Oh doodle...what a relief for you guys! It is a sad day when a prison sentence brings relief....but it is what it is.

Can you do the custody proceedings while she is in prison now? J would obviously get full custody while BM is locked up, and then she would have to either a) really have to get clean and prove herself when she gets out in order re-enter the girls' lives OR b)she will continue along the same path, at least the court stuff will be behind you and the girls safe.

I'm glad you guys have some time now to relax and not be always looking over your shoulder, wondering when she will call, want stunt she will pull next, etc.

(((HUGS))) to your family!

Love-

J is actually haulting the proceedings for now untill closer to her release date so the judge won't force him to bring the girls to the prison.

We have read cases where this happened and we are not for a second willing to do it. After about 6 months he will resume and close the deal before she can be released. What the boob doesn't realize is that parol or no she will be being watched because we are pushing for surprise drug tests and supervised visits which the judge said we should get because she fits alot of the criteria.

She is a addict.
She is mentally ill.
She is suicidal.
There has been abuse.
There is a crime record.
She has been absent.

All of these are factored when deciding whether or not supervision is required and she is checked on all of them. One way or the other she will be baby sat.

I'd say that J might have told grandma that if BM wants to see the girls, grandma can come pick them up and drive them the 5 hours and bring them back. I mean, she wants BM to be respected as the BM... let HER drive the girls.

But, I can understand why he wouldn't make the offer.. if she is on medication, I wouldn't want her to drive a puppy if she is on medication, let alone the girls.

I honestly think the girls should not go see their BM in prison.

It is just a year.

If it were a longer sentence, I would say *maybe* it would be beneifical for them to visit their mom.

BUT a year, in the grand scheme of things, is not so long. Let BM write them letters, etc. but I think a visit would be really traumatic for the girls at this point.

Let's see what BM does when she gets out of prison and let that determine the course of their relationship with her. Maybe this time in prison will be her "rock bottom" and she will come out, work a 12 step program and really get her life together. THAT would be a good and positive thing.

Or maybe she will come out of prison and resort right back to her old ways. If the girls have seen her during the prison time, and then she does the latter, I would think that would be yet another hurt to them.

The only way I would think it might be okay for the girls to see BM is if THEY really, really want to.

Doodle, will you guys tell them she is in prison?

"But, I can understand why he wouldn't make the offer.. if she is on medication, I wouldn't want her to drive a puppy if she is on medication, let alone the girls."

You have a point for sure. We question ever letting them visit over there again at all what with the sneaky stunt granny pulled and the pills.

Also, who the hell wants to see their mom in prison? I went once when I was 21 and it scared the hell out of me! (My dad does prison ministry because he is a reformed biker.)

I don't think the girls should be subjected to that just so BM feels better. Especially when she won't consider parol because she'd rather be able to get high and not take drug tests once she's released. Obviously she doesn't plan on getting better so she can spend more time with her kids.

I am sorry anyone is in prison, but this may be for the best. I too am shocked, that anyone would not get down on their knees and beg for probation.

All I can say, is hopefully things will be calmer for you, and hopefully in prison she can reduce her dependence on drugs.

We arn't even giving BM our address because we don't want her knowing where we live.

The girls know that she was in jail thanks to them eavesdropping on a phone conversation J was having with Grandma. I think we will just leave it at that. We will just tell them she is still in jail. They are too young to understand the difference between jail anad prison anyway.

We already know what she's going to do when she gets out. If she planned on gettinng clean she would of agreed to possible parole. It would totally just be another hurt for the girls and more aggravation for us to allow contact.

"I too am shocked, that anyone would not get down on their knees and beg for probation."

Sadly this is a good indicator to us that she hasn't learned a darn thing form this. If I was her I would be trying like hell to get out ASAP but she flat turned down the possibility of parole because she didn't want to be on porbation.

It is absolutely infuriating. She couls stay clean for the next 6 or so months, get out early, enroll in rehab for a year and then she will have been cleanfor almost two whole years! (If you count the months in jail.) She could see her kids all she wanted then!!!!!

J seems to think she will find drugs in prison and won't stay clean. He has even said she may get busted with contraband and end up serving a longer sentence before it is all said and done.

I agree, no visits to the jail.

What drugs is she abusing? From what I've heard it's just as easy to use in jail as out of jail, if not easier.

I can't imagine abandoning children as she has. What a sad waste of her life.

I wasn't suggesting the girls should go to the prison, I was just thinking of the comeback to grandma trying to lay a guilt trip on J. It takes a lot of nerve to suggest he drive that far when BM never saw them when she was out... why would anyone in their right mind take them to see her now? She had her chance to see them when she was out and could have taken probation and see them if she wants.

Silver-
Well, she uses pot like you or I drink water. That's no big to her at all. Aside from that she is big on prescription pills, percacet, darvacet, lithium, codine any kindof pain pill or muscle relaxer. She tends to shoot them instead of swallow them as well. I'm pretty sure that's how she contracted Hep.C.

She also does cocaine and in her worst state heroine from time to time as well as methadone. If she can get her hands on X, Acid or Meth she'll do those in a heartbeat as well.

Did I mention she drinks?????

IMA-
I think what Love and SIlver probably meant was that Granny was out of her mind for expecting us to take the girls to the prison. I didn't get the feeling you thought it was a good idea at all.

Shooting muscle relaxers? Now that's hard-core. And I'm not being sarcastic.

And you're right. Ima, my response had nothing to do with you... and everything to do with Granny.

I wasn't joking when I said the woman had a drug problem.

It's a pretty serious case of addiction that got worse whenever the divorce went through, then it got even worse when I came on the scene, then it got even worse when we married, then just when we didn't think it could it got even worse when we had Layla.