What does your divorce decree say about medical expenses? If it says Dad pays half, then send him a copy of the bill, refer to that section of the decree, and ask for half. If it says Dad will provide insurance but does not stipulate what type of insurance or that Dad pays half of the uncovered expenses, then I'd suspect that legally, you're S.O.L...

Divorce decree says that X provides insurance AND 1/2 of uncovered expenses.

Should I mail the bill or just hand it to him? Should I write a letter with it explaining or just wait for him to call me? I just don't know how to approach him with it since I've never asked for reimbursement before.

I agree with sweeby. What does your decree state? And go from there.

This is why I asked to provide medical insurance for dd. BD had insurance for dd but I had to pay all expenses up to $1500. She is healthy so I never would be able to 'use' the insurance. My insurance through my employer covers everything. Yes it's a lot in premiums but it's before taxes so that helps me. I got it changed in our new order, I provide healthcare and BD reimburses me for half of the premiums and half of out of pocket expenses. However the loop hole is, if it's out of network, he doesn't have to reimburse. I have to stay within the network to get reimbursement. So since my dental only offers out of network orthodontics I'm not going to be reimbursed for her orthodontics. Sucks...

I was completelly responsible for health coverage and ex was completelly responsible for dental.

if i had to go back and forth and ask my ex for reimbursement or vice versa it would be a pain. send him certified mail otherwise he'll say he never got it.

Don't forget to send first class mail because he can just not pick up the certified mail from the post office which is what mine does... Send a letter explaining what you are sending him

OK - So he's obligated to pay. Is he likely to be a jerk about it? Ignore you? Yell? Stonewall?

I'd start with the most friendly tactic you're OK with -- in descending order: phone call for that purpose (you'd do that with a friend, right?), regularly-scheduled face-to-face (better for weenies like me), email, letter, certified letter. I'd mention that you never bothered before because the insurance coverage was more generous -- but under this new insurance policy, since the out-of-pocket costs are so much higher, you'll need to ask him to reimburse you from now on.

Tailor your approach to his likely level and form of resistance and you'll get your answer.

--"well I wasn't the one who made the appointment." What would be a good arguement against that? "

He was well aware that child was going, you pre-discussed the appointment and he gave the 'lets do it'. Unless you're in need of a hearing aid, that agrument goes right out the window.

Has he phoned to see how the appointment went? If you've not talked to him yet, that would be your in. Call him and tell him _______went as planned. That this current insurance plan does not kick in until blah blah, that the fee was blah blah and does he want you to send a copy of the bill or will he just be sending you his 1/2. Say it as if he handing the money over were a given. Basically it is, papers say so.

It states in your papers that he covers 1/2 of non-covered services, so you go into it as if that is entirely the way you both assume this bill is, 50-50. Seriously, what's he going to say? No? He signed the papers, knows what is in it and I will assume also knows what a stinky insurance plan he currently has.

If he tells you 'no way', send a copy and letter of explaination to your lawyer and lawyer can forward it to Dad with a explaination and expectation.

100% agree with justmetoo. That's exactly the way to do it.

My ex wouldn't deliberately not pay something, he is not evil, but he would do everything late or wrong, I could not deal with stress. So we split responsibility completely, I did medical he did dental. Whatever was the expense we had to deal with it. I could not deal with stress of splitting anything in half, my ex never does anything on time.

I agree with justmetoo, if he refuses to pay, forward it to your attorney. and I don't think he must be present at appointments to pay for it. it is like saying I am not paying CS because i am not there. he does not have to be there.

You are correct PO1-- it is just easier to split it up that way. If you can 'agree' on it. I'm finding the more I agree the more BD finds some damn loophole in the order so I stopped. He owes over $1500 in medical reimbursement for the last 4 years and he just acts like he doesn't know he owes it. The judge told him multiple times to pay but they never did anything to him for not paying. So I stopped. I don't ask for reimbursement to keep my own sanity.

exactly, myfampg, it is hard to manage negotiations even with the most agreeable exes.

My ex bought airplane tickets to attend DD's college graduation FOR THE WRONG DATE. We both had to fly to attend her graduation, but I purchased tickets three months in advance and certainly for the right date. He bought his just a week ahead of time, plus dates were wrong. Not the kind of person you want to negotiate any kind of bills being paid on time. I believe if I remained married to him, I would end up insane LOL because everything was and still is this way with him.

