In court today... update on 'those damn pants!'

14 years ago

Unfortunately, there is nothing too juicy to report... nothing to report at all, except the economy may be in for a boost with the amount of money this stupid thing is costing everyone.

BM hired an attorney... an attorney that I've been asked to do work for. I may have actually served papers for him once.. not sure, his office has been so flaky that they usually cancel at the last minute, once when I showed up to get the papers. Hope it's just his office staff that's flaky & not him. Poor guy has no idea he will never see a dime beyond his retainer.... (anyway, his office has been on my list of 'tell him I'm too busy if he calls' clients for some time now)

Anyway, as I mentioned in another thread... BM drove a six hour round trip on a Wednesday to bring SD to mediation. Funny how she won't drive it on Friday to get her after school or during the weeks when she had track and wanted mom to come watch her.... hmmm, funny. Anyways, surprisingly SD had nothing nice to say about our house or us... all bad stuff. I'm sure BM didn't coach her to say those things. A mom would NEVER do that!! Right?

We got the mediation report and no recommendation. BM and DH apparently agreed to a full psychological evaluation (In CA it's called a 3111 evaluation) and so today, that's what the court ordered. He ordered DH and BM to split the cost of the evaluation, which I understand costs around $2000. Just great! DH doesn't have the money for that... BM filed the case.... DH thinks things should stay the same... but he has to pay half! SUCKS! (sucks more since I will pay his half because I am not letting him put it on a credit card and it has to be paid up front) I am dying to see how BM is going to pay her half~ lmao.

Let's get this straight. She CHOSE to move away 2 years ago. She has limited her own time/contact with her kids, yet blames me & DH. She wasn't asked to pay support for nearly a year and when she was finally ordered to pay a measely $216 a month, she refused. DCSS threatened to make her seek work. She got a job & started paying $61 a week. (but not every week, she skips one her & there) Then, DCSS filed to get an order so she has to pay her arrears... she runs out the same week and files for custody. She is making the SAME allegations she made in the first trial BEFORE she moved, that me and my kids mistreat her daughter. The only difference is this time, she has coached SD to repeat those allegations (convincingly I might add) to the mediator. So, she thought it was going to be easy to convince a mental health professional that they should uproot SD and just give her back to BM, just cuz BM says so.... two years later! Now she has hired an attorney... our is $300 an hour, hers looks like he might get at least $200-250 an hour. He was in court almost 3 hours this morning, plus he traveled from an hour away... so add 3 hours travel time... maybe today cost her $800-1000 plus he had to have prepared her papers. Now she has been ordered to pay half of the evaluation, another $1000+. and she is going through all this expense because she doesn't want to give DH the $3500 she owes him in back support. CRAZY!!!

Her new allegations.... in mediation, she tells the mediator that our car was shot at with SD inside. DH tells her no, the window shattered and no glass even got on SD. We were all scared but nothing we can do, we were just driving down the road. (BTW, I found three other police reports during the same week in the same location with similar incidents... so it was probably kids throwing rocks or using a slingshot) Well, now BM filed a new declaration saying SD was 'nearly struck by a bullet' while I was serving someone and if DH wants to risk his life, fine... but SD should not be subjected to being shot at. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WOMAN???? THE ROCK HIT OUR CAR IN FEBRUARY AND IT'S BARELY BEING MENTIONED NOW???? She didn't even mention it in her first declaration where she mentioned the missing pants!

C'mon.... who wants to trade crazy BM's with me??? Anyone???

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Comments (10)

mom2emall
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
What a gem that bm is!!

So she does not have the money to pay cs...but she can afford a lawyer and can now afford to have her dd live with her full-time??

I have a friend whose ex hubby did not pay cs. His family payed for a lawyer to go to court and try to get it reduced (though they would not help him pay cs). He ended up being thrown in jail and the bond was the amount he owed in back cs. His parents paid that. Funny how the money appears when it is needed for something besides the kids.

