Why do you feel that you need to talk with her about the child support arrangement? Why does your husband feel he needs to "deal with her" with regard to child support. In a perfect world, and a perfect split relationship, this makes perfect sense, and don't we all wish they could end up like that. However, it's pretty obvious that in this case, it can't be done. Get a lawyer and go directly to the courts to have child support stopped. If not stopped (which I cannot imagine why they wouldn't), then at least dramatically reduced. The fact that she's mentally unstable means nothing, especially if she's not seeing the child anyhow. If you have custody of his son, then you should be on the receiving end of child support, not the giving end. My husband's ex used to bully my husband unmercifully because she could. Jeez, I mean, she lived with him and knew just what buttons to push, and she pushed them with a vengeance. She caught me on the phone only one time and tried it, NO WAY. The minute she started going on and on about her divorce papers say this or that, I told her that her divorce papers don't mention my name at all, and therefore, she and I didn't need to communicate at all! That shut her up, and it also gave my husband a feeling of power that he wasn't alone in his dealings with her. He still gets a little weak in the knees sometimes, but I try to coach him and he gets through it. You have to consider, "does she really have the upper hand?" and the answer is usually no, she doesn't. What does your husband have to lose if he takes control of the situation? Perhaps he just needs to be reminded of that fact. He's in a losing situation right now, and it's never going to get any better provided he doesn't grow a backbone in dealing with his ex. But, yes, to answer your question, I'd go to court, go directly to court, do not pass go, do not collect $200. There is absolutely no reason for you to be paying her. Good luck.

My husband and I are in a similar situation. His daughter came to live with us 100% of the time 2 years ago (she was 16). I requested papers from the FOC to change custody so we could stop child support payments to the ex. The papers need to be signed by both parents and she would not sign. The FOC said the only thing we could do was hire an attorney and take her to court. Of course the money we would have spent on an attorney was more than the remaining 2 years of support and we couldn't afford to pay the attorney, so we dropped the issue. I could never understand why at 16 she was not allowed to choose who to live with and stand in front of a FOC representative, state her preference and have the support stopped. Many instances like this have proved to me that the FOC is only there for the parent on the receiving end and not both parents.

Sylk, you are paying alot more than we were and the child is much younger, so it may be to your benefit to hire an attorney and take the ex to court. Good Luck

Sylk and all,
If you go to our site, you will see that we paid support for a full 15 months after the "mother" literally abandoned the kids and left state. I did the custody change myself, it's not difficult to do. If you need help or advice (remember, I'm not a lawyer) then get in touch with me through my sites. I'm not on here very often so please email if your serious about help! catch me at the site below or at http://alicialon.tripod.com (my P4CSE coordinators site for Oregon)

Here is a link that might be useful: In Arrears

Wow! Some states must have some messed up laws. Here in PA, as long as you are through Domestic Relations, you just need to send a letter in stating that the child lives with you and as of which date. They usually investigate then but you stop paying as of the date you said they moved in. I would look into what is going on. There is no reason why you need to pay child support for a kid you have custody of most of the time. That's not the way the system works. The ex should be paying you guys.

I am a stepmom and absolutely agree that you and your husband should never pay child support for a child who is living with you!
We have had our stepson live with us before, even though he wanted to go BACK to his moms, and the cs continued and had never stopped being paid to her. To tell you the truth, what she did with the money was most likely buy her drugs !
You stand your ground, go visit that website that the poster was telling you about. I intend to myself. Good luck and God bless you

You will need to go to court to have the cs changed.

7yrs ago CPS removed my spouses 2 children from their mother home. Placed son here w/his father, the daughter went to her aunts.

After 7yrs of goin to Attorney General of Texas, it was decided by a judge in court that he STILL OWED his x-wife child support because no motions were ever filed here in Harris county. Didn't matter if we had court orders from Montgomery county...they went by Harris county, the idiots. Try that on for size. Court documents listing her as non-custodial yet she still gets child support. Go figure. Get it into court as soon as possible. Call your CS office and ask them EXACTLY what you need to do. Don't go on them saying "Oh, we're looking into it" blah blah blah...better yet, go to their office directly and ask to talk with the case worker.

If you've stopped paying child support, you may just find your credit ruined. We did...and a lot of other things ruined also by the damn Attorney General Child Support office of Texas.

...oh, and another thing...this x-wife had spent almost half the 7yrs in jail for one thing or another. ugh...makes me livid each and every time I think of it AND all those dead-beat mothers.

After reading the above messages, I really am not alone. HELP ME! I am 28, no kids and my husband has 3 kids (15 yr old girl, 13 yr old boy, 10 yr old girl). We are currently in the custody battle. The kids were taken out of their home after they were put in a violent situation by their mom. Both the bm and boyfriend have criminal records, neither work, she gets visitation but only comes on her weekends and we pay them ALOT of child support. We have custody, the kids signed the affidavits to live with us, etc, etc. We are financially drowning because we dish it out on both ends. Our attorney can't say when child support will be stopped. You know, I don't mind paying for their needs and wants, but I do mind paying 2 worthless people to sit around and not work and pay their part. Gee, we still pay for her car payment because she wouldn't and my husband's name was also on it. So how can I be patient when we pay for all health insurance and medical bills, her car payment, child support to her and have full custody...on a fireman's salary and I work for the state (good benefits, low $$$)? How am I suppose to be able to provide them with more than just the basics? When will the courts stand up for the honest, hard working, the good people who do things right??? These daddy's are daddy's and awesome one's at that, they are NOT PAYCHECKS! The system can be backwards but I have learned real fast, you have to fight and fight hard to get what's right done! I adore my step-kids and I will do what's best for them as well as for my husband and I. I just can't describe what I feel right now. Any suggestions?

eeeeeeeee, firemans wife...I looked on your member page and I see you are in Texas. GOOD LUCK to your husband! You're gonna need all you can get! Texas is NOTORIOUS for siding with the woman.