In California, you are required to send the bill and proof of payment within 30 days of incurring the charge. The other party can either dispute the charge or pay it. Most orders say it has to be "reasonable" expense so it makes the argument of who made the appointment a moot issue.... unless you have someone that is making many appointments that are obviously unnecessary. A consultation is necessary if you had a valid concern... even if it didn't result in further treatment.

Thanks, everyone!

I was going to talk to him this weekend because DS had baseball, but something really messed up happened before I could talk to him about the medical bill.

Long story short, DS was with X this past weekend. X told me DS needs new baseball cleats during the middle of the game. I said that I didn't have the money and this was the last weekend of baseball until Fall so he can wait.

After the 1st game, I realized I had a $25 credit on a card for a sports store that had to be used by 7/2. I drove up to them and told them I would take him to get cleats between games. X said no and that they had one, to, but for only $10. So I gave them my $25 card, he was going to go get his $10 one, combine them, and get DS new cleats between games.

After the 2nd game started, I asked X if he had gotten DS new cleats. He said "Yeah, but there wasn't nothin on your card. We had to use part of our grocery money." and then GF looks back at me with a cat-ate-the-mouse grin and goes "Yep." I said "WHAT? There was $25 on that card, you can ask DS!" So I started digging around for the receipt, but couldn't find it. I was going to have to leave the game early anyway so I went home to look for it, forgetting to take my chair with me.

I couldn't find the recipt, but I called the store and they said I could come in and we would print another one and figure it out. On the way to my cousin's surprise birthday party (the reason I was going to have to leave early from the game anyway), I realized I left my chair, so I texted X and asked if he would please pick it up for me. He texted me back "already left." Since I was kind of sort of going the direction of the ballfields, I stopped by and grabbed my chair.

So, yesterday, DH and I stopped X and asked him if he still had the cards and his receipt for the cleats. He did and gave them to me so I could go back to the store. Of course with DH there, neither he or GF were snotty like they are when he isn't there.

I looked at the receipt....the cleats were $30, and he was able to use his $10 card. So he got all mad over $20???? Yep!

Here's the real kicker though. When DS got home, he grabbed me by the arms and asked if I got my chair back. I said I did, and DS said he was so glad and that he was really mad at X and GF about that. I said "Why? I'm the one that left my chair." DS said that they had just barely left the ballfields when X got my text. X asked DS and GF what they thought they should do and GF goes "I say we just leave it since she jipped us on the card." So that's why they left my chair.....to get back at me for supposedly screwing them over, which I did not.

The money is on the card. Since he had used the $10 first, he couldn't use the $25 one because they can't be combined.

Now do you see why I am so apprehensive about asking for half the medical bill? LOL!

OMG what a$$holes, they make a fuss over $20.00? for his own son? then left a chair to punish you? OMG. now i see it is not as simple as send him a medical bill.

and what is GF's business. they had to use "grocery" money on buying something for a child, OMG, grocery money, 20 bucks?

Your ex and his GF officially go on the list of super-a$$holes.

Agreed... super aholes!! They need that chair thrown at them.

WOW what an A$$, and for the GF to say that in front of your son is jaw dropping to me. She needs to keep her opinions of you to herself until your DS is out of the car.
As for the medical bill, make a copy, hightlight the total amount of bill, then show the math for his 50% next to it. Then highlight the amount he needs to pay and simply write "pay this amount" next to it. This leave no question for him ask. And you do not need to "ask" him to pay it. He was ordered to pay it by the judge.
When BM send us these types of bill this is the method she uses. It works, we never have to question her about them. And if there are more than one, send them then total them on a seperate sheet so he knows the total amount he needs to pay. Be sure to highlight everything he needs to pay and show the math.

We have to have insurance for the kids as well, we have a high deductible, therefore we pay. We pay 76% of everything extra. He is lucky you have not made him pay before now.

Yep! Super-a$$holes is correct!

This has been my problem from day 1.

Thanks, Jess! I am going to take your advice and send the medical bill to him along with a copy of the receipt from the store showing the $25 was on the card. I am also going to explain that I had never asked for half of medical costs before, as the divorce papers state, because the insurance he provided had a co-pay and I felt that as long as he provided insurance, I could pay the co-pays. But I will need him to reimburse me half of all medical bills because they have to be paid in full up to the ridiculously high deductible.

I am also going to file with the OAG to have my papers modified so that I provide insurance.

