15 year old Disrespectful Step daughter
jjw265
17 years ago
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Vivian Kaufman
17 years agojjw265
17 years agoRelated Discussions
dealing with mom of 17 year old step daughter
Comments (94)lafevem, I agree. That's why it angers me SO much that they joined a "support" group for step-families. They both use this forum as an excuse to take out their anger on any stepmother who posts questions (looking for support) because they mistakenly view her as the "other woman" in their lives. It's not only unsupportive, it's insulting. And I wish I could say that I respect their perspective, but I don't. I think they are both lonely, angry, bitter, first wives who are taking it out on us because we're just some women on the computer with no face or real name. There's no repercussions for insulting us like there might be if they took it out on the ones actually causing their anger. Don't insult me because you can't blow up your ex and his girlfriend, y'know what I mean? Take a kick-boxing class and imagine she's the bag. Take her picture to the local range and shoot at her for all I care, but stop treating me like I stole your husband and hate my SK. I also think they use the ole "I'm learning your perspective thing" as a cover to be here. If my son was gay and I was having a hard time "understanding" it and wanted to learn where he was coming from, I wouldn't go to a forum and tell all gays that they are wrong for being that way, that it simply isn't "natural", or that God is frowning on them. (Which I really don't feel - I'm just making an example because that's usually the opposing arguments!) I also wouldn't assume that all gay men are hairdressers who wear designer labels and talk with a lisp just because some of them do. I do not appreciate being grouped into some category of ignorant, horrible mothers simply because Cinderella had an evil stepmother. It's just wrong. We are all people with different situations who are hear seeking support and we all deserve that opportunity to be listened to instead of picked apart. Some of us are better parents than others, some of us are better people than others but it doesn't mean that everyone in here is guilty until proven innocent. "to stepping -- no I wouldnt like or defend anyone hurting a child" Kkny: I will take this as your way of saying that I am not like the "other" stepmothers you assume we all are and that deep down, you see and appreciate that I am more maternal than the BM in my SS(s) lives and understand that those boys now have a chance to have the mother they deserve and that they have a better life now because I'm in it. After all, I don't physically and emotionally abuse them (and I won't list everything I DO do for them!) So, thank you for acknowledging this (even if I had to say it for you.)...See More5 year old *step daughter* doesn't like me....
Comments (23)I am not being used as a chauffer or babysitter. I offered... it was my decision. I saw it as helping the two of them see each other more often. But I guess then I didn't realize the harm that it could be doing. As for mom, she is kind of a strange parent. It seems as though a lot of you women have a strong maternal instinct and wouldn't even let your DD SM pick your daughters up. However, BM has asked if I could pick up her daughter (we meet in the middle of our houses) because it was more convenient for her to drop her off at that time. If we don't accommodate her schedule she often tells us then she won't be able to drop her off at all. She's never around to receive her daughter either. Most of the time dad brings her with her grandparents because mom isn't around. This weekend was a perfect example. Mom told us she would receive her daugther at 6pm on Sunday. She called and told my BF that she left town and wouldn't be able to pick her up until Monday sometime, and that either she would pick her up with dad at his work or mine. HAH. So dad didn't go to work in the morning because mom decided she had better things to do than pick up her daughter, and he ended up bringing his daughter to her grandparents because mom wasn't answering her phone. Sometimes she leaves to the beach for the weekend and decides not to come back until Wednesday, leaving her daughter with her parents, and no one to bring her to school. Not very motherly if you ask me. As for our relationship, it's fine. I am not getting involved in baby momma drama... we see each other, say hello, everything's cordial, then we talk about the girl, say goodbye no name calling as far as I know etc. I never say a bad word about her mother to anyone.. ever. As for my bf we met 11 years ago in the US. I came here to Mexico to be with him a year ago. Maybe I use the term soulmate in a way you don't understand. I know I could find someone else if I wanted to. I don't. I'm here to stay with this man and this girl. We may not be married but we are committed to each other as if we were. We are talking marriage... and it will happen some day. What else... oh to answer a question dad and mom divorced when daughter was 2.5. Sooo... 1 year and half before I showed up into the picture. Their relationship sounds like it was verbally and emotionally abusive, probably from both parts but she also sounds like she was physically abusive towards him... but never to their