My husband doesn't like my adult son.
jewel5903
17 years ago
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brass_tacks
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Xmas present for adult son who doesn't return the favor????
Comments (29)Sunnlover, I don't feel your statement about grown women being babies is fair. Many of us have raised our sons to have wonderful qualities, teach gift giving and sending thank you cards. Has it ever occurred to you that sons can be self-centered? It doesn't have to come from the mother, the self centered traits can come from the father, or actually neither parent. I raised my son without a father figure. His father was out of his life by choice. He married again and did not pay child support, because he made the decision to not to be in his son's life or support him. They connected later, before his father passed away at the young age of 52. Sometimes children are self made. Sometimes they are purely selfish, and only think of themselves. Unfortunately, it's life. If we're disappointed by the actions of our sons or daughters, we make the decision to move on with our lives, and forget about pleasing them anymore. After all, it's not one sided. We are not obligated to love unconditionally, especially if it's not given in return....See MoreMy son doesn't like his step mom...
Comments (17)When my SD was 3-5 she lived with her mom and mom's BF who started 'nice' and turned angry and abusive. Mom is a screamer/thrower and apparently he's a screamer/hitter so you can imagine how much fun that was for SD. After the police had to intervene a few times DH was able to get custody, but that's a story for another day. Anywho, SD was witness to most of these fights and the police visits, and then dealt with her mom afterward as mom talked to her about it all like a girlfriend rather than her toddler daughter. For YEARS afterward if DH and I even seemed to disagree (and I don't exaggerate when I say we don't fight and rarely ever raise our voice) she would start to shake and run to her room. We used 'pick' on each other and play argue for fun, but we had to stop as SD thought we were serious. Mom and her new husband fight often and it still deeply effects her. When she was younger she blamed the fighting only on the BF/step as mom did no wrong, but once she hit about 11 she started to see that the pattern followed mom. Point being, if SM is loud, angry and hostile it could truly affect your son. I don't advocate jumping to conclusions or assumptions about their household, but some investigation is in order. Having your son talk to someone else to get a better idea of what goes on there and why your son dislikes SM so much is definitely in order. Perhaps dad should be involved as well? Hearing from a 3rd party might give it a little more weight... Good luck to you. Keep us posted....See MoreMy husband doesn't love me anymore
Comments (13)Honey, please look very strongly at this man. I too was in the same boat several years ago. Re married, step children both sides. I had a son, he a son. It was rocky from the get go but I stayed stong. I knew he loved me, but both children were artists at stirring things up. Mine was no angel as I found out later. That was where I believe he started drifting away. I went to others for advice and got the same thing. He's no good, he's having an affair. Bottom line, get rid of him. Well, I never had that chance. He died several months later. He never complained about illnesses. He did get dizzy and sometimes would pass out. In those days doctors dismissed it as he was drinking and smoking too much. Problem was he hardly drank but every now and then he would tie one on and never smoked. at the funeral his very close (single)friends paid their respects. One that I was also very close to I pulled aside and had to ask if he knew of my husband having an affair. In no uncertain terms he stated no way. He did like to look and flirt as you put it but while they were out all he talked about was me and the kids. But he also felt that he was not part of the family that I brought into the marriage. He said that I spent alot of my time treating my son like an adult while brushing my husband off to the side, My parents were domineering and like to controll things. My son ran to them if he looked sideways at him. Of course, I had to hear about it. He also stated that he thought my husband had been sick and in alot of pain for some time because he did see him go through changes. He would tell them about his pain but did not want to worry me. His joking around came less and less. His mind was always racing thouugh all kinds of things going on. They joked that it was my nagging causing this and wrote it off as such. While cleaning out his things i came upon some things. He was always trying to make things better for me and the kids. He was working more hours, taking odd jobs around town, he was pawning and selling some of his things that i knew at least he held dear at one time. This was all found through receipts and notes. He had planned a getaway with the family. It was all there in black and white. All this through what I found even later what must have been excruciating pain. I;m not going to bore you with more. I found notes and cards to me that he never gave me. They would go on and on about how much he loved me, his hapiness with me, his fears of the future. He had always had a hard time saying his thoughts. These letters were poetry. I do want you to get one thing out of my mistake. You know this man more than any of us do. At least I would hope. Take a good look into his soul. I knew what was in my husbands soul because that was why I married him faults and all. He loved God, his family, and his friends. Yes he drank every now and then and would overdo it the same as yours. He was a flirt and I knew it. He flirted with everyone young and old, pretty and not so pretty. That was part of his charm. Again, that was a reason why i married him. Everyone loved him. That church was packed. Now all I have are the lovely memories of him and the one nightmare that wakes me up often. I listened to others that did not know him the way I did. You get a second chance to look through your eyes and heart and not through others....See MoreMy fiance doesn't like my son, wanna go, but we have 2 together
Comments (8)You are in a difficult situation indeed. I understand what you are going through. My husband and I have a son together. He also has a daughter from a previous marriage and I have a son from a previous marriage. The situation you describe sounds like mine in that my husband shows his biological son an enormous amount of love and my other son nothing. There is basically no interaction at this point between the two. He use to discipline my son, but I felt it was done unfairly so that has stopped. Now we are at the point where he nit picks about every little thing my son does, but not to him...to me. It is sooo annoying. It has weakened our relationship as husband and wife, but at least my son is not constantly hearing the complaints. I must say though that my husband's nit picking has made me more critical of my sons behavior. I feel like I am riding him harder over insignificant stuff so I don't have to listen to my husbands complaints...I keep telling myself I need to stop this. My husband, for the most part, is good to me and our son. My other son is 12 and very into school, friends, and basketball. I try to do extra stuff for him when I can to make up for the fact that he doesn't have a dad and his step-dad wants nothing to do with him. My dad (his grandpa) is also a wonderful role model and strong male figure in his life. He spends a lot of time with him. Is it possible for you to find your other son another strong male role model? Like a grandfather, a friend, or join a big brother big sister group? Maybe that would help him and allow you to stay with your husband. You also must consider your other children too. What effect will it have on them if you take them away from their father?...See Morestretch46
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