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Ima....I need your expertise!

Posted by lovehadley (My Page) on
Wed, May 13, 09 at 22:06

Or anyone that knows about court stuff!

BM called DH tonight and said her attorney needs the name of the school SS is enrolled in for the fall. DH gave it to her. Then she said her attorney needs to know what DH's plans are for the summer regarding SS. (Ie--will he be with me during the day when DH is working, etc.) DH said that, yeah, we had planned on status quo for the summer---that on his days, when he's at work, SS will be with me.

The GAL last court go around said none of that mattered. He said what DH does with his parenting time is none of BM's business and vice versa. There is no ROFR in their court papers.

WHAT is she up to?

Our next court date is early July; BM has to complete her alcohol evaluation sometime before then.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Ima....I need your expertise!

Honestly, it sounds like she's either fishing for info or trying to psych you guys out.

In my opinion, none of that really matters unless she's going to ask for ROFR and where I live, that does not include regular daycare while the parent works and if she is going to make it an issue that you are watching her son while your DH works... what makes her think the court will give it to her? She's being evaluated for alcohol abuse. She's probably trying to shift the focus away from HER problems and look for something to focus on with you and DH. (it's called redirecting and our BM is an expert at it)

The parenting plan is what you go by. Of course, if she has an attorney and you have an attorney, she should not be discussing anything with you or your DH that is in litigation. ie. what he is doing on his parenting time, etc. Anything other than sharing information on their child can be handled by the attorney's. (lol, your DH might have asked her if she plans to drink on her parenting time? lol, I'm just kidding... saying that would only make matters worse, but it would be a good comeback to her probing questions.)

If I were you, I'd focus just on the issue at hand... her drinking and the evaluation. Are they revisiting the issue of custody? Has she requested [in court papers] for SS to go to school in her district and is the court going to hear custody/visitation issues? If she hasn't requested it, I would just focus on the one issue and SHE should be concerned about losing more of her parenting time (or being supervised) than worrying about what your DH is doing on his. But, it's probably easier for her to be critical of your DH than it is to face the reality of her problems.


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oh yeah

and when she says "my attorney needs to know...", she's using her attorney as an excuse to engage your DH in a conversation that is none of her business but she makes it sound important because it's not HER asking... it's her attorney that needs to know. BS!

Answer: "If your attorney needs to know, have your attorney call me!" click.

(don't let her use the 'someone else needs to know' ruse to engage in conversations that are none of her business!)


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RE: Ima....I need your expertise!

Thank you, Ima!

"Are they revisiting the issue of custody? Has she requested [in court papers] for SS to go to school in her district and is the court going to hear custody/visitation issues?"

As far as we know, no. If she wanted to re-open custody/school district, she would have to file a motion to modify. That hasn't happened yet.

I hope to God it doesn't....not really because I think the courts will re-visit the issue but just becuase it drags everything out more, and the emotional/financial stresses are frustrating. After paying a substantial sum to get this case going again, we just got a bill from our attorney for $1700. AUUUGHHH. But again, I don't think BM will get anything she is asking for; as our attorney pointed out, she would look pretty silly asking for residential custody during the middle of an alcohol evluation.

As far as her engaging DH goes, you are 100% right.


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RE: Ima....I need your expertise!

Answer: "If your attorney needs to know, have your attorney call me!" click.

Exactly. If her attorney really needed to know, and she couldn't provide the answer, the atty. should be calling your atty. BM probably didn't want to admit she didn't know, but more than that wanted an excuse to call and spout off about her atty. in an attempt to shake you. I'd say she's trying to take the focus off her drinking and go the 'dad doesn't spend enough time with SS' route. My 14 year old tries the same crap when she is in trouble. Don't buy into it. That isn't the issue at hand - stay the course and don't let her pull you off.

Hugs!


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RE: Ima....I need your expertise!

"I'd say she's trying to take the focus off her drinking and go the 'dad doesn't spend enough time with SS' route. My 14 year old tries the same crap when she is in trouble. Don't buy into it. That isn't the issue at hand - stay the course and don't let her pull you off."

Yes, it is exactly that. My DH has improved on this a lot in recent months. He leaves work early on Wednesdays to pick SS up from school and then he stays home the rest of the afternoon/evening. On Thursdays, he does the same. Usually on Fridays when SS is with us (every other) I pick SS up from school but DH leaves work around 5:30-6 and is home the rest of the night.

I do watch SS on the Saturdays (every other) that he is with us, but again, DH leaves work around 4-5 pm.

As far as the summer goes, SS will be with me and my DD on our days while DH is working---but I think it is unreasonable of BM to object to this because DH can't just take 2-3 workdays off a week all summer long! And it's not like SS will be sitting around with me bored. We have pool passes, so we go to the pool almost every day--an awesome complex with 4 big water slides, a lazy river, diving pool, etc. The kids LOVE it! The nice thing about having season passes is I don't feel wasteful for just running up there for a couple hrs. It's literally 3 minutes from our house. I do lots of fun stuff w/them over the summer...which, I suspect, is part of BM's issue. She doesn't like SS having fun with me.

The funny thing is--it is d*mned if we do, d*mned if we don't. In the past, BM was complaining about me watching SS so much, so DH started offering him to her after school until he could leave work to pick him up. But then it became this big issue where BM would b*tch and moan that it wasn't her day to have him, and she had plans, and DH was putting her on the spot, blah blah. It's like---ok, do you want to spend extra time with your kid or not? If you DO, then take it. But if you DON'T, then don't b*tch about the arrangements we make for when he is with us.

Thanks ladies--I feel better. :)


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RE: Ima....I need your expertise!

I think the appropriate response is actually have your attorney call my attorney, the problem being no one wants to keep running up attorney bills. Her attorney then calls your attorney, says your client wont inform us planss for schol or summer. It is not apporpriate where your dH is represented by counsel for her attorney to call dh. Either mom calls dad, or attorney calls attorney.

These are reasonable requests. I would tell DH to tell her what plans are, and move forwad.


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