So I am dying to know.....did they talk about the pants in mediation??
ceph
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Oh those damn pants!
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those damn pants!!! ~again~
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DH and BM had mediation today. SD has asked him three time is she was going... she wasn't even supposed to know about it. DH said it went fairly well. The mediator started to give him crap over the pants... (my jaw hit the floor when I heard that!) but I guess BM wrote that DH intentionally threw away the pants BECAUSE she bought them. He told them they were too small and didn't fit her, we buy her most of her clothes and he thought it was petty to fight over a pair of pants... then said we had to throw away her pants from last weekend because they came back ripped. BM jumped up and asked him if he was accusing her and he told her no, but it IS in your nature to do something like that and it might be retaliatory because she angry about the other pants. He basically said SD goes through clothes and we buy new ones every few months as she grows, seasons change, etc. Other than that, BM lied her ass off. She said SD was injured when we took her on a serve at 10pm. We never took her to do a serve at 10pm. I went to serve a subpoena on a guy that was expecting it... it was scheduled so no chance for conflict and we were coming home around 8pm when our window broke out on the side of the car. SD was sitting behind the driver seat and the passenger window shattered. We think it was a rock.. maybe kids using a slingshot because we were passing a ball field when it happened. It had nothing to do with being on a serve, we could have been on our way to dinner. She said SD was cut up from the broken glass. It scared her (it scared ALL of us) but no glass got on her or cut her. We stopped at a firehouse to call 911 and waited for the Sheriff to make a report for our insurance. While we were waiting, DH took pictures of SD in front of the fire house for her school project on CA. She was wearing her coat (yet BM said it cut up her arms) and smiling (yet BM said she was hurt & terrified). That was the only other thing DH had to really explain but BM tried to explain why her other DD does not live with her, why she has waited 2 years if this was 'temporary' and then BM told the mediator that SD absolutely wants to live with her. That got the mediator's attention and she asked BM "How do YOU know THAT?" Well, it was in the paperwork handed out before mediation that the child should NEVER be asked where they want to live because no child should EVER have to choose between their parents. I guess BM didn't read it or didn't think it applied to HER! BM also lied when DH said he believes she only filed for custody because BM doesn't want to pay support. He said it is a coincidence that she was served shortly before she filed... BM said she filed two weeks before she got served by DCSS. lol, the mediator can easily check that out in the court case because DCSS served her on 4/13 and BM filed for custody on 4/16. I really hope her lies bring her down! I guess the mediator wanted to see SD so when they left mediation, they went into the clerks office & I went in with DH so they could schedule it. The mediator looked a little annoyed and BM was right there next to her. Then the mediator said when SD comes in, there is no parental involvement at all so it does not matter who brings her in. DH asked if I can bring her in so he didn't have to miss work and BM volunteered to pick her up from school & bring her in. The mediator again said it didn't matter who brings her. So, they set it up for 4pm after school and I said (and it just came out without thinking) that she can pick her up from the house at 3:30. BM practically snarled at me "WHY?" and I said so she can do her homework since she gets out of school at 2:20 and BM nearly bit my head off.. snapping at me that SHE can help HER daughter with homework. I said fine. The mediator said "there will be none of that in here!" So, in hindsight I should have said nothing. Of course, it shows the mediator that BM really has a huge problem with me. I guess at one point, DH said I am available to talk to her too if she needs to and BM jumped in and said "there's no need for that" or something like that.. basically saying the mediator does not need to talk to me at all. The mediator jumped on BM saying she'll talk to whoever she wants in order to make a recommendation but I am guessing BM did not impress the mediator. BM stormed off down the street and when we were getting on the freeway, BM got behind us and then drove around us really fast and sped off. She was pissed. She does not like to be called on her lies and she also told the mediator she had an email where DH agreed she was to have SD on her birthday from 9-6, not 8-8. Well, she is