First thing you do....GET YOURSELF to the AG's office and bring those papers you have WITH YOU! Get copies of the case from CPS where it states that the children were removed and placed in your care. Bring in those affidavits and show that caseworker. You don't need an appointment to go into the AG's office, matter of fact, we were NEVER given an appointment. We simply walked in. In the family law (I'll have to look up the code) code it states that if there is a VALID reason and a GOOD reason for stopping child support you HAVE THAT RIGHT! But I WARN YOU, be fully prepared to go to court and run the risk of having to pay any back child support you discontinue to pay.

The dweeb caseworker actually sent out a notice to my spouses employer STOPPING the child support. 3 years later we go to court (just a few weeks ago..yes it took them IDIOTS 3 years of constant harassment from me to get a court date) and Judge Ritter found that he owed her for those years...EVEN THO we had COURT DOCUMENTS that she did NOT have the children. One was adopted by his sister, the other lived here with us. When the judge was handed the Final Orders in a Suit to Affect Parent/Child Relationship, he asked "And..so what does this prove?" Well, you idiot, it proves she did NOT have the children..it proves she is a NON CUSTODIAL PARENT and she is NOT entitled to child support! But, being the God he is in his own realm, he ruled that my spouse still owed her CS. Now THAT's a ruling for the BOOKS!

Get down to that office and get ready for a bumpy ride. You're probably going to have to fight them the entire way. Don't assume anything until the fat lady sings. I just hope that you and your husband are not financially ruined at the end of all this.

Thank you for the response, that judge in your case is wrong! I pray that doesn't happen to us too. Our next hearing is next week & our attorney said that this judge (who he knows personally) is very liberal & sides w/the parent who is honest & stable. At the time of the hearing she will also be served with 3 contempts of court for violation of the restrainging orders & the sentencing of her probation violation. She was on probation for theft by check & violated it by being arrested twice since it was issued & for failing to obtain a job & not doing her community service hours. Anyway, it will be interesting...Our attorney also said that typically the judge will issue a stop child support, we will see. As far as being finacially ruined, well, that terrifies me. It is already putting a strain financially...imagine, 3 kids (2 are teenagers) their mom refuses to give them their clothes, she got the teenage daughter a puppy (we have that dog now too, on top of the 2 others we already had) & food alone is outrageous. The sickening thing is that all this money that's going to attorneys and courts, we could be using on the kids for clothes, school, etc...I will never understand how anyone could be so destructive, especially to their children. This saga continues everyday and I can only imagine our lives if the courts don't decide in our favor. Is this normal to feel so frustrated? I feel like the bad guy (the ex-wife) has control of our lives....Do you have any other suggestions?

Firemans wife, I wish you all the best. I am really debating on whether or not to make a web page with all this crap that's gone on for 7yrs now. See, I wasn't in the picture in 1995 when the kids were removed and my spouse was very lax about the CS thing. When I came in the picture in 1999 and they started taking out money AGAIN from his check (they'd stop and start CS over and over) we went to the office and he signed an affidavit so I could have access to his case. It wasn't until then that things started getting done. I like to think that if I had been around in 1995 this wouldn't have gone on for so long...but the fact remains that they (attorney general) had access to any and all court documents that were issued out of Montgomery county. They've had this all along but didn't bother to look into it. His file is literally 6inches thick. The attorney that represented the state of texas didn't even bother to crack the folder. Each time we went to court (4 times since Jan) there was a different attorney.

I hope everything goes well for you but be prepared for anything to happen. We thought it was all over and done with...then the judge gave his ruling. I was suprised to say the least and so angry that when I got home I called all the newspapers and television stations. I've received 4 phone calls back from different different news stations that want to do investigative work. Oh...did I mention that I taped conversations when we went into the AG's office? Yup, got them talking in circles...saying one thing and doing another. We're still debating on whether or not to go with the television stations. I'm to the point where I'm so exhausted of living in the middle of all that mess and I really shouldn't even be posting about it because it just gets me all worked up again. The more I think about it, the more I think I'll scan our court documents and transcribe the recordings, make a web page and be done with it...that way it'll be out of my system for good and I can tell the entire world at one time without having to go back into that 'mode' I was in for so long when we were dealing with these incompetent morons.

I understand your frustion. We go to court next week, so I am keeping my fingers crossed all turns out good.

Sadly the Texas website is seriously lacking, I tried to find the modification of support papers, but they don't have them online for you like Oregon does. Go to your local office and request a modification of support packet. This is compleatly different then the court stuff! State that your reason for modification is severe change in circumstances, and provide the custody papers. If the state is handiling collecting support from your husband, they have to grant the modification and stop collecting. If you want to talk zip me an email at aandlon@pacifier.com

Here is a link that might be useful: In Arrears

We won last week in court and were granted sole/temporary custody. Child support was terminated immediately that day but she did receive an extra payment and is required by the court to return it. As history repeats itself, she is in the dark about this & says she owes us nothing. HA! We are very pleased with the outcome in court. The judge & our attorney nailed her to the wall. Thanks for all the messages, it makes things easier to deal with. I will keep you posted.

Yea Firemanswife!! Good for you!! Everyone needs to remember that it's all about the kids, no matter what the custody arrangements are. It's rair to see parents that focus compleatly on the kids and just do what is best for them, including paying child support, because they act like it's about or against them instead.
Good luck with everything!

Here is a link that might be useful: Oregon P4CSE