Return to the Stepfamily Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o
BM complaining about summer arrangements...

Posted by lovehadley (My Page) on
Mon, May 25, 09 at 22:01

BM called DH and left a message saying she needed to talk to him. (Sigh--he needs to work with her on stating the REASLON for the message. Screening/limiting his contact with her is tough when she just leaves this vague, yet "urgent" messages. Then inevtiably, when he calls back, it is usually something minor that totally could have waited or been handled via email.)

ANYWAY..BM said she wanted to go over plans for the summer as to who is watching SS. DH said that AS USUAL I will be watching him when DH is at work. This was the same as last summer and the summer before, as well.

DH will pick SS up after work (maybe 5ish) on Wednesdays, and then SS will be with me on Thursdays. DH tries to be "off" on Thursdays (since he works on Saturdays) so he usually will be home around 3-4ish. Then I will also have SS every other Friday and Sat, on our weekends.

Well, BM is all in a tizzy and told DH she is filing a motion to modify that.

UGH. Can she do that?

Well--I know she can do it--but will she get it?

It just bugs me to no end. She has no problem with me watching him when it's convenient for her, and mark my words--if she DOES end up successfully modifying it, then she will b*tch to no end about how DH isn't spending time with SS, etc.

I just don't see how she could modify anything while in the midst of alchol evals.

And how would this work, anyway? Is DH to bring him out to her (25 miles from our home to hers) every morning when he's with us, and pick him back up after work? I think not.

Then, of course, she had to hit on child support and told DH she is going to ask for monetary support if she has SS with her every day this summer.

AUUGHHH.

I am so irritated.

Mostly, it annoys me because things are sailing along beautifully with SS and me right now. The incident with his mom really brought us closer, and things have been good. Having both the kids in the summer is fun, and I just got our pool passes the other day--I was looking forward to some fun times this summer w/the kids.

I mean--I get that whole ROFR thing, but BM and DH don't have that written into their agreement. And, really, time at our house, even it is with me, and DD, is still time with OUR Family. SS needs that time to strengthen his bond with me, and DD, IMO.

STRESSFUL STUFF!

She has her alcohol eval. tomorrow, so I think the first thing is to see how that goes.


Follow-Up Postings:

 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

Can she file for a modified schedule? Where I live, if she hasnt requested a modification within a certain period, yes. Will she get it? Help me out -- who moved away, your DH or her? If she did, I have trouble beleiving a court would not try to accomodate dad.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

I feel for you! I swear we are dealing with the SAME woman or clones!

Let her huff and puff... who knows if she will blow the house down? I tend to say actions speak louder than words... but that was before BM actually filed for custody of SD. (I really didn't think she ever would, but then when money has become an issue... it's important for her to have custody of her daughter now) She may get it, there's no guarantees what a court will do... it's will drive you crazy to speculate and guess. (or worry about it)

I wish I had some encouraging words for you. My SD's BM has twisted everything to make me look like a monster and then got SD to tell the mediator terrible things about me (which really hurt) and now it really is up in the air... and it has put a strain on my relationship with SD because SD knows everything I have done for her but says to my face that everything she said is true... now, I can understand why she lied, we expected it since BM made a special trip to be the one to take her and I'm not upset over what she said, I'm upset that she stands behind what she said when we both know it's all lies. She could say I'm sorry I said those things about you and I would let it go, but she refuses to admit she lied. Anyways, not trying to hijack your thread... but we seem to be dealing with the same type of person and every time she sinks to a new low... it really leaves me shaking my head and wondering what the hell I am doing this for? and everything you say about your SS's BM... is stuff SD's mom has done (or said). If I do nice things... I'm 'overstepping'. If I disengage/back off and let DH do everything... I'm treating her daughter like a 2nd class citizen in our home. There is no winning with a b*tch like that... they care more about the fight/control than they do about what's best for their child. Makes me sick...

Sorry I don't have anything better to say... my head hurts from the BS.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

"Help me out -- who moved away, your DH or her?"