supposed to bring that back when they see the mediator the week after SD sees her. It doesn't exist. They did not email each other about her birthday, it was discussed when we picked up SD. Besides, even if it WAS 6pm... she left SD at 4pm to go back to her BF and left SD with grandma! DUH! She is also supposed to bring letters she says SD has written about how terrible I am to her and how she doesn't like me. When BM told the mediator how SD and I don't get along, DH presented a stack of letters & cards SD has made me over the last two years. She gave me one yesterday that said "Happy early Mother's Day". I can only imagine she is going to make SD write letters to 'prove' what she says is true. If she does, I can't believe she thinks the mediator is going to buy that! She is something else!!!
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What shocked me & DH, was the DCSS was going to agree to drop it down to zero and $50 per month on arrears. I guess they figured she'd pay the $50 and they could stop making her look for work. But, they are a government agency and they seem to care more about statistics that doing what's right. Or maybe they are anti-father, even when he's custodial. She is a parent that they can't collect $316 from and they were willing to sell out SD & DH to make her a parent they could collect $50 from by making it easy. That really pisses me off... because she is very smug about it. She has the attitude of "I'm not working, so I shouldn't have to pay!" or "I can't find a job, so you can't make me pay" and the newest one, "I have a new baby to take care of". Her option to meet halfway: DH had said that she's supposed to come get SD three Friday's a month, so she could drop off her job logs when she comes to get SD. If the court ordered them to meet halfway, she could say it's a hardship to come up here to bring the forms. I don't think it matters because DCSS probably is going to let her mail them in. They don't seem to be interested in doing anything to make her pay. Besides, DH works until 6pm on Friday. He works 45 minutes away, so he would have to drive home to get SD... then drive to the halfway point, which she was proposing halfway from his work to her house. We live in the other direction so he would have to double back and would probably get SD there by 9 pm on Friday night. That is ridiculous because grandma doesn't like to drive at night. lol I think it was very telling how the court viewed it. The Judge told BM she'd better start paying her support from the spousal support until she found a job. BM said if she got a job, child care would cost too much. The Judge told her that when you have a new child, it comes with expenses she should have expected. When she argued that the spousal support is going to end when she marries BF, and he asked her if she will be married by the 20th of June... she said no because her (ex)husband won't sign the papers. So, then he asked her who supports the baby & she said BF does... so she her argument that she has a new baby means nothing to the court in regard to her supporting SD. She was not happy at all. DH was not happy either, we were hoping they would make her do all the driving to give him a break... with the gas prices and with working so much, it is a strain but the Judge is right, she would probably stop seeing her. Of course, I don't think that is such a bad thing... but SD would be hurt by it.
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Forget the damn pants!!! It's OVER!!! Finally!
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LOL, we got a letter today from our attorney (a copy of the letter she sent BM's attorney) reminding him that the court said BM had to pay the whole thing. Considering BM's voice message to DH: "Call me as soon as you get my message. I just got off the phone with Dr. XX and they gave me a figure.. and um, it's just not gonna happen cuz neither you nor I can come up with that amount... so I have a call into my lawyer and um, I don't know what we're gonna do.. but I just wanted to give you the figure.. so give me a shout." Honestly, I think she lives in her own realm... disconnected from reality. She was in court when the Judge agreed that since she owed DH, she would pay all of it. And our attorney said the evaluation would cost around $5,000. So why is it a surprise to her? Why would she say "neither you nor I can come up with" or "I don't know what WE'RE gonna do" like it's THEIR joint problem... It's HER problem. He'd rather get the back support from her and leave things the way they are than have the back support used up for an evaluation to change everything. But, that's the nut job we have to deal with!
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imamommy
Original Author
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
"So I am dying to know.....did they talk about the pants in mediation??"

