about him.

JMT - you've summed it pretty well and sending the food has pretty much resolved the issue. Heck, ex has NO problem asking me to give the girls money for them to spend while they are at his house, for the movies, to go out to eat, etc. He almost expects it. His justification was "I give you child support so why can't you give them $20 bucks to spend when they're with me?"
I was like OH NO, child support to care for the kids while they are with me, not when they're with you.
They visit their dad every Saturday, and on alternating Saturdays they spend the night until Sunday. He should be able to provide for them the ONE day that they are with him.

The only thing I've told the girls when I send the food is that it is for them only. Maybe that's a little b*tchy, but if GF can't share her food, I'm not going to let my girls share their food with her kids.

Sorry Myfampg- don't mean to hijack your thread - but had to tell one more story.

D13 told me of another situation that happened when ex bought his GF a cake (I think it was her birthday). Well, D13 sees the cake in the frig and asks her dad can she have a piece. Dad says sure, and is cutting the cake when GF walks in and sees what's going on.
Dad and GF get into an argument about the cake. GF says it's HER cake.
And Dad says he bought the cake for her, so he's going to let his daughter have a piece. (It's was a big cake, so there was plenty of cake for everyone.) So Dad gets all huffy, goes to the store and buys D13 a cake all for herself. D13 told me when he got back home GF must have realized what a b*tch she was being and said D13 could have some of her cake. That should tell you what kind of people I'm dealing with here. They both act like 6 year olds, I think they were made for each other, LOL!

"In the meantime hope like heck that this GF is short term and dad gets his priorities straight before hooking up with a next one."
I wish - ex is moving into an apartment with GF this next month. But again, it's a matter of picking my battles, and if I can "band aid" this with pasta and cheese-its, hey - one less headache for me and my girls, right?


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RE: Hi y'all!

No worries. Amber that was the point of my thread. To get something going. Lol

I'm not shocked about the cake. And why? Because that's what control freaks do! I am a little shocked that dad didn't kick her butt to the curb though since he was fumming about it enough to go buy d13 her own cake. And I'd send over a magic marker so d13 could write her name on all of HER food so gf knows that it's off limits. But that's just me lol


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RE: Hi y'all!!

So I had some drama this weekend.

Back in April Dad was to send his summer vacation request. He gets 30 days. He can either split it in to two weeks or take it all at once. I get to pick one weekend during that time that I get to have dd. He sent this crazy list of different days. 30 days all across the summer. Two here two there 5 here 7 there. So I rejected it and said No, you get two weeks at a time or 30 days. So he threw a little tantrum and then decided on just 3 weeks. I picked my weekend. We were all set by the end of April.

He emails me the night before he is to pick her up, sorry I have to work so I can't pick her up until the next day. I said ok. He gets her an is supposed to have her for two weeks, she comes home for a weekend and then goes back for a week.
Then he emails me on Thursday and says we made plans next weekend (supposed to be my weekend) so if you want to see her, you can get her tomorrow otherwise you'll have to miss your weekend next week. I'm dumbfounded. So he can just tell me that I'm going to miss my weekend because he made plans?? That's how that works? Because I had no idea I could make plans on his weekend and say oops sorry. We will be out of town, made plans so you can get her tomorrow but you won't be getting her on your week. Also sends an email with a list of all the fun activities that he had done with dd. swimming, movies, biking, hiking, shopping, LOTS of fun!! So I had to get off work early ( with less than 24 hours notice which is a HUGE big deal to my boss who just told me two weeks ago that I'm having to take off too much recently) to go get dd for the weekend.

I can't wait until the next time he has a weekend and I say, sorry! We made plans. You can get her on this day but your missing your weekend because I made plans! It was a hard decision weather to stick him to the wall and stand my ground OR let him call the shots and see my dd who I haven't talked to all week. I decided to just give him the control but pay backs a you know what!


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RE: Hi y'all!

Ugh, I know it's probably too late now, but I think I would have stuck to the plan and told him "Sorry, but the schedule is I get DD on such and such date, it doesn't matter if you made plans or not." I've seen it too many times, once you starting deviating from the schedule, all heck can break loose.

And honestly, Myfampg, I don't think I would try and get him back by making plans on a weekend that he has DD, then you'll get into a tit for tat battle that will never end. Instead, I'd say to your ex - "We had agreed to such and such schedule, but I'm willing to change it JUST THIS ONE TIME. But next time, please go by what we agreed to and don't make plans on the weekend that I have DD."

