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It is summer

Posted by wild_thing (My Page) on
Mon, Jun 15, 09 at 17:52

Well the kids just got done with school on the fifth. Yay. Sort of.
We got report cards in the mail the other day. My DS got great grades, very proud of him. He brought up his grades to all A's and two B's. He actually had a D in english at semester and a C in science and I ripped into him about it and he pulled a B out of both the classes. yay!
SD was supposed to get at least C's on her report card. Because she had D's and F's at semester. Well, she ended up with three D's and the rest C's. Not exactly great. Not sure yet if she can still do summer school since she got D's, which are considered passing. School called last week and left a message that she is on a wait list, there are no computers available. but that is just because she had to sing up early for summer school with the F's on her semester report. DH is supposed to call and find out more.
So she is supposed to be working since she blew her grades, and we let her keep the job. Well, for some reason, she is only on the schedule for the weekends still. No extra hours. For last week, or for the new week. I didn't think anything of it last week, but now that the new schedule came out and she is still on the weekend hours. I am thinking, ok...either they want her to quit, or she has not asked for the additional hours. When asked, she just shrugs, and says she doesn't know. She wrote them a note and asked for more hours but nothing. A note?!!! WTF?!! I am so smelling a lie.
So, she has been hanging out at home, sleeping till past noon. Lucky if she will get dressed before 2 in the afternoon. No, it isn't depression. She just wants to be up late trying to watch television etc and sleep all freakin' day. Oh, and she manages to get "let off work" early cuz they have too many people at least one day of her weekends. So she is lucky if she is getting 12-15 hours a week. But she will say that they are shorthanded too. ??? Which is it? I am thinking she doesn't want to even work now.
But yet, she is asking us how much lap top computers cost because she wants one. Yeah, then she would never leave her room.
Right now she is supposed to be doing laundry (no clean clothes running around in pj's) and her regular chores. It isn't happening. She asked to do laundry but it will take her the entire day to do 4 loads of laundry. Dishes are still sitting in the sink. She just goes off to her room. But she will come out and do them before her dad gets home. She wouldn't want dad to see. If he was here he wouldn't put up with it, but since it is just me, she just does as little as she can get away with.
Love that passive aggression.
Oh and for those that just think its step mom vs step kids...my son is out job hunting as well, and he has daily chores he has to get done as well as some extras. So it isn't just the poor step kid being "picked on". Oh, and the 6 year old has chores too. Not the baby so much, but we are teaching him to pick up his toys.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: It is summer

oh i believe you. ITS PLAIN F'N LAZYNESS! And procrastinating as well.
What does your dh do about this? Is he on her case or does she blow him off as well?
ANd no computer for her...she doesn't deserve it and she will probably get worse.
My ss is failing now and dear bm is not taking away his playstation game away from him...and still putting him in sports! go figure! she F'n rewards him for doing nothing!...well...her problem when he gets older and wants to live with mom till 45. not my problem. Thank God my Sd is smart in school and even though she can be an issue at times, she will definitely make somethingof herself. She has the drive, the brains and the will.
As for work for your sd, do you have any friends who can take her in for a few hours of work, weather its cleaning...or whatever , a family business at a restaurant??? dad can tell her to go, its not a choice here. Just drop it on her lap.


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RE: It is summer

"As for work for your sd, do you have any friends who can take her in for a few hours of work, weather its cleaning...or whatever , a family business at a restaurant??? dad can tell her to go, its not a choice here. Just drop it on her lap."

That is an excellent idea.


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RE: It is summer

A family business? How many people here know soemone who can get a kid a job? I think this is a little unrealistic. There are adults looking for work and cant find it.


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RE: It is summer

Boy this sounds so familiar.... My SD went throught this last year with her job. She complained because they didn't give her enough hours, but if they were letting people go home early, she was the first one to step up. It was shortly after that she just up and "quit" (got fired for no-call, no show). I hope that's not in your SD's future. SD should have something else to do during the week. There are plenty of volunteer positions for a multitude of things. Even if SD's not making money she could be helping someone.

The grades... Unless SD miraculously begins to care about her grades, she'll never do better than C's & D's. I've watched all of our kids, both bio and step, scrape by with below average grades. I was a straight A student and it seemed like I never worked that hard at it. I have such a hard time grasping why our kids think school is so hard. Some kids believe as long as they pass then that's good enough. We've always offered monetary rewards for good grades, but even that didn't work after time. Punishment for bad grades doesn't seem to help either. I've taken away TV's, cell phones, computers, X-boxes, you name it! Just doesn't work... My oldest SD has managed to make it through 3 years of college, so far, and her high school grades stunk! So I guess there is hope. The kids only make it harder on themselves with their poor grades, they just don't figure that out until it's too late.