Oh yeah... she did!

First, in her motion for custody, she mentions the pants but not the supposed shooting and bullet "barely missing" her daughter.

Second, in mediation she played it like DH intentionally threw away all of the clothes grandma bought SD. DH told the mediator that most of the clothes were purchased by us and we routinely go through her wardrobe and throw out stuff that has gotten too small or is torn, out of season, etc. and we buy her new stuff. We don't label who bought what and a pair of pants may have gotten lost or misplaced. We could offer to replace the pants I guess... BUT WE BUY ALL HER CLOTHES AS IT IS!

It really is stupid and a waste of time & money...
finedreams
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I wonder what bad stuff could SD tell about your household. Like what in particular, like pitty stuff SM doesn't allow me eat candy all day long or stay up late or more substantial like neglect or abuse? Like what could she possibly say beyond some minor stuff that every kid complains about? Is she like twisting the reality or plain lies? so is BM getting custody or no?
silversword
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
If a bullet were shot into your car surely it would have an exit hole or be lodged in your car somewhere. That's an easy check.

What a drama. Have you considered selling your story to one of the networks?

And tonight...to continue our pants theme... we have 'Sisterhood of the traveling pants' followed by 'Those Damn Pants'.... starring Imamommy!
lovehadley
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Ima...I don't know whether to laugh or cry for you.

What a MESS. And an expensive one at that!

So when will the psych. eval be done and how long will it take to get the results?

Seems like everything with court is just hurry up and wait...
imamommy
Original Author
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
The frustrating part is the next court date is in August. SD starts school in August so if it's not resolved by the next court date, she'll start school here (as the current orders stay in effect pending any further orders) and if BM gets custody, she'll have to change schools.

DH called BM's house to talk to SD today... she's been there since Sunday. BM says SD is at grandma's house... in the same town where DH works, which is 2 hours away from BM's house. So, DH asked her if he can pick up SD from grandma's after work on Friday. BM says no. She's going to bring SD to her house on Thursday and she can be picked up from there on Friday. [shaking my head] So, SD is with grandma all week, BM is going to drive her 2 hours on Thursday, just so we have to drive 3 hours on Friday to go get her. She's going to spend ONE whole day with BM! WOW!!! Wonder if that's her plan for the whole summer?

I feel so bad for SD because she was looking forward to seeing her mom for summer.

The psych eval will be done as soon as BM contacts them and pays her half so they can schedule it. I am not sure the ins & outs of how long it takes for the results, but the results are typically sent to both sides 10 or 20 days prior to the next hearing. At this point, I am not convinced BM will come up with her half (we are definitely not fronting her half) and it won't get scheduled in time for the next court hearing. She has all of June and maybe part of July. The hearing is August 3 so the results should be available by the middle of July. The most stressful part is not knowing & waiting... and the cost.

I honestly think BM thought she would be given custody of SD on a silver platter because she's BM. I think she counted on the mediator believing everything she said because she got SD to say the same things and perhaps she thought the mediator would automatically recommend custody to her. Then, she showed up in court with her attorney & looked shocked to see our attorney with us. I don't think she counted on that.... DH cannot talk for crap in court, so it was a given that our attorney would jump back on board. She's a lion. Her attorney actually looked intimidated... for an attorney.

Just in the last week, SD has told her other grandma (DH's mom) that BM & BM's mom are taking her to Hawaii for a vacation this summer. I'm sure they are giving her anything she wants to keep her happy... probably hoping she 'forgets' that her mom isn't really seeing her this summer, but dumping her off with grandma.

I'm also pretty sure she was not expecting to have to pay for an evaluation. I guess when she tells SD they can't go to Hawaii, it will be because she has to pay the attorney and the evaluator because daddy and ima won't let you come live here... it's gonna be OUR fault she isn't getting the fun vacation BM promised! I just love how I can see into the future...
lovehadley
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
What a mess.

I would sincerely hope the courts would not give BM custody after SD has already started school. Hasn't she already switched districts at least once?
sweeby
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I wonder if it would help to keep a phone diary? Basically a log of where SD is duning her time with her mother. A day by day log of how many of those days were actually spent with Grandma...
finedreams
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I was going to say exactly what sweeby said. document day by day where SD lives while "at moms". Like day by day hour by hour and present it to the courts. Older DD lives with grandma so does SD when she is supposed to be with mom. Document daily. Keep a journal and print out phone records.

In court today... update on 'those damn pants!'

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In court today... update on 'those damn pants!'

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