Ok, I'm past the point of losing it and I keep thinking just hold on a little longer but...

I'm SM to 2 (SS-24 & SD-21) and have been married to DH for 12 years. The kids have always lived with us, not BM. She actually quit paying CS within a year of me being in the picture. So in a way I've paid for her non support all this time, as i guess she figured she no longer had to. We're past that, but I'm to the breaking point on taking care of these now adults. Neither have had jobs for about a year now. I know the economy is bad, but you have to actually make an honest effort to find a job. They aren't all going to start at $15/hr and drop into your lap.

They really do not have that many responsibilities at home either. I've tried asking, writing notes, taking away internet time, helping with resumes, asking each week on where they may have applied etc...

Problem is, I'm not the *real* parent, and for years it's been me b*tching about the kids and in turn the kids b*tching about me. At least that's how DH has heard it, when I've tried to make rules, or gripe when the kitchen is a mess when we get home from WORK blah blah blah.

For the most part we have a good relationship, although it does not sound like it. I know this situation has developed over time, I just feel like they have their way and we (DH and I) get to work for it. DH tends to let things slide for a while then he'll get to a point where he'll crack down on them and tell them they need to get jobs, do the dishes etc...The thing is, it never lasts and there are no repercussions when it reverts back. The rules don't last and I end up more stressed and angry trying to keep them in place or caring how the house looks. It has caused problems between me and DH and at this point in my life, my marriage comes first. I don't want to fight, but I'm sick and tired of working everyday and nothing changing at home. I keep thinking surely things will change, they will start working, move out on their own and things will get easier. I love the SKs and want to miss them, but I find all I am is angry and resentful most times now. It's not worth fighting with DH anymore, but IMO, it's just not fair what is going on. Sometimes the house has been more like a Frat house and the kids have full reign when we are not there.

I just don't know what to do anymore, except suck it up for a few more years...but I don't know if I can do that. I also know, that the more they don't have to work for things in their life, we are setting them up to fail in the real world. And ultimately they will always fall back to living with us if something doesn't change soon.

Sorry if I sound selfish or just plain mean. I'm not perfect and I've made a lot of bad decisions along the way, but I've also tried to provide and be there for them when and if they needed. Furthermore, I would like to have a retirement of some kind with DH, but we are not going to have much if we continue to take care of anyone. I just wish they had more drive and wanted to actually grow up and out.