The laptop... I suppose if she's the one who buys it then there is probably not a lot you can do about that, other than not provide internet access to her bedroom.

I feel for you! Been there! The worst part is you can't even "reward" her for getting her chores done in a timely manner because she never wants to leave the house and do anything... Hang in there. Just keep talking to DH.


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RE: It is summer

Actually, off the top of my head, I can think of two families I know that own casual bar & grill type restaurants. My friend who is a single mom waitressed at one of them off and on all through college.

Or what about a babysitting gig? surely, there is a family in the neighborhood or at church or school with young kids who could use a mother's helper/sitter for a few hours a week.

We are not talking about gainful permanenet employment here, we are talking about a summer job for a kid who doesn't seem to work hard at anything, whether it's school or otherwise. If she is not able to do summer school, something else has to occupy her time. Sleeping until two pm is not okay for someone in her situation.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for a kid having time off in the summer to re-charge, but when I say that, I am thinking more of the responsible child who works hard in school, etc.

What about a pool? The big complexes around here are always looking for more lifeguards.

Or if worst comes to worst, what about her doing some volunteer work? My parents never made me get a job in the summer, but I usually did some fun stuff, like camps, swim team, and a program called Broadreach. But these were all things I WANTED to do. My parents always made me commit to volunteering somewhere for a few hrs a week. I was a candystriper at a local children's hosp. for 3 summers in a row.

Bottom line--this girl needs to do something!


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RE: It is summer

Where I live, in order to get a lifequard job, you have to have passed a test. Yes, there should be volunteer ops and/or summer school.


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RE: It is summer

What does your dh do about this? Is he on her case or does she blow him off as well?

Maria: Dh keeps her on her toes when he is home. But as soon as he walks out the door...yeah you get the picture. I stepped out of it, I won't tell her what she needs to be doing. She knows. So pretty much she just does what she is told when he is here to make sure it is getting done. He works all week, so I think she has been counting on that with all this "time off", and thinking she is on vacation.
Also, we don't know of anyone who can hire her.

She used to babysit for my friend. That did not go well. For several reasons. I am also no longer friends with that friend because of her involvement in issues with my sd. She didn't watch the kids. She let them run amok in the house and trash it while she sat and watched t.v. or talked on the phone.

Poppin': Thanks for the words. I hear ya! I don't think she will ever do better than C's and D's. Lucky if there are C's. I don't get what they think is so hard about school either. Like I said, my son brought his grades up in the given amount of time, there was no reason why sd could not have done the same thing... she even went down in some grades. Cuz she had a couple of B's. A 'C' in chorus? How does that happen??? who the heck knows, school is obviously not important to her.
What irks me is that she talks the talk to her dad and counselor. they both say that they don't see the results or the evidence that she does care...but what do you do with a kid who would rather do nothing? Because she just isn't "social". She has fun when she does do something with someone. But it is almost like it is just too much effort for her to call and maintain a friendship with anyone.

today her dad came home for lunch and she asked if she could get on the computer and check her mail. He said for 30 minutes if she gets her stuff done. (that is pretty much the standing rule here, no fun till chores are done). Well, he leaves back for work and she gets on the computer right away. Stays on it for 2 hours...until I finally had enough ( I wasn't going to get involved) and I just couldn't let her sit there and mess around any longer when nothing was getting done.
I told her dad. He just said she doesn't need to be on the computer for awhile. I am thinking...okay...but thats it? I mean, it is just blatant disregard and all she says is "sorry". @@ that is all she always says, and it isn't even sincere.
I could just scream.
:::sigh::::: I just hope she has more hours on her schedule next week. Damn well better, or I just might find a whole lotta things that need cleaning etc for her to do. How about cooking us a dinner for a change? She is going to be 17 after all and should freakin' know how to cook more than Ramen noodles @@.


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RE: It is summer

Thats a shame. i know tons of people with businesses and can get parttime jobs for them...inside scoop and favors help.
No kkny, its not unrealistic. ITs called asking around and people due tend to pull more strings for young teenagers. Its easier to slip them in , with no benefits , odd hours ettc..etc...
Adults look for more pay and benefits....so its harder on them.

