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Sperm Banks-opinion?

Posted by parent_of_one (My Page) on
Fri, Jun 24, 11 at 23:32

I am just wondering what people think about anonymous sperm banks ...Not SF issue, just family in general.

We were just talking with DD about this so i wonder what other people think. UK prohibits anonymous sperm banks. Rationale is that children have rights to know both bioparents (even if they don't raise you, you have rights to know who they are). I see the point.

At the same time how many singles/couples would have hard time having a baby without sperm donor. There are loopholes of course like people travel to Denmark where anonymous sperm donation still exists, so the issue is not really solved if people just find other ways to obtain anonymous sperm.

Can't help but think of a situation in "Kids are all right", movie was rather bad and cliche but hypothetical situation is possible (kids grow up and locate their sperm donor). How important is knowing biological parent? For many adopted people it is not important, for some is. But with sperm donation it is not even adoption...It is even more complicated.

By the way anonymous sperm banks are still allowed in the US.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

I have a family member, single mom, working on 2nd degree who has donated her eggs twice...They give her an enormous amount of money..By law, they have to tell her the birth date and sex of child/children conceived..She has fallen into deep depression both times after donating and the children are born,altho she expresses she is happy to help someone who could not otherwise have a child...But she grieves the loss of the children she ll never know...


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

Wow, never thought about that, I wonder if she has to know about children born, do they have rights to know about her? Their egg donor?

I think the other difference is that egg donation is strenuous procedures and can cause health issues while sperm donation is pretty harmless. BTW it is illegal to sell eggs in UK, you can only donate. My DD wanted to sell eggs once, she periodically comes up with ideas. I convinced her not to.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

Egg donation is pretty invasive. My DH and I went through fert. treatments and harvesting eggs is the same procedure for IVF OR egg donation. There's risk involved with the drugs to stimulate the ovaries, etc.

It's not as simple as sperm donation, obviously.

I wouldn't do it/couldn't do it. I applaud women who can, but I think it would be too emotionally painful for me to know I had a bio child out there. Just strange. I can't imagine that.

Sperm donation...is, like you said, Parent, amazing in helping couples conceive. I don't know. I don't think I would want my DH to do it, but if you're that hard up for cash, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

I think men are less bothered by that stuff---in general---than women. I know there are always exceptions to the stereotypes, but you KWIM.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

True, love.

I was just wondering about NO ANONYMOUS sperm donation anymore, how is that going to effect people: both donors and children conceived. I wasn't concerned with money compensation, just with the fact that it cannot be anonymous anymore. The implications of that, ethical and so on. Just wondered if people have opinions on that. Maybe I was not clear.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

I think anonymity is interesting. I personally think people should be allowed to do it anonymously, BUT I can also see why children (when they become adults) conceived that way would WANT the right to know.

Or is medical history provided enough?

I don't know. It's an interesting debate for sure.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

I think if women want to get pregnant badly enough, they will find a way (if they are physically able). I know a few people who have stories in their family where one couple didn't have children for years and years (in pre-birth control days) - and then women finally have a baby, who grows up looking not very much like husband, but husband is a loving father and the marriage seems happy. Of course, no one ever knows (because no one is rude enough to ask) if husband knew, suspected, or even encouraged and suggested that wife might have found her own version of an "anonymous sperm bank" in the best way that she could.

I can understand children wanting to know both parents. I can also understand adult children saying that they don't really care how they were born so much as the fact that they were born. I think that's what would upset me the most - did whoever decide this take into account the possibility that some potential children would just not be born at all with the "no anonymous donations" law? That's incredibly presumptuous to decide on behalf of someone else, even someone not yet born, that you've decided that they would rather chance not being born at all than on not knowing their sperm donor!


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

"I think if women want to get pregnant badly enough, they will find a way (if they are physically able)."

exactly how gay woman (even if physically able) is going to get pregnant without using sperm donor?


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

"exactly how gay woman (even if physically able) is going to get pregnant without using sperm donor? "

Um, the same way that straight or bi women get pregnant. A woman doesn't have to enjoy it to get pregnant from it.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

Mattie, bisexual and straight women HAVE sex with men, homosexual women DO NOT have sex with men. That's why they need sperm donor. I would not get caught dead having sex with a woman, I would have to be forced, same way homosexual woman would not have intercourse with a man (even if somehow they locate a man who is willing to have sex with them just in order to get them pregnant).


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

A woman doesnt have to enjoy it to get pregnant from it..... Um....May be a new all time low for Garden Web....