daughter. Dad never had a serious girlfriend after that before me. I don't think dad ever introduced any women to his daughter before me either. But I don't know that for sure. As for the bed thing, I know. Dad and daughter used to sleep in the same bed before I arrived. I think it's weird. So when I came into the picture and she was over on the weekends, dad had daughter sleep in the same bed as us. I put a quick stop to that. NOT OK. I expressed to him that it's uncomfortable and he talked with her, though I don't think he really understands why it's a problem. He sometimes asks if she can sleep with us still... I don't understand why. As for this weekend little girl was throwing up and had a bad temperature in the middle of the night so she came into the bed in the early morning so dad could keep an eye on her. I didn't think it was inappropriate in that case. I don't want to be an in your face sm. I honestly feel like dad is trying to force the situation and really I was over doing the favors just to try and get to know the girl and make it easier for them to see each other... to be nice. I know that I need to back off now. Anyways I left and did my own thing on Saturday and part of Sunday and when I came back things were much nicer. I think the girl does like me when she wants to see me, but I was around too often and intruding on daddy daughter time. Today she was very talkative to me, sweet... gave me a little kiss goodbye and they left. I think I found my answer. I agree with the playing house thing being a rush, I'm not moving out now... so I have to find other ways to fix this. To answer someone's question it is not the house of his previous relationship... and when I say house I mean apartment.. a small one. I think it's kind of hard to stay out of each others business when we are all there... leaving is probably necessary to give them proper alone time....See MoreDaughter & Step-Father Disrespect
Comments (5)This may not have anything to do with the "step" thing...my daughter just turned 14, and starting between 12-13, things just went crazy....we had an awful year (8th grade)...just unbelievable. She went from a pleasant, honor student that never ever got in any kind of trouble to an absolute mess....bad grades, getting in trouble in school, "cutting" her wrists, and just showing complete and total lack of respect for me and her mother (we have 50-50 custody). Despite our divorce, which was amicable, she's had a very good upbringing...two parents who are loving and supportive...we had no idea where all this came from. Fortunately she's been in therapy for about a year now, and I think just getting out of 8th grade (middle school) and moving on to high school has helped, because things have been a lot better the last 6 months or so. Not perfect, she still has lots of anxiety and self-esteem issues, but the bahavior has improved a lot...so I am hopeful. The others are right, your husband needs to back off a bit...and you two need to establish and agreed upon set of things that are acceptable and things that are not...and when she does something that is not, he should tell you and you decide what to do about it, she is your child to discipline, not his. And no matter what she has done, for him to not give her positive reinforcement if she is making efforts to improve, that is JUST AWFUL...you need to get all over him about this...kids, especially girls, at this age need GOBS of positive reinforcement! He is causing her lots of harm by doing this.......See More7 year old step son troubles please help
Comments (2)You're not failing as a parent because you aren't a parent. That responsibility belongs to his father & to his mother, absentee though she may be. This little boy sounds like a very angry person, & there's a reason, there's always a reason. Your family might benefit from professional help (although I hate to say that-it seems like "counselling" is always the recommendation for everything from screaming hysteria to broken fingernails). People don't just make up new behaviors; they learn them; is this boy mimicking the way he sees you treated at home? How does your boyfriend interact with you? Do your views matter? Does he repeat what you've said or contradict that you've said? So often, we women think we're married or "as good as", & in fact our partners have no such illusions; many times I've heard girls & women talk about their partners, & in the conversation it becomes obvious to everyone except the woman involved that she's a live-in, a babysitter, a resource that comes in handy. I'm not criticizing; I've been there, done that, & paid for everybody else's tee shirt. You've taken a great deal of responsibility off the boyfriend's shoulders, & unless you have his respect & his wholehearted support, this will get much much worse. The two of you already have a child together, you're taking care of his son, & yet you aren't protected by marriage. How much does that sound like a committed, loving partnership between equals? If your boyfriend walks in front of a bus, what happens to you & your daughter? What happens to this little boy? You've got an awful lot on your plate, & you absolutely need back-up at home & the security of a committed partner. I wish you the very best....See Morenewbieroselover
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