wildthing, your sd knows what she is doing when daddy is out the door and she knows you are not stepping in...soooooo...she's lazy. But dont worry, its gonna bite her in the *ss when she's out in the real world.
And i just reread your post...so you did try getting her a baby sitting job and she blew it and the friendship deteriorated...nice........unreal.
17 soon???? i'ld tell my dh its job time. No ifs or butts.!
You say your dh is on her...but what happen now with the computer thing??? she's gets on right away he leaves and she didn''t do her chores??
Get a password for the computer. I've done it. the kids need permission to use it. And when dad says get off.....they're off immediately. My sk have no chores ..they only come eom now and the only thing they do and not all the time mind you...is to bring their dirty dishes back ot the kitchen. And that only happens 20 % of the time.....
Wildthing, relax, if she doesn't do her chores...whatever..if she wants to be lazy...whatever...she's getting older. Be on the same page as your dh and make sure she doesn't become a couch potatoe....ie...tell her get a job or start looking for another place to crash in the coming years...
And no for any of you who think SM are ina rush to boot the kids out, your wrong...i'm saying no child should be a couch potatoe. My nephew turned out to be a rotten lazy kid, pathological liar! we took him in for a while only to find out he lied abou thaving a job and was playing on computer games when i came home...so my husband called his brother and told him and they agreed to kick him out. i was so happy i didn't have to deal with this kid anymore.


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RE: It is summer

well, where I live unemployment rate is the highest in the country so there are no jobs for teenagers. not everyone can be lifeguard, has to pass the test and actually know what to do.

organic you are judging by the area where we live. aren't you in Canada? where i live automotive industry crushed and everyone who is out of job takes those random jobs. when unemployment wears off people take whatever is there. nobody hires teenagers. It doesn't mean one needs to sit and do nothing. if there are no jobs then she should help more in the house.


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RE: It is summer

Fortuntately my DD doesnt need the money but has already applied for over 30 jobs. Even camps, if they can get 18YOs, they will take them over 17YOs. I dont blame them -- they have to try to fill camps and it it better to tell parents older counselors (college v. HS)


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jobs

But yes, DD still has to hear on some jobs, and she is hoping to get -- otherwise I still think summer school better option

And this year, where I live, the college kids arent getting office jobs or internships, they are taking the camp jobs.


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RE: It is summer

Well there are still job openings around here. I see the signs on the marquees, and in the paper. Not the big cushy jobs for professionals but jobs for teens, yes.
But my sd already has a job. It is just that she isn't asking for the summer hours. I talked to one of my friends about it today and we both figured that she has been there for over a year now, so she is the one not asking for the hours. She is just dragging her feet and wanting to do NOTHING.
Like I said, she better have more hours on that dang schedule next week.
It is 4:30 here, and she just barely came up from her room to do her dishes and wipe down the counter. (I don't care, but its just the fact of the matter) She might as well wait till after dinner to do them!? But she knows her dad will get on her if he sees them. No computer for a few days per dad's orders because of her lapse in being able to tell time the other day.
At 1pm I finally had her sister go down and tell her to come upstairs, she was still in bed. No clue what she does till the wee hours of the morning to warrant sleeping that late. Since she works on weekends she has to be at work at 7am so I have no clue how that works for her lol.
But yeah, she knows dad leaves for work and is gone until a certain time and she takes full advantage of it.
I am beginning to hate this summer vacation. I hope it improves soon. I still have two months left!!!!


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RE: It is summertime

Oh yeah, maria, she doesn't get her cell phone. She has a pay as you go one, but she doesn't get to use it because of her grades and not following through on anything her counselor is trying to help her with. So it just sits, brand new in the package on the kitchen counter as a reminder to her. Some reminder she still isn't doing a damn thing.
Unmotivated doesn't even begin to cover it. I just can't understand it.
She wants a lap top....her dad already told her it would be just like the phone.
She wants a car....yeah sure with 12-15 hours of work per week?! Right. We sure are not going to buy her one.
She does have her ipod thingy, whatever it is...some sort of mp3 player. But she hasn't been able to update it. Don't even know if she knows how to charge it. She hasn't used it in forever anyway. She probably lost it. Now that I think about it lol.
There is a tv downstairs, but she isn't allowed to watch it. That doesn't mean she hasn't tried. It isn't hooked up to cable but there is a DVD player with it.

One of the things she is supposed to be working on is the friends thing....well she went and did something once since school has been out. She was gone for all of an hour and a half. Woohoo! She hasn't been calling her "friends". Really there is only the one girl that we really like. The "other friends" we have never had the pleasure of meeting. Go figure.
She wants to use my younger sister (19) as her "friend card", but I don't like it. My little sister is going to be 20 this fall, and she is developmentally disabled. She looks fine, but socially she doesn't do well. She graduated high school with a curriculum that was changed for her. Her math was a 5th grade level. She is like a young teen.
I love to have my sister over but my sd thinks she is here for her all the time. She gets my sister to get mad at me etc. It is just aggravating.


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