Letting him know you'll do it this one time, but this one time only.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Yeah I don't play games. But I like to play them in my head lol psychotic!!!

I did attempt to put my foot down by saying NO... We will go by the schedule but then he came back with well, I'm offering you a different time, we will be out of town so if you want to decline my offer that is fine but we won't be here that weekend for you to pick up. Do I opted to agree just bc I did want to see her and I know that there really is nothing I can do to force him to be at home and let me have her if he is saying he will be out of town.


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RE: Hi y'all!

"we will be out of town so if you want to decline my offer that is fine but we won't be here that weekend for you to pick up"

Oooooooo- that WAS sneaky of him.
Yeah, that sucks, I don't know if there was anything you could have done in that situation.


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RE: Hi y'all!

Very sneaky. And the dd tells me they aren't really going out of town bc the grandparents are actually coming HERE! Makes me want to spit !


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RE: Hi y'all!

Myfam ... could/would you call GPs and say something like ... So glad I could accomodate dad on changing my days so you could spend time with her this weekend instead of her coming here and missing an opportunity to see her GPs. ????


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RE: Hi y'all!

I thought about sending an email but I don't think it would go over well. Lol


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RE: Hi y'all!

Hi myfampg!

Actually today is the first time in a very long time I've come here. This summer has been far too busy to breath, let alone get on here. I'll try a quick catch up...... it's NOT been all good, just been too busy.

DS17 dad moved to Michigan. He's 3 hours north. He's been great though, if he wants him he's been coming all the way and getting him and he's even brought him all the way home. He also took him to the race up there for Father's day. I have to say, I'm imppressed. No problems with him.

DS12.... his sperm donor was sentenced to 17 months, is doing half then he is done. No probation, nothing. When he doesn't pay I will have to start all over from square one. He is scheduled to be released September 10. They actually moved him to a real prison. So he's no longer in a county jail. This suprised the heck outta me and I'm actually scared to death of retaliation. I guess I'll deal with that when September comes.

SS..... well of course there's been drama there. BM originally told dh that she wouldn't mess with ss's baseball or all stars at all this summer. She said he could stay until it was all over, she didn't care. Well, all star tournament is this weekend, she's getting him tomorrow. Go figure, right?!?! Oh and yes, you know the date.... it's July 10. She has to have him back to us by August 5 because he has a middle school rally that he has to go to since he'll just be entering the school. So not even close to 8 weeks this summer. We tried getting her to take him July 4. We went to TN for ds12 World series baseball (BTW... they were the runners up!!! Wooohooooo!). We thought we could drop him to her on the way, well she had promised him a trip to Virginia beach that she cancelled so she wanted us to take him to TN with us. I honestly didn't want to cause I was trying to save money on the trip. DS17 didn't go cause he had to work. So anyway, we took him with us, she was supposed to call on Sunday to meet us. She never called.... we didn't end up coming home till Monday anyway since the team did so well and we kept playing and playing till late Sunday.

We made ss call her last night cause we had a feeling she was going to try to cancel again. She did try.... ss wouldn't let it happen. LOL! We knew he wouldn't so that's why he called and not dh. She is now moving to the southern part of our state, right next to Kentucky. (Which btw is where ds12 donor lives.... OMG!! Kill me now if they ever meet each other or get together!) She told ss that she'll now be 2 1/2 hours away. There is NOT one part of KY (her dh will be working in Louisville) that is 2 1/2 hours from us. She's so full of crap! It's gonna be 3 hours and 15 minutes away compared to 4 hours. Oh my... like 45 minute difference will make her come to his games. Which she still has never made it to.

She also told dh that she will no longer be working. Oh freaking wonderful! Now she'll quit paying her support again! I'm so over this crap with her. I told dh that she doesn't pay, they go back to court. She gets treated exactly the same as ds12 donor. No if's and's or but's. Also, if she's not going to be working, she does NOT get the tax exemption every other year. Period. (She's never going to be current on support to be allowed to have it anyway)

I'm so nervous that she's going to pull what she pulled in February (trying to keep him). This time she'll be in our state ..... which I think she is moving to our state and not KY for this reason. She's going to think she can keep him. I'm just so stressed that we are going to have to go through this again next month.... and stressed that she's NOT going to pay her support.

Oh and last time she saw him was Memorial Day weekend. Her ss (the evil little brat) broke ss's ipod, he poured water on it. No discipline given, no ipod replaced. UGH!!! So wrong!

So glad to see you again though myfampg. Don't take exdh crap!


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