Very sad. I only have one thing to say, forget about selling the family home. When she married him it was half hers and even if her name was not on it, you probably would not have been able to evict her. It's her home. It may vary with different states, in my state and the neighboring states you cannot get anyone out of their home, wife, child, sister, etc.. I know of a daughter who lived with her mother for years. When the mother died, the daughter's sister wanted her share of the home, she tried to get her out and she couldn't.

Your post is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you're going through this. Your stepmother sounds like a very bitter person.

While I'm sure her life has been hard with dealing with your father's illness and the bulk of the caretaking, it seems so cold to shut you and the granddaughter out as she is.

Hospitals are big places. I'm sure there is room for all of you there without having to do much socializing. I'd think she could allow you a bit of time (his letting you know he was going and his room number shows he did want you to know and if possible come).

I think the most you can do currently is continue to keep trying. For you and for your father. Stepmom and you don't have to be buddies...just be civil and polite when near each other.

I'd keep calling and trying to visit. Sure it's frustrating when she says 'no' or when your drives are longer than your allowed visit. Just keep in mind that yes, those ten and fifteen minutes are precious.

I lost my father when he was 55 and I almost 30. I was crushed. I can tell you, if I had been in your current situation, I'd have walked over coals and allowed some bitter lady to dislike me all she pleases just to get my 15 minutes.

As long as your father does indeed want you there, try to do the best you can of ignoring mean cold words flowing from your stepmom's mouth. Be civil and polite and as much as it may suck, realize that you can't stop her from banning you...so do do all you can to keep the visits on a positive note (even if you have a bite your tongue).

I'm so sorry that it is this way for you.

Thank you for your responses. Emma, I can't help but remember that the home my grandparents built in probably the 1930's was sold for the sake of his new wife. But, I in no way harp on the fact of the home it's way in the past. I just brought it up in the post as part of the things that have gone on since he met his wife. It probably bothers me more that she has many of my grandmothers belongings displayed throughout her house & never has bothered to ask me if I would like anything that belonged to my family! The room that she once made her mothers room (she has since passed away) consisted of an antique wood bedroom set that belonged to my father & his brother as children. Justmetoo, I have always given her respect for her continued care of my dad. It's probably one of the main reasons for never disrespecting her besides keeping peace & being able to see my dad. If I had fought with her all these years I would have never been able to build any memories for my daughter. My daughter told me recently that the times I sent her for a few days to stay with my dad when she was younger,he would take her home with him to give me a break i worked full time & was a single mom. his wife would treat her like she was a grow up instead of a little girl. They took her to a water park & told her (at 8 years old) that she didnt need sunblock she was too pale n needed some color! My daughter is an auburn-redhead! very fair skinned. The kids here get summer reading & his wife told my daughter that she always winds up with all the cr*p no one wants to do because she had to write a summary of the books & I would send her with her book to read & if she finished it she would have to write the report. My son is only 3 & will more then likely never know him or remember anything about him. He has only seen him maybe 5 or 6 times since he has been born. I think my dad forgets he exists at times. We call his forgetfulness Chemo-brain as a jest but since the cancer he has never been the same. Aside from his body slowly giving way he is constantly depressed. I spoke to him yesterday a quick call to see how he was doing. I told him I'm just calling to see how you're feeling cause I don't want you talking too much. I would love to go see him next week for Father's Day but I know my daughter will look to see her dad & it's her grandmothers bday as well. I hate to go see him without her so I guess I will make another day to celebrate with him. I'm sure his stepson will be there & it's hard for me to be in the house with his wife. Last time I saw him I drove up & took him to lunch with my kids & drove home again. It was a nice afternoon, just wish I had more time with him. Your right, I would walk over hot coals to be there for him & will continue to do so as much as I can. I'm lucky I still have a tongue I've bitten it or years! Lol. My baby's blood disorder makes it very difficult to go anywhere without fear of him getting sick, he's like the boy in the plastic bubble just not as severe. I know my dad doesn't have many years left & I hope I can hang on to our relationship that i thought was once an unbreakable bond. Thanks again for listening & letting me vent. I don't confide in people or go on like this to anyone I feel it may annoy them & I speak to my daughter as much as I can but don't really get into things that will upset her. She is on to college in sept & need her to focus on getting her career together. The last thing I need is her being more upset then she already is at everything that goes on.

sorry, I haven't had time to read everything, but a spouse is not automatically entitled to a half interest, or indeed any interest, in the family home.

In Texas (which *is* a community property state), for instance, when a person who owns a home marries, the spouse is entitled to half the amount by which the mortgage has been reduced during the term of the marriage, unless (s)he has paid for capital improvements out of her/his separate funds;
in that case, the person may have to be reimbursed.

& the amount by which the mortgage has been reduced may surprise you by its teeny amount.
Most of a monthly mortgage payment is interest & tax & insurance escrows.

See a lawyer *right away*;
your local bar association may have a lawyer referral service, in which the initial consultation is very very cheap.

I wish you the best.

Texas laws sounds more fair. In my state, the day I marry my spouse will be half owner. On my death the kids will be entitled to half, He would get to live in the home until he dies.

Have you investigated this with an attorney?

Legal matters are so complicated.

The right to live in a home doesn't mean you own the home & doesn't mean you can sell the home.

Here in Texas, a surviving spouse (one who married the owner after the owner already had the house) can remain in the family home for life, but the children aren't obligated to pay payments, taxes, insurance, or maintenance.

(S)he doesn't actually have an ownership other than the right to live in it *& cannot sell it*.

The only instance I know of personally in which this happened was one involving a friend whose stepmother didn't want the house, it was too old & too much work needed to be done, etc,

She was pretty young, forties maybe, & wanted to move on, so she offered the children 50% of whatever she could net from selling the house, if they'd agree to take the money now rather than later.

They took it.

I hope things work out.

Thank you all for your words of support. But, the family home is gone a long time. They sold my grandparents house & bought a new house 2 states away. The home is under my SM name & the day anything happens to him I suppose it will belong to her & her son (my stepbrother). Unless otherwise stated in a written will by dad & her. I know he told me he has a will but never wanted to pry, I am at the point where it really doesn't make a difference to me one way or the other. I realize there is no fight considering they bought the home after they got married. I can't lie & say it doesn't bother me that I am on the bottom of the totem pole so to speak, because it does. I recently told my father some of what his wife had said & doneto me during
his illness, but not about the most recent outburst by her! Anyway, it stinks that I was never able to have a decent relationship with her but I guess that's just the way it goes. I've tried & even told her that I cared for her one time which was a mistake on my part. Sad that after dad is gone I will prob never see or speak to her again. Thanks again for listening to my venting.

I'm so sorry.

Be good to your dad if you get the chance, & be good to yourself.

In some community property states, there is a carve out for children from previous marriage. Texas does do this. Of course, a will may give everything to SM

http://www.dallasrelo.com/commproperty.html