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

My mom's a lesbian. I know TONS of women who have children, and men who have children, without associating with heterosexuality or going to sperm banks.

Believe it or not, one does not have to have intercourse or go to a sperm bank to get pregnant.

It's easy to get pregnant. One does not have to "somehow" find a man who is "willing" to have sex with them.

This cracks me up. What year is it?


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

"A woman doesn't have to enjoy it to get pregnant from it..... Um....May be a new all time low for Garden Web...." I agree dotz

"It's easy to get pregnant." haha Really? I don't even want to comment.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

There's a woman who has four kids at the ball park we go to all the time. She's definately a lesbian. All four kids have the same dad. Obviously she found someone who didn't mind giving her kids and nothing more. And obviously.... they don't look like they have much money.... they couldn't have afforded ivf... she must've "given it up" to a man to get her kids.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

I think PO1 said it Silver, Thats why they need a sperm donor....She didnt say they needed to go to a sperm bank...I think we are cognizant of the fact on how it works, and if one were not ,they can go to the library or on the Net and find out..No need to suggest we are in the dark ages because someone else is ignorant of the fact of how it can work....


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

Silversword, that too. I was trying to point out that lesbians can and have become pregnant for, oh, tens of thousands of years? PO1, despite your statement, lesbians and gays actually can, do and have had heterosexual sex. One could, of course, put forth a case that they were "forced" or compelled to do so by societal, economic or religious pressures and I would not argue with that.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

mattie, SOME do have sex with opposite gender, but SOME never ever do (I know people in their 60s and they never had sex or were romantically involved with opposite gender), some do get pregnant, some have trouble with that. it is naive to portray how easy is for gay people (men or women) to have babies because it is not. and some people do need actual sperm bank, that's why sperm banks exist. if there was no need for sperm banks, they would stop existing.

my original question was what do people think of not having anonymous sperm banks anymore, there are sperm banks but information is disclosed (my question was UK specific, US does have anonymous sperm banks). if you have sex with your donor, it is not anonymous anymore.

my question was not about how to get pregnant, it was about ANONYMOUS sperm donation, for some people it is important that donor is anonymous, they don't want to have children with that MAN, they want anonymous donor. just philosophical question about anonymity not about how to get pregnant. LOL

and there are gay people who NEVER ever had or would have sex with opposite gender that's why either adoption or surrogate mothers or sperm banks exist and help such people. it is naive to insist that everything is so easy. just because it is easy for some people, it does not make it easy for everyone.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

"Mattie, bisexual and straight women HAVE sex with men, homosexual women DO NOT have sex with men."

That's what I was commenting on. I disagree. One does not have to consider themselves to be bisexual to have sex with a man to get pregnant.

And perhaps my "it's easy to get pregnant" was kind of flip. But I've known so many gay women who find a gay man who wants a child and they do what needs to be done to make that baby.

Sperm banks aren't the only option.

But back to the original question: I think all genetic and physical/mental information should be released to the child upon request regarding their parent. Not names, locations, etc.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

nobody said sperm banks are the only option however if a lesbian couple wants ANONYMOUS sperm donor, that's when they go to sperm bank. IF anonymous sperm bank still exists. Finding a man to have children with is ENTIRELY different issue/solution.

But back to the original question: "I think all genetic and physical/mental information should be released to the child upon request regarding their parent. Not names, locations, etc." That's how it is in the US. In countries where anonymous sperm banks are not in existence identifying info such as name and location must be released upon request.

"any individual conceived with donor sperm has the right to request non-identifying information from the age of 16 and identifying information from the age of 18." this law is in place for the last about 5 years.

I personally kind of understand this, people have rights to know who their parents are, not just their medical info. But at the same time...who knows. Seems like this new law created sperm donation shortage, plus people find loopholes like traveling elsewhere, Denmark appears to be popular.

So there is a need for ANONYMOUS sperm banks no matter what the law says or what other options are, people look for what works for them.

Once again I appreciate those who expressed opinion on anonymous sperm banks. I think it is an interesting ethical/philosophical dilemma.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

I have to agree there is a need for anonymous sperm banks. I have a friend (in Canada) with two daughters. She and her DH couldn't conceive because he has some medical condition which causes his sperm count to be literally zero. They went through all sorts of expensive fert. treatments and absolutely could not get even one healthy sperm from him.

They were faced with deciding between adoption or donor sperm. They decided they'd rather at least one of them be a bio parent so they used donor sperm and conceived with IUI. My friend is very fertile and got pregnant both times on the first try.