IMO, it is absolutely disgusting that in my state if the NCP provides medical insurance, the cost is deducted from CS. How is it right to deduct the cost of medical insurance from living expenses???? Already, as it is, CS for NCP in my state is 20%. So 20% is then further reduced by like $280/month for insurance (at least that's what it was the last time we went for modification before he lost his job for a year and got this current one). That leaves me with $320/month in CS, I have to pay full medical cost, yet he gets "credit" from the state for having insurance. What a crock!

Yet he feels he has the right to complain about $20 when he doesn't even have a child living in his home.

Oh, and get this. When he was unemployed, and didn't have insurance, he still got the amount deducted from CS. When I called the AG's office, they said there is nothing they can do about that. I said that he shouldn't get credit for having insurance when he didn't. They said I would have to file to have it changed to my responsibility, but they can't make it retroactive.

See? Always MY responsibility. I seem to be the ONLY parent responsible for being a parent. He gets to play like he's a parent EOW, with none of the responsibilities.

Oh, and DS told me yesterday that GF told him I "tricked" them into buying the cleats. Poor DS! They really don't realize how they are pushing him farther and farther away.

One day, GF will be on some forum like this saying something like "I have been in his life since he was 3 and I did more for him than his own mother. I just don't understand why he treats me so bad." Even though it's not true. Because that is the fantasy world she lives and believes in.

Really not here nor there, but if GF (talking ill of you in front of the child is absolutely uncalled for, cheap trashy %itch) was half as smart as she seems to think she is, she would have ran your card with the $25 on it first. When his $10 was then declined it would have only cost 'their grocery' money $5. Afterall, why run their $10 first using the $10 if you were going to pay the first $25 of the $30 purchase.

Deduct the $20 for the kleets on your explaination of what he owes for the medical bill. You did agree to the $25 and it'll just give them something to hold up as a beef if you don't. I'd think the jerk could willingly and happily pay for at least 1/2 of all the sport supplies considering not only is it his son, but he and GF seem to think they need to come to all games...'hey lookie at my kid', the one he won't help support without fights and BS.

'One day, GF will be on some forum like this saying something like "I have been in his life since he was 3 and I did more for him than his own mother. I just don't understand why he treats me so bad." Even though it's not true. Because that is the fantasy world she lives and believes in."

OMG you are right, in her delusional mind she is doing so much, see she bought kleets (what the heck are they BTW?), see she attended his every game!

I hope DS sees what's really going on.

Cleats. They're shoes with nubs or metal on the bottom to make gripping the ground easier.

lOL that's too funny. I saw in one post "kleets" and looked them up, nothing showed, no wonder, it is cleats. Too funny clearly I know nothing about baseball, I have no boys, LOL and males in my family all play tennis. Not like I know much about that either except they need rockets and balls LOL

"rockets and balls"

now that's intense tennis!

It's parental alienation... dad isn't doing anything to stop it. You need to bring that up. She has no right to say these things in front of your son.

There should be a place in your order that states disparaging remarks about the other parent or family is prohibited. Most courts are sticking that in there. It was in mine from day 1 - 6 years ago.. So be sure and send him a letter politely asking him and anyone in the child's presence to cease all verbal disparaging comments regarding you or anyone in your family.

It really is the most hurtful, damaging thing someone can do to a child. We can only imagine at what rate their little hearts are beating while listening to it. A long time ago, I got into an argument with exdh on the phone. Dd was in the backseat. I hung up on him and said 'ugh he makes me so mad' outloud but under my breath. I looked at Dd in the mirror and she had her head Down and was just frozen. That was the very last time I showed anger towards her father in front of her because I realized how bad it made her feel to know we were mad a each other. Haven't these kids gone through enough??

Also, I don't know if you can afford it but if you can, you can hire an attorney to modify child support and health insurance. The OAG thinks they are the last say so but they are not. The judge can rule in your favor. The OAG rep does come down to the hearing and they denied my request to carry health insurance, judge over road it AND I got him to agree to the reimbursement ... 1/2 of my premiums. OAG was not going to do it but they got overturned. Made me laugh.

1 last thought ... Check again if the law has changed since you last modified or talked to them because in my state NOW it is not a credit to CS if they reimburse. It used to be that way but now, for us, it added $100 and it's called medical support. It's a different paragraph on the order but it is garnished in addition to the CS and it all comes in the same payment. Yee!! Check it out. Good luck!

I've always been scared to ask for reimbursement because it seems to fuel their fire but it isn't my choice, it's the order and he has to pay. Same with yours.