Both of them and neither, at the same time.

When BM and DH were together, they lived together in DH's condo. Split up and BM moved back to the suburb where her family is---about 10 miles from where she and DH had been living. DH bought a house about 2-3 miles from their old condo and moved there. So I'd say they lived about 15 miles apart, give or take.

DH lived in his house for 5 years.

Then DH and I moved in together shortly before we got married. He moved to the suburb I live in, but it's about 5 miles from his old house.

So this put us at 20 miles away from BM. They went to court right around this time over school district issue.

Then BM just moved, last month, about 5 miles farther west of us. So she is now about 25 miles from our house.

So---it's been a gradual thing, no one has just up and moved miles away out of the blue. They keep drifting farther apart. We are settled in our home, though, no plans to move, and if we ever did---it would for SURE be within a 3 mile radius. We LOVE the town we live in and would not leave.

I don't really blame BM for wanting to be in "her" area because her family/friends are all out there, it's where she grew up, etc. Same reasons we have for wanting to in "our" area.


 o
Ima

"If I do nice things... I'm 'overstepping'. If I disengage/back off and let DH do everything... I'm treating her daughter like a 2nd class citizen in our home. "

Oh Ima...I can so relate. It is d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don't with these people.

I guarantee you, BM is irritable b/c she doesn't like the idea of SS spending fun time with ME this summer. But if it were ME complaining and saying I didn't WANT to watch him, spend time with him, etc, she would be hoppin' mad.

You didn't hijack at all..it's comforting to know (misery loves company???) that others have been through this stuff before. It certainly doesn't make it easier or less stressful, though.

I'm sorry you're going through so much BS, too.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

Ok, so I'ld say that's a push as to who moved away. When was the custody last adjusted?


 o
reply

They finished their court case in December of 2008, so only 5 or 6 months ago.

BM agreed to DH having residential custody (per the GAL's rec.) and they got the court seal of approval on their 50-50 arrangement.

There is NOTHING in their court papers about ROFR at all. I do remember last summer BM balked a bit at me having SS and the GAL did say something about it not being her concern what goes on at our house, and vice versa when SS is with her.

I doubt she will really do anything. Her alcohol eval. is tomorrow and my guess is she's nervous/blowing smoke because of that.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

To me it sounds like this alcohol eval has her head spinning. She is just trying to think of ways to "get" your dh. Changing custody, changing visitation, not letting you watch ss when your dh is at work, more money etc. She just wants to get a rise out of you guys. And her trick to give you all the wrong phone number for the eval place was a doozey!

If she really filed all these motions she would look silly. And I would really wait to see how this alcohol eval goes before worrying about anything. If she does not pass this she will not have a leg to stand on as far as modifying any visitation or custody or support.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

I agree with Mom2emall, I think she's probably more than a bit panicking about the eval.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

This sounds like a panick call and she's blowing steam.
SHe wont get the approval of rearranging because
1. the schedual has been like this for a while for summer and you have set the precedent.
2. The main residency is your DH's....not bm.
3. The judge will see it as her getting cahs....not for the benefit of the child. (she brought up the cash issue....she's scheming..in her delusional alcohol way.)
No.....its just a steam blowing convo...unless she brings it in court, dont worry about it. I'm sure her eval tomorrow is going to change things drastically and she is not ready for it.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

Where I live, courts dont like to modify custody orders every 6 months, unless there has been a change in circumstances to justify it. Dont see it here. Good luck.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

The courts would seriously let her come in and complain about who is watching her kid? There dad has to work in order to provide a home and support for them. Someone would have to watch them. I am sure the kids would rather stay with you than go to daycare.
Sometimes these biomoms are just plain ole crazy.


 o
RE: BM complaining about summer arrangements...

Jesus! Would somebody slap a straight jacket on this woman and call it a day already! BM is seriously grasping at straws.


 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!


Return to the Stepfamily Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.


Learn more about in-text links on this page here