The bug eyed head, the two wings in a V-position at rest, and the way the hind leg is jointed says FLY to me. It is similar to a horsefly. The two small appendages sticking forward at the top of its head are navigation aids. These act like a gyroscope when the fly is in flight. These vibrate in a plane at a high rate and when the insect turns, a small, but detectable gyrscopic moment is felt. Feedback from these detectors aids the fly to maintain its desired flight path and wing motion adjustment. Rate turn instruments for airplanes have been protytped and tested using this principle and found useable.

It has been a progression since she began living with us full time. She has no reason to give DH for why she does it, he's asked her but then after he talks to her about it, she then has more attitude.. like I told on her to get her in trouble so she's mad at me. I don't have an answer either & it's frustrating. She tells her mom & her grandma's that she isn't allowed to come out. At this point (with her) I think she wants to play victim no matter what I do. She gets lots of attention when everyone thinks I am the mean wicked stepmom.. yet none of them suggests she move to live elsewhere (like with mom or even grandma). Apparently, nobody feels the need to RESCUE her from "evil Ima", they all just want to complain and SD gets the sympathy and attention. It hasn't always been this bad but when she came to live with us, she was 8. She would go straight to her room & cry until she fell asleep. She was devastated that her mom moved away to be with a new boyfriend & didn't take her. I tried to talk to her, comfort her and give her her space to be alone. At first, we were happy to have custody of her & tried to make it "happy" but everything we did, she'd start crying & talk about how it reminded her of her mom... her mom used to do this, or that. etc. I had her in counseling but she would lie to the counselor & we got nowhere. During the week, she would spend a lot of time in her room when she wasn't going with me to run errands, counseling, etc. I used to take her to activities (swimming, dance, scouts, karate, school sports, etc) and she would talk with me but when we were home, she just go to her room. then we'd get calls from her mom that she didn't want me involved in her activities because I'm not her mom & she doesn't want me doing "mom" things. At first, we ignored it because BM lived so far away, it didn't seem she should have a say. Well, SD began having an attitude with me, I assume it was because her mom was mad that we weren't doing what she wanted. I had assumed SD wanted to participate (no, she TOLD me she wanted to participate) so I felt I was "standing up" for her and that her mom was wrong for not wanting her to be involved in anything) but it backfired because while I believe SD wanted to participate, she wanted her mom to approve and even get involved... which was never going to happen. So, she must have decided that she would participate but then tell her mom that she doesn't really want to so her mom would call us up and act like we are forcing her poor daughter to participate, like I'm some sort of stage mom. At the same time, SD was letting her grades slip to D's & F's so it just seemed it was not worth it for me to leave work, pay the participation fees, drive her around to activities, etc. if she was going to fail in school & tell her mom she didn't want to do the things I was "making" her do. (yet, she would not say that to us... she still maintains she WANTS to do activities). So, over the last five years, the potential for a relationship has withered and died. She has spent the majority of her time, manipulating everyone around her and everyone (except me) seems to be okay with it. I have to believe that if they all truly loved her and thought she was in harms way with me (because she tells them that I mistreat her), that any ONE of them would do something for her... like get her as far away from me as possible. It has definitely taken it's toll on me and my marriage. My DH says he loves me and appreciates me but he won't "parent" her and I have refused to. I'm at the point that if he left me, I will miss him but I think I will enjoy the peace. I'm just not willing to be the one to end it at this time. If you are not yet married and think that he should break it off with you... maybe you should break it off with him? It's hard to say if his son will ever be comfortable with anyone... I don't take it personally that SD hates me. She does not want daddy with anyone. When he's single, she can get him to give her whatever she wants. Actually, she is pretty much doing that now that I am not voicing my opinion or getting involved in "parenting". Unless your BF agrees there is a problem and wants to address it, it will be a no win situation. Even if your BF wants to address it, he cannot MAKE a child like his partner or accept his father having a partner. (or his mother). And I do agree with the counselor to a point. Let him stay in his room... but you might want to ask the counselor what to do if he chooses to spend most of his time for several years, in his room refusing to be part of the family? That is where I am now. It's been over 5 years and SD has spent more time in her room avoiding the "family" and treats our house like she is just visiting and when she goes to visit her mom on the weekend, she is "going home". I have lots of concerns for the future... problems SD will have that might affect me, but one of the big ones is that she will have NO IDEA how to interact with family. Also, you STBSS may be feeling jealous that his dad has a closer relationship with your daughters. That doesn't mean he wants that with you but he may resent sharing his dad. The part that stands out to me is that you say he complains to his mom instead of telling dad how he feels. My SD has also told her mom things like she has nightmares and is afraid to knock on our door to get her daddy... or she is afraid to tell her dad how she feels so she tells her mom, etc. I don't know why she would say she's afraid of DH when she seems to have him wrapped around her finger... my guess is that she is afraid to be called out that most of what she cries to her mom/grandma's about is total BS... so of course she's afraid to tell daddy... he knows it's BS because he lives here & knows what goes on.

"I'd say she's trying to take the focus off her drinking and go the 'dad doesn't spend enough time with SS' route. My 14 year old tries the same crap when she is in trouble. Don't buy into it. That isn't the issue at hand - stay the course and don't let her pull you off." Yes, it is exactly that. My DH has improved on this a lot in recent months. He leaves work early on Wednesdays to pick SS up from school and then he stays home the rest of the afternoon/evening. On Thursdays, he does the same. Usually on Fridays when SS is with us (every other) I pick SS up from school but DH leaves work around 5:30-6 and is home the rest of the night. I do watch SS on the Saturdays (every other) that he is with us, but again, DH leaves work around 4-5 pm. As far as the summer goes, SS will be with me and my DD on our days while DH is working---but I think it is unreasonable of BM to object to this because DH can't just take 2-3 workdays off a week all summer long! And it's not like SS will be sitting around with me bored. We have pool passes, so we go to the pool almost every day--an awesome complex with 4 big water slides, a lazy river, diving pool, etc. The kids LOVE it! The nice thing about having season passes is I don't feel wasteful for just running up there for a couple hrs. It's literally 3 minutes from our house. I do lots of fun stuff w/them over the summer...which, I suspect, is part of BM's issue. She doesn't like SS having fun with me. The funny thing is--it is d*mned if we do, d*mned if we don't. In the past, BM was complaining about me watching SS so much, so DH started offering him to her after school until he could leave work to pick him up. But then it became this big issue where BM would b*tch and moan that it wasn't her day to have him, and she had plans, and DH was putting her on the spot, blah blah. It's like---ok, do you want to spend extra time with your kid or not? If you DO, then take it. But if you DON'T, then don't b*tch about the arrangements we make for when he is with us. Thanks ladies--I feel better. :)

we bought some stinky cheeze in Paris this spring (forgot the name), and box cracked in a suitcase accidentally. We were on a train going to England and I opened my suitcase for something and oh my, ewww, I had to close it and run on the other side of the train pretending it is not my suitcase. It stank like dirty socks, feet and high school gym locker, all my clothes stank like that after the trip hahahah. I love Havarti too by the way