Her DH is legally those girls' parent, the same way he would be had they adopted the girls.

For them, donor sperm was the only way they felt comfortable having children; I suppose my friend could have found some friend willing to "do the deed" but I think, in their case, it was better for the guy to be totally anonymous.

Not saying people don't know their donors but I absoluely see the NEED for sperm banks. For sure. As someone who has dealt with infertility, I wouldn't judge any means of having a child. I really wouldn't! It's so easy to say what one would or wouldn't do until one CANNOT have a child.

I also totally agree that lesbian women can and do have sex to get pregnant!


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

I have not read all the post so forgive me if I missed something or repeated.

I think these sperm banks are needed. My DH had a vasectomy reversal this year and if we do not conceive and find out there is a 0 count then that is our next step. I would like to be pregnant at least once. I would adopt also if that does not work out. I think as long as the child is raised with a loving Mom & Dad in a good home with values and morals then thats all that is important.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

good points ladies. good luck with your plans jess. and yes there are still anonymous sperm banks in the US.

love, you are correct some would have sex to get pregnant, some wouldn't though, just wouldn't be with a man no matter what's the goal, so they either adopt or use sperm donors or sperm banks. especially if we are talking about lesbian couples, suggesting one of them just goes sleeps with a guy to get pregnant would be a bit strange. same as if a husband can't produce sperm, wife should go sleep with someone else, does not have to enjoy it, you know. if jess's DH cannot produce viable sperm, I wouldn't suggest she goes sleeps with someone else. she'd look for other options.

so it is not as easy as to say well lesbians can just go sleep with guys and get themselves pregnant. not that simple. life isn't that simple. i know love, you weren't saying that.


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

"so it is not as easy as to say well lesbians can just go sleep with guys and get themselves pregnant. not that simple."

But, it IS an option. Given the choice between heterosexual relations or a medical procedure in a doctor's office/clinic, the less complicated/less expensive/less painful way may be to try procreation the natural way first. I won't say it's "simple" because it's such a personal thing... emotions, issues, etc. that can be involved, but it's not horrendous to suggest a lesbian can have sex with a man to make a baby. I think it was rude to call that a new low for Gardenweb... because the truth is, you DON'T have to enjoy it to make a baby... ask a victim of rape, incest or someone that conceives through fertility treatment... it's not always enjoyable but the end resulting child can be. (though a child from rape or incest isn't "planned" but they may still be wanted & loved)

and yes, there are wives that have husbands that can't give them a child and there may be some that sleep with another man to have a child. Won't get into the ethics of it, but it happens. To each her own... it sometimes comes down to how badly you want a child.

Plus, fertility treatments and adoption are expensive.


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anonymous donation

and personally I believe egg/sperm donation should be anonymous. Donors should complete questionnaires to answer medical questions and family history but should not be told about children born from them... children they have no right to... and children born to surrogates or through IVF belong to the parents that cause them to exist, even if they don't actually create them. The parents are the ones that choose to have the child so they may raise him/her. Providing an egg or sperm does not make anyone a parent...


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

"Providing an egg or sperm does not make anyone a parent" I agree

"it's such a personal thing" it is very personal who to have sex with, that's why suggesting that someone just goes and does XYZ without even knowing or understanding the issue or what it means for people, is just very insensitive. i found that comment very crude. as about incest and rape, it is tragic that woman had no choice, and of course wonderful loved children are born (I know children born form rape), but it is tragic that woman was assaulted and had no choice. i would not equate two things, not the same. these issues are too sensitive to make crude comments. it is more difficult for some people to have children than for others, no need to make mockery out of it.

as about your points on sperm banks, i agree, sperm donation does not make one a parent, there is still need for anonymous sperm banks out there. i also wonder in countries where there is no anonymous sperm bank, how many children would want to find sperm donor? i don't think too many, who knows


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RE: Sperm Banks-opinion?

PO1, you are a cyber-bully. Time after time you will nit-pick some phrase or sentence, twist it completely out of the context of its original posting, insult the poster (in this case, me), and twist any further responses out of context. Time after time some new poster will come seeking guidance, advice or help and you will find some innocuous phrase that you will focus on, completely disregarding the rest of the post, and turn the entire thread into some inane argument wherein you debate comments that were never said versus your personal opinions, which you will present as fact.

Please feel free to just no longer read anything I post. I assure you I will be ignoring yours from now on.


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